


A Hero's Strength

by FatherSnape



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Family, Gen, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Hurt/Comfort, Mentor/Fatherly Snape, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2018-04-19 05:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 68
Words: 115,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4734836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatherSnape/pseuds/FatherSnape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Predators target vulnerable children. The more the emotional deprivation the easier it is. Harry was an easy target. But what happens when Severus Snape discovers the truth during the first Occlumency lesson? What will the potion's master do when even he's knocked out of his comfort zone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Legilimens

It was not a good summer. But Harry’s parameters of a good summer were far lower on the scale than anyone of his friends’. Voldemort was back, Cedric was dead. Cedric’s parents were now alone, their only child wiped off the land of the living. Mrs. Diggory had said that they didn’t blame him, but god he blamed himself. He knew something was wrong. He should have grabbed Cedric and… well he’d thought of all the possible things he could have done. The point was he didn’t do any one of them.

His friends hadn’t sent him a single letter. Well, two sentence letters asking how he was but no information, nothing. The Dursleys were accommodating in that they left him alone, but were even worse in other regards. For the most part they forgot or purposefully ignored that he needed to eat. That was nothing new to him but after a week of only drinking water from the bathroom tap, his grief was being pushed back but the stomach-twisting hunger was unbearable. Especially as he smelled the roast meal that his aunt was making.

His mood was dark as it was. He didn’t particularly feel that he deserved to eat. His self-destructive mood rose until he sat up. It was about to be noon. A memory from the past roamed through his mind and felt bile at the back of his throat. Still, he got up and put on his handed down, worn sneakers on and walked out of the Dursleys’ home, breathing a little relieved that the smell of food didn’t follow him outside.

Maybe he could just wait out the hunger in the children’s park. The light breeze was welcome in this cloudy but hot day. Yet his feet didn’t carry him in that direction. They led him down a path he’d forgotten about since his life changed and he went to Hogwarts. A house just like all the rest sat on the corner of the street. The feeling it gave Harry however was a twisted, dark and confusing bitterness. One window of the house had a perfect view of the Dursleys’ front lawn. Where Harry would have spent long days doing yard work in his ragged clothes, with dirty hands and face and a hunger unquenched with the meagre scraps he got at the Dursleys.

Harry was rooted where he was and the door opened instead. For a split second Harry wondered if he had done accidental magic but behind the door a grey haired, kind looking man showed his face. He was at least ten years older than uncle Vernon.

“Harry, look how big you’ve grown. I’m just about to start making dinner. Want to help me?” He smiled kindly and Harry found himself smiling softly despite the racing of his heart and his mind telling him to run.

As a kid, getting welcomed to dinner… it was not a chance he would have allowed to pass. Just like now, with hunger, guilt, grief and fear he took the steps into the house.

oOoOoOoOo oOoOoOoOo oOoOoOoOo

Mrs. Figg had been watching over him this summer. How comforting. Still she didn’t mention anything about his visits to Mr. Emwood’s place. He was terrified that she knew more than Harry was ever willing to let anyone know.

His rescue by professor Moody and Tonks came with a mixture of relief and panic. He was in a bit of shock all the way there and although he paused in fascination at the sight of a building stretching out from thin air, he almost wanted to run away.

Hermione hugged him the minute she saw him but he tensed up and reacted slowly.

It made him bitter just to know that they’d been here with Sirius while Harry had been stuck in that hellhole. Harry sighed.

He found out that Snape was in the order. How comforting that the horrid man was more trustworthy to join the order than he was.

“He’s just a boy.” Mrs. Weasely had said. Only Harry had never felt that way. He’d never had much of a childhood, whatever brief moments of innocence he had managed to enjoy had been swiftly stripped away without compassion.

Getting ignored by Dumbledore wasn’t very comforting. It made his stomach twist to think that he didn’t even want to look at him. Did he know? He couldn’t. It was his fault that Voldemort was back. That was all Dumbledore knew.

oOoOoOoOo oOoOoOoOo oOoOoOoOo

Harry wasn’t sure what he felt when the blood quill first worked. As it etched the words into his skin. He was shocked. Frightened? A little. Angry? Not yet. As Umbridge looked down at him he couldn’t find the words to ask why.

“Yes?” She asked sweetly, kind expression on her face. Another person expressing kindness yet offering the opposite. He needed to learn. He couldn’t trust any adult.

“Nothing.” He said softly.

“That’s right… because you _know_. Deep down, that you deserve to be punished.” She said gently. Harry felt his throat tighten as he stared up at her and tried to feel nothing, tried to think of only anger instead of the way his eyes felt just a little too dry. “Don’t you mr. Potter.” She smiled gently. “Go on.” She encouraged him.

oOoOoOoOo oOoOoOoOo oOoOoOoOo

The world must hate him. First having to deal with Umbridge now Snape. But if Snape could truly help him… He stumbled after him as the man tugged him by the arm down the spiral staircases to his office.

“P-proffessor I…” But Snape just sat him down and moved efficiently and quickly through the office, organising his things, making Harry feel even more disoriented.

“You and the Dark Lord seem to have a connection, which he may or may not be aware off yet.” He said. Harry felt his blood run cold and felt his hands grip hard onto the fabric over his knees.

“So… he can read my mind?” He mumbled.

“And much more than that. Reading your mind will be the least of your worries when he handles you like a puppet on strings or drive you to the brink of insanity and push you off.”

Harry breathed deeply trying to still his racing heart. “Professor Dumbledore he said… so all this time… I’m a liability… what do I do?” Harry whispered.

“These lessons will teach you to block your mind.” He said coming closer. Harry looked up, Snape looking as sour as ever. “I will try and intrude in your mind and you will attempt to keep me out. Prepare yourself.”

Horror pierced through Harry then. Snape was going to read his mind? “No, wait!”

“Legilimens!” The intrusion was more psychic than physical but it was as debilitating as if he was being continuously bashed on the head.

_Visions of his parents. Of Voldemort on the platform. Visions of Cedric. Visions of doing chores in the Dursleys’ yard. “No!”_

“Stop it!” Harry cried as Snape pulled back.

“Concentrate Potter!” he spat hatefully. “Legilimens!”

_Visions of Sirius, of 12 Grimmauld place. Vissions of Umbridge’s detentions._

_‘You know you deserve to be punished.’ That quickly connected to the house at the end of the street. He felt the fear, the disgust, the hunger._

_Harry forgot that it wasn’t summer. He forgot that he was in Snape’s office. Because now he was stepping into the house. The door closed behind him as he made it to the livingroom._

_‘I thought you’d forgotten about me.’ Mr. Emwood said kindly and passed his fingers through Harry’s shaggy hair. Harry wanted to inch away but instead looked at the kitchen. ‘Ah yes, I really was about to start preparing lunch. Come, give me a hand.’ He said going ahead to the kitchen. ‘You must be hungry.’_

_‘Yeah…’ Harry said softly and came to help the man, opening cupboards, knowing where things generally were. It was tense, every time the other got too close. Harry was making the salad when he felt the larger man press against him._

_‘You’re getting bigger, why don’t you visit me anymore? Your relatives treating you better?’ He said. Harry shook his head._

_‘I go to boarding school… St. Brutu’s Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys.’ He mumbled_

_‘I heard. You shouldn’t be going there. You’re a good boy.’ He said rubbing his arms comfortingly._

_‘Th-thanks…’ Harry whispered pressing more against the counter to put some space between them._

_‘Such a pity… if you ever need me, you know where I am.’ He said gently, caressing his waist, tucking a hand under his shirt and into his trousers._

_‘What is this?’ Harry turned his head, seeing Snape standing there. His eyes widened._

Harry felt Snape pull out so hard that Harry himself toppled forward, off the chair. Snape however only stepped back looking at him with an angry, horrified expression.

Harry felt the wetness of his cheeks. Anger and embarrassment surged through him. He wanted to run but found himself unable to find the strength of his legs to get up and run like he wanted to. Instead he wiped his cheeks.

He shakily managed to sit up. “I… I don’t want the dark lord controlling m-”

“What did I see Potter?” He hissed.

“… nothing.” He whispered looking away, crossing his arms over his chest. Snape said nothing. He finally moved only to get another chair and sit in front of him. Harry managed to swallow back the lump in his throat and looked up but Severus Snape had a blank expression on his face. “You won’t tell anyone will you?” At that he frowned.

“Don’t. I need to think.” He said taking a deep breath.  Harry looked down and fidgeted.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” He whispered. Tears formed and he looked away. Why did his most hated teacher have to find this out?

“Be silent!” Snape hissed, closing his eyes, rubbing his temple with his hand. Harry looked back down, taking a deep breath to calm down.

There was only one thing Harry knew for sure. He was in trouble. Serious trouble.


	2. Explain

There were many things that Severus Snape expected to see from looking into Harry Potter’s mind. That was not one of them. What was he supposed to do about this now? Curse the muggles to hell.

He didn’t sign up for this. ‘ _Except you did._ ’ He sat back. They didn’t have time for this. None of them did. He looked at Potter then. He boy looked quite uncomfortable. What was he supposed to do? Tell Dumbledore? But something like this…

“Explain.” He managed to say. Harry fidgeted in his seat and avoided looking at him. He also stayed silent. “Very well, we’ll start slow Potter. How do you know the man I saw?” He asked.

Potter kept looking down and clenched his jaw, not saying anything.

“You either tell me Potter or I tell the headmaster and he can get it out of you.” Fear flickered in his green eyes as the boy looked up at him.

“You won’t tell him if I tell you?” The boy said, his voice quiet, the hint of hope in his tone.

“It depends on what you tell me. And remember that the next time I use legilimency on you I’ll know if you lied to me.” He said sternly, cursing the headmaster for even putting him in this situation.

“He’s a neighbour.” At least he was talking.

“When did you first meet him?” Severus asked, sitting straight, looking down at him, making sure the other would be too intimidated to even think of lying to him.

“Christmas eve… when I was seven.” The boy mumbled, starting to find his fingers particularly fascinating.

“Tell me what happened that day.” Severus said.

Harry sighed, looking at everywhere except at him, slouching on the chair, straightening up, looking at the floor, then to the side. “…It’s a long story,” he mumbled.

“I doubt either one of us will sleep tonight, that leaves us with plenty of time.” Severus replied. For a second he saw the anger flash in Potter’s eyes. He was sure the obstinate brat would challenge him and storm off. Instead he visibly relaxed his shoulders, as if surrendering to the interrogation.

“The Dursleys kicked me out. They were starting their Christmas dinner.” He said softly. “It was snowing. I hadn’t eaten all day. I wanted to go to the park. I walked past his home. I’d seen him pass by the house a couple of times… just briefly saying hello.”

“And that evening?” If he didn’t have as much control of his emotions as he did he would be outwardly cringing, though he highly doubted that would help the brat be open about it.

“He opened the door… called me over. Said he had made a lot of extra food and would like some company. He was nice. And I was so hungry.” He whispered. “He let me eat all I wanted. Let me watch some cartoons… let me drink some hot chocolate… it felt… it was nice.” He played with his fingers. “Then I went back to the Dursleys. They let me in when it was time for bed. They pretended they hadn’t noticed leaving me out.” He said.

The story already hinted at neglect and emotional abuse from the Dursleys alone.

“Did you go over to his house often?” Severus asked.

“No... and yes? The Dursleys rarely let me be with other people… normal people… but if they ever turned their backs I would try my luck. In winter time I rarely went… unless the Dursleys left me outside, though that didn’t happen often as I got older… and I did more accidental magic.” He said. “In the summer I did yard work… I would sneak away and he would give me a drink.” He shrugged.

“When did he…” Damn you Dumbledor. “When did he first touch you.” He asked harshly. The boy visibly flinched and closed his eyes.

“When I was eight… eight and a half maybe… He said he really cared about me… He said he wanted to adopt me. I was so happy that I would be away from the Dursleys… I would have done anything to make him like me!” The boy was defending his actions, visibly shaking and trying to keep his composure. “I knew it was wrong… I knew it was… It felt wrong… but I… he was so nice to me.” The teen covered his face, lowering his chest against his knees and his shoulders shook with the sobs that followed.

Severus felt entirely out of place then. He could not comfort the boy. What comfort could he possibly offer? This was something for Madam Pomfrey to handle. He reached to pat the boy’s head but paused and pulled back remembering that man’s behaviour.

“His name is?” He asked. The boy seemed to take some deep breaths but kept sobbing. He didn’t look up and his voice came out in broken little whines.

“H-he just… I just called him Mr. Emwood.” He mumbled.

“…How far did he go with you, Potter?” He asked. For a second Severus thought he went too far but as the boy seemed to exhaust himself he managed to answer.

“All the way… when I was ten. I got really scared after the third time I… I didn’t go back… and then Hagrid saved me and I came here… to Hogwarts…” Harry whispered. To think that the small boy of eleven had already gone through all that by the time he passed through those doors for the first time. Life was unfair. That was what he always told himself, but he found it impossible to say it to the boy now.

“…You weren’t ten years old in that memory.” He replied instead. The boy looked up then, sitting back, choosing to stare at a jar of beetles to his left, his eyes red but dry.

“I was hungry.” Potter said, his voice quiet and resigned.

“You knew better.” Severus said.

“I knew hunger… and guilt... Voldemort-”

“Do not say his name!” He hissed. The boy paused but continued.

“He is back because of me. Cedric is dead because of me.”

“Potter the martyr, carrying the sins of the world on his skinny shoulders.” He scoffed. Harry tensed.

“I wanted to feel nothing… I wanted to think of nothing.”

“You don’t expect me to believe that you think you deserved this do you? What next, Potter? Should I charm your potion’s knife to prevent you from making yourself feel nothing again?” He snapped.

“I should have died! Not Cedric! Not my parents!” Harry gasped, hearing himself say it was all the more painful. He never should have lived. His parents would have survived then. Someone else would have defeated Voldemort. Maybe permanently instead of temporarily. “Why did you have to find out?” He whimpered. Snape didn’t reply at first.

“I assure you, Potter, I would rather not spend my Wednesday night teaching you a skill of the mind. However…you need to understand that what that muggle did was wrong. And it was not your fault. Not when you were seven, ten, or even now.” His tone was harsh and he still spat his name out as if it were a disease, yet Harry looked up as he realised the other was indeed trying to comfort him. “I will inform muggle authorities.” He stood and Harry felt the world crumbling around him. So much for Snape having any shred of humanity.

“Don’t please! Everyone fill find out… please!” To see a Gryffindor begging would have made him content beyond imagination in any other circumstance. Especially if that Gryffindor was Potter. But somehow seeing the desperation in those green eyes made his stomach twist even more than it did with the story.

“Relax you insolent brat. Your identity will not come up. That must wait until morning however. If you go to sleep now… the dark lord may still attack your mind.”

Harry felt so tired. He didn’t want to go through that again. “I won’t be able to do it…” he whispered.

“You must clear your mind. Even when you are at your most vulnerable. That’s when the dark lord will attack. You have to be ready. Prepare yourself.” The boy cringed as Snape raised his wand. “Legilimens.”


	3. Clear your mind

“Clear your mind!” Snape snapped and Harry groaned.

“I don’t know what that means…” Harry said. He heard Snape scoff and looked up to see him glaring, shaking his head as if Harry were an idiot.

 

“You can break out of the imperious curse yet you can’t perform the simple task of clearing your mind. Why is that Potter?”

Harry shrugged. “Dunno…” he mumbled.

“Don’t be incompetent, Potter! Try.” He pointed his wand at Harry who flinched and closed his eyes. “Legilimens!”

‘Clear your mind. Clear your mind. Clear your mind… What does Snape think of you? He hasn’t really changed the way he acts against you. Disgust. It’s the only natural thing he should feel. Disgusting.’ He felt something snap as his concentration slipped.

_The cupboard under the stairs. Getting tugged around by Vernon after the boa incident. His cousin and his friends ‘hunting Harry’. Mr. Emwood giving him some cake when he was eight._

_The memory went back. He was seven. It was snowing and Harry grabbed an empty flower pot with his numb pale fingers, turning it upside down. He climbed it to look into the Dursley household. Duddley had opened his third present at the table, his parents letting him start early as they all enjoyed the roast meal together. Harry saw Petunia petting Duddley’s hair, kissing his forehead and a sadness and loneliness filled the child. He reached and knocked on the window as best he could. Vernon turned and walked over not even looking at Harry as he closed the curtains._

_He was eight. He was in Mr. Emwood’s livingroom, watching cartoons. The man came to sit next to him and Harry leaned back against him, distracted by the cartoons, but welcoming the comfort. Then the man took off the cartoons, instead making Harry watch things no child his age should be watching._

Snape pulled out and stood up, pacing the room, not looking at him.

“I’m sorry.” Harry whispered, feeling the heat of shame on his face.

Snape didn’t respond at first. “I believe we’ve done all we can for tonight. Follow me.” He said.

“Where are we going?” Harry asked and followed him. Snape said nothing, walking with the light of his wand lighting the corridor. They walked the cold dark corridors in silence. The odd portrait grumbled at the light as they passed.

They went further up the stairs. Harry felt the tremble in his fingers and held them together. With a deep breath he stopped. They were heading to Dumbledore’s office. It must have taken a few seconds for Snape to realize that Harry had stopped because by the time he stopped and turned, Harry was already shrouded in darkness.

Snape walked back and lowered the wand light slightly. “Follow me, Potter.” He repeated. Harry frowned and shook his head.

“You’re taking me to the headmaster.”

“I’m taking you to the hospital wing.” Harry’s eyes flickered up to him for a second. He didn’t know which was worse.

“I don’t need to go to the hospital wing.” He said. He was fine. If Madame Pomfrey finds out then Professor Dumbledore would find out and then… well, how long before everyone discovers the truth? Snape simply grabbed him by the arm and dragged him the rest of the way. Harry stumbled after him but didn’t argue for now.

Once in the hospital wing Snape dragged him to the bed closest to the small door at the back of the wing, sat him down, and went through the door that led to Madam Pomfrey’s office. Funny, this was the bed he most often landed in every time he got injured. It made him chuckle without humour at the thought that he already had an assigned bed that he naturally gravitated to.

He sat in silence, trying to discern any sounds of Snape of Pomfrey approaching. Maybe he could lay his head down for a few seconds. This horrid occlumency lesson had given him worse of a headache than after seeing that vision… that vision connecting him to Nagini.

‘Clear your mind… clear your mind.’

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

“And what could mister Potter have done to himself at this unholy hour?” Madame Pomfrey asked as she gathered her emergency kit. However Severus stopped her.

“It is not a medical emergency. But you do need to see him now.” Severus said. The woman stopped what she was doing, turning her full attention to him, a frown on her face.

“I have stumbled upon information on mister Potter of a very delicate matter.” The mediwitch sat down. It didn’t surprise Severus. It wasn’t everyday his words could be misinterpreted for concern. “Upon asking mister Potter I can confirm that the information I discovered on the matter holds a level of accuracy with reality.”

“You’re going in circles Severus.” She said. Severus sneered feeling uncomfortable. How do you say such a thing delicately? He sat down as well.

“Mister Potter is a… Mister Potter has had…” Severus wanted to kick himself at his pathetic stuttering. “A muggle targeted Potter when he was younger… It appears that Potter’s home life is less than ideal. Following emotional abuse and neglect this muggle had an easy target. And… well…” Damn it. He was doing so well. But having to say it out loud… it made him sick to his stomach to even remember the scenes he saw. It was not something he would wish on his worst enemy. Or the child of said enemy. And he pushed Potter into telling him. The child complied. The child was braver than him already.

He looked up, controlling his emotions, Madame Pomfrey already sitting straight, eyes wide, as if anticipating his words. “Potter was sexually abused by that muggle.” Madame Pomfrey gasped, covering her mouth.

“No. Are you… sure Severus?” She whispered horrified.

“Understandably he was shaken by the recollection and my questioning. Begged me not to tell anyone. Yet it’s clear why I have to tell you. This matter must not reach the headmaster however.” He said.

“Of course I must inform the headmaster. This is a very serious accusation.” She whispered with urgency.

“The boy explicitly demanded that no one else know. On one night two people already know, bringing the headmaster into this will… I don’t know! Surely the psychological impact can be damaging. You should know, you’re the mediwitch.” He said. Pomfrey seemed to ponder on this and sighed looking around trying to decide on what to do.

“You speak the truth Severus… however. Come summer, I can’t simply allow the child to go back to his muggle family without the headmaster knowing the truth.”

“… That is a long way away. For now, maybe just check that he is alright.” Severus said then regretted his words. “I mean…”

“Don’t worry Severus, I doubt anyone would believe me anyway if I were to go around announcing your humanity.” She said standing to go out and see Potter. Severus scoffed at her words and stood, following her closely. Potter was already lying down over the covers, sleeping soundly.

Madame Pomfrey removed the boy’s glasses with magic and folded them to the side. For now, without the dark lord in his mind, the boy looked calm, innocent. Unaware of the dark world around him. She passed her wand over him, a green light evaluating the boy. She pulled back and with a wave of her wand the covers came from under Potter, covering him up.

Severus faintly wondered if the boy had any recollection of ever being tucked into bed. He did. His mother, on her good days, would often when he was very small, tuck him in, pet his hair gently and whisper comforting words to him until he fell asleep. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like, not being able to remember that.

He recalled the scene he saw. Christmas at age seven. Then he reminded himself that Potter didn’t have a mother because of the one and only Severus Snape. He glared at the teenager and looked away.


	4. Matron's questions

“Any abnormal results?” he asked coldly. She closed the curtains and led him outside.

“Thankfully he’s alright… However the boy needs a great deal of support. Someone to talk to. Someone he trusts.” She said.

“Good, you can talk to him.” Severus said.

She frowned and sighed. “I don’t believe the boy trusts me enough.”

Severus shook his head. “Well he’s not telling anyone else and I’m not-”

“Well, the headmaster would be a good option, however if he doesn’t want anyone else to know for now then you’re the only one.” She said. Severus shook his head. He couldn’t believe this.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“I must be. I know neither one of you have even shown much goodwill to each other. Yet he told you about this.”

Severus reminded himself that he couldn’t tell her about the occlumency lessons. “I doubt the boy would even come to me willingly.”

“He came to you today didn’t he? How did that happen again?” She asked, glancing at her watch. Four in the morning.

“Not the time for that story. The headmaster knows he was with me… Mister Potter will choose in the morning, when you let him know.” He said. Hopefully the boy would remember their animosity by morning.

“Very well. We’ll let him sleep a couple of hours more. I’ll wake him up an hour before breakfast. It would be good if you were here too.” Severus sighed. This was already stretching the relationship he ever wanted to have with Potter’s son beyond his wishes and expectations.

“I’ll be here at seven.” He said and turned to leave. He had three hours to try and sleep. Damn it. The child should never have been raised by those muggles. He still remembered Lily’s rotten sister. Everything would have been easier if the brat had been raised by a wizard family and spoiled to death. It would make it easier to hate him.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry didn’t want to wake up when Madam Pomfrey came over. However when he opened his eyes he was surprised to see that the sun was already out. He sat up as the matron paced around preparing the hospital wing.

Snape was gone.

The memories of the night before fell on him like a ton of bricks and he cringed, covering his face. How could he had told Snape that? How? At the time… no… it _was_ the only option. Snape was going to see it anyway.

“Good morning mister Potter. How are you feeling?” Madame Pomfrey asked coming to sit by the bedside, a wave of her wand closed the curtains.

“Fine…” he mumbled. “I’m not sick. I can go.” He said.

“Yes… well… there’s still a matter we need to talk about isn’t there?” She said. Harry looked up as Professor Snape walked through the curtains. The professor looked as grouchy as ever and Harry clenched his hands into fists.

“I have to get my things for today.” He mumbled. With a wave of Snape’s wand, his school robes and backpack were on the foot of the bed. Harry glared at his neatly folded robes. He was annoyed, but the anger he felt for his most hated teacher didn’t compare to the utter embarrassment he felt.

“Mister Potter, Professor Snape has informed me of your situation and that you don’t wish anyone else to know. For now, I’m willing to comply. As long as you answer my questions with honesty.” Harry shifted and grimaced in discomfort.

“I already told professor Snape everything.”

“Well… Harry, I’m glad you could confide in him.” Harry’s eyes flickered to Snape who gave him a meaningful look. The occlumency lessons were a secret… and he didn’t really want anyone knowing the reason for them anyway. Damn all these secrets. “Is it alright if he stays while you answer my questions?” She asked.

He wanted to say no… but Snape was going to see it later anyway, and if the bastard was going to make him sit through this interrogation then he wanted him to suffer through it. Then again he didn’t want him to see him crying again. He blushed again at remembering and looked away.

“No. I want to go. Now. I don’t want to talk about it!” Harry exclaimed, turning to stand.

“Harry… I must inform the headmaster then.” She said. Harry wanted to scream, or kick something.

“Fine! Ask whatever. And Snape can hear it too!” He sat down but didn’t look at either one of them.

He gripped the bed sheets as he glared at the stone floor. Madam Pomfrey cleared her throat and started. “Did a muggle truly touch you inappropriately?” She asked.

“Yes.” Harry answered quickly.

“Did he take you to his bed in any occasion-”

“Yes.” He hissed.

“How old wer-”

“Nine, ten, fifteen.” He said.

“…You-” He heard her pause and the need to hit something rose once more.

“I went to him. Ok? It’s not like I was imperioused to go there!” he exclaimed.

“Mister Potter, I assure you that even a muggle can master the art of manipulation without you being to blame for it.”

“Like a puppet on strings.” Harry mumbled and glanced at Snape, glaring at him. Snape glared back and sneered as he looked away.

“…No one is blaming you mister Potter. Neither should you.” Harry sighed and didn’t reply. “How often did-”

“Four times, for hours.” He hissed.

“Madam Pomfrey, perhaps this line of questioning is proving more detrimental than helpful.” Snape said. She sighed.

“Very well mister Potter. You seem to be more comfortable, at least about this subject, with professor Snape. In exchange for my staying quiet about it for now, I want you to meet with professor Snape once a week to talk about it.

“I’m sure that won’t be a problem.” Harry replied. The occlumency lessons surely count. Got him out of this.

“Good, you have every Thursday afternoon free. You’ll spend two of those hours with professor Snape. I expect a report professor Snape.” Harry whirled around.

“Definitely not.” Snape took the words out of his mouth. He was not spending even more time with Snape than necessary.

“My conditions.” She repeated. Snape clenched his fists and Harry glared at him. Why wasn’t the other just telling Dumbledore? It would end his suffering much faster.

“ _Fine_!” He hissed. “Are we done here?”

“No. I want to ask Harry now about his family environment. Nothing more. Get comfortable professor.” She said calmly. Harry huffed and Snape crossed his arms over his chest but didn’t move to sit down.

He finished telling her everything by the time breakfast had started. She then left them alone. Snape waited for her to leave before turning to him.

“I will take points if you’re late to potions. Also, as our luck will have it, today is Thursday, I will see you at four in my office. If anyone asks, say I caught you vandalising the whomping willow and gave you a year’s worth of detention.” Snape said and turned to leave.

“What? My friends will never believe that professor.” Harry replied. “…how about that you caught me stealing from your stores.”

Snape turned and eyed him suspiciously. “And why would your friends believe that you would steal from my stores this year?” Harry ignored the last part.

“I’ll just tell them I ran out of Murtlap tentacles.”

“Interesting, and why would you need the prime ingredient for a potion that heals and soothes cuts and abrasions?” he asked. Harry opened his mouth to reply but frowned and kept silent. Snape glanced down at Harry’s arms.

“I don’t have anything!” He exclaimed hiding his arms behind his back, glad that following his detention with Umbridge his hand was only bruised. Yes it ached but at least no markings were obvious.

“I caught you stealing from my stores then. You’re going to be late for breakfast. Go.” He ordered. Harry grabbed his things.

“I’m not hungry anyway.” He grumbled.

“Well I am. Don’t be late Potter.” Snape snapped and stormed off. Harry watched him go. He held his folded uniform closer and went to get ready.


	5. Talk

 

After everything that happened he truly couldn’t find it in himself to eat. He took his time getting ready. When he got to the great hall only a few people remained. Hermione was probably already in class, seeing as it was starting in ten minutes, while Ron and his siblings were gone. It seemed that no rumour had yet to spread about where they were.

Harry glanced up to see that Snape was still at the table too, most other teachers gone, only Dumbledore remaining but while Snape’s eyes flickered in his direction when he came in Dumbledore didn’t look in his direction once.

Harry went to sit down. He was too tired to pretend everything was rainbows and unicorns. He gathered some plain porridge and added maple syrup and ate the few little bites he could manage before it was time to go to class.

He barely arrived on time but Snape took little note of him. He snuck in to stand by Neville who was unpaired. Hermione was with Pavarti and leaned over.

“Where were you? Where’s Ron?” She whispered.

“Silence.” Snape called out. Harry turned back to the front. He would tell her later. Snape proceeded to explain the potion of the day.

“You ok Harry? You look dreadful.” Neville whispered.

“I’m fine Neville.” Though a glance to his potion knife narrowly showed the bags under his eyes.

“Mister Potter, what syllable of the word ‘silence’ confused you?” Snape demanded. Harry looked up and resisted the urge to roll his eyes at him. “Ten points from Gryffindor.”

Harry waited until Snape looked away before he shook his head. He decided to simply concentrate on the potion and get it done. Neville spent a good deal of the day apologising for getting him in trouble.

“For the last time Neville, it’s ok.” Harry said but the words only seemed to sink in by the time Harry finished his last lesson.

“Harry. What happened last night?” Hermione asked him after they were finally left a moment alone. She led him around the cloister to sit on a stone chair on the corridor. He knew he had to keep it short since she had another lesson in a few hours.

“I had a dream. About Ron’s dad.” He said. Her eyes widened slightly. “Ron and professor McGonagall took me to Dumbledore and Ron’s dad was found injured like in my dream…” He mumbled. “Ron’s in the hospital with his brothers and Ginny.”

“Oh Harry… that… It must have been hard to see that. You ok?” She asked. Harry nodded.

“I’m fine… anyway, I just hope Mr. Weasley is alright.” He said. “Christmas break is just a week away. I think Dumbledore mentioned something that they could spend it with their family before they left.” Harry said. It was a blur. He must have been in some state of shock.

“I’ll write to him then… I have to get to class. You’re ok? You look awful Harry. Did you sleep at all last night?” She asked already getting up. “You should try and catch some sleep. I’ll see you after class.” And she was off. Harry smiled faintly and sighed closing his eyes once he was left alone. He couldn’t go to sleep even if he wanted to. Especially with the wonderful session he had at four. He cringed. He could only imagine that it was another Occlumency lesson.

However, an hour later, he was outside the potions master’s office and knocked awkwardly. The potions classroom was empty though and one lone cauldron bubbled on Snape’s desk. Didn’t professor Snape teach Thursdays afternoons? He did when Harry was a first year, why did fate have to be so cruel to him all the time?

“Come in.” He walked in to see Snape reading a scroll in his chair. He closed the door behind him and stood awkwardly by the door. “Do you plan to stand there for the whole two hours?” Snape asked without looking up.

“I am quite comfortable here.” He smartly replied.

“Sit.” Snape said dismissively and kept reading the old scroll. Harry was tempted to just wait out the two hours rooted to the door but he was tired and the chair looked quite welcoming at the moment. He put down his book bag and sat, fidgeting, wondering what the hell the other would ask him. However as the minutes passed, Snape kept reading and pointedly ignoring him.

“Professor? Am I supposed to do anything?” Harry asked.

“Is there anything in particular you’d like to do?” He asked blandly, still not looking up.

“I dunno.” He shrugged. “Aren’t you supposed to ask me questions?”

“Is there anything you’d like to tell me, Potter?”

“…no.” he shrugged looking out the narrow little window behind Snape’s desk. A few more minutes passed and Harry felt his stomach rumble. He blushed slightly hoping the other hadn’t heard or would ignore it.

“Have you decided to starve yourself?” Snape asked casually.

“I’m not hungry today.” Harry shrugged. His stomach rumbled again and Snape looked at him then, an annoyed look in his face. “Well I wasn’t hungry before!” He defended himself. Snape rolled his eyes and put his scroll down, mumbling something about idiotic Gryffindors as he called a house-elf.

“Get this idiotic boy something to eat.” He ordered the house-elf. The house-elf’s eyes widened slightly as he saw Harry and with a bit too much eagerness, popped away, appearing a few minutes later with a tray of sandwiches and pumpkin juice.

“Thanks.” Harry told the house-elf who gasped gently and popped away. Harry glanced at Snape who was already reading his scroll again. Harry fidgeted a bit before grabbing a couple of salami sandwiches and digging in.

Although he was full by the time he finished, a few sandwiches being left on the tray, he had only killed about fifteen minutes. Still the silence slowly became less awkward as he sipped on the pumpkin juice. It gave him time to think, about why he was here.

“I know… I know this is a waste of time. I should be learning how to defeat Voldemort… not bothering people with a pointless sob story.” Harry mumbled. Snape glanced at him briefly.

“How valiant.” The sarcasm dripped from every syllable.

“Why can’t I join the Order?” Harry asked.

“Because you’re only fifteen.” Snape replied simply.

“Not ‘only’! I’m _already_ fifteen!” Harry argued.

“You are a child. An ignorant little child. Slightly more aware of what’s out there but don’t fool yourself into thinking you know everything.” Snape said. Harry groaned, frustration settling in.

“Voldemo-”

“Do not speak his name!”

“Whatever! He’s trying to kill me! Excuse me for wanting to be prepared when he tries to get to me. Or when he tries to get to me through my friends!”

“The dark lord has bigger goals than you.”

“How would you know?” There was a pause. “He’s already started. He attacked Ron’s dad. He was in that room… with the dark door.” Snape clenched his jaw.

“You foolish boy. You need to occlude! He’s trying to draw you out. Don’t be fooled.”

“I don’t know how to clear my mind!” At that Snape opened a drawer and started scribbling on a piece of parchment. Harry frowned when the other passed it to him. “A… library pass?”

“To the forbidden section. There’s a book on Occlumency there. Do not take your friends. Remember, this should remain a secret.” He said. Harry sat down and huffed.

“Great… more homework.”

“Shocking the effort some of us need to put in order to obtain knowledge.” Snape mumbled grabbing the scroll. “Don’t make the assumption that your change in subject went unnoticed.” The small victory Harry felt vanished.

“I’m not a child. I never was.”

“Dramatic.”

“Why do you always have to do that? If you want me to talk don’t just be all sarcastic when I do.” Harry snapped annoyed.

“My lack of empathetic skills must truly come as a shock to you.” He replied without looking up. Harry felt the corner of his lips twitching but reminded himself that the other was still a bastard. A couple of minutes passed and he looked down.

“…I was so desperate to leave the Dursleys when Hagrid showed up… I would have gone with Voldemort himself if he had been the one to come for me.” Harry said softly.

“I’d imagine anyone would, living with Pe-those muggles for fifteen years.” Snape said.

“Now I have Sirius though… but no one will believe me that Vold- the dark lord is back so he can’t get a trial to prove his innocence.” He mumbled. Snape sneered. “You really don’t like him do you? Well, you really don’t like me so Sirius and I must have a lot in common.” Harry shrugged.

“Lucky me, now you won’t shut up.” Harry smiled and chuckled softly. He quickly drank more pumpkin juice to hide the fact that Snape had managed to make him laugh.

“Am I weak? I’m a wizard… I shouldn’t have fallen for Mr. Emwood’s tricks.” Harry said finally.

“After melting a professor, killing a basilisk, outrunning a werewolf, banishing a hundred dementors, stealing a dragon’s egg and facing the dark lord himself I have to wonder on your definition of ‘weakness’, Potter.”

Harry rolled his eyes and leaned back on the chair. “I don’t want to talk about this. There’s more important things to be worrying about right now. If only I knew what they were.” Harry said.

“If only.”

“All those things you said, it was all luck you know.”

“I never doubted it for one moment.”

Harry sighed and shook his head. He remained quiet for the remaining half hour. Strangely enough, that night he managed to fall asleep without a problem and slept through the night without so much as a nightmare.


	6. Hogsmeade

Severus kept an eye on the boy during meal times. He seemed a bit more willing to eat, though his appetite left much to be desired. He sneered and looked away. This was a bad situation. A bad, _terrible_ situation.

If the boy failed to occlude and showed Voldemort that he was teaching him occlumency, he was a dead man. And then who was going to keep the stupid boy alive.

He should tell Dumbledore. He needed to tell Dumbledore. He couldn’t have this with the brat. This thing connecting them. Potter was never supposed to know of his full part in this and the last war. No one could know. And yet why was he allowing Pomfrey to order him around, to demand he see the boy weekly? He would have used it for occlumency but he figured the brat had yet to learn how to clear his blessed mind.

Just then a puffy runt owl thumped against the small narrow window of his office and he turned, staring blankly at the dead looking owl that now lay still outside the window, on the little stone flap that extended a little from the window, short legs up in the air. He stared at it a while longer before opening the window, taking the letter the owl cooed but stayed where it was, trying to recover from the blow. Snape hated it when the headmaster sent training owls to him. Most of the time they didn’t even remember the letters.

Snape shut the window uncaringly and opened the letter. There was only a short note inside.

‘ _Hello Severus, could you kindly pop in for a visit? I dare say you must come to tea._ ’ That was code for ‘we have to talk about Harry’.

Well, might as well take the opportunity to tell him the truth. Yes. With that resolve he stood up and made his way to the headmaster’s office.

He had sworn loyalty to Dumbledore, not Harry Potter. He was sure the child would probably feel betrayed but that was none of his concern.

“Ah! Severus my boy, come in. Tell me, how are Harry’s occlumency lessons going?” he asked. Severus walked in, sitting down as Dumbledore motioned to the chair. “Lemon drop?”

“No. Potter’s lessons are going abysmally. The boy cannot control his emotions. He’s an emotional wreck.” Snape said. Dumbledore frowned sitting back on the chair and sighing.

“This concerns me too. Admittedly I cannot find time to teach him myself.” He said.

“Yes, well… you had not mentioned Potter’s home life.” Snape said carefully.

“Yes, unfortunately his family is not very fond of magic. However he must stay there every summer, his mother’s wards protect him there.” Dumbledore said.

“How considerate of you Albus.” He said leaning back on his chair. He had to say it now.

“You seem troubled boy. Anything else I should know?” Dumbledore asked and Snape looked up. His lips opened and the response left his lips before he could process it.

“Nothing.” Albus nodded.

“Well, do let me know if anything comes up. Now, I’m calling an order meeting in ten days.” Severus’ grimaced, already doing the math.

“That’s the yuletide. It will hardly be a quiet night to have a meeting with the golden trio and the Weasley kids causing havoc on the eve of Christmas.”

“I hear Molly’s planning a magnificent roast turkey.” Dumbledore said.

“Call me when the meeting starts. I will not come a moment sooner and I will not stay a moment after.” He said.

“Of course Severus.” Though Severus had the uncanny feeling that the headmaster was plotting something.

“If that is all, I’ll take my leave.” He said and stood.

“Severus? You’ll let me know if anything new comes up?” Severus looked back at the man.

“Of course headmaster.” With that he left. Half way down to the dungeons he paused and sighed. He was an idiot. He should have told the headmaster.

He glanced out the window. It was a grey and cold afternoon, snow covered the fields and he could see a few students playing in the snow. He would have kept walking had he not spotted the idiotic boy making his way to Hogsmeade by himself. A quick survey of his surroundings confirmed that Weasley and Granger were not with him.

He reminded himself that it was none of his business what the boy did. However, Potter shouldn’t be wandering off the grounds on his own. Students had to be in pairs at a minimum to go to Hogsmeade.

He looked up at the dark corridor that led to the stairs heading to the dungeon. The rumble of moving stone told him the stairs had changed direction. Well, he needed to top up on some potions ingredients anyway. With that thought in mind he turned around and made his way down another flight of stairs that led to the front gates, striding confidently in the direction of the village nearby. He was just the right distance away that he could see the brat at the end of the path.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry had the strange feeling that he was being followed. However, when he decided to look back, he was already in Hogsmeade and there were a lot of students and he couldn’t distinguish anyone in particular. He just hoped it wasn’t Malfoy coming to annoy him. He just turned back and went to pick up a couple of presents for his friends.

And something for Sirius. He tried not to grin as he remembered the moment Sirius told him he’d be allowed to go for the Christmas break. He couldn’t wait to see his godfather again. It would be good to take his mind off the week’s happenings.

Thankfully Ron wrote to them to tell them that Mr. Weasley should be out of the hospital by Christmas. So he should get something for him too. Who else?

He paused as he saw Snape heading into the apothecary and winced as he looked away in shame, embarrassment and had to take a moment to supress any memories of his stay at the Dursleys.

Should he get Snape anything? Not for Christmas of course. But to thank him. He had kept his secret for now, and he had followed Madame Pomfrey’s demands to ensure Professor Dumbledore didn’t know the truth just yet. He didn’t have to. Just like he didn’t have to feed him last time they spoke.

But what could he get the sour man? He hardly knew him enough to know what to get him. He huffed in frustration as he sat on a boulder, trying to figure out what to buy. Then he stopped himself. Stupid idiot. He was so stupid. Was he so desperate for affection that now he was actually considering getting his most detested teacher to like him? What did he care what Snape would want. He stood up and nodded. With his mind made up he went to spend the last bits of money he had on himself and started making his way back to the school.

“Out on your own scar head?” Harry groaned and grabbed his wand, turning to look at him, seeing Zambini, Parkinson, Crabbe and Goyle with him. He was outnumbered. Perfect.

“Why Malfoy, I didn’t think you’d want to keep me company.” Harry said. Draco sneered, his handsome face turning ugly whenever he showed that expression.

“Potter!” Harry flinched slightly as did the Slytherins who backed away, putting their wands away as Snape made his way to Harry. “Rules state that to go to Hogsmeade you must remain in pairs. I don’t suppose mister Malfoy is the one accompanying you?”

Harry scoffed. “As if.” Snape sneered and grabbed him roughly by the shoulder and dragged him toward the ancient castle. The Slytherins laughed but walked back to Hogsmeade. It wasn’t until Hogsmeade was hidden by trees as the road curved that Snape loosened his hold on his shoulder. Then it dawned on Harry that the other had defended him from the Slytherins.

“Is there a reason why you’re on your own? Or are you so confident with your abundant abilities that you think you can fare fine by yourself?” Snape asked. Harry didn’t say anything at first. The man had not been concerned for him. He was not. So Harry had to clear that idiotic and disturbing notion from his mind.

“I’m going to see Padfoot this Christmas, I had to buy my presents now.” He said.

“The rules are there for a reason! Not as a challenge to you.” Harry huffed and changed the subject.

“The train leaves this Thursday night. Do I have to go to your office?” He mumbled.

“That is Madam Pomfrey’s mandate.” Snape sneered, still pulling him along by the shoulder.

“Hmm.” He didn’t know what else to say. This was tense and awkward enough as it is. “I tried going to the restricted section. Can’t find any on Occlumency.” He said.

“I take it you’ve relied on Miss Granger all this time for researching your homework. Occlumency is an art of the mind, therefore it’s under books regarding…”

“Skills of the mind. Ugh. I’m so stupid. Must have passed by ten of those.” He grumbled. He had briefly thought of that, but he had been hoping he would find a single book on occlumency alone.

“And what’s this?” A sweet, sugary voice asked. Harry tensed and they turned to see Umbridge coming toward them.

“I caught mister Potter sneaking around Hogsmeade on his own. Rest assured I have already issued punishment.” Snape said calmly, not stopping any longer for her and dragging Harry along.

“Well then, as head inquisitor I will want to know what he has been up to. You will serve a detention with me tonight mister Potter. And I’ll take those, until they are properly-”

“You will excuse me professor Umbridge, but those packages are mine. I was merely having mister Potter make better use of himself.” Snape said blandly and took Harry’s presents from Umbridge.

“Oh, well then, I’ll see you after dinner tonight mister Potter. An hour writing lines ought to remind you on the rules.” Harry glared hatefully at her. She simply smiled and stepped out of their way. Snape walked away, taking Harry’s packages with him. Harry understood. Umbridge was still watching them. He decided to go back and ask for them later. For now he made his way to Gryffindor tower and tried to ignore the gratitude he felt toward Snape. Of all people. It was far too confusing to think about right now.

He rubbed his hand just thinking that he had to see that horrid woman tonight.


	7. Lies

“Come in mister Potter.” She smiled sweetly. Harry tensed and came to sit by the small table with the pink doily. The parchment was twice as long this time and the black quill sat proudly on top of it.

“What should I write this time?” He asked trying to sound casual.

“Oh, I think the root of your problems is your greatest infraction so far. The same as last time. Unless there’s something you wish to confess to?” She asked gently. Harry narrowed his eyes slightly.

“He _is_ back. If I deny it just to make you or Fudge feel better, then I _would_ be lying.” Harry said. He felt a thrill of delight seeing her face twist with rage, though the victory was knocked out of him when she brought her hand hard across his face with a strength he didn’t realise the petite woman possessed.

“It seems that I need to extend your detention.” She said and the parchment became longer. The sting of the slap, shocked him into silence. He looked up at her and her nasty sneer had turned into a sadistic grin. She took a deep breath however and smiled sweetly once more. “Begin.”

Harry started. _I must not tell lies_. He tensed his hand and took a deep breath as every cut felt like his hand was on fire. And now he had to do it three times longer than last time. He decided to go as fast as he could, but the pain was almost unbearable. As he got halfway down the parchment he disguised a sob with a gasp and had to stop, opening and closing his hand, this time it stopped healing just before it closed up completely and glancing at his hand he saw a couple of droplets of blood oozing from the wounds.

He heard a giggle and a sigh from Umbridge and wiped the moisture from his eyes before continuing, not even looking up. The searing pain extended all the way to his shoulder and when it healed as much as it could the dull ache remained. He had to go slower now, having to wipe his eyes every so often. The detention started at eight and by the time he finished the last line, it was quarter to ten. He wiped the humidity in his eyes once more, standing and handing Umbridge the parchment. She looked at it, smiling gently.

“Well, I hope the truth is finally sinking in.” She giggled and glanced at Harry’s hand before handing him back the parchment. “I’ll let you keep this one.” She smiled rolling up the parchment and handing it back to him. Harry took it, feeling numb as he walked back out. He started heading straight to the tower but then he remembered that Snape had his presents. He was probably in his rooms by now. If he remembered correctly it should be near his stores. His left hand was trembling and he was just trying to ignore the throbbing going through his entire arm, even going up his neck and giving him a headache.

Down in the dungeons he tried a couple of portraits until he found one with Salazar Slytherin, sitting proudly with a bright green boa curled up on his lap. “ _Are these Professor Snape’s rooms?_ ” Harry asked. The snake perked up as did Salazar.

“ _I shall call him for you._ ”

Harry waited before Snape opened the door, looking a bit more alarmed than Harry expected him to be. “Potter. What on earth…”

“Uh… I… my packages sir…” He said not understanding the confusion.

“Salazar said a snake had come to my doors. You spoke parseltongue to it?” He frowned.

“I… well, I didn’t know I did. Though how he confused me for a snake I won’t know.” Harry frowned eyeing the back of the opened portrait.

“Right…” he moved his wand and a bunch of packages came forward. Harry winced as he had to use both his hands to hold onto them. “Now get out. I’ll take points if you’re out past curfew.” He said. Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the packages, it was slightly different than the rest and he distinctly remembered not having it before. “Professor I think this is yours.” Harry said. Snape frowned and nodded.

“Ah, yes. Potions ingredients. I doubt they’d be much use to you anyway Potter.” He said taking it. Harry would have argued but he had no will power. He was so drained, he just wanted to crawl into bed, cradle his arm against his chest and go to sleep.

“Goodnight Professor.” He mumbled. He paused briefly realising he’d wished the other a good night but Snape simply slammed the portrait shut and Harry huffed.

“Rude.” He mumbled and turned to leave. However, a second later the door swung open once more and Snape grabbed him by the arm, dragging him inside.

The abrupt motion left Harry a bit dazed, trying to understand what was happening. Snape’s quarters were actually quite cosy, though he’d never thought he’d find himself in it. Snape then held up the package Harry had just returned to him up against the light. It was stained with blood.

“Ah.” Harry mumbled and looked away.

“Show me your arms Potter.” Snape demanded. Harry glared at the stained package and put his own down on the short coffee table and pulled his sleeves up, showing them, palms facing upward. He grimaced however when he saw that his left palm was stained with patches of blood and Snape turned his hand over.

Harry groaned in pain as he saw the markings, twitching, healing, opening up again, as if unable to heal him but unable to give up trying.

“I must not tell lies.” Snape read.

“It’s nothing.” Harry shrugged.

“Really… were you not in detention until now?” He asked and picked up the parchment he had put with his packages. Harry simply cradled his hand close against his chest, his arm throbbing even more painfully as the markings played up. “I must not tell lies. Well. I understand now why you’d want Murtlap tentacles. Now explain why these lines are written in blood.” He said.

Harry looked down. “I don’t want to give her the satisfaction. I can handle it on my own.”

“I don’t care what you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you can do.” The grandfather clock in the end of the room signalled ten o’clock.

“I’m out after curfew sir.” Snape made no move to show he gave a damn about the time. “Umbridge has a black feathered quill. I think she invented it or something. It doesn’t need ink. It healed over the first time… I had three times as many lines this time so I guess it didn’t heal anymore.” He mumbled.

“You didn’t think to tell the headmaster that?” Snape demanded, his voice a little louder than usual.

“Professor Dumbledore has more important things to worry about. Hermione suggested I tell McGonagall but I don’t think she has the authority to do anything anyway.” Harry said and winced feeling the markings twitch once more. Snape looked at him for a while, as if debating with himself about something. In the end he pushed him back into the armchair and went to get some kind of poultice that smelt oddly sweet. “Is that… honey?” Harry asked.

“Honey has strong healing properties.” Snape said grabbing some cotton, wetting it with water to clean the blood stains and around the wound. Harry said nothing as he leaned against the side of the arm chair.

Snape’s hands were rough but they felt strong and strangely Harry felt re-assured. He winced slightly as Snape applied the honeyed poultice on the markings and started bandaging his hand up. Harry felt his eyelids getting heavy.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus bandaged the boy’s hand carefully. He was not a medi-wizard by any standards but with his line of work he’d had to learn basing would healing procedures to treat his injuries when serving the Dark Lord or Dumbledore.

He could feel the trembling from the boy every time he but the bandage over the wound. To think that blasted woman had been able to create a tool of dark magic while still keeping her job in the ministry. She probably made it recently, just for Potter. He glanced up at the boy and saw him asleep, that peaceful expression returning to his face. He looked back down and finished, sealing the edge in place and the bandages adjusted to look as the same colour as Potter’s skin. It made it a little less conspicuous.

He sat back on the couch and watched the boy for a few moments before looking away. Why did he call after him? Why did he drag him into his rooms just to bandage his hand? What happened to ensuring the boy continued to hate him? This was Potter’s son. The man who made his school years hell. The man who took the one woman he ever loved. The man who took his only friend away. It should be easy to hate him!

But even he realized… that it wasn’t. It wasn’t as easy any more. He stood and grabbed a potion from a small chest, coming to the boy and shaking him awake.

“Get up Potter. Drink this.”

The boy groaned, looking around disoriented and then looked at the clear vial. “Whasit?” He mumbled.

“It’ll help it heal and take away the pain.” Severus said. The boy uncorked it and swallowed it with a grimace. “Get your things.” The boy gathered up his packages and stood, groggily making his way to the door. “This way.” He led the boy down corridors that would not be supervised and walked him to the corridor leading to the entrance of Gryffindor tower.

Potter paused for a second, looking at his bandaged hand and Severus shoved his head slightly in the direction of the fat lady’s portrait. He heard Potter tut in annoyance and glare at him softly before marching into the Gryffindor common room.

He frowned once the boy was gone, a little confused himself about this whole situation. He resolved that by occluding and making his way back to his own rooms. He needed a long night’s sleep. But not before he tossed that blood soaked scroll into the fire. 


	8. Treacle

When morning arrived Harry was surprised to see that he had actually had a good night’s sleep. Still, he was woken up by a dull ache that drew his attention to his bandaged hand.

Snape had been kind. In his own way. Harry was starting to see a different side of him. He was still prickly and acted more or less the same toward him but…

He looked down at his hand.

…It wasn’t the same. Things had changed. He would have expected him to remain cold, maybe make a cruel comment about the Dursleys. But now he knew the one secret Harry had intended to take to the grave. Harry had expected insults, sneers, disgust but he had not expected… caring? He wasn’t sure he could classify Snape as a caring person. And yet here he was, bandaging his wounds, interfering before the Slytherins could hex him… keeping his secret.

All in all he was very confused about the potions Master. So much so that he wasn’t sure what to make of him anymore. Umbridge really had to go. There was no way he was starting to like Snape. It was inconceivable.

On another note… He looked over to Ron’s empty bed and sighed. Memories of the day he had the vision returned and he closed his eyes. He needed to learn to occlude. He couldn’t let Voldemort… drive him insane.

First thing he did when classes ended was go to the library. Through the restricted section he tried finding any book with reference to the mind on the weathered spines. He picked out a couple. Most had a section on Occlumency and Legilimens. He kept the thinnest one and checked it out.

He managed to evade Umbridge’s wrath for the remainder of the week. Snape’s ‘detentions’ simply served to prove what the potion’s master had constantly pointed out. That he was an idiot. The book had proven more complicated than he had anticipated. Hence, Snape had gotten annoyed at him. Snape getting annoyed at him meant getting kicked out ten minutes early.

‘Clear your mind, think of nothing,’ was easier said than done.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

“Severus my boy, come in.” Albus called him over and offered him a seat. A purple polkadot teapot floated in mid-air, pouring the potions Master a cup in an obscenely pink tea cup.

“Tell me, did you finally dispose of Umbridge and kept bits of her teaset?” Snape asked. Albus only chuckled and took a few sips from his neon green cup.

“I do love hearing your sense of humour Severus. Now, we need to talk about Harry.”

Severus put down the cup and sneered at the lilac brew. “Ofcourse we do. What would Potter do if there wasn’t at least one person talking about him?” he asked.

“I take it occlumency is not going well?”

“Not at all. He’s read _half_ a page from _one_ book that he doesn’t understand and has decided that is as good as he is going to get.” Snape scoffed.

“Interesting, there aren’t any occlumency books in the general section, has he been sneaking into the restricted section?” Knowing Dumbledore would never punish the boy he went with that.

“Yes.” He said simply.

“Oh dear, oh well. That’s the truth of a curious mind.” He said.

“I’d settle for a quieter mind.” Snape mumbled.

“I hear you have a detention with him today. On the last day? Truly Severus?”

“I manage my own detentions. The school term is not over until six.” He said.

“Ah, of course. I must have forgotten. Here, give these to Harry, I’m afraid I will be gone soon and won’t be able to see him.” He handed him some pastries in a cloth bag.

“Treacle tarts.” Severus said in a bland tone.

“Harry’s favourite.” Albus pointed out. He sent an icy glare at the headmaster.

“I find it astonishing, headmaster, that you would confuse me with a delivery owl. Perhaps a visit to Madam Pomfrey for an eye check is due?”

“I’m afraid the owls are going through a rebellious phase right now and the training owls are still recovering from their most recent trips. Could you please?” Severus clenched his jaw, taking the damn pastries as he rose from his seat.

“May I leave now? I have a third year class of idiots to teach.” Dumbledore simply gave him a nod and Severus was gone.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Slipping away from Hermione had been particularly easy. She’d been particularly busy packing her own things which Harry figured it meant she was packing her Christmas presents.

He made his way to the dungeons and knocked on Snape’s office door.

“Enter.” Harry came in and closed the door behind him, sitting across from him. He felt the anxiety and embarrassment creeping in and started thinking about unicorns instead. Yet again Snape wasn’t looking at him and simply read his book, which Harry could only guess was a book on potions. In front of his own chair there was a plate of treacle tarts laid out and a glass of milk. Harry glared at Snape.

“I’m not a kid.” Harry said sitting himself down. The tarts looked mouth-watering though.

“Law and general agreement says otherwise.” Snape said dismissively. “A present from the headmaster.”

“Really?” Harry said brightly, thinking that they were actually his and not a tool for Snape to intimidate him with.

“Well they _certainly_ aren’t from me.” Snape’s snarky reply made Harry’s annoyance return once again and he scoffed.

“I’d be more worried about getting poisoned if they _were_.” He said taking a bite.

“I still could have slipped when laying them out. Anyway, I guess we’ll know soon enough.” Harry frowned and looked down at the innocent looking tart before carrying on enjoying it, though at a slower pace and trying to see if he felt any different. Snape smirked and looked smug the entire time as Harry struggled with his need to scoff them down in a Ronian style, and assess himself continuously for any signs of poisoning.

He left one for Snape and finally looked up. “Are you being nice to me? It’s really hard to tell.”

Snape scoffed glaring at him with the intensity of a hundred suns. If looks could kill…well….

“I most certainly am _not_! Believe me I am not here by my own choice!” he yelled.

Naturally Harry had to reply the same. “Well good! Because I don’t need your pity!” He exclaimed.

“You don’t deserve my pity.” Snape scoffed and Harry clenched his jaw.

“Yeah? Well, you don’t deserve this treacle tart.” Harry said simply taking a huge bite off the remaining pastry.

“They’re yours you imbecile.”

“I left one for you! You… you…”

“Careful _Potter._ I am still your teacher.” Harry closed his mouth and simply glared at him, looking away, grabbing his bag.

“I am quite finished. Enjoy your holiday _professor_.” He said. Snape luckily let him go this time. He only hoped it didn’t mean that he was going to tell everyone the truth. He decided to put a little bit of faith on the irritating man for a while longer.

As he stepped into the carriage that night he saw the teachers organising the youngest students back into the train and he spotted Snape on the Slytherin side, guiding the young uncertain ones here or there. As the train started pulling out of the platform their eyes met. Although the other’s icy demeanour remained, he didn’t sneer or glare at him. In fact he looked at him bored and Harry surprised the potion’s master by laughing softly.

“What’s so funny Harry?” Hermione asked after the train had already pulled out entirely from the platform.

“Nothing… just remembered something funny.” Harry said and lay back, closing his eyes, trying to get a few hours of rest.


	9. Christmas

The moment Harry was back in Grimmauld place he felt all his worries leave as Sirius greeted him with a warm hug. Sure, Mrs. Weasley would never pass a chance to hug him but Sirius’ hugs were for him only. If only Voldemort could just die so he could have a father and a proper home. His father, was just a picture. He longed for more than a name and a moving photo.

“Harry. I’m so glad you’re here.” Sirius said.

Harry smiled. “I’m glad Dumbledore let me come.” He mumbled, taking in the faint scent of cologne that Sirius liked to wear. Sirius smiled and cupped his face, taking a look at him. The proud way the other looked at him made Harry uncomfortable, because he wasn’t used to it, and happy, because he’d yearned for affection all his life.

“Come in Harry, dinner’s on the table.” Mrs. Weasley said coming into the corridor and dragging him away.

“Mrs. Weasley. How’s Mr. Weasley?” Harry asked.

“Oh, he’s well sweetheart! All thanks to you. Now come, enjoy your dinner.” She encouraged him, sitting him next to Ron who smiled faintly at Harry.

Harry was feeling drained by the time it came to going to bed yet he couldn’t go to sleep. Ron snored on the bed beside his. Harry stared at the dark wall paper and thought of Voldemort. He felt so frustrated. He could help if they would just let him join the Order… the sooner Voldemort came to being destroyed the sooner he came to having a home. Here.

If only he could do something. He closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus cringed as he walked into Grimmauld place, following Black. “What do you mean the headmaster is late?” He asked.

“I mean, that he is unable to meet at the time he expect the meeting to start with. As such Snivellus we have to wait until he arrives.

“I am not staying in this stinking ruin of a house longer than required. How late did he say he would be? I’ll return then.” Severus said, resisting the urge to punch him.

“He didn’t say, so I guess that means you’re staying for Christmas dinner. Unless your master wants his dog back.” Black said, grabbing the arm with the black mark. Severus hissed and snatched his arm back.

“I’m not the dog here _Black_!” He hissed back. They glared at each other hatefully, both contemplating hexing each other until a noise at the end of the corridor made Severus turned to see Potter standing behind the slightly opened door. “Potter, eavesdropping is not polite.”

“Don’t talk to my godson like that.” Black sneered.

“How endearing _Black_ to-”

“No. Professor. I wasn’t. I um… Sirius, Mrs. Weasley said dinner’s ready.” The boy said glancing between the two of them.

“Ah! I’ll be right there Harry. Can’t have Christmas dinner started without everyone.” Black said in an overtly cheerful tone.

“I’ll wait for the headmaster in your dingy living-room.” Severus said and scoffed as he shoved past Black. Potter stepped out of the way.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry watched Snape go to the living-room. A warm light soon came from it. Snape probably lighted the fireplace.

“Come now Harry, don’t let that miserable guy ruin the celebrations.” Sirius said. Harry nodded going with him back into the dining room but he felt uncomfortable celebrating something when Snape was sitting in the next room.

“What do you mean Severus is here? You should have told me.” Mrs. Weasley said smacking Sirius’ arm and started serving a plate. “George take this to Professor Snape will you.” She said as she poured things here and there but that second George’s eyes opened wide and he aparated away. She huffed and looked at Fred who vanished aswell.

“I’ll go Mrs. Weasley.” Harry said standing up, taking the plates. Everyone was just glad not to be the one taking it to Snape so no one even questioned why Harry volunteered.

Harry entered the living-room to see Snape sitting in one of the chairs, reading a small book. “Professor, I brought you some food.” Snape glanced at him and scoffed.

“How presumptuous that you would assume that I need any of that foo-” Harry just set the tray in front of him and sat in front of him, eating from his own plate of mini treacle tarts. “You are too fond of sugar Potter.”

“I’m catching up.” Harry said shrugging as he ate another.

“Don’t you have a celebration to get back to?” Snape sneered.

“What about you professor?” Did Snape have anyone at home waiting for him?

“I’m waiting for the infernal meeting to take place.” Snape said. “Go to your friends.”

“It’s Thursday.” Harry said. Snape looked at him and Harry had to look down and focus on another mini pastry.

“It’s Christmas, I’m sure madam Pomfrey will forgive us one slip.” He said taking the plate finally and Harry felt a bit relieved.

“Oh, I took the bandages off a couple of days ago. It was great.” Harry said showing Snape the smooth, normal looking skin, no traces of the scars or bruising.

“No remnant pain?” Snape asked. Harry flexed his hand a couple of times.

“No.”

“Good.” They sat there, each eating their own thing. Harry looked at his own hands and then at the potions master.

“I don’t feel comfortable… celebrating something when you’re here…”

“How touching. Is this where we exchange gifts?” he replied snarkily.

“No.” He grumbled, glaring at his last bit of pastry. The git just made it so hard to be nice to him.

“I assure you I would be more uncomfortable where I’m not wanted than here by myself.” He said. “Rest assured I do not hold exclusion as close to the heart as you do.” Snape said simply.

Harry looked up to argue but decided that there was nothing he could really say. If he said he wanted to celebrate Christmas with Snape it would be a lie. Though it felt wrong at the same time. “Alright… enjoy your meal professor.” Harry said and stood, leaving the other behind.

No one really noticed his absence that much and soon he returned to the side of his friends to open some magical Christmas crackers. Still he felt a little better after talking to Snape.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

“Alright children, you all go upstairs while we grown-ups have a boring little chat.” Mrs. Weasley said and Harry looked at the twins. It meant that it was an Order meeting. But how? He never saw Dumbledore come in.

“Sirius, I want to stay, please I’m old enough.” Harry pleaded.

“Of course Harry.”

“You cannot! He’s just a boy Sirius. Don’t do that.” Mrs. Weasley chastised Sirius again.

“Yes Black. One has to wonder where your loyalties lie when you’re so desperate to get the boy killed.” Snape sneered as he walked passed Harry and into the room.

“I’m going to get killed if I don’t know what’s happening! I can help. If I have this connection to him, why not use it to spy on him?” Harry insisted.

“Unfortunately for you Potter a spy already exists for this Order, your vast skills in mind magic are currently unneeded.” Snape said and Harry felt anger boiling in his chest.

“I’m not as weak as you think I am! I can do this! I’ve already tried and I think-” Snape smacked him to the back of his head. He saw Sirius shoot up and pull his wand out, aiming it at the back of Snape’s head but Snape must have been too distracted as he shook Harry briefly by the shoulders.

“The dark lord will drive you mad before you can even peek into any corner of his mind! You foolish child! As careless as your father!” Snape snapped.

“Don’t talk about my father that way!”

“Don’t talk about James that way!” Both Harry and Sirius yelled at Snape. Snape turned to face the end of Sirius’ wand.

“Oh? You agree Black?! You agree that Potter should step into the dark lord’s mind?! Good thing the boy’s still not in your care yet or the child might as well start writing his obituary!” Sirius looked conflicted. On the one hand Harry could see that his godfather saw his plan as pure madness while on the other hand he still looked like he wanted to strike Snape down where he stood.

Harry felt his eyes burning a little.

“I just want to help! Sirius I’m not a kid anymore! I want to fight him! He took everything from me too!” Harry yelled, desperate to stay.

“Harry…” Mrs. Weasley tried coaxing him but Snape grabbed him by the shoulder and threw him out.

“Do not mock those trying to protect you by throwing yourself into danger. Go upstairs.” He ordered, his voice calming down but Harry was incensed.

“You are not my father!”

“Thank Merlin for that.”

“You can’t tell me what to do! Sirius, please.” Harry said turning to his godfather, who looked at a loss on whose side to take. Snape solved the issue by shutting the door hard and locking it. Harry clenched his jaw and growled kicking the door as hard as he could. It hurt. A lot. He could hear Snape and Sirius arguing about the handling of him and Harry turned storming up the stairs, ignoring the worried look of his friends and going straight to his room, throwing himself into his bed, wishing the entire world would just fade away.

He wasn’t a child. He never was a child. How dare they? Harry groaned feeling the rage slither inside him, like a snake inside his skull. Clear your mind, clear your mind, clear your mind… clear…

 


	10. Concern

_“I’m a little disappointed in your lack of findings Severus, I had something special planned for the boy.” Voldemort said, his hand petting Nabini’s scaly body. Snape was on one knee, head lowered in reverence._

_“I’ll accept whatever punishment you deem worthy, my lord.”_

_The monster raised its wand. “Crucio!”_

Harry woke to a quiet house. Ron’s snores broke through the silence, yet something felt off. And then he remembered the sting on his scar, the vision of Snape getting crucioed into a dusty carpeted floor. His strangled scream of pain.

His heart raced wildly. Had Voldemort realised the other was helping him? Was the dream a real vision? Was it fake? He listened very closely to the silence of the house. Was the meeting still going on? What time was it? He stood up and sneaked out of the room. The house was quiet. He could see the light creeping under the dinning-room door downstairs and sighed. It was still going on. That was good. He crept down slowly skipping all the steps that creaked. By the time he was down he could hear part of the conversation.

“How do we know he isn’t telling Voldemort everything?” Sirius spoke.

“Dumbledore trusts him Sirius.” Mrs. Weasley insisted. Strange, it didn’t sound like there were a lot of people inside.

The outside door slammed open. Harry jumped and reached for his wand, holding it defensively, moving toward the loud irregular steps. There was a crash, the sound of a body falling onto weathered wooden flooring. The kitchen door slammed open. The remaining Order members, which only included Sirius and Molly Weasley at this point, rushed out and arrived down the corridor before Harry could. Instead the boy hid in the shadows, to avoid being seen. The two didn’t seem to think it was an intruder.

 “Oh, Severus. Let’s get you up.” She said and the door to the parlour opened wide. Harry froze. Sirius and Molly both rushed Snape onto the couch. Snape didn’t look conscious as his head lolled down to his chest.

“Snape. Wake up. What spells?” Sirius asked shaking Snape by the shoulders. The man didn’t respond. “Useless.” Sirius sneered.

“I can’t give him anything unless I know what spells were used.” Molly said, an edge of desperation to her voice as she opened a small box, toying with various little potion vials, unable to decide which one to try.

Harry looked at the potions master and his heart raced painfully as he stepped forward. “It was… crucio…” Both conscious adults jumped and turned his way.

“Harry!”

“I didn’t watch on purpose.” Harry said and Sirius came to put a comforting arm around his shoulder as Mrs. Weasley rushed to give Severus a set of different potions which she now handled with more confidence. It didn’t wake him up and Harry felt a growing tightness at the top of his stomach.

“You go to bed Harry.” Sirius insisted.

“But-”

“Now.” Harry looked at Sirius shocked. The brief stern look Sirius had melted into sadness at having to turn him away. “Now Harry…” Harry glanced at Snape before turning and going back up. He saw them forcing other potions into the unresponsive potions master and the tightness under his chest tightened a little. Was that guilt? But why? He didn’t even feel guilty after yelling at Dumbledore. He’d stayed angry at Dumbledore for a long time so why was he guilty about seeing Snape in this state?

He lay down on the bed once more but no matter how much he tossed and turned he couldn’t get comfortable. He was worried. He’d never imagined to see Snape so… weakened. What if Voldemort had used another more dangerous spell too? What if Snape didn’t make it?

He didn’t wish the death of anyone, except maybe Voldemort, yet he’d never pictured having the uncomfortable knot he had right not. It would only release the seconds he managed to think of something else.

Steps crossed the corridor outside his door. Two sets of doors opened and closed in different parts of the house. Harry sat back up and grabbed his cloak from the foot of the bed. He sneaked back down hoping Snape was still there. Where would he start looking if he had been moved to another room? Yet when he arrived downstairs the potions master remained where he had been, with a hand covering his eyes as short, quick breaths left his lips.

“Professor?” Snape pointed his wand. Harry ducked, tripped and knocked his shin against the coffee table.

“Ow!” Instead of a spell blasted in his direction, Snape threw a different kind of curse at him.

“Blasted boy! Don’t you ever think?” Snape hissed. Harry winced and poked his head out from under the invisibility cloak and rubbed his shin with a groan.

“I’m starting to believe I don’t.” He mumbled. He should have stayed in his room. “…I saw part of what happened.” Snape’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t do it on purpose….” Harry looked down. “Are you-?”

“I’m fine.”

“I’ve felt crucio too. I know you’re not fine professor.” Snape simply frowned. “You didn’t know? I didn’t expect deatheaters would be particularly modest. Pettigrew not much of a bragger?”

“He’s of low rank. I hardly ever see the…” His eyes flickered in Harry’s direction. “Nevermind.”

“So, how are-”

“If you know then why are you asking?”

Harry glared. “I don’t know, it’s what you’re supposed to do when someone’s hurt isn’t it?” He frowned picking on a moth-eaten hole on the side of the armchair. He didn’t want to look up. Eye-contact would just make this even more awkward than it already was. However even if it was uncomfortable the alternative was another sleepless night.

“You cannot go about worrying about every person in this war. You will lose your mind.” He said, breaking the silence.

“I can’t help it. I don’t want anyone to die.” Harry said.

“A pure sentiment. But the world does not work that way. You need to protect those you can and accept those cases where you can’t.” Harry felt his throat tightening.

“But some people… expect me to…”

“They expect too much Potter. Even the headmaster. You are fifteen years old. Someday you’ll understand just how young an age that is.” He said. Harry looked up at him. Snape had his hand back over his eyes as he lay on his back on the couch.

Harry propped himself up to sit on the armchair, looking at his professor who was clearly still affected by the leftover shocks of the Crucio. He tried to recall, what helped him overcome the spasmodic pain that followed Voldemort’s return? He stood and went to the kitchen.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus opened his eyes at the sound of the boy leaving. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe through the intermittent, jolting pain. The clattering of cups woke him up and he turned to see Potter with two mugs of tea and a plate of gingerbread biscuits.

“What is it with you and sugar?” Severus mumbled sitting up and taking the tea.

“Sugar makes me feel better sometimes.” Potter dunked a biscuit in the brew. Severus reached for the other mug and a biscuit. The pain was still there but the tea was a welcome distraction. To think he’d be having a mini-tea party at three in the morning with Potter of all people.

“I thought you were still in the meeting.” The boy said as he scooped out a fallen section of biscuit floating at the top of his mug.

“He called mid-meeting. Dumbledore told me to come here when I finished.” He said, sneering at the memory, unable to hold himself back from cringing at having to accept help from Sirius Black.

“What did he want?”

“Things you shouldn’t be worrying about.” He allowed himself to become amused at the way the boy scrunched up his nose in annoyance. That was Lily’s thing.

“I saw he was angry at you. But why?” The boy was just full of questions wasn’t he?

“He wanted to know things I pretended not to know about. A spy has to watch what he says and select what to reveal, strategically, in order to manipulate the opposing side until victory is achieved.” Severus said.

“Nice, are you planning on writing a Lockhart-style book on the art of spying?” Idiot child. “Maybe you’re teaching a spy-for-dunderheads class in the afternoons?” Severus refused to grin at the idiot’s jokes so he opted for narrowing his eyes at the grinning teenager. Then the humour slowly drained from the boy’s face. “I can’t imagine having to serve him.” The potions master said nothing at first.

“Hopefully you never will.” Fear flickered in the boy’s eyes. “This is too morbid a topic for Christmas.” He had to look away from those eyes.

“Makes you wonder what kind of childhood he had to want to ruin everyone else’s holidays.” The boy joked, trying to make light of the situation. He knew however that the boy had something gnawing at the back of his mind. He should have told him to go to sleep. He should have told him to leave. Potter had Black to turn to while he was living in this decrepit mansion. But he didn’t do what he should have done.

“What’s on your mind, Potter?” He asked instead. The boy didn’t look up and sipped his tea.

“When I saw Mr. Weasley… I was the snake… for a few seconds after I woke up I felt excited, happy that I pleased my _master_ … that I pleased Voldemort.” Severus flinched at the name but decided not to reprimand him and let him continue. “And every time I think of professor Dumbledore I get so angry these days. I just want to…” The boy looked up at him. “Am I going to turn like him?”

And what do you reply to that? What do you say to a child you’ve sworn to protect yet convinced yourself to carry on hating? How could the boy so quickly trust him with his deepest fears and worries? Deep down he knew why. Because he was the one person that knew his deepest darkest secret. He should have told Dumbledore.

“You worried about me and you don’t particularly like me. I highly doubt you’ll turn dark any time soon.” The boy smiled faintly and shrugged his shoulders. “Talk to your godfather. He too has faced doubts about both sides.”

“But… what if I ask and he thinks I’m changing already?”

“…he won’t.” Black would never doubt his godson in that way. No one that truly got to know the boy ever really would.


	11. Shame

Severus woke up unrested. His keen instincts alerted him to the steps approaching from the upper floor. He glanced at Potter to see the child sleeping, sitting on the floor, head resting on his folded arms over the coffee table. The steps grew nearer to the stairway and he grabbed the boy’s cloak, draping it over him.

“Hmm?” Potter shifted slightly under the cloak.

“Shh!” Just then Black came down the stairs with Molly Weasley. Molly went to the kitchen quietly, the dog however saw him awake and came over.

“You’re conscious then. Your master overtly angry?” The sound of clattering kitchenware could be heard. He could have stayed and made the other show his nasty personality in front of the boy but he decided that the boy had too few adults to look up to as it was.

“Don’t bother showing me out Black.” He got up to leave.

“What did he want? Anything about Harry?” Black asked. Severus knew the boy was paying attention now.

“Only the usual.” He shrugged, putting his cloak on.

“What about that cursed prophe-”

“I will tell Dumbledore what needs to be said _Black_! Not you.” Severus hissed, walking out hoping the boy wouldn’t figure out what the dog had meant.

“The prophecy is about him! We need to know if he’s close to getting it!” Curse the blasted dog.

He took a deep breath to calm down and turned to face him. “He is not.” He did not ask about the prophecy. He asked about Potter’s whereabouts. Obviously even if I was a traitor I would not have been able to tell him anything.” Severus said clearly. “I must notify the headmaster, I will clarify any further doubts later.” He hoped Black was stupid enough to ignore the out-of-character promise, and hoped that the boy would get the hint and wait patiently.

He made his way to the narrow corridor that led to the outside door. Black didn’t follow him. “What prophecy?” he jumped and turned, his wand in a firm grip. He wacked the invisible boy across the face.

“Blasted Potter! Don’t sneak up on me!” he hissed ripping the cloak off, checking the boy’s face. His cheekbone had a bright pink patch that looked like it would bruise. He passed his thumb over it. The boy winced.

“I’m fine…” He pulled his hand back, surprised at himself.

“I did not mean to strike you. Go back, do not do anything rash.” The boy nodded with a frown. It was clear he wanted to blurt all his questions now. With annoyance flaring in his chest he turned around and opened the door. The boy better listen and keep himself out of trouble for once. With that thought in mind he left, without looking back.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry grumbled all the way up to the room, keeping under the cloak until he was back in his bed. Despite the dull ache to his cheek, he was feeling pleased. They got to talk when he couldn’t sleep. The potions master didn’t make him leave. The other accepted the tea and biscuits as if he hadn’t been angry at all with him at his earlier outburst. The memory embarrassed him a little, making his cheeks flush and making him start remembering random things, any random memory that would make him forget the embarrassment of what he did in front of everyone. On Christmas Eve of all times.

But why? Why was it becoming so important to be liked by him? He couldn’t get attached to Severus Snape! He had Sirius already. Yet… he found himself missing the secretive man’s grouchy, sarcastic personality. And it was strangely gratifying to see someone who despised him so much changing his mind.

But… this was the way it started with Emwood. He was happy to get so much attention from him and now…

Harry felt his skin start crawling, his stomach twisting and his throat tightening. Snape knew all of this… was he getting disgusted at Harry’s friendly behaviour? How could he not? After everything he’d seen.

“Harry?” He didn’t stop to reply to Ron as he bolted off the bed, grabbing the bucket in the corner of the room by its sides, hurling and emptying his stomach into it. He heaved several times, calming down for a little while only to throw up bile stained water once more. He vaguely felt Ron’s hand on his back to soothe him. Except his mind wasn’t accepting that and he swatted the hand away.

“Don’t touch me!” He snapped, not looking up, his voice hoarse from the acid at the back of his throat.

“… I called mom, she’s coming…” he heard Ron say before the redhead stormed out and slammed the door. Harry felt lonelier than ever. But he couldn’t hold Ron to blame. Ron didn’t understand what was happening.

Harry dry heaved once more, giving off a pathetic whine before Mrs. Weasley came over with soothing words and a calming herbal tea. Harry didn’t accept the tea. Though he promised to take it. He just wanted her gone. He said nothing as she rubbed his back, leading him to the bed. He said nothing as she placed a cool wet cloth on his forehead and told him to rest for today. He merely said a thank you as she left. And that was when he turned his face into the pillow and cried in silence. His entire body tensed in his desperate attempt to keep his sobs and whimpers contained within the four walls of the dark room. He curled into himself as the nausea wavered at his subconscious.

He shouldn’t cry. He had no right to cry when he was alive and his parents dead. He had no right to miss the mother he never had. He had no right to be jealous of Ron for having such a wonderful mother to call his own. He had no right to cry when this entire mess was his fault. All of it.

He sat up drained, feeling like he would never feel anything again. He wiped his drying tears away and looked at the golden brew. He held it close and sighed softly. Camomile. He used to prepare this kind of tea for his aunt Petunia. He took a sip and sighed gently. It was good, but the memory it brought was bitter.

He wondered where Sirius was. He was in a real hurry to kick Snape out this morning but when it came to him- “Hey, good, you’re awake.” Harry looked to the door and saw Sirius balancing a tray of snacks on one hand as he closed the door. Guilt instantly hit Harry.

“Hey…” he mumbled looking at the candy. He didn’t think he could manage anything sweet after throwing up.

“Here. Take your pick, and keep them hidden, Molly stopped me three times from bringing them to you.” He said sitting on the side of the bed and Harry picked the mini chocolate frogs packet.

“Thanks, though I don’t think eating candy after being sick is such a good idea.” He chuckled. No one had ever taught him that. He learned from observation. Duddley would always get spoilt with sweets after getting sick and then would get even worse.

“Hmm… ideally we’d get you a potion, but in all our plans we forgot to prepare for a sick teenager. Unfortunately the closest thing we have is poison antidotes and they’re too strong to give you just for nausea.” He said ruffling Harry’s hair. Harry chuckled softly. Sirius made him look up, holding his chin. “What happened there? You’re getting a bruise.” Sirius said petting cheekbone.

“Ah, I bumped my cheek rushing to empty my guts.” He said. Sirius frowned. “It’s fine…” Harry reassured him. “I think I’m ok now Sirius.” He said sipping the tea.

“Good… now forget about that idiot Snape, I don’t trust him anyway.” He said. Harry took another sip of tea and said nothing. His silence must have translated into agreement because Sirius nodded and patted his head before getting up. “Alright, I’ll leave you to rest. Get better soon.” He said. Harry nodded and watched him go before sighing and putting the half empty cup of tea to the side. He pushed any thought of Snape away. Just imagining what the other could be thinking about him… made him want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

He would be happy never seeing the man again.


	12. Curious

Harry couldn’t help but be happy for the Weasleys when Mr. Weasley was able to come home a few days before the new-year’s celebrations. They all celebrated a small late Christmas where they each saved up a present to open with their injured father. It was a happy occasion all round. Harry got a little embarrassed when the attention was turned his way and they made a toast to him.

Ron pulled out a warm looking fur-covered vest and smiled faintly at his mother, who encouraged him to put it on but when her back was turned, Ron turned Harry’s way and grimaced, putting the vest on. It hurt Harry but he didn’t say it. The vest may look a little scruffy, but his mother made it for him. By hand. To keep him warm.

Harry was glad when he sneaked away from Hermione and Ron. He decided to occupy his time exploring a couple of the empty rooms that had already been checked. Most were empty and very spacious, reminding Harry that this was the house of an aristocratic family. He looked around once more and closed the door. He sighed as he made sure the red charm remained intact at the door’s handle. It was the code chosen to show that the room had been checked and declared clear to enter.

“Filthy muggle loving scum…” He heard Kreacher’s voice down somewhere in the house. Harry turned trying to see where the sound came from but he figured the vile house-elf was busy far away from him. He saw the door at the end of the corridor now had a red tag on it. It wasn’t there a few days ago. Curiosity set in Harry’s chest and he walked to check the new room out. Opening the door it led to a grand dark corridor, with a small brass chandelier at the centre emitting an eerie green light to the whole stretch of corridor.

Harry walked inside, an odd faint breeze encouraged him further in. Something scurried past that he couldn’t see. Harry gasped turning round to see Kreacher close the door. The corridor fell into a tomb-like silence. His instincts must perked up but he did not know why. His heart raced as if it could anticipate something that Harry himself couldn’t identify. Harry pulled out his wand and stepped back slowly, without turning his back to the corridor.

He reached back to the door knob but turning it did nothing. He kept his eyes fixed on it while he pointed his wand at the door knob. “Alohamora.” Harry brought the wand back to the front and tried to open the door again to no avail.

The corridor was mostly empty, a few tables covered in dark cloth here and there. What looked like a broken mirror hanging at the centre and at the end a bulky small figure blocked the door beyond. The figure was covered in a black cloth and Harry feared that in fact it was some kind of creature that he was now trapped with.

“Hello?” His voice did not carry past his lips and his ears felt stuffy, his own voice sounding muffled. He needed to get out of here. Through that door. He hesitantly walked toward the covered figure without it moving. The pressure in his ears became stronger and he was getting a little lightheaded. The corridor seemed to distort as he took a few more steps toward the door. It was getting warmer, and god what was that stench? Harry covered his nose though it did little to block the smell. He glanced at the draped figure and realised that it came from it.

He snuck past it and reached to push the door open but it slammed shut. Harry turned and froze as he saw the drape on the floor and the uncovered figure standing in the centre of the corridor, facing him. It was an iron maiden, metallic, ancient, and blood stained. It only looked big enough to fit a house elf… or a child. It opened slowly and the stench worsened. Harry turned around and struggled to force the door open. The metallic screeching stopped and Harry braced himself, turning back slowly.

He did not expect what he saw. Inside the iron maiden a climbing plant had mangled its insides, dislodging several of the sharp spikes. The twisted vines had tiny orange flowers. The breeze, started again. It carried a sweet, fresh scent from the flowers. It made him want to get closer, to breathe in the scent, to try and erase the vile stench from his memory. He let his wand hand drop to his side as he came closer. It was calling him, welcoming him, it smelled oh so sweet compared to the rest of the dingy corridor. Harry dropped to his knees, dazed by the scent, reaching for the flowers.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus was actually in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld place. He had brought a couple of improved potion recipes and was explaining the more complicated ones to Molly Weasley. He had not seen the boy yet. He was probably with his friends. Hence, when the golden trio, minus one, rushed in to alert them of Potter’s disappearance, he was more than a little annoyed. And not at Potter for once. At Black. He turned to the mangy bastard who walked in behind the two as they made their declaration only to frown.

“Well done Black. Your one role this winter was to keep an eye on Potter. Your _one_ role.” Severus said.

“What do you mean he’s missing? Did you check your room Ron?” Ron shook his head.

“We’ve checked in tagged room! Nothing… I don’t think… he wouldn’t have left… would he?” Hermione said.

“The wards would have been alerted, Granger.” Severus said in annoyance.

“Kreacher!” Sirius yelled. The house elf popped into appearance before them.

“Yes master?” he asked lazily.

“Do you know where Harry is?” Sirius demanded.

“Why, of course, master. Kreacher knows where everyone is in this house, mast-”

“Where is he?”

“Why, in the east wing, master.”

“The east wing has not been cleared yet.” Black announced and rushed out. Molly rushed out after him as did the two teenagers. Severus was a little surprised to find himself momentarily frozen in place. It was not that he didn’t know how to react. It was that for a few seconds every single horrid outcome was passing through the potions master’s head, twisting his insides with a crippling fear he hadn’t felt in fourteen years.

The rapid stomping on the stairs snapped him out of it and he rushed right after them, taking the steps two at a time. He arrived close behind the teenagers who were chastised and told to move back by Mrs. Weasley.

Black viciously ripped a red cord from the door. “Kreacher if you put this here I swear… Alohamora!” He yelled blasting the door open with the sheer force of the spell. Severus faintly saw the limp silhouette in lying in the pitch-black corridor. He entered close behind Sirius who illuminated the way with his wand.

A sinister sweet smell hit his nose. “Cover your nose Black! That’s Devil’s Torture.” Snape said. In a haste the other pressed his sleeve against his nose and they rushed to the boy. Snape hovered the figure covering the boy, a hollow Tibetan wooden doll. Hip high and cursed by the feel of its magic as it was moved.

“Harry! Harry!” Black desperately shook the child who did not move.

“Let’s get him out of here Black! Before both of us pass out.” It was unclear where the scent of the Devil’s Torture was coming from but if they inhaled it any longer they would all be in a bad state. He carried Potter outside with ease and Molly made sure to seal the door properly.

Severus rushed to the boy’s side checking him. “He’s not breathing Snape.”

“I can see that _Black!_ ” He snapped back, grabbing the boy’s hand, roughly shoving his sleeve up his arm, showing his darkened nails and the black tendrils going up his arm.

“He touched it... oh Merlin.” Mrs. Weasley whispered. Severus pulled out his knife, cutting the boy’s shirt open seeing the black tendrils slowly reaching his shoulder. It spread slowly, with each heartbeat the poison inched further up the boy’s veins and closer to his heart.

Black instantly spelled a cord to wrap around Harry’s arm and tighten fast, stopping his circulation. Severus reached for a mustard yellow potion in his belt and forced the boy to swallow it. He placed his hand on the boy’s pale chest feeling for any movement, praying for the steady rise and fall to begin. The seconds stretched into hours but in what seemed like too long a time the boy gasped and started breathing quickly. His body’s cold temperature spiked quickly and the poison brought against Black’s binding to spread further.

“We need to get him to Hogwarts. I don’t have any of the potions required for this level of poisoning. The bezoar essence won’t hold back this kind of poison for long.” He said, managing to sound fairly calm about the whole situation. There were no arguments.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

It was so hot. So hot. Where was he?

“Potter… come on… dri… Pott… ink this… Potter… Harry.” Harry gasped opening his eyes, whimpering and crying out instantly. His entire body felt like it was on fire and he tried to get away from it, but all he could manage to do was toss his head from side to side, his body feeling too heavy to move.

“Make it stop… stop it… stop it.” Harry whimpered.

“Potter!” Harry turned to see Snape beside him. Behind him some white curtains. Oh, he was in the hospital wing. Snape reached to help him sit up and help restrain him as much as he could from thrashing too much. He didn’t want that drink. It was steaming. It would just make him hotter.

“No!”

“Don’t be a child! Drink this right now!” Snape demanded. Harry whimpered in frustration and opened his mouth, closing his eyes. He felt the hot sludgy potion go down his throat. Finally it was all gone and he lay back, panting.

“Hot… ‘s too hot… hot…” He whimpered, squirming uncomfortable.

“It’ll get better.” Snape’s voice said. Harry felt the other press a cool cloth to his forehead but he felt too heavy to push the hand away. He remembered some flowers… the corridor.

“Mmh… iron maiden… the… smell so bad… I… had to…”

“Shh… sleep Potter.” Harry whimpered, wishing it were so easy to go to sleep. However, as he prepared the words to tell him just that, he found himself taking in a different kind of scent. Peppermint. Was that the potion? Snape? It was nice.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus sighed in relief as he felt the boy go back to sleep. He carefully moved out from behind him, laying him back down carefully. The boy’s breathing remained erratic and his remained flushed.

Lucky him that the boy decided to regain consciousness just as he took over for Madam Pomfrey. Yet he couldn’t help… the relief that came with seeing the boy somewhat conscious. It meant that the unending flow of potions was actually starting to push back the poison. “Idiotic child…” He whispered closing his eyes, rubbing his forehead, trying to push away the feelings of exhaustion from brewing the antidote continuously for two days straight.

Removing the endless curses on the Tibetan doll had proven arduous on Molly Weasley and Black’s side as well. Only that morning had they managed to split the hollow beast in half to reveal the small orange flowers known as the Devil’s Torture. Its scent lures you close and its spores can make you pass out but it only enters the body if you reach out and grab them.

Those curses on the doll must have made the boy want nothing more than to reach for them. But even with all the antidote in the world… the worst part was still to come. It was not called the Devil’s Torture for nothing.

For the first time in a long time Severus longed to be called away by the Dark Lord. He did not want to see the child go through it. It seemed like the gods would not take kindly to his desires. He should be used to that by now.


	13. Poison

Harry woke up with a jump. He felt like he had slept for years and yet felt completely drained. It was so hot and he felt like he couldn’t breathe making his breaths short and very quick.

“Mister Potter.” Harry turned his head to see Madam Pomfrey mixing a cup of a yellowish potion.

“Snape…” He mumbled, remembering the previous time he woke up. Madam Pomfrey paused a little surprised before continuing the mix.

“Professor Snape has been called away on business mister Potter. Drink this now.” She said passing him the cup. Harry shook his head seeing the sludgy potion. “Potter, the poison from Devil’s Torture is nothing to play with. You need to drink it.” She said sternly. Harry panted and tried to sit up, reaching with his hand and looked horrified at the black veins than ran up his hand, the tips of his fingers were stained entirely black. “Today would be nice mister Potter.” She said sternly. Harry glanced up at her and took the potion, a cold chill went through him, making him start shuddering. He had to use his other hand to try and steady his grip so he could drink the whole thing.

Madam Pomfrey simply took the cup and went on her way. Harry watched her go and shuddered, curling into himself as he sat up against the back of the bed. He felt horrific. He felt like the room was on fire and at the same time his body felt like it was chilled to the bone. He didn’t know whether to cover himself more or get out from under the sheets.

A jolting pain spread through his forehead and he cried out, covering it with his hand, flinching as he felt the curse scar. Voldemort was angry. Was it at Snape again?

Harry lay on his side, curled up miserably on the bed, feeling pathetic as he felt the heat increase and the air become less and less tolerable.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus kneeled before the Dark Lord, keeping perfectly still while the other stood, wand pointed at Bellatrix who wept after the crucio, not just from the pain but from having upset her master.

“Do not do anything without my consent again.” The Dark Lord said and returned to his seat, Nagini slithering around her master’s feet. “So he is back at Hogwarts. How close can you get to the boy Severus?”

Severus occluded. He’d already discussed this with Dumbledore. “I am to make him the antidote for the Devil’s Torture.” He said. The Dark Lord remained quiet, probably considering the possibilities.

“Continue as Dumbledore wishes.” He said.

“Yes my lord.”

“Go now Severus.” Severus rose to his feed and bowed slightly.

“My lord.” And turned to leave. He returned to Black’s place before going to Hogwarts. “You were correct, Black, in assuming that the house-elf was involved.” He said as he stepped out of the fireplace, Black sitting on one of the armchairs.

“Bellatrix.” The Gryffindor sneered.

“She did not act under the Dark Lord’s command. She suggested to your house-elf to ensure Potter would wander into a room with cursed artefacts.” Severus said.

“When I get my hands on that… how is Harry?” He asked. Severus turned to head for the fireplace once more.

“Potter will be alright. Eventually.” He said simply.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

The heat… the heat… why was it so hot. He was so thirsty. He whimpered and sat up to get out of the bed, trembling from head to toe. He held himself as he took a couple of steps away from the bed to try and get some water. Madam Pomfrey always kept some by the table in the corner.

“Potter! What are you doing up?” Harry jumped and turned to see Snape glaring at him as he came closer.

“I’m thirsty. I was trying to get water.” Harry argued. Snape was hearing none of it and dragged him all the way back to the bed. “Hey!”

“Shut up, Potter.” Harry groaned as he fell back on the bed and glared back at him. The potions master sneered and turned to walk out of the curtains. Harry huffed as he got under the covers. Why was the other being such a bastard all of a sudden? “Here.”

Harry watched in surprise as Snape returned with a glass of water. He reached eagerly for it, breathing faster as he downed the whole glass as fast as he could. It cooled him down very little but it offered him some relief as he plopped back onto the pillows. “So tired…” he mumbled.

“Your body is under a lot of physical effort. The poison is strong.” Snape said taking the glass from his hands. Harry watched him as Snape sorted through the empty vials of potion on the table, counting them up under his breath. Snape paused and glanced at Harry who flinched at having been caught staring. He quickly turned onto his other side, turning his back to the man.

The sounds of soft clattering started again and Harry knew Snape had gone back to what he had been doing. He glanced at his darkened finger tips and flexed his fingers. They didn’t hurt but the rest of his body started shaking. He couldn’t hold back the whimper as every single joint in his body ached.

“Your arm will return to normal in due time.” Harry turned to look at him.

“Uuugh… I feel horrible…” he mumbled, shivering even more. He sat up. “I need another blanket.” He went to get up but the other grabbed him by the shoulder and made him stay seated.

“You insufferable Gryffindor, what is it? You want to get worse?”

“You’re insufferable! I’m getting cold.” Harry exclaimed curling under the blankets again.

“You are feverish, boy. If you cover yourself up even more your temperature will go higher and I have no intent in brewing anything for you for longer than I need to.”

Harry glared at him. Aunt Petunia would always say the same if he ever got sick. ‘ _I will not waste any more medicine on you than necessary. What if my little Dudders got sick? You would have wasted it all you little freak!_ ’ Great… now he felt worse.

“Well that’s fine. You don’t need to waste any more energy brewing anything. I’ll get better on my own like I always do.” Harry said turning his back to him again.

“As always your abilities sure do astound us mere mortals. You will certainly get better on your own, if your definition of better includes or is pertaining to death.”

“Whatever Snape.”

“‘ _Whatever’_ is _not_ an appropriate reply to anyone, Potter.”

“ _What-e-ver_ , Professor Snape.” Harry replied.

“You are a child Potter! Do not get out of this bed and drink your potions when they are due.” He said sternly and stormed past the curtains. Harry took deep breaths trying to stop himself from replying. But he refused to let Snape had the last word.

“Whatever!” he heard an annoyed grunt and then the door of the hospital wing slam shut. Harry smirked in victory. It was short lived as he kept shivering despite the heat. He stubbornly wobbled to his feet and went to steal a blanket from the next bed, curling in bed a bit more comfortable, the trembling continued but at least it was ok now.

That’d show Snape when he realises that the blankets won’t make anything worse.


	14. Ghosts

Oh what a mistake. He should have listened to Snape. Maybe he should call Madame Pomfrey. Harry panted as he sat up on the bed, eyes burning every time he blinked and he trembled, panting. Taking the covers off didn’t help, in fact it made him shiver with how cold the room felt, except that when he covered himself again, the inferno returned.

He didn’t want to whine. He’d spent years getting into more painful situations. Besides, there was no one to whine to. A parent would care, coddle you, spoil you, rub your back, encourage you… a medi-witch in the hospital wing would only frown in disapproval and give him a potion for sleep.

“Oh god, stop it.” Harry scoffed at himself. “Stupid Kreacher…” He sighed and panted as the heat became too much again, uncovering himself.

“ _Harry_.” Harry froze, pulling the covers back over himself and closed his eyes, trying to focus on the sound. Who was here? His heart raced and his breathing increased and he shivered and curled tighter into himself, the burning under his skin making him dizzy. “ _Harry._ ”

Harry’s eyes widened and he sat up. “Mom?” He said shocked, recognising the voice. Could it be? No, of course it couldn’t but… she was with him in the cemetery… maybe… oh he didn’t know what to think! But this was a magical world! Who knows what it could be. “You’re imagining things…” Harry groaned holding himself.

“ _Harry._ ” He ignored all common sense that told him it couldn’t be and slipped into his shoes quickly, walking past the curtains. The room was empty, only empty beds all round. Harry held himself to keep warmer in the chilly night but as he took more steps toward the door the easier it was to stand the cold. “ _Harry_.”

The corridor was pitch black as he stepped out of the hospital wing and followed the voice. He kept one hand to the wall, feeling his way through the darkness. He walked through pitch black corridors, down stairs, upstairs until he found himself by the cloister. He looked out at the snow covered patio, trying to remember why he left the hospital wing in the first place.

“Maybe I am losing my mind.” He mumbled to himself.

“ _Hello Harry._ ” Even turning his head felt heavy but he took a step back, looking at him in shock. Emwood stood there, casual in his muggle clothes with that kind expression in his face.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus huffed as he woke up to the sound of rapid knocking to his portrait. If that was Potter he was going to make sure the brat learned the value of a goodnight’s sleep. However as he opened the door he sneered as he saw Filch standing there.

“What. Is it?” He hissed glaring at the pathetic man with all his might.

“The boy! Potter. I saw him I did, running off at this hour. I came straight here to tell you.” Snape gripped the frame of the door harder.

“Why did you not go after him?” He asked very slowly. Filch’s self-satisfied expression slowly melted away into a frown.

“Well, he ran out into the freezing cloister, it was faster to come tell you.” He was going to kill him. Them. He was going to kill Potter and then Filch. “Get madam Pomfrey!” He hissed shoving the man to the side and rushing to where the boy had last been seen.

The deep snow showed clearly the path the idiotic boy took. He ran after him, unconcerned about anyone seeing him. Only Madam Pomfrey, Filch and he remained in the castle after all.

“Potter!” He called out as the wind died out completely and snow fell gently from the sky. The moon could barely light anything so close to the new moon. “Lumus maxima.” He whispered, the tip of his wand illuminated the frozen pathway. He didn’t have to run too far, the trail ended by a set of small trees and Potter was leaning against one with a curved trunk. All tension left his body and he sighed with a bit of relief. He went up to the boy and shook him. “You inconsiderate little… What the _devil_ are you doing out here!” He snapped, unable to hold himself back. The boy blinked in surprise as he looked up at him.

“I-I… saw him. He was here… Emwood was here…” The boy stuttered through clattering teeth.

“You were hallucinating, Potter! You’ve been poisoned! You needed to stay.in.bed!” He said and tried to pull the boy up.

“Stop it! Just stop it Snape! Stop pretending you care! I don’t need you! I don’t need anybody!” The boy struggled back. The brat was strong, it was hard to keep hold of him and soon the boy stumbled back onto the floor.

“Stop talking nonsense! Your fever is going to go through the roof the moment you get out of the cold!” He exclaimed coming to pull him back up.

“What do you care? Why _would_ you care?” Potter kept yelling.

“I will not argue out here, Potter!”

“Potter, Potter, Potter! What did my father ever do to you Snape? What did I ever do? Stop pretending! I want things to go back to how they were!”

“And how _were_ things, Potter? How were things this summer when you lost all common sense and went to…” He froze. How could he possibly blame the child for that? The boy looked up at him shocked too and covered his face, curling into himself. Merlin he had to get him inside. “Would you please postpone this before you freeze to death?” He said in a neutral tone, pulling the boy up again.

This time Potter kept quiet, letting the other pull him inside, shivering from head to toe, but keeping his head down, refusing to look to where he was even going. Filch was by the entrance pacing until he saw them coming.

“Where’s Pomfrey?” He demanded.

“Ah, yes, she was called over to St. Mungus for an emergency.” Filch said. Stupid little man. Stupid, stupid Potter.

“Get out of my way.” He growled, storming past him, rushing the boy to his bed, covering him up with the blankets. He’d have to get the brat a change of clothes too. No doubt his pyjamas were soaked through.

Rushing to Pomfrey’s office he quickly firecalled St. Mungus and asked for her.

“Ran into the snow? That boy… I’m sorry Severus, you’ll have to take care of him until I get back. I just got here I can’t go back right now.”

“You have to come back! I can’t just leave the boy here by himself and Filch is completely out of the question, the blithering idiot is useless!”

“Well then, take him to your quarters. I should be back first thing-”

“Absolutely not! I can’t take Potter into my private quarters! That’s highly inappropriate!” He exclaimed.

“I cannot come back yet Severus. I need to go now. Keep him warm, hydrated, give him something for the fever to top the antidote. I’ll be back before you know it.” And she was gone. He came out of that fireplace cursing the fates to hell.

He got up and returned to where the boy was, shivering. “Madam Pomfrey was called away in an emergency, I’ll need to keep a close watch on you Potter so come on.” Whether the boy understood or not he couldn’t know, since the child simply allowed him to pull and drag him along. Entering through the portrait he led the boy past the parlour and into the first room down the corridor. Inside was a large bath which he set up with a wave of his wand.

He looked at the boy while the bath filled up. Was the boy alert enough to do this by himself? “Potter, look at me.” The boy did, though his cheeks were starting to flush as his body tried to warm him up again. “Take a warm bath while I dry your clothes. I’ll be outside, tell me when you’ve changed out of your clothes and I’ll summon them.” Potter nodded and Snape walked out, being careful to listen for any sounds of the other stumbling or fainting. Soon however he heard the sound of the water and figured the boy must have gotten into the bath.

“I’m in.” He called. Snape simply summoned the clothes with his wand and focused on drying them. This was highly inappropriate. Unthinkable having Potter stay a night in his quarters. The lines of their relationship were already blurring as it was. With another wave of his wand he sent the folded garments back inside.

“Come out, Potter. Before your fever escalates.” Just take it one thing at a time Severus. One thing at a time. The boy came out fully dressed, though his hair was still damp. “Come on.” He led the boy back to the parlour and transfigured his couch into a bed. He sat the other down and pointed his wand at the other’s hair. The boy flinched when air passed through his hair. “I need to dry your hair Potter.” He said.

“Why won’t you just tell Dumbledore?” he mumbled. Severus didn’t reply at first as he passed his fingers through the other’s hair to make sure the air was drying all of it.

“Do you want me to tell him?”

“What does it matter what I want?”

 _“Merlin give me patience.”_ He sighed and ignored the frustration he felt inside. He had to remember that the boy was only fifteen years old. “I did not mean what I said before. It was not your fault.” He replied instead.

“Of course it was.”

“No. It was not. And I don’t know what got into your head making you think I’ve been caring toward you. You are one of the most obnoxious brats in the history of this school.” He said, though his words carried no weight, however, he wasn’t sure how the boy would receive such words.

“…Liar. Surely I’m not as bad as Lockhart.” He chuckled. Severus smirked.

“Ah… I must have forgotten him.” He said and carried on drying his hair. It was almost completely dry.

“…I heard my mother calling my name.” He had to pause as he stared at the top of the boy’s head. “It must have been the fever…” He said. Severus looked back at his wand and started the air once more.

“It is… do not worry, the fever should go down and the poison be entirely out of your system by the time the term starts in two days.” He said. “There, your hair’s dry, lie down while I get you the potions you need.” With that he transfigured one of the cushions into a quilt and passed it to the boy.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry took the quilt and watched the potion’s master leave. He spread it on the bed and got under it. It was soft and warm, unlike the scratchy blankets in the hospital wing or up in Gryffindor tower. He could still feel the other’s fingers through his hair as he dried it. It was comforting. It was a comfort he’d never received as a child without an ulterior motive. It came from Snape. And he had no idea how to deal with all of this. It didn’t help that his head felt like it was buzzing. Maybe Luna was onto something with those ‘wrackspurts’.

“Potter, come on drink this.” Harry opened his eyes to see Snape holding the sludgy antidote in one hand and a blue potion on the other. Harry grimaced but sat up. Snape handed him the blue one first and he dunked it. Then he tried not to gag as he had the antidote. “Honestly, the faces you pull. It is just potions Potter.” Snape scoffed as he took back the cup.

“You drink them if they’re so good.” Harry replied.

“I wasn’t stupid enough to go wandering around a cursed house, Potter.” He challenged. Harry glared at him but Snape simply handed him a glass of water. “Drink all of it. Madam Pomfrey’s orders.”

Harry huffed, feeling hotter and hotter, not really wanting to do anything besides sleep right now. He drank the chilled water, groaning softly as he felt the cool liquid hit his stomach. He lay back down, curling under the soft quilt, closing his eyes.

“You know Snape, when you chase me down in panic in the snow it makes it look like you care.” He mumbled. The other smacked a wet cloth on his forehead and Harry jumped, opening his eyes and glaring at him.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Potter. Go to sleep.” The man sneered.

“What if I hallucinate again?”

“I will be aware of it.” Harry couldn’t ask anything else, as the fever and potions lulled him to sleep.


	15. Anger

“Please.”

“No.”

“I’m fine! I can go back to Gryffindor tower. I don’t want my friends getting back and wondering where I am.” The brat complained as he lay curled up under the quilt. Snape rolled his eyes, rubbing his forehead to soothe his frazzled nerves. The boy only just became coherent that morning after a long day with a fluctuating fever and incoherent mumbling and now he wanted to get to the tower. “Plea-”

“Have you _never_ been sick or something? You only just got better. Stay in bed and _try_ to rest so that _I_ can have a rest from your incessant whining.” He said and grabbed the fever reducer, throwing it his way. The boy skilfully, with a seeker’s reflexes, caught the potion without thinking about it and sat up slightly.

“I do _not_ whine.” He mumbled and drank the entire thing.

“You should be in the hospital wing, however… an emergency in St. Mungus meant that madam Pomfrey had to stay there for a while.” He would not tell the boy that there was a death eater attack. Knowing him he’d start blaming himself. His insufferable friends would tell him soon enough when they return. “Need I remind you-?”

“Yes! Yes! Merlin I know! No one must know. You know, there are a lot of things people must not know about you. Don’t you get edgy, having this person you don’t trust keeping your secrets?” The brat smartly replied. Severus just glared at the boy, a quirk of the lips indicating just how smug the brat was with his interruption. He would wipe that smug look right away.

“As you are so desperate for something to do, here.” Snape grabbed a tome from the little bookshelves in the corner and let it drop on the boy’s lap who groaned and then looked alarmed up at him and back at the book.

“Potions for the Slow of Mind… Really? How do these things even get published? _Why_? _Why_ do you have this?” Potter asked.

“You have all day to try and learn something Mister Potter. Now, I will be in my study. Call me if there is an emergency, and by that I mean, if someone is mortally injured. Otherwise do not disturb me.” With that he could now be the one to feel smug as he saw the teenager’s frustrated glare at the potion’s book.

 

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

 

Harry grumbled as he watched Snape disappear down the corridor and looked at the book. “Probably wrote it yourself.” He mumbled and opened it. There, where the author’s name should be, the name ‘Severus Snape’ was written with pretty calligraphy.

Harry couldn’t help it. He felt the laughter bubble from the pit of his stomach and he laughed hard enough to make his stomach cramp. Snape did not come to demand his silence but remembering that he was working on something made Harry turn his face into the pillow, trying to muffle the giggles that would not stop.

Only when he managed to calm down did he pick up the book again, passing the first page. It was when he realised that it did not have the mechanical sort of letters his school books had, this one looked hand written and by a very feminine hand. He pressed his lips together to contain any further giggles that could surface when faced with a vivid image of Snape practicing cursive calligraphy as a hobby. He’d seen the rapidly written notes (or insults) that Snape would leave on his essays when grading them. It seemed inconceivable that the same man could have written this book.

Still as he read it, it sounded more and more like Snape was reading it out loud. It was a step by step educational book, with warnings on what would happen if you put this or that in, or if you stirred clockwise when it says otherwise. Most warnings were followed by harsh examples of past students and what happened to them and how long it took for them to recover after a potion went wrong.

Harry dared to say it. “I’m still sick.” There was no way he would find a potion’s book interesting unless his fever had spiked again. It was interesting to learn why things shouldn’t be done differently as opposed to getting a sneer and a dismissal from class. Snape also went on to insult the standard books that they used in the school. As Harry followed the reference he found an entire set of chapters dedicated to some of the major errors those potions masters had written down as fact. “Snape has a lot to complain about…” He mumbled.

“That is not true, I complain exactly the right amount.” Snape said and Harry looked up to see the potions master opening a locked cabinet in the corner of the room, with fancy potion ingredients.

“Did you really publish this?” Harry asked.

“Well I did try, however the governors decided that it was simply too insulting to students and world renown potion masters.” Ah, sarcasm.

“So this is the only copy? All this calligraphy must have taken you ages.” Harry looked back at the book and flipped the pages.

“I can see why anything more than your pathetic scratchings could prove a challenge for someone like you Potter, however, that book is a _gift_ from the headmaster. After he _borrowed_ some of my notes and mixed them with the complaints I sent to him about student mishaps.” Harry did not find it hard to imagine Dumbledore doing that and sat up looking at Snape’s retreating back.

“It’s interesting.” He called softly, his voice catching, suddenly too shy to say it. But Snape heard and turned around, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Is your fever going up again?”

“I thought the exact same thing.” Harry wasn’t sure if he saw the other smirk, since the potions master was slightly shadowed. He said nothing though and turned once more to retreat into his study. Harry was pretty bored so he kept reading the mishaps. He happened to find none about him, yet Snape had included plenty of examples from Neville, Dean and Ron. The names were changed but Harry remembered those events.

The twisting of his stomach didn’t allow him to think too much into it. Should he interrupt Snape? He thought about calling for Dobby but what if the man got angry because he ate in his front room? Should he wait for the man to come out again? But it could be hours... He decided to risk it. He got out of bed and walked toward the door of the other’s study. He knocked.

“Sn-Professor Snape?”

“What Potter?” Came the dull uninterested reply.

“I’m hungry.” There was no response. Harry strained to listen, maybe he was speaking softer. But no. “Professor?”

“Call a blasted house elf Potter! I will not dignify every stupid question with a response! I am not your servant!” Harry stepped back from the closed door.

“You don’t have to yell at me! I was just making sure it was fine with you! I’m just being polite this is your house after all!” Harry snapped back.

“I have no time for you right now Potter! Go call on a house-elf and leave your incessant hormonal bickering for another time!”

Harry clenched his jaw, anger rising. “I wasn’t bickering! You’re just like everyone else! Everything is always my fault but you were the one that started with the yelling!” Harry yelled and kicked the door hard. He stormed, or rather limped, back to his chair and instantly regretted the argument as he heard the sound of a potion blowing up. He sat very still, eyes focused on the floor. His stomach now twisted with nerves as the door opened slowly. The approaching steps were slow and all Harry could think about was the past two days and the way the other had taken care of him. He knew the other had to… but Snape was different. Pomfrey treated him with cold, clinical neutrality… with Snape... it was different.

He turned quickly, feeling his racing heart forming a knot at the back of his neck. “I’m sorry… I…” Snape had a cold, neutral expression. No rage, no hate, nothing. Absolutely nothing. The way Harry saw him when in dreams he looked through another’s eyes. “Stop it! Don’t look at me the way you look at Voldemort!” Harry said. He was surprised to see Snape respond to that with widening eyes and broken eye contact. Harry looked back down again.

“You have apologised. I too should do the same… though I feel I owe you no apology. After all, if someone says they need to focus on their work it could be for many things Potter. They shouldn’t have to explain why.” And now his voice filled with condescending kindness, the way Umbridge talked down to everyone when explaining something, except that Snape’s voice was laced with anger. “Perhaps any tiny error could destroy all prior effort employed into it. Perhaps it needs a series of quick ingredients to be put in, in five second intervals. Perhaps, the ingredients are very expensive. Perhaps all of the above, _Potter_!”

Harry flinched. “I’m sorry… I just…”

“Perhaps you should learn to control your temper. That is twice I have seen you take your anger out on a door. Is that the kind of adult you want to become? The kind that starts hitting things when they get angry? Or people?” Harry looked up shocked.

“I wouldn’t! I…” Snape suddenly swept across the room. Harry inadvertedly flinched but the potions master simply sat in front of him, leaning forward on the chair.

“Listen very carefully. You are no longer a little child Potter. Although you’ve not had the opportunity to have tantrums as a child, it does not mean you get to have them now.”

Harry looked away from him. The other just kept talking to him as if he were a child though.

“You need to control your anger. This is the time when you get to decide what kind of adult you wish to be.” He knew he did. “I think you are well enough to return to the tower tonight.” The feeling of getting kicked out was a harsh one. No matter who it came from. But it obviously had to happen.

“I _am_ sorry professor… I can pay for the ingredients if you wish…” He said gently. Snape simply stood once more and patted the smoke from his sleeves.

“You _should_ be made to pay. But I will not ask for payment. Despite everything, I did respond inadequately to your question.” Snape said and Harry looked up. “So I am sorry.”

“…It’s ok…” He mumbled looking down. He heard Snape stand to leave. “…Not many adults ever apologise to me.” He heard Snape pause in his exit.

“Yes, well, perhaps there are more adults owing you apologies than vice versa.” There was an exasperated sort of sigh. “Come on, let us get a house-elf to bring us some dinner.” Snape sounded tired and Harry did not want to cause him even more trouble. He couldn’t wait for classes to start again. That way things would soon return to normal and he could pretend that the last two days never happened. Still he would at least find a way to return the wasted ingredients to the professor.


	16. Fight

The first thing Harry did when he returned to his Gryffindor bed was throw himself on it and groan into the pillow. He couldn’t believe he was feeling this horrible about ruining Snape’s day.

“Uuuuugh…” He tried to forget the awkward dinner they had together. Well, Snape as always seemed fairly composed, while Harry picked at his food taking only a couple of bites here and there, keeping his eyes down.

He had to pay the other back. He asked how much the ingredients were when Snape let him go but the only answer he got was an unimpressed look and the door closing between them. At least he didn’t slam it this time.

“Harry!” Harry turned to see Ron and Hermione rushing in glad to see him feeling better. “How are you feeling?” Hermione asked.

“Yeah mate, you could have written to tell us how you were.” Ron said punching Harry’s arm lightly. Harry chuckled and rubbed the spot gently.

“I’m fine… I actually only got better this morning, but I wasn’t allowed out of bed. Sorry I didn’t write.” He said.

“Not allowed out of bed? Madam Pomfrey is turning into my mother.” Ron grumbled. Harry said nothing, frowning at the slight twist he felt in his chest. Hermione smacked Ron’s arm lightly.

“It’s important that Harry gets rest! That poison was nothing to joke around with. How’s your arm Harry?” Hermione asked. Harry looked down at his hand which had partially returned to normal, only the base of his fingernails remained tinted a dark purple but it was slowly fading.

“It’s better, should fade away soon. It really wasn’t the worst of it, the fever was a nightmare. It was too cold without a blanket, then too hot with a blanket. I just wanted to pull my hair out halfway through.” He chuckled.

“Rough time mate. Let’s go eat, eating always makes me feel better.” Ron said and Hermione rolled her eyes.

“Of course it does.” Harry and Hermione laughed and Ron shrugged.

“Ok, I’m coming.” Harry said getting out of bed. On the way to the great hall, they had the misfortune of meeting with Draco Malfoy, escorted by Zambini and Parkinson, Crabbe close behind with Goyle, though seemingly not part of the actual group.

“If it isn’t Potter. Did your family actually want you back for Christmas this time?” Draco laughed as did his friends. Harry tensed as they pointed out the first Christmas he was spending out of Hogwarts.

“Shut up Malfoy.” Ron scoffed holding his arm and they kept going.

“No wonder they don’t want him back, it’s thanks to him his parents were killed.” The blond mumbled to his friends. Harry felt the words like a shocking wave of ice cold water running over him. In a second he roughly pulled himself away from Ron’s hold and threw himself on the unsuspecting blonde. His accidental magic made the air thick and all the lights on the hovering candles above burst into large flames with the intensity of his rage.

The scuffle that followed gathered a large crowd cheering either side on, calling for a fight insistently. Harry barely registered the words as the rage consumed him, trying to do whatever damage he could to the Slytherin prat. He felt arms tugging them apart but he tried to get the final blow to Malfoy, throwing a kick his way and struggling against whoever was holding him back, elbowing them, across the face. Everything stopped as he was released and Harry saw that Filch had been holding him back, but the person he elbowed was Umbridge, who was on the ground, being helped up by Blaise and Pansy.

“Students! Please go to the great hall. You mister Potter, will come with me.” Harry was shaking, feeling disgusted, the rage he’d felt making him feel dirty… out of control… it was horrible. He barely registered as he stood up and followed the other to Dumbledore’s office. This would be the first time he saw the man since he was given to Snape for Occlumency lessons.

“You will not find the headmaster Dolores. He’s away on business I’m afraid.” Harry didn’t look up as he heard McGonagall coming.

“Well, then I shall inform you, professor, about the horrific behaviour of this vicious hooligan and classes have yet to even start!” Dolores screeched, her grip on his shoulder firm, her nails digging into his skin as she shook him.

“I heard, I am absolutely horrified mister Potter. What possessed you to react in such a way?” McGonagall demanded. Harry couldn’t find his voice. Saying it again in front of Umbridge would just make the old woman probably congratulate Malfoy for saying what he said.

“I ask that I set the punishment, seeing as the boy hit me in his vicious rampage.” Umbridge said. McGonagall gave an uncertain pause but finally she accepted. “I believe a few detentions ought to teach you a thing or two mister Potter.” She said viciously and dragged him away. Harry did not look back at his head of house and did not respond to Umbridge. Getting sat down on the chair he stared at the pink doily.

“I did not mean to hit you.” Harry mumbled.

“Don’t worry mister Potter… you’ll be sorry soon enough.” She promised bringing him the quill.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry left that detention hungry and in pain. Umbridge had exceeded expectations yet again. He couldn’t even think of going to Snape for more of that honey poultice. Just imagining the other’s disappointment at his lack of control made his own stomach twist unpleasantly and he had to blink a couple of times to remove the slight burning sensation from his eyes.

Getting to the common room he was not in the mood to hear any comments from his friends, but Hermione simply led him to the couch and used a new sweet smelling poultice on his hand. Harry blinked surprised. Was this…? “What’s this?” He asked softly, Ron sitting down on his other side, watching Hermione work on the throbbing slices on his hand.

“It’s a honey poultice… we found it looking for something to help you.” She said.

“When?” Harry asked softly.

“During dinner…” She said gently.

“You guys should have eaten.” Harry said feeling guilty.

“As if we could eat knowing what you were going through.” Ron said placing a hand, meant to comfort, on Harry’s shoulder. Harry flinched to it but slowly relaxed, his friends taking care of him. “It was funny though, I was the one that found it, it was scrunched up behind a book in one of the shelves I’d been looking in.” Ron said proudly. Hermione rolled her eyes.

“Yes, your researching techniques are truly outstanding.” She mumbled. “But it was a good find, Ron.” Hermione said and started bandaging his hand up.

“Thanks… can I see the recipe? So I can make it myself if something happens.” Harry said. Hermione nodded and went to get it. Harry didn’t look at it straight away and just put it in his pocket.

“We need to do something about this bloody woman.” Ron mumbled, still looking down at his now bandaged hand.

“We can’t do anything.” Harry said.

“It’s just simply outrageous! First the worthless classes and now she tortures you whenever she pleases.” Hermione said.

“I deserved it this time.” Harry said. His friends didn’t say anything at first.

“No you don’t mate, are you out of your mind?” Ron said. Harry stood.

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Ok… but we do need to do something about ‘defence’ at least… she won’t teach us… so we need someone who will.” Hermione said. Harry looked back at her confused. Who could possibly teach them defence? And why were his friends looking at him in that funny way?

 


	17. Walls

Teaching others… It _would_ give him a chance to practice defensive spells, but did he know enough to teach a group? He wasn’t certain. Still, he could think of it as an after school club or something… except there would be no adult supervision. Well, to be honest, that’s the way Harry had always liked it.

He sighed as he climbed into bed, cradling his hand close, it was soothed, yes, but he still felt a sharp throbbing pain across his arm.

“…the poultice…” He mumbled and rummaged through his robes. He found in the pocket, the wrinkled parchment and opened it to find the, disappointedly, mechanical print. He was about to put it away when he caught one step crossed out and an alternative technique written in. It was neater than the quick notes he usually left in his essays but… it was definitely Snape’s writing… or was his mind just twisting reality to suit what he wanted.

He wanted Snape to care? It made him uncomfortable to think about, of all people he knew the potion’s master was probably the least likely to want to care… and he still had Sirius. Guilt swirled in his chest. He cared for Sirius dearly but… Snape he was getting to know much more. And while he appreciated Sirius’ trust in him, he found it strangely gratifying to know that Snape was so adamant to put him in danger by making him part of the order. Even if Harry argued that he was already in danger anyway.

He smoothed out the parchment and stared at it. But then, why would anyone else write notes on a parchment they were intending to hand over secretly? It seemed likely that Snape’s pride as a potions master wouldn’t allow him to hand it in just like that… or that he wanted the added benefit, of whatever change he made, to heal him faster.

He started feeling hurt and angry at himself. He was speculating. All of this was speculation. Why couldn’t he just accept what life had thrown at him and move on? He was never going to have a… he was never going to have more than he had now.

He needed Sirius to get cleared of charges soon… he needed the security of a legal guardian, signed in paper, stamped by the ministry, so he could securely say that he had a family. Malfoy was right. His parents were killed because of him. And Cedric. Who else was going to die because of his incompetence? He needed to focus on what was important. He would self-learn defence against the dark arts… but he needed something else… something else to try and push in everyone’s mind that he was telling the truth.

He climbed back down the stairs, meeting Hermione halfway. “I was coming to get you before you fell asleep. Dobby brought us some sandwiches.” Harry’s stomach grumbled in appreciation, but he felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment and both teens chuckled softly, making their way back to the common room where Ron was heartily filling up his stomach with the neat stack of sandwiches. Harry pushed to the back of his find the last time he had sandwiches and came to join them.

“I was thinking Hermione… we need to find a way to get more people to believe…” Harry said. She nodded as she ate and poured them both the hot chocolate that came with the tray. Once more Harry pushed memories back.

“You could tell the story again, this time we’ll make sure that who writes it, does a good job at convincing everyone. Someone with accreditation, though little she deserves it. Someone we have blackmail material on.” She said and all three teenagers grinned.

“You think she’ll do it though?” Harry asked.

“Rita Skeeter will want her secret kept more than anything else.”

“Let’s do it…” Harry agreed.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus looked at the article from the Quibbler that he confiscated from a couple of Hufflepuffs. He huffed in frustration as he realised that Potter had indeed done this interview. He put it down, refusing to read it for now, trying to anticipate what Umbridge had in store for the Gryffindor. He was going to tell Dumbledore about the blood-quill but the headmaster had yet to return from his trip.

Pomfrey had come to him too, demanding to know when he’d last spoken to Potter. She seemed to relate his angry outburst directly to his past, which was only partially true. He’d heard what Draco Malfoy had said, from hearing his Slytherins bragging in the common room. She seemed convinced that the potions master was not taking his task seriously. If this continued she would tell Dumbledore the moment he returned. So she’d given him had an ultimatum. Talk to the boy properly or she was telling Dumbledore.

Maybe it was best if she did… but he had to leave that choice to Potter. He wrote a small note for the other to come for remedial potions. He huffed in frustration when he realised the only owl he had waiting nearby was a runt. The owl perked up seeing him approach and puffed its chest up proudly, as if saying ‘I can do it.’

He had to momentarily question his sanity when he compared the rodent eating ball of feathers to the Gryffindor brat the note would summon. He tied the note to the owl’s leg, opening the window for it to fly off. Only then did he sit down and read the interview.

Even he, who saw the Dark Lord regularly, felt disgust as he heard the steps that filthy rat had used to revive the lord. More importantly… he frowned as he remembered the cut he saw on Potter’s arm after capturing Crouch Jr. He couldn’t imagine how he would feel knowing that his blood ran through the Dark Lord’s veins, yet Potter knew this too well. He felt a twist in his gut, picturing the child standing before the resurrected Lord and the group of Deatheaters. He put the magazine down as he heard the door opening and saw the boy come in.

He could practically read the guilt off the other’s body language. The best part was that the reasons were probably piling up in that head of his.

“Your emotions are too easy to read on your face, let alone in your mind.” He said. The boy didn’t respond and simply came over, though his expression changed to neutral.

“Are we doing Occlumency?” He asked.

“No. We have to talk.” The grimace on Potter’s face reflected how he himself felt.

“But it’s not Thursday.”

“No… but we haven’t truly used the previous Thursdays productively, or so Madam Pomfrey reminds me.”

“That’s not my fault.”

“…This is not a blame game. Your loss of control with mister Malfoy-”

“You don’t know what he said to me.”

“Yes, I do. However, you should not lose control of yourself like that again.” Severus let the words settle in the boy’s mind and glanced at his hand, seeing it still bandaged. “The markings still haven’t healed?” Potter looked up and then at his hand.

“They did… She just makes me write lines out in class, in the corner.” That twisted, vile little woman.

“That is unacceptable.”

“I don’t want to get her angry but I won’t lie. Though I understand why she is this time…”

“I meant, Mister Potter, that it is unacceptable that she continues this method of punishment. You are not to blame either, for wanting to be truthful… though I wonder sometimes if your pride is a bit too great for your own good.”

“There are things you just can’t lie about.” The boy challenged. “Did you leave the potion recipe for Ron to find?”

Ugh. He knew he shouldn’t have made that adjustment.

“The murtlap essence would just leave a permanent scar at this point.” The boy held the arms of the chair tighter, his knuckles turning white. Clearly that had struck a nerve. “What made you attack Malfoy in that way?” He changed the subject.

“You know. He said it was my fault my parents were killed.” The boy said and a sadness Severus shouldn’t be witnessing reflected in his face. “And he’s right.” The brutal burning knife of guilt wedged itself deep in Severus’ stomach.

“You were an infant. A year and a half old. You had no…”

“If Voldemort had gotten to me first, they wouldn’t be dead.”

“Wouldn’t they? Your parents opposed him three times. He is not known to be charitable to the opposition.”

“Cedric is also dead because of me.” He continued.

“Potter, look at me.” The boy did so and Severus wished he could take it back, as Lily’s piercing green eyes looked up at him. “You still have Black, and many friends.” He felt the need to continue, though it went against his entire nature to comfort the other. “You are not alone in this world and you are _not_ to be blamed for everyone’s misfortune.”

“But…”

“Many people will die, the Dark Lord is strong, and such is the truth of war. It is unfortunate that someone as young as you should have to witness it so closely.”

“I feel like I’m going crazy… I feel like… I’ll be easy pickings for him if he chooses to enter my mind now...”

“That is why you need to learn to occlude, not just to keep him out, but to prevent the inevitable from affecting you so strongly.”

“I’ve tried! I told you! I don’t know how to do it properly.” Anger again, so much anger. Severus himself could remember feeling unadulterated anger when he too was fifteen.

“Calm down.” He sighed. How could he explain it to him? “Try keeping an image in your mind, something that calms you. And try thinking only of it when we do Occlumency, practice doing it at night before you go to bed… try and think of nothing else beside that image. If you can do that it’ll be a start.”

The boy’s features relaxed slightly as he processed the information and finally nodded. Severus only hoped the boy could do as much as he said. But the conversation wasn’t over. Merlin… he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t get into this sort of thing with Potter.

“I need to tell the headmaster.” He said. Severus had seen that same utter look of betrayal from a mirror pair of eyes long ago. He wondered if Dumbledore would pay for a mind healer for _him_ when all of this was over.


	18. Closing up

“There are a lot of things that you are going through Potter. I was obvious from the start that I would not be able to help you.”

“Help? I never needed help! The only reason you know… everything is because of occlumency!” Harry yelled. How dare he say otherwise?

“The fact remains that I know parts of your past you wish had remained hidden. You need someone more… you need Dumbledore.” Snape insisted.

“I don’t need anyone! No one said I needed to talk when Cedric died! When Voldemort revived himself with my blood! When my only affectionate relative had his soul sucked out of him or when I killed that Basilisk and got its fang into my arm! No one said-”

“You got _bitten_ by the basilisk?” Harry did not appreciate the interruption and brought his fists hard on the other’s wooden desk. He quickly regretted it. The oak desk was very firm and one hand was still healing. He took advantage of the pain, twisting it into anger.

“Why does having sex willingly suddenly change people’s perception that I’m made of stone!” He yelled. At this Snape stood up, his palms resting calmly on the table. He was taller than him. That was likely to never change.

“You are a _child._ There is no such thing as having sex _willingly_ at your age. You are getting out of control Potter! If your parents were still around-”

“Well they’re not are they! Nothing is ever going to change that! I will always be Harry James Potter, the boy-who-lived to be left on the doorstep of people who would tell me every day to pretend I don’t exist! Who would slam me into a dark, spider infested cupboard whenever strange things happened around me. I have _nothing_ to talk to anyone about! Mr. Emwood was the _best_ thing that happened to me in-” The sound of a slap echoed in the study and its sting cut Harry off instantly.

Harry felt his hand go up to cradle his hot cheek protectively and blinked the blurriness from his vision. Snape simply stared at him blankly, hand coming back down to his side.

“Did you just…” He whispered. Snape came round the table and sat in front of him shaking him slightly but firmly with each phrase he said.  

“Do not ever say something like that again. Nothing that happened… _none_ of those things are things you should view as a positive.” Harry still rubbed his cheek and hiccupped, glaring at the man, straining not to cry. In truth the slap wasn’t that hard, but it dealt an emotional blow with its brief sting. “You are so… frustrating, Potter! I… this is the only way to help you.”

“I don’t-” His voice broke and breathing was becoming hard. He cleared his throat. “I don’t need or want anyone’s help. I want Voldemort to die. I want every death eater to pay. I want Sirius to be cleared and I want…” He sat deflated, looking up at the potion’s master and looked away, feeling suddenly exhausted, like the air had been knocked out of him. “…forget it… what does it matter.”

He heard Snape sigh but he didn’t look up. “What do you want me to do, Potter.”

“…pretend you saw nothing…hate me again.” He said.

“…I can’t do that, Potter. I tried getting the authorities to imprison that man. It has proven difficult. It would be easier with Professor Dumbledore’s help. More importantly, Dumbledore will know how he can help you.” Snape said.

“Fine…” Harry finally said. “If you can get him to even look my way.” Snape reached his hand to him and Harry flinched. The hand stopped and Snape stood, making it look as if he wasn’t reaching for him in the first place.

“We will go now.” Snape said. Probably before Harry had time to change his mind, or gain the will power to run away from the potions master.

As they walked the corridors he tried to focus on one single thing as Snape had suggested. One single thing. The image of a flickering candle came to mind and he focused on it. Before he knew it, with his mind blank, little else seemed to matter. He didn’t even pay attention to the password Snape gave to the gargoyle nor did he care about the way the headmaster talked to Snape only.

Their lips were moving but Harry didn’t pick up on it. Snape glanced at him every so often. Dumbledore’s eyes widened slightly in shock and turned to look at him. Harry felt as if he wasn’t in his body anymore… as if he was stepping back and his body was being left empty.

Suddenly he was being shaken once more by the shoulders, the world focusing once more, his senses waking up slowly. “-tter! Potter!” Harry jumped at the sound and gasped.

“What…”

“Potter! What in Merlin’s name happened to you?” Snape asked, the urgency in his voice made Harry’s throat tighten. Was that concern or was he deluding himself again.

“I was… focusing on one thing.” Harry mumbled.

“…Very concerning… I’m afraid Severus… that occlumency may perhaps be too much for Harry at the present time.”

“Why?” Harry asked looking up at Dumbledore in worry, Dumbledore’s eyes flickered to Snape.

“Potter… I’ve been calling you for the last five minutes.” Snape said.

“Oh…” Harry couldn’t really find himself to care. He was sure he would look back at this tomorrow terrified but at the moment he felt perfectly empty. “Did you tell him?” Harry asked. Snape frowned, clearly not wanting to drop the subject. None the less he stood up and went to sit on the other chair.

“He has Harry. I must admit I… I find myself without words. I never could have imagined that I was putting you in such circumstances when I left you within the protection of those wards.” Dumbledore looked at Snape. “I would like some words with Harry alone if you will Severus.”

Snape stood and headed for the door without looking back. Harry watched him go. A familiar sense of abandonment settled in him and he looked back at Dumbledore who was focusing on his interlocked fingers with a frown on his features. For once Harry thought that it wasn’t because of any other reason beside the discomfort that this kind of topic seemed to stir in others.

“Harry, I take it professor Snape found out due to your occlumency lessons?” He asked.

He nodded. “Yes. He saw some... things. And then asked me some questions. I figured I might as well tell him since he was probably going to see the memories anyway. I asked him to keep it a secret.”

“This man, you also went to see him last summer. Was it before or after the dementor attack?”

“…before.” Harry felt himself cringing at the fact that Dumbledore now knew such a thing about him. Perfect little Harry Potter, a worse disappointment than anyone ever anticipated.

“I did not want you to hear all the nasty things the prophet was proclaiming and so tried to keep you guarded from the magical world. I suppose I thought a little isolation was healthier than the damage such words could inflict. I was wrong.”

“Please professor. You don’t need to apologise. I’ve caused you a lot of trouble as it is… Voldemort is back because of me.”

“Voldemort is back yes… but he would have found another way if he had not gotten to you. You are not to blame. And as you know… Voldemort is a great risk to your life still… my greatest concern is your safety.” He said.

Harry nodded, guilt swirling inside him. “I know.”

“So you understand why the blood wards are of the utmost importance?” Again Harry nodded.

“I didn’t expect anything to change in that regard headmaster. I understand the importance of the bloodwards.” At least until Sirius was officially cleared.

“Have you been to see Madam Pomfrey about this?”

“Yes. Professor Snape made me see her at once.” At this point neither one of them were looking at each other.

“And your relationship with professor Snape has improved since then? He was the one to take care of you when you were poisoned, am I correct?”

“…he did what he had to do. And now he’s informed you about my secret, professor. So now we can focus strictly on occluding.”

“I’m afraid not Harry. You cannot continue occlumency. Therefore, I believe the only time you now need to spend with professor Snape will be in potions class.”

Harry nodded. He expected to be relieved. Yet he quickly discovered that he wasn’t. “Alright. And Voldemort? What if he tries to get into my head again?” Harry asked.

“We don’t know if he’s aware of the connection just yet… but whatever you do, don’t occlude… your technique is far too strong in your current state of mind. You could never return from it.” Harry had no idea how to process that information. First he was rubbish at occlumency. Now he was too good. Would the headaches ever cease?

“Alright… thank you Professor. May I go now?” He asked. Dumbledore paused and the silence stretched. It seemed like he wanted to say something else but never got to it.

“Yes Harry. You may go. If you wish to talk to me just let me know.” Yeah. Like that was going to happen. He stood up and headed for the door. He partly expected Snape to be standing outside. The corridor was empty. ‘ _Accept it you stupid idiot. He never cared in the first place._ ’

Harry closed the door and took a deep breath. He found himself shaking his head and laughing softly. “You’re so stupid.” He whispered to himself and made his way back to the common room.

 


	19. Debts

The moment Severus left the room he rushed to get away from there. The image of those empty green eyes haunted him even years after Lily’s death and now he had seen them again in her own son. He stormed through the corridors, students parting the way for him. Even those that usually secretly sneered at him looked at him terrified and ducked out of his line of sight.

Perhaps he should occlude, but he could not get those haunting eyes out of his head. Had he been wrong? No… it couldn’t be. Dumbledore would get him the help he needed.

He could see. He was not blind. He could see that the boy was becoming attached to him. It didn’t surprise him. He too had been susceptible to any supportive father figure that had crossed his way once upon a time. Severus had tried not to be like that to Potter. But he had to care. Somebody had. But why him? He was supposed to protect him in secret.

Yes. Now they would both be able to proceed as they had been doing. Potter would have his friends and Black. Severus would carry on as he had. A spy didn’t need attachments when he could die at any moment.

He got to his rooms and slumped down in the sofa. All traces of Potter’s stay was gone. As it should be. This is as it always should have been. So why was he feeling like such a bloody coward? He needed to know what Dumbledore had planned for the boy.

He summoned a house-elf to make him a strong earl grey tea. “With lemon.” The house-elf nodded and popped away. A few minutes later he was sipping away at the bittersweet brew. He felt relieved but guilty. Relieved if Dumbledore would help the boy, guilty if it didn’t help at all.

The minutes passed. Eventually he put the cup down and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes to calm down but it only brought to the front of his mind that haunting image of Potter. He got up. ‘ _This needs to be settled now._ ’

He stood up and put the cup down, going back the path he crossed just an hour before. He noticed himself searching for the brat’s face in the few packs of students making their way to the common rooms. The few Gryffindors he saw were not the one he was looking for. Soon he was knocking on the headmaster’s door again.

“Come in… Oh, Severus.” Severus walked in. The headmaster was alone.

“So, headmaster? What is to be done about Potter?”

“I believe occlumency is not the ideal method to use with Harry.”

“Yes, well… I realised that. But what about that muggle?” He asked. Dumbledore avoided looking up at him.

“It would not be wise to draw attention to little whinging by arresting the muggle.” Severus had suspected as much.

“Did you tell Potter this?”

“I wouldn’t want him to think too much about such a subject. I’ve let him know he can come to me at any time.” Something Potter was likely to never do.

“He nearly placed himself in an everlasting sleep. Perhaps a mind healer would be more appropriate.” He insisted. Dumbledore looked up and smiled.

“Could it be Severus, that after all this time you’ve actually started to care for the boy?” Severus felt himself sneer.

“Did you expect me to see his miserable childhood and make a connection to him?” That wiped the smile off Dumbledore’s face.

“I never expected he would have gone through such a thing.”

“He needs a mind healer.” He insisted.

“And how long before the entire wizarding world finds out every little detail?” Dumbledore made sense.

“We’ll make him swear the unbreakable vow.”

Dumbledore shook his head and sighed, the weight of the subject heavy on his shoulders. If only he knew what it was like to have carried it for two weeks. He certainly did not come close knowing what the weight was like for Potter.

“It is against their policy to make such vows. And it doesn’t seem like the magical world is keen on giving Harry Potter any exceptions.”

So all of this had indeed been pointless. He had made the teen sit through another questioning while he just walked away. Yet nothing had come from it. Well, they learned that occlumency was dangerous for him. Also that Dumbledore was incapable of helping him any further. It was hard to forget sometimes that Albus Dumbledore was not Merlin himself. That he was not omnipotent as even the Dark Lord seemed to believe sometimes.

“So what about Potter?”

“He has been fine until now. If things get out of hand I will find a mind healer for him over the summer, when he won’t be bothered.” Snape couldn’t understand why he found himself adamant to accept that reply.

“No. Someone needs to talk to him.”

“You are starting to sound like a persistent parent, Severus.” He chose to ignore such a ridiculous notion.

“Potter is getting out of control. Someone needs to stop that.” Dumbledore looked at him for a while but Severus maintained eye contact.

“Very well.” Severus felt tension leave his shoulders. “You will talk to him.” Never mind.

“I am _not_ …experienced in this matter.”

“It’s the best I can do for him at the moment my boy.” Severus cringed at the prospect of facing the boy again. No wonder he felt like a coward. He was one.

“Very well. I will see to him.” He finally said. “Give me his file.”

Dumbledore had the gall to look amused. He received Potter’s file and looked through it. It was very lightweight compared to his own Slytherins’ files. Each year had the boy’s picture, each year’s transcript and little else. A couple of letters informing his muggle relatives about how he was doing that stopped after the only reply. A harsh and insulting letter angrily demanding that the letters needed to stop and that the ‘freak’ was nothing to do with them until the end of school year.

“Charming.” Severus said and put the letter down, looking at the pictures.

The baby faced first year stared nervously at Severus and blinked confused at the flash, rubbing his eyes before the image started once more. The next showed a shaken second year with twigs sticking out from his messy hair after getting tussled by the whomping willow. ‘ _Stupid boy could have broken his neck!_ ’

The third was quite normal and Potter looked bored with the process of having the picture taken. The fourth actually had him smiling. Not a big smile per se, but it was a smile. No doubt the brat was happy that his godfather had escaped. ‘ _Stupid Black._ ’

And then there was the most recent, taken last September. Potter did not smile. He looked tired from the shadows under his eyes and disinterested in the camera as he slouched and walked away as soon as the flash went off.

“There isn’t much is there.” Severus said closing the file and handing it back.

“His studies are not bad.” Dumbledore said. “His lowest scores are usually potions.” 

Severus scoffed. Of course they were. He stood up. “I will be taking my leave headmaster.”

“Do let me know if there is anything I can do to help.” Yes. As if that were likely to happen. He nodded and stood, leaving the room. He would send the boy a note for another lesson of ‘remedial’ potions.

 

The following day, he glanced at Potter as he received the note. The boy controlled his anger fairly well this time. However, he stood up and made a show of tearing up the piece of parchment. He didn’t even glance up to see if Severus was watching or not. He proceeded to toss the pieces at the table, his friends glancing curiously at his display as the parchment pieces combusted and turned to ashes before they even hit Potter’s untouched plate.

Without looking at the teacher’s table the boy grabbed his bag and walked out of the great hall. Severus put his fork down and gave Dumbledore a look that Severus hoped would convey how he blamed the headmaster for this. Now he had to find a more obvious way to get the blasted boy to talk to him once more.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry was furious. How dare he start that rubbish again? Dumbledore had said it was best to leave things as they were and Harry was more than happy to go with that.

He made his way to the room of requirement, which Neville had told them about the day before. Inside, a small potion’s lab was set out with one bubbling cauldron. Harry approached and put his bag down, looking at the instructions, making sure he hadn’t messed it up as he tended to do.

Thankfully the potion was as it needed to be. He threw the required number of leeches into the cauldron. Grabbing the marble mortar provided by the room, he added the lacewing flies and crushed them, adding the fine powder into the brew. He waited a while and with a wave of his wand he left the cauldron to simmering away. He now had to wait before he could complete the second part of the brewing process.

Once more he looked at the book, double checking that he’d done everything as instructed. He looked at the golden hair corked into one of the flasks. Malfoy’s. In a month’s time he would transform into him and demand the apothecary to tell him what ingredients the potion’s master had bought and offer to pay for another batch. He just hoped that those rare ingredients had indeed been the ones Snape had ordered before Christmas. He refused to let this debt hang over him. He would owe nothing to no one. He would pay for Snape’s ingredients, hope they are the ones Harry had ruined and focus on his O.W.L.s… and anything that could pertain to Voldemort.

He nodded to himself and bookmarked the polyjuice potion pages before grabbing his bag and leaving the room.


	20. Dreams

_The corridor was long and dark, just as it had been in many previous dreams. He ran toward it, reaching for the handle, needed to get what was inside. Whatever was inside was his, he needed to get to it. He needed to get his hands on it. He needed to know what it said._

_“Go in boy… only you can get it.” Harry stopped and turned back, seeing Voldemort standing there, looking down at him. There was mild confusion in his expression as he looked down calmly at him. Harry found himself unable to move as he saw the Dark Lord standing before him._

_“Voldemort…” Harry whispered. Voldemort smirked and looked at him, walking around him slowly._

_“Very interesting… to think… all this time…” Harry was frozen, staring straight ahead to where the monster had been standing seconds before._

_He was told not to occlude but… he had to keep that person safe… he had to. “This is a nightmare…” Harry mumbled._

_“Yes… it is… in a way… My, my. We’ve never really had a conversation you and I. We always get interrupted.” Voldemort said placing his slimy, pale hand on his shoulder and Harry cringed but was still unable to get away from him._

_“Why are you here?” He asked._

_“I am not anywhere Harry. It is you who has stumbled into my mind… and it is fascinating that I now know why.” Voldemort came once more to stand in front of him and cupped his face, making him look up, his cold fingers gently swept the strands covering his scar. Harry flinched but it surprisingly didn’t hurt as it did in the cemetery. Instead the throb was slow, painful and widespread. It made the very world around them pulsate. Something flickered in Voldemort’s expression, as if the confusion had turned to realisation and then to glee. “My dear boy… you and I can be on the same side.” He reassured him._

_Harry struggled to pull away but his body would not obey. “I will never be on your side.” He hissed._

_“You are unable to see the flaws in the ministry? Even after they have dragged your name through the ground? All you ever did was tell the truth.”_

_“I…” He frowned and looked away._

_“And your friends don’t understand do they? No one is calling them liars.”_

_“Shut up…” Harry whispered closing his eyes, covering his ears._

_“It’s not fair is it?” Harry started hyperventilating. He couldn’t fall for his words._

_“Shut up! Get out of my head!” Harry yelled, being able to turn around, and run past him, away from the dark corridor, away from the door._

_“I understand Harry. I understand what it’s like to be alone.” His voice followed Harry, even as Harry felt the floor disappear under his feet._

“No!” He cried out sitting up, breathing rapidly. He held his scar, groaning loudly in pain, pulling his hand back, seeing his hand stained with blood. He looked to the side, seeing Ron looking at him from his own bed. Harry put on his glasses with shaking hands.

“You ok mate?” He asked softly, though Harry could almost see the fear in his eyes. Not at him, but at what he had to say about his dream.

“…yes… I’m fi-”

“You’re _not_ bloody fine! Look at you!” Ron snapped, disturbing the other boys’ sleep. Harry stood and walked away to get to the bathroom, before they saw his blood covered face. Ron followed close behind. Harry saw him in the reflection as Harry saw his scar bright red but no longer bleeding.

“It was him…” Harry whispered, staring blankly at his own green eyes.

“Mate… what did you see?” He whispered.

“That door… and him… he talked to me…” He mumbled.

“…You-know-who?” Harry simply nodded. “What did he say?”

“He said…” He looked down at his pale, shaky hands. “He said he understands me…”

“…That’s crazy mate, don’t listen to him… he’s probably trying to scare and confuse you.” Ron was right but it didn’t change the fact that Voldemort now knew of his connection. To top it off Harry was not allowed to occlude. How could he protect Snape? Could he force himself to actually forget? Push it to the back of his mind? He hope so… even if he was angry at him… he didn’t want anything happening to him.

He opened the faucet and used the icy water to wash the blood away. He looked at Ron’s reflection when he was done. “…Ron?”

“Yeah?” The redhead said uncertain.

“…If he tries to possess me… and succeeds… promise you’ll kill me.” He said. Ron’s eyes widened and filled with frustration.

“Don’t say things like that Harry!” He whispered.

Harry turned around to look at him in the eye. “Promise me.”

“You won’t be possessed. And I won’t promise to kill you.” Ron said in a final tone. Harry looked down. “Mate… don’t let him, well, get into your head…”

Harry smiled softly at the choice of words. “I’ll do my best…” He said. Ron smiled back, both teens trying to make light of a very dark topic.

“Come on, let’s get some sleep, or you’ll be dozing off in Transfiguration again.”  Ron said pulling him along. Harry was only too glad to get back into bed but he was scared of going back to sleep. Nonetheless, his body took over and seconds later he was in the dream world once more.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus kept his eyes on the teenager as he taught Potions. He’d heard rumours that the boy was going behind Umbridge’s back, doing something still obscure to the teachers. Still, he had to be impressed. With all the effort Umbridge was putting into catching the students he was surprised the boy had yet to get caught.

He had noticed that the boy no longer wore a bandage and the skin on the back of his hand remained unmarred. Still the brat refused to acknowledge a single one of his notes. Perhaps he should let things go for now? The other seemed to be coping fine at the moment although he would rather not wait until the teen’s emotions exploded yet again and Umbridge chose to punish him.

More than Harry, something else was at the front of his mind. The Dark Lord was pleased. It was obvious from the way the mark gave a warmth usually felt when his plans had gone well. Yet the sensation of contentment seemed to not be fading, no matter how many days passed. It started a few days after he walked out on Potter.

Had he gotten his hands on the prophecy already? A chill went down his spine. It couldn’t be.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Voldemort opened his eyes remembering the dream and felt the corners of his lips raising. Nagini slithered her head up towards him and Voldemort allowed a chuckle to flow through his lips.

“ _It seems my friend, that I have another pet just like you._ ” He hissed at his pet. Snakes did not know envy so Nagini simply curled her tail around his chair.

“ _Where master?_ ” Voldemort smirked and thought back to the boy.

“ _Hogwarts, my friend. It seems that I will have to earn… or manipulate his loyalty._ ” He told the snake and stood, walking to the nearest window, looking at the world beyond. Who would have known… that he would accidentally make another Horcrux. The best he could have made… one that people would not want to destroy.

“Well, well, Harry… it seems I may have had the wrong approach toward you all along.” He spoke to the room, Nagini hissing behind him.


	21. Transformations

The DA meetings were going well, and Harry was glad that everyone was picking up on the spells fairly quickly. It pushed him to find new spells defensive spells to learn which he learned with Hermione and then they would explain it to the others. Mostly they were simple spells that would remove the enemy’s weapon and render them helpless long enough for them to run away.

It was a good distraction from… everything. He hadn’t had any more bad dreams, which made him wonder whether the nightmare with Voldemort had been nothing more than that. Maybe his mind had just formed a dream encompassing all of his worst fears.

“Harry… maybe we should call it a night.” Hermione said. Everyone looked tired and Harry himself was starting to think of things he shouldn’t.

“Yeah, sounds good. Hey everyone, let’s leave it for tonight.” Everyone was relieved. They talked excited to each other about what they had learnt as they made their way out. The room made the exit through a different place from where they’d entered to allow them to pass by Filch undetected.

Harry paused on his way out as he saw Cho standing inside the room still. He glanced around noticing everyone else had left and he made his way up to her. Guilt churned his insides as he thought of Cedric. It was his very picture that she was looking at.

“Hey, Harry.” She said gently, the corners of her lips twitching upwards for a second, her eyes remaining sad as she looked at the smiling picture of the Hufflepuff.

“Cho, are you ok?” Harry asked. The Ravenclaw nodded briefly.

“I wonder… if Cedric would have lived… had he known these things.” Her voice shook slightly and Harry tried not to remember that night.

“Cedric probably knew this and more… but Voldemort’s followers…” She sobbed and Harry stopped, looking up at her. He didn’t know what to do. Should he pat her shoulder, hug her or just stand there and say nothing? “I’m sorry Cho…” She decided for him and leaned in, hugging him tightly. Harry tensed, unused to the action and looked down. He remembered the crush he’d had toward her the year before. She was pretty and Harry was slightly envious at her ability to cry in front of someone else and reach for a hug without thinking about it.

What caught him by surprise was when she looked up and kissed him a little roughly, lips pressed against lips. He let her seek the comfort she wanted and kissed her back softly. He’d wondered for a while in the previous year what kissing her would have been like.

His stomach churned unpleasantly as he realised that he felt nothing. Everything felt mechanical and her tears made him feel even worse, knowing he had taken advantage of her emotions by not pushing her away. He was going to do just that but she pulled away first. He saw her timidly look down and hold her bag closer to her, before walking away.

Harry watched her go and turned to look back at Cedric’s picture. Then he focused on his reflection and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. He adjusted his bag over his shoulder and returned to Gryffindor tower where Ron and Hermione were waiting for him to hear the details.

“Nothing… she was just upset about Cedric.” Harry said as he sat with them on the ground, not wanting to really sit with anyone right now, still feeling sick as he remembered that he had felt nothing.

“But what happened?” Ron asked encouraging him to explain. It was a nice habit that Ron had where he would cling to any topic Harry would start, to encourage him to think on it more than on his nightmares.

“Well… we talked about Cedric… and we kissed…” Hermione frowned at this but Ron simply grinned.

“That’s not nothing mate. How was it?”

“Um… wet?” Ron simply laughed softly and Hermione’s serious mood broke slightly into amusement at his description. “She was crying.”

“I can’t blame her, with all she’s going through.” Hermione said. Harry had to agree, though he really didn’t want to continue with this topic.

“Or maybe Harry just needs to get better at kissing.” Hermione smacked Ron as the redhead laughed and Harry shook his head giving a faint chuckle as he looked away embarrassed.

“Anyway guys… I’m going to bed. I’m tired. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Harry said standing and grabbing his things to go to bed.

“Goodnight, Harry.”

“Night, mate.”

Harry didn’t look back until he was at the top of the stairs and saw them going off to perform their prefect duties. When he got to his room he didn’t look at the other boys, who had stopped their conversation the moment he walked in. Some may still believe him but tensions were still high and Harry still didn’t know how to act around them. He pulled the curtains of his bed and closed his eyes, going to sleep.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Finally, the polyjuice potion was finished. Harry looked at the bubbling potion and picked up Malfoy’s golden hair. Maybe something good had come out of that fight after all. He put the hair in and was a little surprised to see it turn such a pleasant peach colour. He narrowed his eyes at it and corked it, putting it in his pocket and making his way down the castle corridors and stairs until he was close to the exit.

It was Saturday.

He sat and waited and soon enough he saw the blonde and his minions following close behind, talking loudly and self-righteously as Crabbe and Goyle made sure anyone in their way moved to the side to let them pass. They were on their way back from Hogsmeade and now that they were back, it was Draco’s turn to return for something he’d forgotten to get at the apothecary.

Harry took out the potion and brought it to his lips. He prayed that he’d done everything correctly as he drank the whole thing. He expected it to taste vile, as it had done in second year. Instead it tasted disturbingly like apples. Such a simple thing but he had never tasted a pleasant potion before.

“Ugh… I will take this information to the grave.” He shuddered and put the empty potion vial away, waiting until the uncomfortable pulling and twisting sensations ended. He grabbed a small pocket mirror he’d nicked from Hermione and looked at himself. Grey eyes looked back at him and Harry sneered. The sneer looked just like Draco’s unpleasant face. Good. He made sure he had the sack of galleons in his pocket before making his way confidently to Hogsmeade. Umbridge was by the gates telling Filch something and glanced at him but simply smiled and gave him a nod before getting back to her conversation.

Harry fought not to feel triumphant as he reached the village pretty much undisturbed. Entering the apothecary was an interesting experience in itself. The strong scent of spices and herbs mingled thick in the air.

The vendor looked up briefly as he weighed up some new ingredients.

“Mr. Malfoy. What an honour.” It was endearing to hear such sarcasm used when directed to Draco Malfoy. How would Draco act? Like he owned the place that’s how.

“I’m here to order some… special ingredients.” He said. “I believe professor Snape bought some rare and valuable ingredients this year, I would like to order them too.” He said trying to portray the arrogant confidence of an aristocrat.

The vendor stopped what he was doing and looked at him unamused. “And what ingredients are that?”

“Believe me that I do not intend to brew anything with them. I caused an accident and wasted professor Snape’s ingredients. A Malfoy always pays his debts. Therefore just tell me how much they are and I will pay for them. You don’t even need to give them to me, just send them to the professor when they arrive.” He said simply, looking bored at a pot of pickled cockroaches.

By Merlin he hoped this man didn’t con him. He understood it was very likely to happen. The apothecary looked as if he wished to hex him out of his store, but the temptation of money must have been too strong to handle because he clenched his jaw and wiped his hands on a cloth he kept hanging over the sash of his green robes. Calloused hands opened a book behind him.

“Severus Tobias Snape… I’m sure it’s nothing the Malfoy family can’t handle.” He said blandly and wrote something on a piece of parchment. He handed it to Harry and Harry hoped he had enough as he reached for the paper. “Sixty four galleons.” Harry didn’t react. What on earth could cost that much money? Still he’d ordered a hundred just to be sure. He opened his sack and used his wand to place sixty four galleons on the other’s desk.

“There, I would like a receipt. And be sure you don’t forget anything. I’ll ask the professor and my father will ensure you suffer dire consequences should any ingredient be missing.” He said. The apothecary said nothing and huffed before writing out a receipt, throwing it at the other.

Harry snatched the receipt mid-air and left, cringing at how much money he had wasted. He made his way back to the castle, before the hour wore off. He reached the confines of Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom and sighed in relief as he watched his features return to normal.

It was done. Hopefully the stupid apothecary wasn’t going to rob him blind and hopefully he had paid Snape back for the ingredients he had wasted. He sighed and shook his head, making his way back to the dormitories, to send the rest of his money back to Gringotts.

He watched as Hedwig flew away with the weightless package and sighed gently. If he had parents they would probably tell him that sending that much money with an owl was pretty stupid. Shaking his head, he went to close the window, when runt of an owl crashed into the window making him yelp and let go of it. He blushed and looked around, glad that no one had been around to hear him. Instantly he reached for the shocked little thing and poked it.

“You ok little guy?” He asked scooping him up in his hands. The owl cooed miserably and Harry frowned as he petted his head. “Maybe you need to choose a different career.” He told it, petting it absently as he took the note addressed to him, in Snape’s writing. He narrowed his eyes and felt a sharp nip to his finger and he flinched, seeing the recovered bird attacking his finger. He pulled his hand back and the proud little thing got to his feet, ruffling his feathers and flying off proudly. Harry sneered and looked at the note.

 _‘Potter, my office. Now.’_ It seemed the other was done with sending him polite requests. Should he go? He frowned as he remembered when the other washed his hands off him. He shredded the note to pieces and went down, throwing it into the fire.

He refused. He refused to go back, hoping for someone who would not want to get rid of him so easily. _How_ could he have _ever_ believed that Snape would be that person? He may have lost his mind, but he’d had enough of disappointments.

Harry reached for a piece of parchment and wrote a letter to Sirius instead.


	22. Special Mission

Severus clenched his jaw tight trying to calm down. How dare the Potter brat make him wait constantly. Severus Snape was not about to humiliate himself by chasing the obnoxious little fool around. The boy didn’t want his help? So be it. He was so stupid for even thinking about trying to help the Gryffindor.

“And let him try and start a fight again. I’ll be sure to get my hands on him before McGonagall even finds out what he did.” He hissed angrily correcting potions essays, viciously insulting the ineptitude of some of the worst ones in the pile.

He winced as he felt the dark mark activate. It resembled how he would imagine a fire snake would feel slithering under the skin of his arm, twisting and curling around the ligaments and muscle. It was worse when the other was angry. Although he hoped more for anger when it came to his duty of protecting Potter.

He stood and left all his work as it was. He took advantage of his present anger for the Gryffindor to occlude all other memories of where he had been insane enough to start liking him. Then he went to the fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder.

“Malfoy Manor.” He spoke clearly and watched his office melt away into green flames, Malfoy’s parlour appearing instead.

He went to the meeting area and kneeled before the Dark Lord, who was sitting regally at the head of the table, one hand absently caressing an old book with yellowed pages, bound in stiff black leather with silver clasps.

“Severus, I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Of course my lord.” Severus said, inclining his head a little further.

“Rise now, join us. I was just explaining my most recent plan of action.” He said. A secret plan since not everyone from the inner circle was here. Only Lucius was here, not even Bellatrix was present, though she may still be struggling to get back in the Dark Lord’s good graces. “I have sent Draco a personal request on my part.”

The hairs on the back of Severus’ neck stood on end. His affiliation to the Malfoys was purely for the cause and for his position as spy. When he became Draco’s godfather he didn’t do it due to any friendliness towards Lucius or Narcissa, in fact to this day he could barely stand the spoilt heir. The Malfoys only chose him because he had been in good favours with the Dark Lord back then. However, he could not overlook that Draco was as much a child as Potter was. He couldn’t imagine what pressure the boy would have in order to carry out this mission properly or risk getting his parents killed… or worse.

“A request my lord?” Lucius asked, emotionless. He was not an occlumens but he was a Slytherin and was trained in the skilful art of showing little care for the things most important to him. That way people will target something else if they tried to get to Lucius. Even the Dark Lord.

“I have asked him to befriend Harry Potter. Tell me Severus, what is their relationship?” Red eyes turned to him and Severus occluded.

“They are not on good terms to say the least, my lord. It will take a lot for Draco to be able to get on Potter’s good side.” He said.

“And Harry? How is he?” Severus felt a chill as the man used the boy’s first name.

“Mostly isolated. His little interview has gotten him some favour back with the students but not much. He seems much more quiet than usual and keeps to himself.” The Dark Lord smirked and chuckled as he thought of something. Severus wished he could know what that was. If he knew the Dark Lord well enough, the other would keep his true intentions secret for a while longer.

“I will ask you, Severus, to assist the young Malfoy to have more chances alone with Harry. It would help my plan move along faster.” He said.

“To get the prophecy my lord?” Lucius asked. Voldemort paused and grinned, chuckling softly.

“Yes… the prophecy… of course.” Severus felt an uncomfortable knot forming in his stomach. There was a new plan… but what?

Potter would never become friends with Draco Malfoy. He doubted Draco could even manage to swallow his pride long enough to pretend to like the Gryffindor.

“Should Draco Malfoy fail?” Severus asked. The Dark Lord rose his hand to pet the large snake that had risen to rest against the back of his chair. Severus could see that the book was bound with the crest of Salazar Slytherin.

“Well… then I suppose we could initiate him early and teach him a thing or two about insubordination.” In the dimly illuminated room, Severus wasn’t sure, but he swore he saw the Malfoy patriarch pale slightly, though his expression remained as cool and impassive as before.

“I will make sure my son makes you proud my Lord.” Malfoy said without missing a beat.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus arrived home to the surprise of delivered parcels stacked neatly on the desk of his office. He checked the labels and made sure they were not cursed. Opening them and laying them out to the side he took a deep breath as he placed them down with increasing care realising they were the rare and expensive ingredients he had yet to order again.

He searched for the note from the store owner which he found tucked at the bottom.

‘ _Professor Snape, here is a fresh order of a batch of ingredients already paid for by one Draco Malfoy. I hear he caused some accidental waste of your supply. I have added an extra couple of measurements on each ingredient and hope you continue to seek our services for any further purchases._ ’

“Potter!” He hissed and scrunched the paper. “If you have so much time to brew polyjuice potion then work on your curriculum potions.” He hissed throwing the note to the fire. The brat’s pride clearly did not want to owe Severus anything. Severus couldn’t blame him. He would have done the exact same thing, but to think the brat walked all the way to Hogsmeade with that much money in his pockets.

Even as Draco Malfoy he could have gotten attacked.

“By Merlin… this boy is one headache after another.” He said as he took a deep breath.

Now he had to assist with Draco’s mission. He had to go tell Dumbledore. He carefully put the ingredients away and went to inform the headmaster.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Draco paled and shuddered as he read who was addressing this letter to him. It was the reason he was told to stay in the castle for Christmas instead than with his mother.

He had been given a mission. A mission by he-who-must-not-be-named. And it was an impossible mission.

He faintly heard his classmates calling his name, asking what was wrong. He simply scrunched up the letter and threw it into the common room’s fire place, as if the parchment itself had scolded his skin. Terror coursed through his veins as he sat down trying to think.

“Draco!” Pansy exclaimed for what seemed like the tenth time. He turned to her and the rest of his group of Slytherins.

“Be silent! Do not talk to me!” He snapped and stood, heading out.

“But Draco! I-!” Draco didn’t hear the rest as the portrait slammed shut behind him and he stalked the quiet corridors, only half an hour until curfew. It wasn’t his turn to check the corridors tonight but he still would use his status as prefect if any other dolt tried to stop him.

How on earth was he supposed to become friends with Potter? Finally he was getting some recognition for being in the inquisitor squad and now the Dark Lord wants him to befriend the boy-who-lived.

It seemed like the opportunity was sent from the souls up above. As he rounded the corner following several minutes of wandering and desperately thinking just how much he needed Potter’s friendship to protect his mother, he saw a door materialising and he blinked in surprise. He looked both ways down the corridor to make sure no one was around and opened the door. The calling of spells suddenly came to a halt and he looked at all the shocked faces looking back at him.

Animals of white mist still fluttered around the room and he couldn’t believe it. Finally he had found out where Potter and all his followers had been sneaking off to. He finally found out what they were up to, sort of. And finally he could present them to Umbridge on a silver platter. Except that he couldn’t.

“Malfoy! What are you doing here?” Weasley was the one to exclaim. Malfoy heard steps from behind and shut the door instead, stepping back from the door, watching it melt away. He turned in time to see Umbridge coming round the corner, looking pleased with herself.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Everyone scrambled to get their stuff and Harry made sure to help anyone who was the slowest. A different door materialised and the students quietly but in a hurry, left the room. Harry, Hermione and Ron were the last.

“Mister Malfoy! What a surprise, I didn’t know you were on duty tonight.” Umbridge’s voice said just around the corner. There was no way of closing the door without her hearing it. The three remained frozen, hearing out to see what Malfoy would say, to see if they made a run for it.

“Should have brought my cloak.” Harry whispered. Hermione pinched him to be quiet.

“I had to come see you professor! I have a plan for catching Potter. I believe they are doing something in the greenhouse at some point one of these nights. I thought I heard whispers about it.” All three were taken back. Was… Draco Malfoy… lying for them? Malfoy had them one wall away and still wouldn’t tell on them?

“Oh then we must go at once to check!” She said, the clicking of her shoes drawing closer.

“O-oh wait! Professor… I... I…” Draco Malfoy, stuttering was very amusing. But it was likely he would not keep her still for long. “I thought I heard someone running this way! Come!” And Umbridge fell for it because the clicking of her shoes were heard getting further and further away.

The trio looked at each other and closed the door, running to the safety of the Gryffindor common room. Once there, as they caught their breath, Hermione was the only one to speak.

“Gentlemen… I believe hell hath frozen over.” And neither knew whether to laugh or not.


	23. Draco and Cho

It was a strange and frightening thing to realise that Draco Malfoy has something over you. Draco Malfoy had lied for them and hadn’t told on them. They had put the lessons on hold for a while but seeing that the blonde hadn’t said anything they decided to restart once more.

What he couldn’t understand was why he had been able to find the door. Did the room of requirement find Malfoy’s need greater than theirs? Still it made him uneasy and more attentive to Malfoy’s movements.

The Slytherin seemed to have turned on his goons and mostly avoided them. It gave Harry the opportunity he needed to corner Malfoy.

“Well, if it isn’t the wizarding world’s most loved and hated celebrity.” The blonde smugly said as Harry cornered him in the library. The blonde, unconcerned, kept browsing for a book in the shelf.

“Shut up Malfoy. Why haven’t you told on us yet?” Harry asked. The blonde’s grey eyes flickered to him but then back to the shelf, pulling out a long and thin book on transfiguration.

“I have my reasons. Though I wonder what room that was. What does it do exactly?” He asked opening his book and starting to read.

“As if I’m going to tell you.” Harry clenched his fists and cursed the other’s smugness to hell. It was clear the other was keeping this secret for his own gain. “What do you want?” He asked.

Malfoy’s eyes paused, staring at one point of the page he was reading and then looked around to make sure no one was nearby. “I was in desperate need to protect someone dear to me. Then the door appeared. Is that what it does? Give you a place to do what you most need?” He asked Harry.

Harry narrowed his eyes at him. Did Malfoy have people dear to him? It seemed like the blonde was content using people left and right while not caring about any of them. “So what? You found us and now what?” Harry asked.

“Do you know where the Dark Lord has chosen to take residence, Potter?” he asked. Harry didn’t know. All he’d seen was a dark but exuberantly decorated sitting room. His silence must have been answer enough. “Take a wild guess. Imagine your parents wanting you to stay away in school because someone like that was… doing the honour of being our guest.”

Suddenly it all became clear. “So I just need to tell on _you_ now.”

Fear seemed to flicker in Malfoy’s eyes but he covered it up with a bored expression and a dismissive shrug. “If you wish, though no one believes you anyway. No one who could bypass our wards that is.” He paused and now Harry realised the Slytherin hadn’t even been reading the book at all.

“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Your father had it coming. Now he’s displeased with Voldemort’s visit?” He asked. Malfoy clenched his jaw tight and that nasty expression he showed when he was angry appeared.

“I don’t suppose you would understand wanting to protect your parents, even against their bad decisions. More importantly my mother had no say in these matters… and I don’t know how to protect her.”

The blow did hit him where Malfoy had intended, but Harry, unlike the Slytherin, _was_ capable of empathy.

“Dumbledore will-”

“Dumbledore is a fool. I don’t trust him.” Malfoy said turning back to stare at the book.

“You trust me though? I’m touched.” Harry said sarcastically.

“Forget I said anything, Potter.” The Malfoy heir hissed, glaring at the book and Harry stared fascinated as he saw Draco Malfoy flushed with embarrassment. Maybe he _was_ serious.

“All we’re doing is trying to learn defensive spells.” Harry said.

“Then I wish to learn.”

“I am not letting you come to our… group.” Harry replied flatly. Malfoy huffed.

“Why not? I can swear to secrecy.” Malfoy said.

“Why should I help you?” Harry challenged and Malfoy looked away.

“I thought that when it came to actually important matters we could overlook our animosity just once.” Harry didn’t want to. But Malfoy already knew their secret. This way he could keep an eye on him more closely, and if he had any dream implicating Malfoy… he would stop him from coming.

“Alright… swear on your mother’s life that you will not tell on us.” Harry said and Malfoy’s eyes flickered up horrified but nodded after a while.

“I swear on my mother’s life that I will not tell on you, directly or indirectly, to Umbridge.” He said. Harry narrowed his eyes but rolled his eyes and threw a galleon his way. “What the-”

“It will feel hot when I decide a new meeting, and the time and date will show on the coin.”

Malfoy looked at the galleon with more consideration now and pocketed it. He glanced back at the book as the silence stretched.

“Have you never said thank you in your life you prat?” Harry asked annoyed. Angry silver eyes looked up at him.

“Thank you, _Potter_.” He spat and Harry grinned in what he hoped was a charming manner and nodded.

“You’re welcome, _Malfoy_.” He said and left.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Draco watched the idiotic Gryffindor go.

‘ _I can’t believe the fate of the wizarding world rests on that fool’s shoulders!_ ’ Yes he was going to protect his parents no matter the cost, but lying to Potter had been too simple. Still… he had to find a way to resist the urge to hex him from simply looking at his idiotic face.

He eyed the golden coin and clenched his jaw, feeling conflicted and afraid. He needed to use all the cunning he could muster to carry out this mission. But then what? After he befriended the Gryffindor what did the Dark Lord expect him to do?

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

“Harry… wait up.” Harry stopped and turned, seeing Cho coming with her friends, saying goodbye to them and coming to talk to him alone. Harry looked at Ron and Hermione who smiled and went off by themselves. Harry tried not to fidget.

“Hey Cho. How are you?” he asked. She shrugged gently and smiled.

“I’m ok… I was wondering… I know Umbridge banned you from Hogsmeade after the interview… so would you like to maybe go on a picnic on the school grounds?” She asked.

Harry blinked trying to process the information. He looked out at the courtyard, the snows having melted a couple of weeks back, the temperature starting to pick up enough to have pleasant strolls out in the budding gardens.

“Oh… like… you and me?” Harry felt his face heating up. He avoided eye contact with the other students that passed and eyed them curiously. He felt the palms of his hands a little too moist and rubbed them discretely against his robes.

“Yeah… a date.”

Harry looked at her at this. He remembered the mechanical kiss, but maybe a date would be different. Maybe he could have fun… though the awkwardness of this moment was enough to want to say no.

“That sounds great.” He hoped he didn’t mess it up. Cho smiled and leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek. Again he felt his face heat up and he scratched the back of his neck. “I-I’ll see you on Saturday then.” He said. She smiled softly and nodded, walking off to meet with her friends who had been waiting around the corner and pulled her away in an echo of giggles.

Harry looked out the small arched window and picked at the rock of the base. A date. Yes he wanted to go, after all, that’s what a fifteen year old was supposed to do right? To start dating?

Did he even have time for it anyway? Oh well… just one date won’t be too bad. But was there anything he should know about dating already? Would Cho pick up on anything… _strange_ about him?

His memory flickered to Little Winging and he cringed shaking his head, trying to shake off the skin crawling memories. There was no way Cho could know any of that. He just had to be confident.

For a second his memory flickered to Snape and he wished that he had not messed things up with him. He could really talk to someone right about now… someone who would know all the angles playing in his mind. Including the one thing only Snape, and now Dumbledore knew.

“Harry? Hurry, you’ll miss out on the good stuff.” Ron came to call him over to the great hall. Harry’s stomach twisted unpleasantly suddenly not very hungry.

“Mmh… I’ll be right there.” He said. Ron nodded and rushed back inside while Harry felt himself salivating for another reason.

He covered his mouth and ran to the nearest toilet and retching into it a couple of times. _Well… there goes breakfast_. He flushed and walked out. He paused seeing Snape standing there, arms crossed over his chest, not looking at him. He looked down and rinsed his mouth before trying to pass by him. Snape’s hand gripped him firmly by the shoulder and stopped him. _Ah… he caught me._


	24. Draught

Harry groaned as the potions master dragged him back to his office.

“Sit.” He said slamming the door behind them. Harry flinched and groaned going to sit down on the chair in front of the teacher’s table. He focused on the ingredients on the wall and grimaced as a set tiny colourful eyes turned to look at him.

Still it was better than looking at the head of Slytherin’s sneering face.

“Did you need something professor?” He asked after the silence started to stretch. His eyes flickered up to the teacher who remained with a permanent looking glare.

“I want you to know, _Potter_ , that it is not my custom nor my _nature_ to chase after arrogant and foolish little teenagers.” He’d gone back to spitting his name out like a disease and Harry blinked in surprise at not having realised that Snape had changed his tone with him in the first place.

“And you should know tha-”

“I care little for your cheek, Potter.”

“You care little for many things professor.” Harry replied simply and looked up then, glaring back at him. “I don’t understand why I’m here, I need to have dinner.” He said. He went to stand up and Snape pointed his wand at him, a quick blue flicker coming out and he found himself firmly stuck to the chair, his trousers refusing to pull away from the wooden surface.

“If it’s dinner you want.” He said calmly and the potions master summoned a house-elf.

“Bring mister Potter some of the food for dinner.” He said. In a flash a large plate with an assortment of every food on the table appeared. Harry eyed the succulent dish, the gravy covered roasted meats and crispy potatoes, the salad on the side and the large serving of apple crumble covered in custard on a dish to the side.

“Nnh…” Harry looked away, feeling shaky and queasy, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Not hungry?” Snape sneered. The greasy bastard. Harry jumped hearing something getting slammed on the table by the Slytherin and turned to see a purple vial in front of the plate of food. He was surprised it hadn’t shattered. “Take it.” He said darkly.

Harry looked at him a little nervous. Snape looked absolutely furious at this point. Surely he wouldn’t try to poison him would he?

_No… wait… that shade of lilac is for…_

“For… nausea?” Harry asked softly.

“Laced with calming drought. You would think normal teens wouldn’t become such a nervous wreck from just getting asked out on a date. Or was it your bruised ego that a girl had to initiate it?” Harry flinched and trembled further, covering his mouth. “Drink the potion _Potter_!” He hissed. Harry couldn’t have even if he wanted to. He didn’t even have the strength to get angry at him as he twisted his body as much as it would go and retched violently onto the stone floor. Nothing but bile stained water came out but it still left him feeling like he’d been trampled by a Hippogriff.

The mess was gone with a wave of Snape’s wand. “Merlin give me patience.” Harry didn’t reply and instead used his shaky hands to uncork the lilac potion and drink it all. Instantly he felt relieved of the sensation that the world was shifting under his feet, though he wished he could get up and rinse his mouth.

“Thanks…” Harry mumbled, not looking at him. He felt his face heating up as he registered the other’s words. “You heard Cho?” he mumbled.

“Hmm… well yes, it was hard not to come see what was happening when just past the doors into the Great Hall packs of female students were giggling and whispering to each other trying to listen.”

“And you saw a group of giggling girls and thought, ‘yes, that looks like exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.’?” He asked with mock innocence, the corner of Snape’s lips twitching slightly.

“I truly believed that Dumbledore would be of more… help to you.” He said finally as he nudged the plate closer to Harry who, after calming down felt his stomach rumble and he started eating, partly to please his empty stomach, partly because he could have a reason not to reply to Snape straight away.

In the end he shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.” He said, making sure his voice sounded uncaring, as if he had been completely fine about the whole matter. “I don’t need any help anyway.”

“Hmm… is that Gryffindor pride?” he asked. Harry didn’t look up at him, he didn’t want to reply with any counter argument. He was too tired to play this game.

“No one _can_ help me. Why should I get… used to relying on someone who has no obligation to even stick around. I only have one person who can do that for me… and he’s a wrongfully convicted felon.” He poked at a roast potato and brought half of it to his mouth.

“I am not someone you should rely on… yet due to circumstances, in this instance, I _am_ the only one you can rely on. I questioned at first the point of talking about things past. However, bottling things up can lead to volatile results over time.”

Harry tried not to smile but failed as he chuckled and groaned at the same time. “I would have thought potion puns were beneath someone like you.”

Snape frowned and looked down, trying to recall what he’d said and sneered in response. “What made you nauseous? You are not sick, not poisoned, so what made you run off to empty into the basin?”

Harry looked down and figured, who would Snape tell anyway. “Cho asked me out… I panicked and accepted.”

“Oh? Do you not wish to go on a date with this girl?” He highly doubted Snape would even encourage a conversation about Harry’s love-life unless he saw a link to his ‘issues’.

“I don’t know… I think Cho is pretty… and we did kiss… but immediately after I just felt empty and hollow and I… kept thinking about that muggle and I felt sick to my stomach. Then when she asked me out I figured… maybe I’ll enjoy a date. Besides, I’m fifteen… I’m supposed to go on dates… what if people start picking up I’m even weirder than anyone thinks because I don’t date.” Harry’s eyes flickered to Snape’s to see if he was actually listened and his cheeks felt hot realising he was so he quickly kept his eyes focused on his food, taking a bite. The potion he took was the only thing ensuring he kept eating.

“I will admit,” Snape started. “That I am even more unqualified to talk about romance to you. However, I would argue that fifteen is too young to date anyway. You do not need to rush anything. Nonetheless, you should not get so worried about this ‘date’.” Harry tried not to laugh at the way Snape spoke through clenched jaw, entirely tense body. It was funny to see the other struggling to talk about romance with him after all their years of not even remotely liking each other. It made him feel warm that he was at least trying even though he clearly was no expert on the subject.

Harry looked down and took another bite. “What if I act weirdly and Cho realises there’s something wrong with me?” He mumbled.

“There is nothing wrong with you.” Came the confident response and Harry felt the warmth once more. It was quite something hearing it directly from someone else’s mouth. Someone who was not obligated to be nice to him and yet was so anyway.

“Thank you…” He said softly and felt the unease about the whole thing leaving him, for now.


	25. Respect

“Take this.” Severus said and handed Potter another lilac potion. The boy looked like he wanted to reject it. Instead he reached over and accepted the potion from his hands and looked at it briefly before putting it in his pocket.

“Why do you do that?” He asked.

“What do you mean, Potter?” The boy picked up his bag and hanged it over his shoulders, empty plates still on the table. “Madam Pomfrey would give you the same potion.” He cleared his throat as he realised he sounded rather defensive.

“Not just that. Madam Pomfrey doesn’t… reach out.”

What was the boy talking about now? The boy seemed frustrated at his lack of response and he hoped the brat also realised his lack of understanding.

“Madam Pomfrey would put the potion on the table or hover it my way.”

“You’re imagining things. Those are very small things for you to be noticing.”

“But I notice them.” He replied without missing a beat. The brat fidgeted on the spot. “Never mind.” Severus saw him turn to leave and he spoke instead of listening to his solidly ingrained instinct to just let the brat leave.

“Look at me if you cannot say it.” To his surprise the boy stopped and turned, looking at him in the eyes, right hand playing with the sleeve of his left. Despite his nerves the boy kept looking at him and did not even flinch as Severus raised his wand and pointed it at him. “Legilimens.”

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

_Five year old Potter gave out several rattling coughs in a dark, spider infested cupboard. A whimper escaped his lips as the unintelligible yelling of a man made the very door shake. The boy looked as if he was stubbornly trying to contain the tears in his eyes but failed to hold them. Not with his feverish skin and his achy joints and painful coughs. He cried. Softly, but he cried. The yelling eventually stopped and the door opened._

_A sour looking Petunia glared at the boy and tossed a whole sheet of blistered paracetamol. Harry whimpered._

_“No… no tablets aunty.” The small raspy voice said._

_“I’m not giving a worthless brat any of my Dudder’s medication! You’ll use it all up again! You will have that and nothing more.”_

_Potter’s shaky fingers tried to push a tablet out but couldn’t and tried to get her to open it for him._

_“Do it yourself you useless child.” She hissed and slammed the door shut._

_Severus couldn’t believe it. He watched the child try once more to choke back fat overflowing tears but he could not. Instead the potions master saw the child burry his cries into his pillow._

_The scene changed and now Madam Pomfrey appeared sending vials hovering his way, placing them to his side, never to his hand._

Severus shook his head. The boy was just searching for what he wanted. He hadn’t treated Potter any differently than Madam Pomfrey had in several of the memories he saw. The first calming drought he had given him had been slammed onto the table in front of the boy.

_The image changed and he saw himself saving Potter’s hide from the pack of Slytherins outside Hogsmeade, Severus lying to Umbridge to keep the brat’s obnoxious number of packages from getting confiscated, helping bandage his hand, the potion he left for the Weasley boy to find. Severus saw himself asking about Potter’s past and felt, more than saw, the boy’s appreciation that he hadn’t instantly mocked him._

To think the brat would take all these basic human interactions as kindness. Preposterous.

_Once more the image changed to the hospital wing, Potter was mad with fever. Severus was letting the boy’s back rest against his chest so he could carefully give him the potions he needed._

He hadn’t expected the boy to remember that. But it had been a necessity… the boy had been thrashing around too much for him to give it any other way.

Still… seeing the memories passing through the boy’s head when he thought of Severus Snape’s “kindness” made him understand a little why the child would be so attentive to even the simplest of human interactions. He gently pulled out.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Potter would not look at him and his entire stance screamed embarrassment. It was obvious why, the boy did not have the control required to be able to select which memories he would have seen.

Snape felt as if he was suddenly at a crossroad. What could he say? What was best to say to the boy at this time? What would be the best way to proceed?

“I’ll go now professor.” The boy re-adjusted his bag and turned.

“Potter…” He heard himself say. “…You are failing potions.”

The boy blinked in confusion as he turned to look back, as if confirming he had heard correctly. “Um… what?” Severus understood that he actually meant, ‘what does that have to do with anything’.

“You,” He pointed. “Are failing potions.” He said.

“…so what else is new?”

“I can offer real remedial potions. Otherwise by the time career discussions begin, your grade may be too far gone to make up.” He said. Potter blinked several times and looked down with a very confused expression.

“…Do I need potions to be an auror?”

“Yes you need potions you simpleton. You need potions for almost all careers of note!” Severus replied, scoffing at the idiotic ignorance of the boy. Still he must be losing his touch because the boy did not look offended. Instead the corners of his lips raised and twisted into a poorly concealed smile.

“I would need a lot of help.”

“Yes, well… I am not inimical to a challenge.” He replied. Somehow his careless tone seemed to make the boy’s prior aura of misery dissipate slowly.

“Alright, Thursdays?”

“Wednesdays _and_ Thursdays. At least at first… probably have a _lot_ to cover.”

The boy nodded and turned to leave once more, but stopped at the door. “Are you sure about this professor?” he asked softly. Severus glared at him and the boy jumped slipping out as quickly as possible. “Ok then!” He called and the potions master huffed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry regretted most of what happened by the time he was in bed. He had the curtains shut, a silencing spell cast so no one would hear his groans and whines of embarrassment as he relived the day all over again. He shifted frustrated, trying to forget his embarrassing display of… oh he didn’t know what!

“Nnnh!” He groaned again into his pillow. What had he been trying to say?

He’d just wanted to know… if Snape’s treatment of him was saying something else. Snape already said he was focusing on too little things but Harry knew the other was more tolerant of him. Maybe even cared.

He’d gone through a lot of work to just get Harry to go to him again. In the end he simply dragged him to his office. The potions master had apologised to him and calmed down his anxiety with a potion. He encouraged Harry to talk to him about his worries. He made sure Harry ate and offered to help him get his marks up.

The potions master could dislike him all he wanted… but Harry couldn’t help it. He liked Severus Snape. He could even say he trusted him. He wasn’t perfect and seemed to find something about Harry naturally irritating but Harry could find himself able to respect the potions master more.

Yes, he remained confused about many things but at least… at least he had a point of contact… if he couldn’t talk to his friends about it.

Speaking of friends. He sat up and took out the enchanted galleon from under his pillow. Perhaps it was time for another meeting. He wondered what everyone would say to Malfoy’s appearance. Well… he had already promised to help the other. He tapped the coin and set a meeting for the following Monday.


	26. Flowers

Harry sneaked through the overgrown garden near the greenhouses trying to find any simply, pretty flower he could find. After all, flowers always seem to make girls happy so maybe that would be a good start to the date. Unfortunately, he was not allowed to go to Hogsmeade to buy any and the ones barely managing to survive around here. Miraculously he found a pretty orchid amongst some orange tulips and though together their colours seemed a bit gaudy, separately they were quite pretty. He found a nice set of anemones and gathered them into the bouquet he’d collected.

“Now please tell me you don’t intend to give that to your date.” Harry jumped and turned, wand raised in Draco Malfoy’s direction. Malfoy looked amused and raised his hands as a sign of surrender.

“Sorry, habit.” Harry said and glared at him before putting his wand down and looked at his flowers. “What’s wrong with them?” He said defensively.

“There’s nothing wrong with them, but I’m not too sure you know what they say.” Malfoy said amused, walking past him, going into a deeper part of the garden. Harry looked at his retreating back with mistrust before following him.

“These aren’t magical, they don’t talk.” Harry said, though he looked at the flowers with doubt in his mind.

Malfoy’s reply to that was laughter, and not the mocking sort of laughter that made Harry want to punch him. “Of course flowers don’t talk, Potter,” he said as he swept his fingers over his eyes wiping the tears of mirth that had started to form.

“Then what’s wrong with them?” Harry asked walking faster to catch up to him. Malfoy stopped parting the greenery of an overgrown path and turned to him. He pointed at the orchid. “An orchid can mean ‘luxury’ or ‘lust’. Since you only have one, it means ‘lust’.” He pointed to the tulip. “Tulips are symbols of ‘love’ or ‘passion’. Since the orchid is already saying ‘lust’, anyone can assume the tulips mean ‘passion’.” Finally the anemones. “These say ‘anticipation’, and all together basically say you can’t wait to get into Chang’s robes.”

Harry felt his face heat up and he dropped the flowers as if they’d burned him. Malfoy only laughed and continued parting the greenery, passing through into a darker part of the gardens. Harry followed him. “How do you even know this much about flowers Malfoy?”

“How do you know so little? I cannot believe you were about to give that to Chang.” He chuckled some more.

Harry looked up to see that the overgrown path actually led to a dome of entwined branches, covered in climbing plants that allowed enough light to pass through to give the secret garden a green glow. In here many flowers grew and several butterflies fluttered from one flower to another.

“Now, how about I help you to not make a fool of yourself.” Malfoy said and advanced to a bush overgrown with round pink flowers. Malfoy didn’t wait for him to accept his help and started cutting a couple of those pink flowers. “These are dahlias. They say ‘elegance’ and ‘dignity’, so you can’t go wrong and these,” he said as he went to another bush, this time of round bright yellow flowers. “Are ranunculi, or Persian buttercups. They mean ‘charm’.” He cut a couple and gathered them prettily into a nice bouquet, the pink dahlias on the outside and the yellow buttercups in the centre. It was a simple, yet elegant bouquet.

Harry huffed and took out a piece of string he had to tie the flowers together.

“By Merlin’s ancestors. You are hopeless, Potter.” Malfoy said and transfigured the string into a peach coloured ribbon that he tied expertly into a nice bow. Harry was embarrassed, but Malfoy’s florist skills overwhelmed his embarrassment with shock.

“Are you going to tell me how you know all this stuff?” Harry asked as he looked at the bouquet.

“I am a pure-blooded wizard, from the age of seven I’ve been trained in all manner of wooing techniques. That way when my father finds me an ideal match I don’t let her get away.” He said proudly.

“Wow, how romantic.” Harry said blandly and Malfoy sneered waving his hand dismissively.

“I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand, but I am expected to marry well. Now why don’t go to your date before you’re late.” Malfoy said shooing him in the direction of the main garden.

“Do you expect a thank you?” Harry asked as they made their way back out.

“For stopping you from embarrassing yourself? Perhaps. Perhaps I simply wanted to thank you in return.” He said, bringing out the galleon with the next meeting’s date and time on.

“Hmm… I said I would help you. And thank you too.” He said and turned to leave. He looked at the flowers and for a second wondered if Malfoy was tricking him but glancing back he saw Malfoy putting the flowers he’d already cut back in their respective stems.

On his way to meet up with Cho Harry wondered on engaged marriages. In the muggle world they’re thought of as horrible things, well his uncle always criticised it loudly when he saw a programme on other cultures. He wondered if Malfoy was aware that they don’t always turn out right. Then again he was in no position to give his opinion. After all, last thing he wanted to do was regurgitate anything his uncle had ever said. What did he know anyway? The blonde had saved him from making an embarrassing blunder. For that he was thankful.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry felt his face heat up once more as he saw Cho approaching with a picnic basket. “Hello Harry,” she said with a smile. Harry nervously took out the flowers from behind his back.

“Here, these are for you.” She looked at them in surprise and smiled, taking them, handing Harry the basket.

“They’re lovely Harry. Thank you…” Dread filled the pit of his stomach as the silence stretched. She fidgeted with the flowers and Harry looked down at the basket.

“Um… where should we sit?” He asked. She looked around. “Oh, over there is nice and flat.” She said pointing to a sunny patch ahead. He went ahead with her, trying to just enjoy the sound of the song birds in the distance and trying to ignore the awkwardness.

Was she awkward because she was shy? Or was he supposed to do something? Was he supposed to kiss her? Supposed to say anything in particular? Was she waiting for him?

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus approached the small arched window through which Draco was overlooking the lake. “Draco? What are you doing here?” He asked icily. The Malfoy heir said nothing at first.

“I’m just looking at the pathetic romance skills of the saviour of the wizarding world.” The blonde said. He came to look through the arched window as well and saw the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw sitting on a picnic blanket, seemingly eating quietly. The potions master felt himself cringing. How could it be possible to feel awkwardness from this far away?

“Shouldn’t you be focusing on your mission?” Severus said turning away.

“I am. Potter is too easy to convince. All you have to do is be genuinely nice a couple of times and he starts falling for anything.” Severus glanced at the boy’s steely grey eyes, which remained focused on the Gryffindor.

“The Dark Lord will want to see progress.” Severus said, wanting to know how close the blonde was getting to the child he had sworn to protect.

The child he had not sworn to protect, his godson, looked at his own hands, a frown forming on his face. “He will see some…”


	27. Nagini's attack

 

“NNnh…” Severus ignored the sound and passed a page of his yearly potion master’s subscription. Only a handful of these articles where even worth the parchment they were written in. Why did he keep subscribing to them?

“Nnhgghghh!” He narrowed his eyes at the illustrations on the article. “Mhghgh…” Severus slammed the parchment down to look at Potter’s scruffy head, which was miserably placed on the edge of Severus’ desk.

“May I inquire why you have come to invade my Sunday afternoon with your whining?” He asked, irritated. Why was the boy suddenly comfortable enough to come in unannounced? Why had he allowed him to stay there, forehead against the hardwood desk, and whine incessantly for the last ten minutes?

“Nnh… you-don’t-under-stand.” Potter said, banging his head between words.

“Watch it Potter, this is a hundred year old Macassar ebony.” Potter looked up and glared at him before banging his head one more time.

“It was so awkward. I didn’t know what to say, what to do, and I could tell she was waiting for something? Or I don’t know! What was I supposed to do?”

“I have absolutely no idea on the inner workings of a woman’s mind.” Severus said blandly, looking back at his journal.

“One thing’s for certain, I’m never doing that again. I will be quite happy avoiding eye contact with Cho for the rest of my life.” The brat said decisively. All this muffled as he had yet to lift his head again.

“Good for you…” He said uninterested. The seconds of silence ticked away and he looked at the boy, seeing him resting his head on his crossed arms looking miserably at a pot of spiders that was sitting on the edge of the desk. He scoffed and rolled his eyes annoyed. “Quit your moping. It simply means you do not have that much in common with Miss Chang. Just because you find someone attractive it does not mean you are compatible.” He said. “Now go whine to the whomping willow.”

Potter sat up and for a split second Severus worried that the brat was actually going to mess around the temperamental tree. Instead he saw the boy’s pale face and the skin around his scar turning an angry red.

“Potter! What is it?” It couldn’t be the Dark Lord’s anger or he would be feeling it over the mark on his arm.

“H-he’s… I can feel him trying to get in…” He whispered and groaned closing his eyes, he moved his neck that made Severus cringe as he remembered Nagini. A hiss leaving the boy’s lips as he either lost the battle or tried to fight back.

Severus instantly reached for a dreamless sleep potion and stormed over to him, tipping the boy’s head back and making him drink it. In seconds the boy relaxed and stopped hissing, lying back limp against the chair.

The potions master stared at the boy as the scar remained irritated but the pallor faded away. He put the empty vial down and turned his back to the boy. Why was his heart racing so fast? Was it seeing the brat about to lose himself? Or was it the fact that the Dark Lord coincidentally chose this time to do so. Did the Dark Lord know Potter was with him? Or was he simply looking to see how Malfoy was progressing in his mission?

“What am I to do with you Potter?” He whispered to himself before turning to look at him. The boy had a peaceful expression that he hadn’t seen on him even on the few instances he’d seen him sleep. Still, dreamless sleep was not something to be taken lightly.

With a wave of his wand, a silvery white doe appeared and he sent a message to Dumbledore, telling him what happened. By the time the headmaster entered his study, he’d transfigured the chair Potter was sleeping on to a more comfortable a more comfortable looking lounge chair.

It wasn’t to make the brat more comfortable or anything, he just didn’t want him dropping and cracking his skull open in his office. It would be too troublesome to clean up.

Dumbledore didn’t mention it anyway, his expression sombre as he stared at the steady rise and fall of Potter’s chest. “He was hissing, you say?” He asked.

“Yes professor… Potter alerted me as it started. I’m not sure if he was still fighting it when I gave him the potion or if he had already lost.” He said simply, his tone cold, uncaring. He did not want the headmaster to think for one second that he was desperate for answers. Nor that he was desperate to see the boy open his eyes and return to normal.

“So we must prepare to him awakening as Nagini.” The headmaster said coming closer to the boy. “How strong a dose did you give him, Severus?” The potion master looked at the little vial.

“A medium dose, he should wake up if shaken awake.” The headmaster took out his wand and Severus followed his example, though he wasn’t sure what to expect. Dumbledore reached for the boy and shook him awake.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry felt the world coming back into focus. Someone was shaking him. His eyes opened. A wand was in his face and he reacted. Before he even registered it he’d grabbed onto the mid-point of the wand and tore it out of its owner’s hands, throwing it to the side. He heard it clatter on the ground somewhere when he felt the edge of another wand press against his chest and he looked up.

His heart raced and his body was ready to fight. He tried to glare up but he was also afraid. He felt an animalistic urge to attack, and it had nothing to do with the snake that had slithered into his subconscious just before he fell asleep.

“W-what… Snape?” He asked confused. Snape narrowed his eyes at him, looking at him just as he did when Harry had first spoken to that cobra in Lockhart’s duelling class.

He turned to the other wizard and saw Dumbledore standing looking at him quite shocked. “Harry?”

“Yes professor?” He mumbled, suddenly feeling all the energy leave him, his extremities starting to tremble in currents. Snape withdrew his wand, relaxing from his attack stance and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a firm squeeze.

Harry didn’t understand what had happened, but the moment the potions master gave him that comforting gesture he felt a warmth spread from his stomach outward which was starting to become familiar when it came to the professor.

The headmaster went to pick up his wand from the ground and Harry gasped. “Sorry professor… I thought… I didn’t know it was you.” He said and looked at both elders questioningly. Why were they so ready to attack him? “I didn’t… do something bad did I?” He managed to say, looking up at Snape with worry. The potions master gave a light shake of his head.

“It seems that the professor’s quick thinking stopped Nagini’s advance on your mind.” Harry felt his stomach churning unpleasantly.

“Is he… trying to possess me?” He asked softly.

“It could be, Potter. His plans seem to be flexible at the moment. Though at present he doesn’t seem to be angry about his failed attempt at invading your mind.” Snape said. Harry’s eyes flickered to Snape’s arm, where he’d seen the dark mark last summer. He looked down.

“I’ll occlude next time.” He promised.

“…It may be-”

“No.” Snape hissed, interrupting Dumbledore’s response. Harry looked at Snape surprised, as did Dumbledore.

“Come now, Severus.”

“No.” Snape said coldly, to the point, his tone leaving no room for argument, but just in case the slight narrowing of his eyes reinforcing his decision. Harry felt like there was an entire non-verbal conversation happening between the two professors that he could not decipher with what little he knew of the two adults.

It made Harry feel like he shouldn’t even be in the same room, witnessing Snape’s unexplained insubordination. Or was it unexplained? Both had explained to him how dangerous it would be for him to occlude. Now that the headmaster was changing his mind on the decision, Snape was adamant in his stance about it.

Dumbledore turned to look down at him. “Harry, why don’t you go enjoy the remaining hours of sunlight. You need some fresh air.” Harry understood when he was told to leave. He stood and looked at the two of them doubtfully.

“Go, Potter.” Snape said, dismissing him. Harry didn’t want to go and he head questions, but they remained stuck against his lips and he turned, walking out quietly. The door shut after him. He stood there, trying to listen, but there was a spell stopping him from listening in. He decided to go find something to eat. He would ask Snape later. If he was lucky and he caught him in a good mood, he might get answers.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus watched the boy leave and transfigured the chair back to its original form. Dumbledore looked at him curiously.

“Severus, is there something you wish to say to me?” He asked.

“I have rarely questioned your judgement calls headmaster, but suggesting that he occlude was something I could _not_ stand behind.” He said facing his mentor head on.

“I see… and what of next time? When his mind is breached when you’re not around Severus?”

“Forgive me headmaster. Forgive me if you expect my reply to be one of concern for the other students, teachers, or any innocent creature between Potter and the Dark Lord. I am not a good person and you know this. I swore to protect Potter. I will not put his safety after anyone else’s.” Dumbledore blinked in surprise.

“Severus, my boy. Have you truly started to care for him?”

“So what if I have? Someone has to.” He challenged.

“Hmm. I suppose it was a good thing to have him open up to you. However, remember that as a spy you cannot promise to always be there for him.”

Of course he knew that. He would never make such an irresponsible promise to the brat anyway.

“I am not the enemy Severus. And if you wish to truly protect him, you’ll once more distance yourself from him. If you wanted any true part in his life… that time has come and gone a long time ago, my boy.”

Severus said nothing, for there was nothing to say. He simply rose his wand for the door to open. Dumbledore stared at his own wand for a brief moment before putting it away and looking at him.

“Is this a plan of his?” He asked.

Severus shook his head. “You know everything I know, headmaster. I have no knowledge on whatever he had been attempting today.” Dumbledore seemed content with that response and left.

Severus let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and shook his head. He stood there for a while, trying to process everything that had happened, trying to get his head around it.

The one emotion he couldn’t currently push back was the relief he felt that the stupid boy had returned to normal. He needed to keep a closer eye on him. Even though, the headmaster’s words did ring with truth. Though at this point, he wondered if it was even possible to distance himself from the boy.

 


	28. Lily's gift

The answer was no. He could not distance himself from the boy. As he opened the door of his quarters that night he knew it would be him. He opened the door and narrowed his eyes at the empty doorway. The brat’s head materialised out of thin air. He looked ready to argue with him as to why he should be allowed in for the answers to his questions, a frown already set in place.

He let him ramble on, only because he was taking a moment to take in just how much the boy actually looked like his retched father. His face was a constant reminder of the self-absorbed abomination that ruined his most treasured friendship and took the only happiness from his life.

And then he was also a constant reminder of that glimmer of light that had filled his mid-childhood memories with happiness and laughter. The green eyes, yes, but also the boy’s hands. His hair, in a way was a memento of his mother. The reason it refused to obey gravity or any attempt at hair styling. In her it matched with her wavy dark-red hair whilst in the boy it caused the Potters’ straight hair to seem unruly.

What got him every time though, were not his eyes or his hair. It was her expressions in his face, the way he frowned with determination as he gave his explanation, which Severus was not listening to. He’d also noticed it in the way the idiotic Gryffindor smiled, though he’d rarely focused on the boy’s happiness until this year. A year when he had rarely been happy. Those rare instances when he’d heard the boy’s laughter he’d had to pause and occlude as it jostled too many memories.

And he knew that he no longer protected the child because of his promise to Dumbledore. No. Seeing Lily in the boy made the potions master want to protect everything that still lived of her in him.

“So you have to-”

“You look so much like your mother…” He didn’t realise he’d spoken out loud until the boy’s determined expression melted away into a look of surprise and then yearning. Too easy to read.

“…what?” He asked softly. “You mean my eyes.” He mumbled, looking confused.

Severus realised he couldn’t take the words back, and he couldn’t continue talking to the boy in the doorway. He also had to talk to the boy about the snake’s intrusion so he stepped out of his way, the boy instantly coming inside.

“In other ways too.” He said coming into the parlour, Potter sitting in the lounge chair he’d slept on while he was ill, naturally gravitating towards it.

“You knew her?”

“Yes, well… your charming father and I were in the same year. As you obviously know, your mother was in the same class as he.” He said pretending to be sorting the scrolls on his coffee table.

The boy started playing with his nails, eyes fixed on them. “How am I like her?” Perhaps he should have kept quiet.

“She was… very opinionated. Your expressions are very much like the Lily Evans I remember. You also share the same laugh as her.” He said, keeping his tone neutral and occluding any emotion. When he looked up Potter was staring straight at him. What more did he want? “Your hair also.”

“Huh? My mom had red hair.” He said.

“Yes, but yours is always a mess because of her. Her type of hair was better suited for the unruliness I suppose.” He shrugged.

“…You… noticed that?” He asked grabbing some of his hair looking at the ends of a strand. The boy’s hair was getting long again. Time to re-direct the conversation. “You also share a dangerous trait of kindness.”

“Kindness is not dangerous, professor.” He argued.

“It is when it blinds us to the darkness in others. Draco Malfoy, for example.” He said. Potter, less cunning than the blonde, shrugged, assuming Draco had told Severus.

“It’s not a bad thing to give others a chance. Even a git like Malfoy… there are bigger things to worry about.” He was too easy to milk for information. What a disaster it would have been to allow him into the Order when the boy first stated his interest.

“Suddenly you’re friends with Mister Malfoy?” He asked. The boy scrunched his nose in annoyance and Severus pushed back the nostalgia it brought about as he remembered Lily’s annoyed expression.

“I’m not that stupid. I’m letting him come to learn defence.”

“What ‘defence’ is this?” Snape asked watching the boy, starting to get amused. Had the boy fallen into a giant cauldron of veritaserum before he came over here?

Potter looked a bit surprised that he had said what he said and looked away, focusing on the small embers in the fireplace. The potions master used his wand to direct another log into it.

“Wait, did you change the topic? I want to know more about my mom.” Damnit, maybe he shouldn’t underestimate the brat.

“Have you eaten? You have a nasty habit of skipping meals. You’re much too short as it is.” Maybe if he spoke to the boy as if he were a first year the other would get distracted enough to change the topic.

“One meal isn’t going to kill me.” Potter sneered much like the potions master often did. Was the scrawny Gryffindor trying to mock him?

“I will take that as a yes.” He turned and had a house-elf bring the boy something to eat.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You will eat nonetheless.” He said dismissing the boy’s opinion.

“Fine… but you have to tell me more about my mother. And nothing insulting.” Potter clearly had no clue that Snape had nothing insulting to say about her.

“Very well. I am willing to accept the condition. Also I want to talk to you about what happened today.” Potter grimaced as he grabbed the plate of food and he could not be sure whether it was due to the food or the second topic on the agenda. “What I mainly want to make clear is that you are under no circumstances to occlude. Your level of occlusion… could either block off the Dark Lord from your mind but render you helpless to attack or it could render you an empty vessel for the Dark Lord to easily manipulate.”

Potter nodded, poking the food on his plate. “I understand…”

Severus relaxed slightly. He would take the boy’s word for it. “Another thing I remember about your mother, was that she was excellent in potions.”

At that the boy perked up and actually managed to take a bite of his food. “Really? Maybe she had a very good teacher.” Severus clenched his jaw slightly and waited for the brat to swallow what he had in his mouth before giving him a firm smack to the back of the head. “Ow!”

“Finish your food. If you apply yourself in remedial potions maybe you’ll come close to her level of skill.” The boy was still rubbing the back of his head and he chose the time to browse through some scrolls on the wall.

“What was she like?”

“Hmm… I suppose like every Gryffindor she was brave and loyal to her friends.” Unless the friend says something stupid he would forever regret. “Excellent in Charms… what else…”

“…professor?” He turned to look back at the boy, for a moment having gotten lost in thought. The boy eyed him curiously. “You have a lot of nice things to say about her… compared to my dad that is.”

“I’m a scholar. I can appreciate hard-work and dedication… and sacrifice.”

“And my dad? He was good in transfiguration and quidditch.”

He found himself getting angry hearing good things being said about that bastard. “Your father was a self-absorbed, arrogant-” He stopped as he heard his harsh tone of voice, and as he saw the boy ready to jump to the man’s defence.

“My fa-”

“Everyone has darkness inside them Potter! Just because your father was apparently a saint to those who’ve told you about him so far doesn’t mean he-!”

“My father was not evil! He fought for the light!”

“Nothing is that simple you foolish child! There is no good and evil! There is only-”

“-power… wow.” The boy said in a whisper. Severus felt his throat tighten. He’d just regurgitated one of those blasted quotes from the Dark Lord himself. He wouldn’t have normally cared. So why did he care now what the brat thought of him.

“I’ve said what I wanted to tell you and you’ve finished your food. It’s time for you to return to your dormitory.”

“Are you sending me to my room, Snape?” The boy asked mockingly, clearly angry still. Severus grabbed the book the headmaster had given him with his notes and amendments to the standard books of potions.

“Yes. Read the chapter on year five and then backwards if you don’t understand.” He said, too tired to fight with the boy now. Potter accepted the book and looked as if he were debating with himself on whether he should continue arguing or not.

“What did my father ever do to you?” The brat mumbled. Severus wanted to tell him exactly the kind of person the boy’s father was but reminded himself that James Potter was already dead. He would only be hurting the boy by telling him the truth. Either that or the boy would refuse to believe him entirely.

“Nothing Potter. I’m a Slytherin, I’m by nature bitter and hateful. Forget I said anything.” The boy frowned but eventually let out a sigh. Maybe the boy too didn’t want things to get bad between them again.

“You’re not that bad.”

“Well you are, I cannot believe you have yet to even move toward the door.” He said. The boy smiled a bit, clearly amused by his words.

“I’m going. I’m going.”


	29. DA

He’d made sure Malfoy arrived earlier. Hermione and Ron were with him, both having initially despised the idea. Until Harry explained his reasoning.

“This whole keep friends and enemies together thing better work.” Ron started.

“The saying is, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.” Hermione corrected him.

“If Malfoy’s reasons for learning defence are true then that’s all there is to it. If he’s lying, it would have been easier for him just to tell on us the last time we were here. He hadn’t known we had a different way of leaving after all.” Harry said.

“Still… it’s Malfoy…” Ron grumbled. Just then Hermione’s response didn’t come out as the door opened and Malfoy walked in, closing the door quickly behind him. He turned to face the room a blinked with a little confusion as he saw only the three of them.

“Am I late?” he asked checking his coin once more.

“No. I merely put yours a couple of minutes earlier than everyone else’s.” Harry said. Malfoy confirmed with the coin anyway and put it away.

“Oh… ok.” He said coming over. “Weaseley, Granger.” He merely nodded at the two. Hermione narrowed her eyes at him and simply gave a brief nod. Ron crossed his arms over his chest and kept glaring at Malfoy who turned his attention to Harry. “How was the date lover boy?” He said, with that same haughty tone he tended to use, though it didn’t carry the spite it usually did.

“It was ok.” Harry said. Malfoy gave a dry chuckle and Harry felt his face heating up as he realised that Malfoy must have seen them at some point. “Shut up.” He grumbled looking away from the blonde’s smug expression. The door opened and soon people started filling in. Some hesitant as they saw Malfoy.

Only about half the people came this time, probably still spooked after Umbridge nearly caught them last time. The ones that were present looked about ready to bolt seeing Malfoy there.

“Alright, shall we get started?” Harry asked.

“What’s _he_ doing here?” Katie Bell asked and Harry sighed.

“Draco Malfoy will start learning defence as well. Now, how about we finish perfecting ‘expelliarmus’.” He suggested.

“What if he tells on us?” Lavender Brown asked.

“He already saw us last time and in fact, led Umbridge away. For now, if he wishes to learn, we can let him.” He said hoping they wouldn’t decide to just up and leave. It was good that they were all progressing in being able to defend themselves.

Luckily his prayers were heard, because they all turned to each other and started practising experlliarmus. Malfoy, however, was directly ignored. Harry turned to the blonde.

“What defensive spells do you know?” He asked leading him to the manikin that the room provided. Everyone else trusted each other enough to not need it. Malfoy turned to it and blinked up surprised and an emotion Harry couldn’t identify flickered in his grey eyes. He glanced up and wondered if Draco had noticed the eerie resemblance to the deatheater masks it had. “Malfoy?”

Malfoy shielded whatever had been showing in his eyes and nodded. He proceeded to list a number of ‘defensive’ spells that had a set of nasty effects. A couple of the neutral ones as well. They spent the hour assessing Malfoy. Harry acknowledged there were probably things the other wasn’t revealing to know as well.

“Let’s start teaching you the Patronus then.” He said after a while. No one paid them any attention. Harry was actually surprised at how calm and… quiet Malfoy was. His spell did not conjure the light on several attempts. Only the last couple conjured a wall of light as tall as the blonde himself. It may push back one dementor, though Harry doubted it would be able to do much more. “That’s a good start, it takes practice but we’ll keep at it.” He told the other.

“Hmm… thanks Potter.” The blonde said looking at his wand. Harry stared at him for a few seconds before turning to everyone and letting them know the lesson was finished. Everyone managed to sneak away without problem.

To be honest, he’d wondered if an ambush would be waiting for them as soon as they left. But nothing. Malfoy grabbed his things and headed for the door. Harry reminded himself that it was possible that the Slytherin truly needed to learn defense with desperation. In all honesty he might be needing it a little bit more than Harry at the moment, considering Voldemort was residing in his home.

Harry wondered how he would feel should his own mother have had to accept giving residence to the Dark Lord while he remained far away, in a school, unable to protect her if anything should happen to her. Unable to even know how safe she was.

He really wished there was something Dumbledore could also do for him.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Draco walked out cursing himself. He was supposed to befriend Potter. Not focus on these spells so hard. Still… he had to admit that it was thrilling to see the wall of light. Dementors were frightening. He still remembered them looming around during third year. He could only imagine their skin-crawling chill around their beautiful manor.

No doubt they’d ruined his mother’s treasured garden. He took a deep breath and tried not to think about his father. He worried, yes. But he was also angry. And he didn’t want to be. Being angry at his father was admitting he had done something wrong to deserve his son’s wrath. And Malfoys never make mistakes. They were supposed to be perfect, strong, worthy of the wizarding world’s admiration.

For the longest time Draco had held his father to that standing and looked up to him. He had believed every word. Treasured every bit of advice and followed it by the law as much as he could. Until that summer. Last summer when everything changed. He couldn’t help it as he recalled the details of that fateful night of the 31st of July. The Dark Lord did so enjoy patterns.

_Draco heard approaching steps drawing him out from a dream. A dream where he’d been flying over the quidditch pitch after having defeated Potter in catching the snitch. He woke up from that dream feeling warm and victorious but all that vanished when the steps came closer._

_His door was hurriedly opened and both his parents ran into his room, though his father had reached for his mother’s arm as if trying to stop her from waking him up._

_“Narcissa, no, we have… he’s coming.” He whispered, but Draco was already awake and heard the urgency and fear in his father’s normally cold and proud voice._

_“Then we need to get Draco out of here. Lucius… Lucius what if he wants to mark him? He’s only fifteen Lucius.” Draco felt fear and anguish making his heart race. Why did his mother, always so headstrong, sound close to tears?_

_“I won’t…” Draco had expected his father to boldly state how he would not allow it, Dark Lord or not. But the promise of protection never came._

_“What if he wants to punish him because we claimed to be imperiused?” She whispered. The sound of a sob echoed in his room._

_“If we get him out of here now the Dark Lord will truly doubt us. He would kill us where we stand.” Lucius hissed, as if trying to get his mother to understand._

_“At least he would be safe.”_

_“You don’t know that… I would rather die than see him suffer… getting us killed and leaving him in a world where he has no true allies is not something I will do to our son.”_

_Draco closed his eyes as he heard them approaching. When he felt a gentle hand passing over his hair he initially believed it to be his mother but when he felt the slightly larger hand on his cheek he knew it was his father. He had wished to open his eyes. He had wanted to see what look his father had in his eyes. But he was afraid of opening his eyes. When his father pulled away, it was too late._

_“He’s here isn’t he…” His mother whispered._

_“Yes…” Draco wasn’t sure who gave him the kiss on the forehead and who hugged him, but as the door closer he was once more alone, and terror coursed through his veins. His parents whom he’d always believed to adore the Dark Lord, someone Draco thought was a man worth his respect and admiration, now cowered and almost sent him away._

_Just what kind of monster was he?_

Draco had to stop and lean against the dark wall, taking a deep breath. That very next day he learned exactly the type of monster he was. In their very living room, where they’d always spent almost every afternoon together as a family, now was tainted with the screams of a couple of muggleborns captured by a couple of deatheaters.

Draco had been invited. The word ‘invitation’ was not one the blonde would have used. He had been forced to stand there and stare as the Dark Lord crucioed the old muggleborn couple until they each had a heart attack and died. His parents had stared with cold unfeeling eyes. Draco had thrown up. His father had made a disapproving noise and looked down at him as if he were the greatest disappointment in his life.

“-foy… Malfoy…” Draco’s vision focused enough to see Potter standing before him, in all his bloody glory, standing in the middle of the corridor at almost midnight, looking at him with distrust and concern. Funny to see the two together in another’s face. “Was the lesson too much? You’re feeling weak?” He asked softly, so as to not awaken the portraits.

“I’m not weak, stupid Potter.” He snapped. Potter scoffed in annoyance.

“That’s not what I said, stupid Malfoy.” He snapped right back. “Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” Hmm… maybe this truth could help him get closer to the Gryffindor.

“…I remembered the reason I wanted to learn defence in the first place. I remembered the ones I want to protect… and I remembered the one I blame for all this…” Yet he still wished that nothing would happen to his father.

“And you wonder if learning these spells are going to make a single bit of difference against Voldemort?” He flinched violently at the sound of the name. Strangely Potter hit the target hard. Or were similar thoughts circulating in Potter’s mind?

“Yes.”

“I can’t give you an answer to that one… but it may give you an advantage here or there…” Potter’s tone of voice meant he was trying not to make Draco’s feelings worse. It made his insides swirl with loathing for Potter’s… empathy. If it had been him he would have told himself to man up and stop being a pathetic idiot in the middle of the corridors. “I just think that those that can’t defend themselves… should have some measure of doing so.” He said gently.

“Why are you always so bloody… nice?” He hissed.

“Oh… I am not nice, Malfoy. It’s my blood that brought him back. If I can help diminish the casualties that are sure to come… that’s enough to settle my guilt a little… I hope.” Malfoy looked up then, eyeing the stupid Gryffindor once more. “Let’s go Malfoy, before Filch finds us and I get detention with Umbridge.” Potter absently scratched the back of his hand as he said this.

He managed to find the strength he needed to move his legs. “I’m going.” He said.

“I’ll see you next time.”

He stared at the stupid lion. “Yes…” Could he really be this easy to become friends with? Was he already aware of his mission? No… he couldn’t be. Don’t jump to conclusions Draco Malfoy. “Until next time, Potter.” Potter nodded and hurried in his way, both of them parting ways when reaching the staircases.

They didn’t talk again, they didn’t repeat their goodbye. Draco once more wondered what he could do next time to get closer to Potter. And what would he tell him next time to gain his confidence? All these things played in his mind until he fell into a nightmarish sleep.


	30. Special

His first private potions lesson with Snape did not go as bad as he’d expected, though he did feel rather humiliated that the other had him doing first year potions after he’d managed to successfully brew a polyjuice potion recently. Then again Snape wasn’t supposed to know that.

“Do not look so miserable, Potter. It annoys me.” Snape said, not looking up from the essay he was grading.

“And what doesn’t?” He mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” He said with a smile and a happy tone as fake as he could muster. Snape narrowed his eyes and glared in his direction. Only after making eye-contact did Harry feel satisfied enough to turn his attention back to his forgetfulness potion, victory in his chest that now the potions master was suffering with him.

“These potions, _Potter_ , are easy, and have few steps with relatively cheap ingredients. It will help you improve your technique and accuracy.”

It made sense but it was still… boring. Before he knew it he was day dreaming, not really watching on what he put in or stirred. A light smack to the back of the head jolted him out of it. “What?” He mumbled as he turned to the flask he’d been filling.

“Never doze off like that when you’re brewing.” Snape reprimanded.

Harry rolled his eyes. “It’s not like any of these ingredients are explosive, and the copper cauldron stops it from melting even if I overheat it.” He put a cork on the top of the flask. “Besides, these are all perfect. I’m bored Snape, can’t we do something more… interesting?”

“Oh? You think my class is boring?” He asked.

“No… just… this _potion_ is boring. I’ve done like twenty already and I could probably do it with my eyes closed by now.” He shrugged.

“Yes, and your speed has improved, as well as your disastrous stirring technique.” Harry blinked and looked back at the cauldron. Snape had told him to focus on his stirring at the start but he rather forgot about it by the tenth potion. Was he… really stirring differently? Now that he focused, he realised that his later potions had a better colour than the first. “I suppose I could give you something new to do.”

Harry looked up at that. Snape went to his desk to retrieve a small scroll from a neatly arranged pile in his drawer. This one had a number two in the crest. “What is it?”

“It is a potion from second year.” Harry almost groaned. “At least as easy as a second year potion, but you have not done it before. With this one, I want you to practice the timing of introducing in the ingredients.” He once more offered Harry the scroll.

Harry opened it and read the tittle. “Burn salve?”

“As the name suggest, it should have a pretty thick consistency that will harden slightly once cooled. The perfection of its consistency depends on how accurate your timing is. A good consistency will be more effective in soothing and healing burns.”

He went on explaining for a couple of minutes about why that was. Harry felt a warmth spreading in his chest because he understood. Also, because this was the first time a teacher bothered about his grades enough to give him private tutoring. But would McGonagall offering the same have made him this… he didn’t want to use the word ‘happy’.

He knew here in Hogwarts she probably would give him a way to improve his grades but still… it didn’t give him the satisfaction that this potions lesson was giving him. When he was in primary school the teachers didn’t question when he always got borderline grades. They didn’t question why he would fail an exam straight after his cousin also failed one. They never cared. Oh they pointed it out several times. One or two teachers were quite brutal when criticizing him and anyone else who didn’t seem to be trying in their class but no teacher ever looked at ‘quiet Harry’ more than necessary.

Then again Snape never did either. There was only one reason he was changing and it was Harry’s secret, mingled with pity. Although it had bothered Harry at the start… now he ignored that little voice that told him that the professor still didn’t give a damn. He ignored it because he didn’t care anymore. Maybe he _did_ enjoy being the centre of attention, like Snape used to say. He certainly enjoyed feeling… special. It wasn’t like Snape was offering anyone else two afternoons of his week to help them improve. It wasn’t like Snape was going out of his way for anyone else to get them the healing potions they needed.

Another whack. “Ow!” Harry complained rubbing the back of his head.

“Do not day-dream when you’re brewing, _Potter_.” He repeated.

“Yes, _sir_.” He grumbled. He was annoyed… but the warm feeling never left him.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

However, as luck would have it…

Harry scoffed. His luck was limited this year.

“There you are Mr. Potter.” A sugary voice said as a pudgy manicured hand grabbed him by the shoulder, nails digging into his skin through the robes.

“I was heading to my common-room, there’s still time before curfew, Professor.” Harry said, trying not to show the horrid woman the anger and revulsion he felt just by having her talk to him.

“Oh, well, I would like to have a word with you if that’s alright.” She said simply.

“Curfew is in a few minutes, Professor, I really should…” The Gryffindor portrait was so close, just up the stairs. She simply giggled as the bell tolled announcing that curfew had started… and that Harry was out.

“Mr. Potter. It seems that you are out after curfew, if you could follow me.” She said sweetly. Harry watched the woman walk away and scratched the back of his hand desperately as he followed her, taking a deep breath to calm down.

He would not answer back, but he would not give her what she wants. He would not give her what she wants. She was nothing compared to Voldemort. She was…

“Have a seat Mr. Potter.” Harry stared at the black quill that made his stomach lurch, but also at the copy of the Quibbler sitting just next to the parchment. He followed her command. He knew she would come after him for the article at some point.

“The same as always?” Harry asked.

“Not quite…” She said grabbing the opened Quibbler, glancing over the interview. “I must admit Mr. Potter that you have quite the flare for storytelling.” She said in a fake tone of admiration. “This story must be immortalised.” She said and slammed it down in front of him. He jumped but tried not to look away from the twisted expression of hate she had in her face. “You will start with ‘I must not tell lies’ followed by ‘yet I tell them anyway, here is my biggest lie yet:’ and I want you to copy out the entire article. Every word, every punctuation mark, everything.” She hissed. Harry couldn’t tell if he had gone pale, but she seemed satisfied at whatever expression he was showing. He couldn’t find his voice to reply. He couldn’t manage an argument. “Begin.” She demanded.

Harry stared at the article and the quill. All he had to do was admit it. Admit it to the woman that he was lying. But he couldn’t. He refused. It was the truth and it was pride that made him grab that quill and start writing.

He wrote and wrote. He tried to think of something else as he wrote, but with each sentence the words wrapped around his hand and curled neatly around his arm, going up and up. The cuts ended after his elbow and did not heal the first time round. He waited for it to, but it didn’t. He looked up at her and she was smiling as she had her tea.

“Oh, clearly the message wasn’t sinking in. So I amended the quill a little.” She said smiling. “Go on… again.” Harry could barely feel his arm as it throbbed and… leaked. He started again, feeling numb inside. Then anger swelled inside him. If he had parents they truly would be enraged about this.

“My aunt will be angry about this.” He hissed the second time he had gone over the article. She giggled then and he looked up. He was about to tell a whole lie about his family but the confidence and… amusement in her face stopped him.

“Your aunt, I see… did you know I wrote to your aunt? I wanted to know if she understood what a lying little retch you were. It seems she agrees.” She said taking out a letter. “ _Now listen here, I already said I don’t want any of you freaks writing to me or my family. That waste of space is yours until the summer. Yes he is a liar, he always has been. A rotten little attention seeker. A freak like the rest of you…_ ”

Harry looked back down and started writing again, the pain blocking the words in a way. He didn’t care what his aunt had to say. He didn’t give a damn what any of them had to say.

“ _Ever since that boy could speak he’s been nothing but a liar and a troublemaker. Do not ask me about that freak again. I like to enjoy pretending I don’t have to take care of him until July. Rotten little thing he always was! After attacking my precious son..._ ”

“Stop it...” It wasn’t hearing those words that upset him. It was knowing that Umbridge now knew. She knew he had no one. That was why she had changed the spell. That was why he now had to cut the entire article into his skin. Why did Pettigrew have to escape? Why couldn’t Sirius get acquitted? Why was life so bloody unfair!

“Are you sure? She describes you so colourfully in the following lines.” She said and stood coming to sit in front of him. “I see now, why growing with these sort of… muggles would make you want to… feel special. You want the attention, positive attention, they never gave you.” She said sweetly and Harry found his breath catching at the back of his throat.

“I do not. I don’t care about anything they have to-” Harry felt the words catch in his throat. He refused to look at this monster, his arm burning as his blood trickled slowly down to the floor.

“Dumbledore failed you by sending you to these people. You would have been so loved and admired by a good wizarding family.” She said gently, the mock empathy burned harsher than the pain. “You can-”

“Voldemort is back. And he will take your half-blood body to the depths of hell, pink cardigan and all.” Harry spat out. He didn’t think about the consequences as the adrenaline running through his blood made him grin. He felt the urge to laugh and he managed to chuckle as he saw her shocked and angry face. “The best part is… you will be the one person I’ll enjoy seeing him torture.” He hissed, feeling the anger slithering at the back of his mind. He didn’t notice the rattling of the plates against the wall, or the screech of the cats as their homes fell and shattered on the ground. She gasped horrified taking out her wand to try and rescue her things but Harry’s magic was stronger and in seconds, as his power burst out, every pink tea set, every cat picture, every doily got torn to pieces.

She slapped him hard knocking his magic back into place. Her nails reached for his torn arm and dug in making him cry out louder. Soon she seemed to realise what she was doing and gasped letting him go. Harry cradled his arm close to his chest and shivered where he had fallen to the ground.

“You will go to your dorm. And if you tell anyone about your detention… your family’s sentiments about you will be the next major news story about the famous boy-who-lived.” She said that with so much glee that Harry knew she had recovered from the anger of her destroyed office. He grabbed his things and got out as fast as he could.

He could not believe he’d said something so horrible. Something a deatheater would have said.

He rushed to his destination, going down the stairs as fast as he…

Harry stopped. Why was he going down the stairs? Was he going to Snape? And what would he say? Would he tell on Umbridge like a pathetic child? Snape couldn’t do anything, and there was no reason why Snape should have to put up with Harry’s whining. Snape was already doing more than he needed to do. Harry couldn’t get cocky. Snape wouldn’t be there forever. Severus Snape was not his parent. He had no obligation to even give him the time of day. Harry already had more than he deserved and he was grateful.

He turned and made his way up to Gryffindor tower. He would nurse this wound himself, just as he had for most of the injuries he’d had from the age of eighteen months until the age of eleven.


	31. To trust

_“Come to me, Harry.” Voldemort said, reaching his hand out to him. Harry stared at the outreached hand. His arm burned just thinking about reaching up. It burned and burned._

_“Stop it…!”_

Harry whimpered as he opened his eyes and trembled as he realised he’d turned in his sleep onto his poorly bandaged arm. No way was he showing this mess to Hermione or even Ron so the night before he used up what little healing salve he had left and bandaged up the rest. He started at his arm and saw the bandages soaking slowly in red, probably opened up when he rolled onto it.

It hurt so much and it made his stomach twist unpleasantly. In a second he bolted out of the bed and threw up in the toilet. He’d done the same when he came back the night before.

“Mate? You still sick?” Ron’s sleepy voice asked from the entrance to the toilet. Harry’s only response was to retch into the bowl again. “You should go to Madame Pomfrey.” The redhead said. Harry trembled, as if the cold of the stone floor was seeping through his skin.

“I… I’m fine…” he mumbled and flushed. He made sure his pyjama’s sleeve was pulled down properly before coming out, wobbly, to wash his mouth.

“Then at least stay in bed today, I’ll vouch for your morning classes.” Harry thought about it, but then realised that Umbridge was likely to summon him for another detention if he drew that much attention to himself.

“I’m ok Ron… really.” He said trying to look calm and collected but Ron looked even more awake now.

“Mate… you need to rest… you look like death itself.” Ron said.

“Gee… thanks Ron.” He said walking past him.

“I mean it Harry… just lie in for today…”

“Enough talk Ron… I’ll be fine after breakfast.” He said softly. Maybe he could pop by Snape’s office to ask for the potion for sickness before class. He knew Ron wanted to argue, but he chose not to, and instead went back to trying to sleep as long as possible. Harry, instead, focused on wrapping another set bandages over the ones he had already and getting ready.

He made his way down the quiet castle, most portraits still asleep. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, though he hadn’t had a good night sleep since… could it be that he hadn’t had a good night sleep since leaving Snape’s quarters?

It was the quilt. He had to get Snape to teach him the spell. He was here. He knocked on the portrait and Salazar’s snake hissed at him.

“ _Don’t you know the meaning of sleep boy?_ ”

“ _I wish I did. Is professor Snape-_ ” The door opened and Snape reached for his wand. It told Harry that he had probably surprised him.

“What on earth…” Snape whispered putting away his wand. He had that same expression Ron had when he saw him this morning. It must be his hair. He tried flattening it down though he felt it bounce back up.

“Sorry professor… could you give me more of that purple potion?” He mumbled focusing on the lining of his robes. The silence started stretching and he looked up to see the look of suspicion from the potions master. Snape turned to face his rooms, a hand grabbing Harry by the shoulder and leading him inside.

He went to sit on the chair he’d used as a bed, not feeling comfortable sitting anywhere else. Mostly because the potions master had never expressed his permission in the number of times Harry had been in his quarters.

“What was it this time?” Harry perked up slightly, accepting the lilac potion as it was handed to him. Snape used a tone of voice that held no emotion, no actual concern… but Harry had come to realise, or hope, that it was the professor’s way of not revealing his actual humanity.

Harry reminded himself of the lie he’d prepared. The lie… say it… say it!

Harry kept his eyes down as a pull at the pit of his stomach made him slowly reach for his sleeve and start pulling it up. He gulped and felt himself tremble at his weakness. What was he hoping to accomplish with showing?! Stupid! Stupid! Just cover it up! He doesn’t care! No one ever-

He went to pull it down but the potions master placed a firm hand over the shaky, uncut hand. He didn’t look up at him as Snape sat next to him and removed the bandages. He saw the bloody, uneven bandages drop to the ground and whimpered as the other started undoing the second one.

“Stupid boy… didn’t you put anything between the bandage and whatever it is you have here?” The potions master reprimanded him and Harry felt another whimper escape his lips as the other tugged. He looked at his arm. The parts he had not applied the healing salve to had latched onto the bandages and dried up overnight. “This will hurt… but it needs to be done.” He managed to look up at Snape then. Snape rolled up a piece of thick cloth around a polished piece of round wood, normally used to hold up thick scrolls. “Bite onto this.”

Harry flinched but nodded doing as the other said, biting onto it. He closed his eyes as Snape turned a determined expression to his arm. He cried out, loudly, as one hand gripped his wrist hard and the other used his wand to quickly rip out the pieces of the bandaged that had gotten stuck. The pain lasted the longest five seconds of Harry’s life, but now the bleeding started again and with a vengeance.

Harry took off the cloth and breathed deeply, staring at his arm. Water washed away the new and old blood, bringing out the swollen words underneath.

“Umbridge?” Snape asked softly, staring at the toad’s handiwork. “When was this?” Harry flinched at the hiss in the other’s tone.

“Last night…”

“You were with me last night. I sent you off with plenty of time to get to Gryffindor tower.” Snape said loudly. “Look at me, Potter!” He yelled.

“Just forget it! Thank you for the potion! I can deal with Umbridge on my own!” Harry exclaimed and went to stand up but Snape’s hand on his shoulder shoved him back down.

“Deal with it? Your idea of wound healing seems to be ‘bandage it as badly as possible so others don’t notice’! One bandage over another? What, you think wizards are resistant to infections?! Now what the devil did that woman do?” He hissed dangerously low and Harry flinched looking down, staying quiet.

“I’m too tired to say it…” He whispered. He was certain Snape would push him but the man simply took a deep breath and slowly started dabbing the wound with a special potion that stung a little. He turned Harry’s arm over and Harry flinched as the other paused, looking at the three harsh scratches, marring most of the words into an unreadable mess.

“If that woman _ever_ gives you detention again… you will tell me.” He told him.

“I can’t… she told me not to tell anyone about this one…” He mumbled.

“I want to know, Potter. And I will be reminding the headmaster about this issue, you can rest assured about that.” He said, cleaning his arm properly and adding a different kind of salve than the one he’d used before, lathering it on properly before wrapping the bandage carefully. “Now watch. You’re supposed to make it neat, the second part should cover half of the previous one and so on.” He said wrapping it around.

When he was done, Snape stared at his arm a while longer before looking up at him. “You cannot deal with everything on your own, Potter. You are still a child. If you won’t rely on your friends, or madam Pomfrey…”

“She told me not to tell.”

“Yes… you still need to rely on someone.” He said.

“…I came to you.” Harry mumbled, holding his numb arm close to him.

“You should have done so yesterday. It may still get infected, if you start feeling feverish tell me immediately. Since I assume you’re desperate to go to class today. I suggest you go before breakfast is finished.” He told him.

“Ron told me to stay in bed.”

“You should. You look like death.”

Harry glared at him. “That’s what he said… you’re all so rude in the morning.” He grumbled.

“And you are too stubborn.”

“I’ll go to breakfast.” He said standing up. “Oh… professor, could you show me that transfiguration thing to make a duvet?” he asked. Snape blinked in confusion as he too stood up.

“Perhaps when we have more time.”

“Ok… thanks… again… I mean…” He started awkwardly. Snape rolled his eyes and turned him around, taking him to the door.

“You’re welcome. Now out.” He said. Harry jumped as the portrait shut behind him and sighed going to the great hall. He felt a little excitement at the possibility of Snape getting Umbridge in trouble. Though he knew it was unlikely to happen… it was nice to think about.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus took a good couple of breaths as he paced his quarters trying to erase the image from his mind, the image of the boy’s marred arm. It was unacceptable. He was not going to allow this. How _dare_ she?! Umbridge would pay. He would make her _pay!_

 


	32. A gift and a plan

Harry found himself enjoying the potions lessons far more than he ever imagined. Once Snape’s tricks started working even in the main potions class, he started getting more and more excited about the subject. Sure, Snape would never praise him during class, and he would barely do so during remedial potions, but Harry felt overly content that Snape had nothing _bad_ to say about his potions. Considering how critical the other was about his subject.

Sure, remedial potions mostly consisted in Snape criticising his technique but at the end of the day, the boring potions the other always assigned him to do would always end up improving the fault Snape had noticed at the start.

It slowly started to become something he looked forward to more than DA gatherings. Although teaching Draco Malfoy had proven to be its own little experience. They’d met up about five times in the last five weeks and not once has Malfoy opened his mouth to spout any of the nonsense he usually says.

In fact, he rarely spoke at all nowadays. It amused Harry because it meant that the blonde found it increasingly hard not to say something rude or obnoxious if he _were_ to decide to start talking.

Malfoy had yet to conjure up a corporeal patronus, but the wall of light was of a decent enough size that it could hold off several dementors at a time.

Draco often enough came over at random times when he would need help for one thing or another.

“I don’t trust that git mate… I bet his slimy dad is trying to get him to spy on you.” Ron said as the three of them sat in the common room. Hermione had a book on her lap, of course, but she barely looked down to read what it actually said. She seemed lost in thought.

“There’s nothing he can possibly spy on.” Harry said. Although… he wondered what Voldemort would do with the names of those on the DA and a sinking feeling nestled into the pit of his stomach. Even if Malfoy never intended to tell, he wasn’t sure the other knew occlumency and Malfoy had no blood wards to hide behind. All Voldemort needed to do was order Lucius to bring his son back in the next holiday season and all the information would be his for the taking.

Then again, the information was even less safe in Harry’s own mind. Almost every night he had the same sickening dream. Voldemort’s outstretched hand, beckoning him to come forward and take it. It made him terrified to even go to sleep. As if accepting meant tying the puppet strings to his very own wrists voluntarily.

If he couldn’t kick himself out what right did he have to keep Malfoy out when he seriously seemed to be focusing on his spells?

“Harry… you said something about Lucius and the ministry.” Hermione said making both boys jump, startled by her sudden intervention.

“Uh… yeah. I saw him outside my hearing… I think that door I keep dreaming about was there.” He said.

“And you heard something about a prophecy?” She asked. Harry’s mind went back to the prophecy. How could he possibly have forgotten that?

“Yeah… why?” He asked sitting down beside her on the carpet, looking at her book. One page was filled with an image of a dark room with glowing orbs drawn as far as the eye can see.

“In the ministry, there is a room called the hall of prophecies, if there is a prophecy about you then it would be there.” She said, the urgency in her tone made him catch up quickly.

“So… Voldemort wants me to go there?” he asked confused. His friends flinched at the name but Hermione nodded.

“Only those who the prophecy is about can take the prophecy from the room. I think he wants to lure you there… and then maybe into a trap.”

And in that trap, Lucius Malfoy had probably been told to capture him. Was that why Draco was pushing to spend time with them? With him? To help his father’s mission somehow? It couldn’t be, Draco’s anger at his father’s _mistakes_ seemed genuine. Then again, that could simply mean Draco is angry about having to participate when it could bring so much problems to their family.

He briefly wondered if it was hard for Lucius too. He had his wife and son to think about. What would James Potter had done if instead of Voldemort murdering them, he’d moved into the Potter house and demanded James go do something for him?

Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. He figured with Slytherins it was harder to know where their true loyalties lie. Cunning was really annoying when you weren’t inherently gifted with it.

He shook his head. No point empathising with death eaters.

“How’s your hand Harry?” Hermione asked. He instinctively held his hand close to him, so the two wouldn’t see that the bandages went a lot further up than just his hands.

“It’s alright. Healing better.” They were very slow at healing. Snape would change the bandages for him every three days but it made Harry very uncomfortable. Every time Snape changed his bandages he looked about ready to kill someone.

“Let me take a look, it should have healed by now.” Hermione said and Harry pulled his arm away from her reach. Both friends blinked at him in surprise.

“It’s fine Hermione. Leave it.” He said. She frowned but didn’t push the matter, though she did give him a look filled with suspicion.

“I suppose your potions grades are getting better. You can probably make boat loads of that healing salve by now.” Ron said trying to mediate the situation, though Hermione still looked miffed at not being allowed to help him out.

“Yeah… anyway guys, I’m tired. I’m going to go try and get some sleep.” Harry said, getting up and leaving before either one could argue and convince him to stay. He _was_ tired. Even though he was terrified of falling asleep it still sounded like such a wonderful thing. To lie in your bed, close your eyes and forget about your worries.

Harry froze as went into the room and saw a house-elf setting down a soft, and very comfortable looking duvet, arranging it on his bed.

“Um… excuse me… but that’s not mine.” He said. The house-elf turned in surprise and bowed its head over and over again in a way that would make Harry lightheaded after a while.

“Oh! Harry Potter! This, is yours now. A gift.” The house-elf looked around to ensure they were alone and looked at Harry eagerly. “A gift from professor Snape.” It said, finishing its arrangement and popping away.

Harry felt his face heating up as the meaning of the elf’s words settled into his mind. A gift. From Snape. A gift from Snape. Snape gave him the duvet he’d asked for but… oh god this was so embarrassing! It would have been easier that the other had just told him the transfiguration spell. Still, his bed now looked eternally inviting.

In the room, alone, with no one to judge him, he allowed himself a brief moment of infantile behaviour and jumped on the bed, laughing softly under his breath as he curled under the covers. Maybe the other boys would not understand the absolute delight of getting something so mundane, but to Harry, who had never known a real bed until he was eleven, who had rarely known a warm night’s sleep, it was a wonderful thing to be given.

He snuggled into the pillow and sighed, feeling warm for another reason. Rarely had he had an adult _understand_ why he asked for something, or why he refused something. Even if it seemed obvious to Harry… adults rarely delved deeper. He would have thought that was a good thing… but now that Snape had done the opposite he realised he’d wanted someone to do that all along. Then again Snape had seen glimpses of how he used to live with the Dursleys, so maybe it was easier for him to realise why he wanted a duvet.

Hmm… maybe he should get the other something. He’ll think on what later. For now, sleep beckoned. And if he was lucky, it would be a dreamless night.

_Harry opened his eyes to the lavish living spaces of what he now realised was Malfoy Manor. He stared at the kneeling form of Lucius Malfoy and glanced at Narcissa, who was sitting on the side of the room, staring at the opposite wall, as if unable to see her husband on his knees._

_“Everything is ready my Lord.” Lucius said. Harry felt delight that his master’s plans were going ahead. He looked up to see his master’s pleased expression and felt his hand petting his head. Harry closed his eyes and purred, turning his attention to Lucius._

_“Good… Severus, how is that potion going?” Harry pulled back a bit and turned to look at Snape. He shuddered in disgust as his mind was able to separate a bit from Nagini’s._

_“It will be ready my lord. I admit I can only interpret what its potency will be… seeing as the instructions did not imply any effect.” Harry watched as Severus came over and bowed low, almost to the same level as Malfoy._

_“That is because its true effects are a surprise Severus.” Harry felt Nagini’s mind overpowering him once more and felt the delight of the snake, as if it knew what the potion could do. The snake was glad to be in a superior position to Snape._

_An image appeared in Harry’s consciousness that the snake was thinking about, but he couldn’t make sense of it. It looked like two overlapping circles encased within a large ring._

_“Now, Lucius, about your son…” Harry perked up at that and saw Voldemort picking up a folded piece of parchment. “He gives me an enchanting description of defence against the dark arts lessons given by one Harry Potter, however he tells me little that could be of use to me.”_

_So Draco was feeding back to Voldemort… and Snape knew but didn’t tell him. No… Snape had tried to warn him about Malfoy._

_“I will tell him to try harder my Lord.” Lucius said._

_“See that you do… I want him to tell me more. About Potter’s family, his fears, his darkest secrets. Make sure he can get as much as he can… and see if he could start speaking… convincingly about me.” Harry tensed and saw Lucius look confused. Even Snape._

_“My lord? Any way I could help?” Snape asked._

_“No, no. This may be something only a friend of Harry can do. Get him to introduce convincing arguments for joining my side.”_

_“Very well… my Lord.” Harry could tell that Lucius had little faith in Draco to accomplish that._

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry sat impatiently at breakfast, glancing discretely at Malfoy every once in a while. He barely managed two spoonfuls of porridge, but when he glanced at Snape and saw his intense glare he hurried up and ate with a bit more enthusiasm.

When the post arrived Harry looked at Draco. Saw him open a back envelope and saw him keep a stony face as he read it. He didn’t look at his classmates, or at anyone. He simply grabbed his bag and walked out. Harry waited a few seconds before getting up and following him. Ron was too asleep to notice and Hermione was busy revising her essay.

He saw Malfoy running as he turned the corner and Harry ran after him.

Malfoy seemed to be too distracted to even look back. He made his way into the forbidden forest and Harry ran straight after him.


	33. An idiot

Harry followed Draco until the blonde came to a halt by an edge that was a straight drop into the lake. He grabbed a rock big enough to make a satisfying throw. The blonde gave an outcry of rage and frustration, throwing the rock into the water. It made a satisfying plop on the surface. Harry hid behind a large enough tree and spied on the blonde as he gave another cry, the giant squid giving a long wail that echoed throughout the lake, as if replying to Malfoy’s cry.

Harry watched the blonde grab another rock to throw, but instead of doing so, Malfoy stood by the edge, staring at the dark murky waters. His hand released the stone and took a step closer to the edge, looking down at the drop to the lake.

“Malfoy…” Harry said stepping forward. The blonde hurriedly stepped back and turned to look at him, eyes wide, mouth unable to formulate words. His mind unable to fall into his role. Instead Malfoy showed his true colours and glared at him with pure unadulterated hate.

“Potter! You stupid, _senseless_ half-blood!” Malfoy yelled storming towards him. “Why must we all rest hopes on your shoulders! Everyone who thinks so is out of their blessed minds!” He yelled shoving him back roughly by the shoulders making him stumble back. Harry kept his feet firm on the ground and shoved him back.

“I never asked anyone to rest any hope on me!” He yelled right back. His response made a flicker of surprise show in Malfoy’s face but the anger swiftly returned.

“You’re such a fool! I could have lured you out and had you apparated away!”

“Nice try Malfoy, we haven’t learned apparition yet!” Harry challenged back. Malfoy once more gave a shrill cry of frustration and lunged at him, both teens soon finding themselves rolling on the ground. Harry felt a punch across his jaw and was certain he landed one back soon after.

Malfoy soon overpowered him by straddling him and holding his robes firmly, using it to shake him, the back of his head bumping and rubbing uncomfortably against the firm earth. “My family is in danger because of _you!_ ” He yelled. “Because of you! How can anyone think that you can defeat the Dark Lord when you can’t even realise how foolish running after me was!” He yelled, angry tears forming.

Harry shoved him hard on the shoulder and he let go, letting him roll from under him and get up, taking out his wand, but Malfoy didn’t do the same. Instead he spread his arms out.

“Do it! Shove me into the lake. Do me a favour! At least he may spare my mother if my death causes her enough grief!” He yelled. Harry tried to control his racing heart to stop himself from fighting with Malfoy. Now he felt his frustration mingle with his own.

“I know he told you to become friends with me.” Harry said and dropped his wand. “I saw him reading your letter, I felt his disappointment.” Malfoy seemed to pale slightly. “I know what he wants you to convince me of.”

“Potter… how—I mean… what are you talking about?” He asked.

“Maybe I shouldn’t help… your family dragged themselves into this mess, but you didn’t.” Malfoy looked away.

“I don’t need your pity!” He yelled.

“Yes you do. And you will accept it Malfoy.”

“What can an idiot like you possibly do to help me?” He hissed.

He stared at him some more and considered his response. He sat on the large root of the nearby ancient tree and took a deep breath. Malfoy remained on his feet, eyeing him with wide eyes, as if ready to bolt or attack at any sudden movements from him.

Harry reached out his hand. “You’re a git. Show me the letter.” He said. Malfoy clenched his jaw and looked as if he wanted nothing more than to hit him, really hard. “I could leave you alone to jump into the lake if that’s what you want.” He said glaring at the blonde.

“Argh! I hate you Potter! I hate everything about you!” He yelled at him. Harry didn’t reply and kept his hand outstretched. Draco stormed over and slapped the letter onto his hand before sitting down beside him, resting his chin onto his hand as he refused to look at him. Harry read the letter before the blonde had a chance to change his mind.

It had nothing new that he hadn’t picked up on in the vision. Malfoy senior’s tone of voice was cold and critical of Draco’s success so far. “Charming.” Harry commented at the other’s harsh criticisms of his son. Malfoy tried to snatch back the letter but Harry held it out of reach, noticing something within the letter.

“Give it back, Potter!” Malfoy yelled. Harry was too distracted to register his words until Malfoy tackled him to the ground.

“Gah! Stupid Malfoy get off me!”

“Give me my letter!”

“I was just looking at something, ferret!” He yelled fighting against him again. “Moronic impatient…” He growled pulling back up, dusting his clothes. “Why does your father put dots on some words?” He asked.

“What?” Draco asked looking at his scrunched up letter sitting back down. When Harry came to sit beside him he made sure to do it hard enough to knock him off. The uneven branch made him slip down which made the blonde glare up at him.

“Here… these words have dots on them.” He said pointing them out.

“They’re just ink droplets, Potter.” He grumbled.

“No, no.” Harry said noticing a pattern. “Look, the dots are always on a vowel and on round letters. But…” Harry scrutinized the letter more. “The… dots on the consonants are to distract… read the ones that have dots on the vowels. Not ‘i's.” Harry pointed out. Draco scrutinized the letter again.

“Be… strong… son…” Draco paused and stared at the letter again for the longest of times. Harry couldn’t blame him… the main letter was a harsh letter. “How… on earth did you see that, Potter?” He whispered. Harry simply shrugged.

“Anyway… I did say I was going to help you so… I’ll answer one of the questions. But if I hear you sharing it around to anyone in school I will make you regret it.” Harry swore. Malfoy still looked completely confused, staring at him with disbelief starting to show on his features. “My family doesn’t give a damn about me. So much so that they and I both feel, that the word ‘family’, when looking at us, is a despicable twist of the word.” He said.

Malfoy frowned slightly. “How do I know you’re not lying?”

“You don’t… but you have to admit… Voldemort will be happy to hear it if he wants to convince me to join his side.” He said softly, looking out at the giant squid in the distance.

“…I’m tired.”

Harry chuckled softly at that and slipped down to sit beside him, leaning back against the root. “So am I…” He whispered. He glanced at the blonde who did indeed have a tired expression, bags under his eyes.

“Do I still have to be nice to you?” He asked with an annoyance that did not sound real in the way he said it.

“Yes. Who knows if someone’s spying on _you_.” Harry said. Draco groaned at the thought of that and sighed closing his eyes for a moment. “Maybe we could try being actual friends.” Harry said offering him his hand.

Malfoy scoffed. “I don’t want to be friends with the likes of you.”

“A truce then. At the very least… it’s nice having someone who... feels as tired with this mess as I do.” He said. Malfoy glared at him, then at his hand before he sighed and took it, giving it one light shake.

“Truce.” He said.

A whinny was heard and Harry turned to look at the thestral heard which seemed to be coming this way to go down for a drink of water. Harry watched them go and watched the little colt turn their way with curiosity. It was as it approached that Harry felt Draco grab onto his arm, staring at the creature in horror and fear.

“I forgot how much of a baby you were in the forbidden forest.” Harry said standing to pet the colt and stop of from getting closer to the blonde.

“What… is _that_?!” He hissed.

“It’s a thestral…they’re very common in this area. I was shocked too when I first saw them at the start of the year.” He said playing with the little colt’s ear which flicked away from his touch if he gripped it for too long.

“I… saw them then too… but I just refused to go on the carriages…” Malfoy said standing and coming over. “Why are they so… hideous?”

“You think that’s what people said when they noticed your personality?” The quickness of the reply must have left Malfoy in shock. When he snapped out of it he smacked Harry’s arm, startling the little colt a little and making Harry rub the area at the delayed sense of pain. “What?” He said innocently.

“You know _what_ , Potter.” He grumbled. “Seriously, where did these things come from?” He asked.

“They’ve always been here Malfoy… only those who have seen death can see them.” He said once more encouraging the colt to come forward, petting his head gently. Harry looked up at the blonde. “Can I ask who?” He asked.

“…two muggles.” He whispered. Harry almost thought he had imagined it. “He tortured them in front of us until they died.” Harry felt his stomach churning as he looked away. Whenever he’d seen Voldemort torturing anyone it had been for brief periods and he’d hardly been able to eat on the following day. However, there was always a distance between the reality and himself. Because he was never physically there.

“Sorry…” he said gently.

“Why? You didn’t do it.” He mumbled reaching a shaky hand to pet the horse.

“I’m trying to show support.” Harry said gently.

“Hmm… you’re an idiot.” Though the words didn’t have the spite.

“ _You’re_ the idiot.” Harry replied and the little colt scampered away to catch up to its family. Harry watched it go but Draco shoved him by the arm as he made his way back to the school. Harry turned to catch up to him, shoving him back. Both glanced at each other for a brief second before Harry broke into a run as soon as Draco ran to catch him.

“Get back here, Potter!” Harry quenched the laughter that was bubbling at the back of his throat. It was easier to choke it back as he gasped loudly and skidded to a halt. He felt Malfoy crash against him though it wasn’t too hard. Still, Malfoy didn’t even get to ask why he’d stopped as Snape stood there, arms crossed over his chest, glaring at them with an intensity that made Harry remember years past. He groaned gently wondering how he was going to appease the potions master after he’d run off beyond the apparition wards.

Maybe Malfoy _did_ have a point. Maybe he _was_ an idiot.

 


	34. To Worry

And there he was. The unbelievably stupid boy with mud-stained robes and leaves in his hair. Only just stepping back into the anti-apparition wards. Only just coming back from the _‘forbidden’_ forest. With the one boy that’s practically been ordered to hand Potter over to the Dark Lord. His skin still crawled remembering that the monster wanted Potter to join his side. He would have tried before had he thought it possible… so why was the Dark Lord so confident about it now?

What would _he_ do if Potter joined the Dark Lord? He knew the answer. He would keep on protecting the insufferable brat. Although that was not going to happen. The boy would never turn his back on his friends and the boy loathed the Dark Lord for killing his parents.

“Potter!” He snapped, louder than he realised, making both boys flinch. The anger must have been building up with every step the brat took toward him. Merlin! He wanted to throttle the little idiot himself. “The forbidden forest? Missing class? Perhaps if you are so eager to skip class you want to spend the rest of today in detention with me! Fifty points from Gryffindor! No _get_ inside!” He said grabbing the boy roughly by the cloak covering his shoulders and shoving him on the path leading to the castle.

“Professor, if I may, I forced Potter to-”

“I want none of your talk mister Malfoy. Make your way to your classes.” He told the boy who looked at him with surprise and then insubordination. No doubt to play his little part for the Dark Lord.

“You can’t pull Potter out of an entire day of class professor! Such a thing can only allowed by a parent or guardian.”

“How lucky then for mister Potter that the headmaster serves as his stand-in guardian for issues such as these and has already accepted this form of punishment. Mister Potter should have fun catching up for his lessons over the weekend.” He said glaring at the green eyed boy whose anger turned genuine and turned, storming back up to the castle.

“Professor… what are you doing?! You’re tampering with my mission. I’ll tell the Dark Lord that I couldn’t get close to Potter because of you!” Severus made sure to give the boy his most intense glare.

“Silly little child. Have you not seen enough death over the summer? I’ll let you know that the weight of death doesn’t become heavy until someone you’ve known closely is dead at your feet. The Dark Lord has no time for whining and childish pointing games. He may kill me, but he will certainly kill one of your own. Listen very closely Draco because I will only say this once.” He hissed at the already terrified and pale looking boy. “The rules of this game are to get the Dark Lord the exact results he wants, and show no interest in anything else. Your life is _his_. If you do anything else. He will destroy you.” With that last warning to his godson he turned and marched his way inside, to the real source of his anger.

The boy gladly understood his words because when he stormed into his office the boy was already there. He slammed the door hard behind him and made the angry boy jump to his feet, a trace of panic in his eyes.

“Snape I-”

“Give me one good reason… why you walked beyond the anti-apparition wards, entered a werewolf _infested_ forest and all in the company of a _Malfoy_?” He hissed. He didn’t care how scared the boy was. He didn’t give a damn! “Do you have any idea what I thought had happened to you?”

“Yes I know! You thought he took me to Voldemort. As he was ordered.” He said glaring hatefully at him. He would ask how he knew this later.

“Then knowing that why did you follow him!” He yelled.

“Because it’s not fair on Malfoy! Why should he be a puppet on Voldemort’s strings! He has more to lose than I do.”

“Are you out of your blessed mind? Are you telling me you want to help him?”

“I want to help Draco, yes! But I don’t want to join Voldemort! I don’t want him to end up without a family because of me!”

“The Malfoys got themselves into this mess! It is not your responsibility what happens to them!” He yelled. The boy gave a sort of strangled scream of frustration and actually stomped his foot on the ground.

“It’s not fair! How is this any of Draco’s fault?!”

“It’s not yours either you stupid boy!”

“I want to be able to do something!”

“What? Throwing yourself into the Dark Lord’s arms? Was that the _something_ you had in mind?”

“No! You don’t understand anything!”

Severus shook the boy once, firmly, by the shoulders. “It is _you_ who doesn’t understand! You have no idea what he could put you through!”

“I don’t care! I wasn’t going to go to him! Stupid Snape! You don’t know anything! Stop screaming at me! I have enough of that from the Dursleys and you have no right to do the same!”

That stung more than it should have. How dare the brat compare him to those vile muggles. “Do you have any idea how _worried_ I was?” He said a little louder so it would get into the boy’s thick, thick skull.

“I-I was fine…” Oh, that sure helped to bring the volume down.

“Listen to me here, _Potter,_ because I never want to feel again the twisting, agonising uncertainty and concern that hit me when I was told you’d gone missing with Draco Malfoy in tow.” He gave the boy another shake of the shoulders, lighter this time but it seemed to rattle the boy all the same as he avoided eye contact.

“You shouldn’t be worried. You’re not my father or anything.” He said.

“I am not your father. But you have no idea the things going through my mind every second you were not within my _sight_!” He hissed. “For some reason unfathomable to me the floor beneath my feet seemed to give way and it was not because I was on a moving staircase at the time.” That made the boy smile a little though he seemed to be getting smaller with each thing Severus said.

“I’ve never had that before.” He whispered.

“Many people worry about you.” Severus amended, straightening up, releasing the boy who remained as small as he had been.

“Yeah… but it’s different with other people.” Those big green eyes looked at him, glistening with unshed tears. “I’m sorry.” The boy’s voice broke slightly as he looked away, wiping the tears away quickly, his cheeks becoming red with embarrassment.

Severus clenched his jaw as he too looked away, embarrassment settling in that he had admitted his concern for the Gryffindor. “I apologise also.” He said reaching out to pat his head. The boy looked up then and must have misinterpreted his gesture because a couple of seconds later the boy had his arms around him. He cringed but didn’t let the boy see that. And only to save the boy further embarrassment he hugged the boy back.

It was quite a peculiar feeling. Last hug he had received had been from his mother and she had been the taller person doing the comforting. He tried to remember how it was that she did it. All he managed to remember was that she had a gentle way of rubbing his back that Severus knew he could never re-enact. Still he tried. And the boy’s sobs gradually stopped. His robes felt a lot wetter by the time the boy pulled away. They managed to each sit down by the table and talk.

“I figured I would only answer things that may be insightful to him but not really a big deal to me.” The boy said softly. “I gave him only one answer, about my family. That they don’t care. I don’t know what Voldemort can do with that information but I think it’s minimal to me.” He said. It was smart, if Voldemort wasn’t cunning to the bone. He would find a way to use it against him.

“I do not, want you anywhere close to fresh air while you’re alone with Draco Malfoy.” He told him strictly. The boy nodded.

“Thank you by the way.”

“For what?” Severus asked.

“For the gift. I really liked the duvet. It was very comfortable.”

“It was _not_ a _gift_.” Severus defended himself. How dare that stupid elf interpret it that way!

“Oh… so you want it back?”

“No. It’s yours.”

“… but it’s _not_ a gift?” The boy asked confused.

“Exactly.”

“…yes sir.” Why was the brat grinning like an idiot now?


	35. Headmaster

Severus made his way to Dumbledore’s office by the time he sent Potter to his common room by the time the day ended. Although they’d talked through what happened he still punished the little fool who wandered out of the protection of Hogwarts. Surprisingly enough the boy was mellow throughout the potion scrubbing and the ingredient preparations he made him do. It seemed that the boy was capable of understanding when he was rightfully deserving of a punishment.

Still. He had a lot of explaining to do to Dumbledore. He entered the room and saw Minerva sitting there, with a severe expression on her face. This was going to be tricky.

“Severus, my boy. I was just explaining to Minerva the importance of today’s punishment.” Nonsense. He’d never even told Dumbledore. He’d been so angry with the insufferable boy that he just wanted to punish him properly. And he wanted to keep his eye on him. Even when he let him return to Gryffindor tower his heart still raced in an annoying manner, as if not believing that the boy was indeed in front of him and not in the clutches of the Dark Lord.

“Surely he could not have caused so much trouble to deserve an entire day of exclusion.” She said.

“You will find that he deserved nothing less. The boy willingly went after Draco Malfoy and did not even care when going beyond the anti-apparition wards. As I have explained to professor Dumbledore, mister Malfoy is under the Dark Lord’s command to befriend Potter as a means of getting him to join his side.” McGonagall seemed like she was ready to go on a pre-rehearsed speech about his unfair treatment of the boy. Instead, she reconsidered her words and remained quiet.

“Well… you did not explain that, Albus.” McGonagall turned to Dumbledore who simply smiled at the animagus. “In that case I’ll be sure to remind Potter of his unacceptable behaviour when I next see him. Goodnight gentlemen.” She said and stood, leaving the room without any further explanations required. Severus was sure Dumbledore had plenty of questions.

“A day’s exclusion? Only parents are allowed to consent to those Severus.” Dumbledore said.

“I am aware.” He replied blandly, taking a seat. This lecture would probably take a long time.

“I know I speak for the boy in many matters regarding the wizarding world, but even such a punishment can only be given with the consent of the boy’s aunt.”

“Do not speak to me like I am a child, headmaster. I am aware that I trespassed on powers that lie with someone else but I was not letting Potter out of this one unscathed.” He said angrily.

“I am concerned Severus… you have never been irrational.”

“The boy could have been taken Albus! Merlin knows what could have happened to him!”

“I know very well the severity of Harry’s mistake today, but I am becoming more concerned with you Severus. I’m concerned that Voldemort will read through you as easily as I am doing now. You love the boy.”

Severus felt every nerve in his body radiating with anger. “I do not! I vowed to protect him did I not?” he yelled.

“You’re not his father, Severus.”

“I know that!”

“Do you? Taking him out of his classes? Giving him extra lessons at no extra cost? Healing his wounds? I’m aware of Umbridge’s tactics.” He said.

“And you let that woman continue?” He hissed.

“I have no choice. However, you’ll find that the house elves have conveniently misplaced every black quill in Umbridge’s possession.”

“She clawed at the boy’s arm! She made him carve his entire arm and then scratched him! How can you let her continue?”

“Calm yourself , Severus. Fudge is waiting for me to do something so he can get the governors to remove me. Then who would protect the boy?”

“Headmaster, if you had been there for him when you learned of his _secret_ he would have had you to rely on. If the boy has become attached to me it is only because you were not there.” Severus said. The headmaster had the nerve to smile in amusement and sadness.

“My boy, the boy has become attached to you because you have become easy to read. He has become attached to you, because you think of him like a son. No longer like a student. No longer like James Potter’s son.”

The silence stretched between them. The words getting caught in his throat. So much anger coursed through him right now. Of course that was not true! He did not think of Potter as…

“If I had done as you wanted the boy would never have trusted again. And he may just have found Voldemort’s current acceptance appealing.” That seemed to hold Dumbledore’s words back. “If I have become irrational in caring for this child it is only because you pushed me to care for him.”

“I told you to create distance between you, Severus.”

“I could not leave him! I could not let Potter just fall to pieces! He’s only a child! He needed someone!”

“And that someone had to be you.” It was a statement, not a question.

“I had hoped it would have been you, but you proved him and me wrong.” Another long silence.

“Despite what you may think Severus… everything I do is to ensure all ends well after this war.”

“I know headmaster… but as we decided fourteen years ago. Everything _I_ do should be to ensure _Harry_ ends well after this war.” He could still feel how small the boy felt in his arms, reminding him of the heavy burden that lay on such scrawny shoulders. “If that is all, headmaster.” He stood and went for the door.

“Can I still count on you Severus?” He asked. Severus looked back at him.

“Of course.”

“Take care of him.” Severus looked down and closed the door behind him. Why did this feel like a goodbye?

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Draco made his way to Umbridge’s study, opening the door, trying not to react when he saw a sobbing Cho Chang sitting in front of Umbridge’s desk.

“Ah, so glad you’re here young Malfoy. Miss Chang has just informed me that mister Potter is meeting today in his gathering.”

“Are we going after them professor?” He asked eagerly, the weight of the galleon increasing as he hoped Chang had not revealed him as being part of the group.

“That is exactly what I intend. Rise miss Chang. Show us right this moment.” She roughly grabbed Chang by the arm and dragged her along, Filch and the rest of the inquisitor squad joining them along the way. Draco felt his heart racing. He had to warn Potter.

“What floor is it professor? I can go catch them off down the other end I case they try to escape again.” Umbridge looked at him and nodded and turned to Chang with determination. A few seconds later Draco was getting a shortcut to the seventh floor.

“Potter! Everyone! Umbridge is on its way. Chang told. Everyone get out!” The room, which had frozen when he banged the door open, instantly burst into yelling and running. Potter tried to get everyone to calm down enough to not stampede out of there. He went with the escaping group to point them in the opposite direction of Umbridge and her crew.

As he rushed back he froze seeing Potter getting dragged out by Umbridge, who held him by the back of the neck. He could see her nails digging into Potter’s neck. Weasley and Granger getting dragged out by Crabbe and Zambini.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry sighed in relief as that woman let go of his neck and resisted the urge to rub it as she shoved him roughly to the side to explain to the minister what she’d found in the group.

“You see Cornelius? Dumbledore’s Army! It’s an outrage!” She said in her squeaky tone of voice. Harry felt his heart jump desperately in his chest, looking up in horror into Dumbledore’s face who looked relatively calm. “He’s planning to use this army to overtake the ministry no doubt!”

Dumbledore looked over at them who probably looked pretty pathetic after getting caught. “Naturally.”

“It wasn’t him! It was all me!” Harry called out. They couldn’t put the blame of this on Dumbledore!

“My dear Harry there is no need to cover for me, after all the paper very well says Dumbledore’s army. Not Potter’s.”

“Professor I-!”

“This is unacceptable Dumbledore…” the minister said. Harry shook his head but was ignored. “Notify the Daily Prophet and take Albus Dumbledore to Azkaban.”

Harry felt his stomach tightening painfully and a knot form at the back of his throat. Dumbledore calmly stood up. He couldn’t go to Azkaban!

“And yet here is where we disagree. I have no intention of going to Azkaban.” The headmaster said calmly. Harry’s chest dared to fill with hope. Dumbledore glanced at him and gave him a wink before Fawkes swooped down with a melodious squawk and disappeared with the headmaster in a burst of flame and light.

Harry couldn’t help it when he smiled with relief, watching the adults recover from Dumbledore’s escape. Minister Fudge remained looking at the spot with resignation. However, the first thing Umbridge did when she got up was shoot Harry a twisted expression of rage that made Harry’s left arm ache in remembrance.

Cornelius shook his head and made his way out. “Dolores, you will take charge of Hogwarts for the time being. I will make sure everyone knows just what Albus Dumbledore had been planning.”

Just like that Dumbledore was gone and Umbridge was headmistress. Harry clenched his jaw as he saw the pride in that toad’s hateful features. He watched the woman turn toward the headmaster’s chair and walk toward it. However her steps became slower and slower. She frowned and tried harder to make her way to the chair. Harry looked around curiously but no one seemed to know what was happening. Soon he too felt the pull and in a gush a wall of wind knocked them all off their feet, starting with Umbridge, who was thrown out the hardest of the Headmaster’s tower which shut itself firmly against Umbridge.

Harry groaned as he got up, feeling sore from getting knocked against the stone wall. The youngest sat up looking at each other and then at the unconscious Umbridge. All Harry knew was that the woman was going to be furious when she woke up and unfortunately for him, he was the best target.


	36. Too far

Harry considered running away but knew it was pointless. However, when he saw the parchment lying beside Umbridge with everyone’s names he panicked and took out his wand. She opened her eyes then and looked around in confusion before her eyes focused with outrage on him.

“Harry!” Hermione exclaimed, probably misunderstanding as well.

“Incendio.”

Umbridge screamed horrified, probably thinking he was cursing her, but soon the list caught on fire and it dawned on her what he had done.

“How dare you, Potter. We’ll see how brave you feel when I’m through with you.” She hissed as she got to her feet, Crabbe’s meaty hand grabbing him roughly by the shoulder and standing him up.

“Everyone please proceed to my office.” She said leading the way and Harry felt only anger that Ron and Hermione were now getting dragged in with him. Once sitting in her room Umbridge looked through her drawers, her face turning red in anger and frustration. She eventually slammed her drawers shut and sat down, clenching her jaw, looking at him in the same way many adults have looked at him throughout his life where they blame him and ask no questions.

“You three will tell me the other names on that list and you may be spared the detentions I have planned for you. And believe me, I am bringing back detentions that have been forbidden in this school for too long.” She warned them.

Harry kept his mouth shut and didn’t even glance at his friends. He knew they would not say a word. When Umbridge realised that too she nodded. “Very well. We can start with you Potter.”

“Of course.” Harry replied, not giving a damn. What was she going to do? Kill him?

“Everyone else, return to your dormitories and ensure all prefects let their houses know of the change in administration.” She smiled sweetly at everyone else. Ron and Hermione gave him looks of alarm but he shook his head. They seemed unwilling to leave him alone but not seeing a black quill around seemed to put their minds at ease enough to allow themselves to get dragged out.

The silence dragged out and Harry found himself more able to stare blankly back at her, using his occlumency image of a burning candle faintly at the back of his mind. He didn’t care what she would do. He didn’t care.

“Headmistress! Headmistress!” Mr. Filch’s voice could be heard rushing to the office and Umbridge gave a sinister smile and happily allowed the caretaker inside who congratulated her on her new position.

“Ah, Mr. Filch. Just the man I wanted to see. You did request for consent to allow whipping did you not?” She asked in that sweet tone of hers.

“I did headmistress, and I filled all the paperwork proper.” He said proudly. She took out a filthy, wrinkled looking paper.

“Yes I have it here. I amended it slightly but it is signed… the only amendment is I say who you get to whip. To get you started, I want you to punish Mister Harry Potter. For conspiring with the headmaster to overthrow minister Fudge and for destroying the evidence of his conspirators.” She said coldly.

Harry could only stare at her and at Filch. She could not be serious. Except… she’d just said it. And it looked like Filch took her offer seriously and with great pleasure as he grabbed him by the back of his robes and pulled him up harshly, the neckline of his shirt and robes choking him into a standing position. Fear started pumping through his veins. What could he do? He had to do something. There was no way he was letting Filch whip him!

“No! Let go of me!” Harry exclaimed, struggling viciously against Filch. Unfortunately, without magic, Filch had grown learning full proof ways to keep struggling troublemakers firm within his grasp. The other led him straight to the dungeons and his heart filled with hope. Snape would save him. Snape would see him and save him.

“Keep still you filthy little beast!” He hissed and shook him by the back of his clothes, something that made him struggle a little less as it hurt his neck and choked him once more.

The more steps they took in the dungeon, the more he realised that Snape would not see him. At some point they reached what appeared to be an empty classroom but glancing around Harry could see odd instruments of… well, torture, hanging on the walls. But no, Fred and George had told him about this room. All these things were just for show.

Well… except that now the other was allowed to whip him.

“Mr. Filch you can’t!”

“Oh I most certainly can you foul little thing! Get over here! I don’t even know if these still work.” He said, shoving Harry against the wall. He kept him in place with his own weight which made Harry’s memories return to Little Whinging and the nausea hit him hard.

However, Filch’s attention was elsewhere as he used his free hands to imprison Harry’s attaching heavy and rough manacles to his wrists before backing away. The manacles left him facing the wall, hands spread out.

Pretend you don’t care! Just pretend you don’t care! But it was so hard to do… he never expected to have this much panic running through his veins. It was just Filch. It wasn’t like he was in the hands of a deatheater.

“I did hope to start with those Weasley twins, but you’re a good start none the less.”

Harry felt a tug on his robes and heard a loud tearing sound and as the cold breeze hit his back he realised the other had torn his clothes to leave his back even more exposed. Great… now his best robe was ruined… and by best he meant his only outer robe left. He felt himself unwillingly tugging roughly at the cuffs feeling them dig into his skin. He couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stand being unable to turn and run.

“Brace yourself boy. The headmistress gave me a certain number to reach. She said, I believe, to count down from fifty. I’m bad at math, so you’ll have to count down for me.”

Harry heard something slice to the wind and felt the first whip which left him breathless and blinking back tears.

“No number? I guess that one didn’t count. Let’s try again.”

Harry tried to brace himself this time but it didn’t do much. In fact, it made it that much harder to keep in his voice. At the third, he cried out in pain. At the fourth he remembered he had to count.

“F-fifty…” He said through clenched teeth. Filch gave a giddy laugh. The fifth… never came. Instead a loud thud sounded somewhere behind him.

The cuffs were blasted open and he whimpered as he dropped to his knees, holding his wrists close which were in a pretty poor state as well as his back.

“Merlin, Potter…” Came Snape’s voice, filled with rage and hate. Yet Harry couldn’t help it as he turned and leapt to his feet, clinging to the man as strongly as he could. It was childish and he would regret it later, but for now he soaked up the sense of safety that clinging to Snape provided him.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

And once more Potter was in his quarters, sleeping on his transfigured seat. He lay on his stomach, his back bandaged. His long fringe covered his eyes and Snape reached down, brushing the boy’s hair away from his face.

The boy’s eyes fluttered open and he tensed as he saw the brat turn to look at him. “Thank you.” He mumbled. Snape scoffed.

“Go to sleep. As if I was going to allow such madness.” Severus said.

“I’ll get in even more trouble now.” The boy must be tired, as he spoke with closed eyes, his slurred speech meaning he was already falling asleep.

“I won’t let her… I’ve been saving up something _special_ for her.” Severus said.

“Don’t get expelled… or arrested… not you too.” The brat mumbled. Stupid child constantly worrying about others.

“Sleep brat.”

“ _Please_ Snape!” The boy’s voice left his throat with a tint of mad desperation yet he didn’t open his eyes, his expression formed into a frown.

“Calm down, _Potter._ Just sleep for now.” It seemed that Potter listened to him because five minutes later his breathing was even.

Good thing was that since they were not magical wounds, they responded very well to magical treatment. He should be healed by morning. It took great effort to calm his anger. It took great effort not to go out for retaliation. Oh but that woman was getting hers. It had taken a while but now his preparation was just a day or two from completion. And then, Umbridge would know what suffering tasted like.


	37. Dark Arts

Severus made his way to the seventh floor corridor, where the blasted wall to the room of requirements was being guarded by the Slytherin prefect Draco Malfoy. Draco narrowed his eyes when he saw him but Severus approached nonetheless.

“You saw how the new headmistress treats Potter, did you not?” He asked. Draco’s eyes flickered with curiosity at his tone of voice. “Perhaps Potter will appreciate if the governors intercept some of Umbridge’s authority before his friends are punished.” He said. The boy looked up and down the corridor before turning back to him.

“My father would not…” Doubt filled his expression.

“For him? Your father would do anything. _He_ will be pleased if you could get even closer to Potter.” He pretended he didn’t know that Potter was fully aware, and the blonde boy, more skilled than Severus gave him credit for, did not admit to that flaw in the Dark Lord’s plan.

“Thank you Professor… I will send that letter tonight.” He said. Severus didn’t acknowledge the response and turned to leave. If he knew the Malfoys, a conversation with the governors was the least of Umbridge’s worries.

When he returned to his rooms Salazar turned to him. “You better get in here. The boy is kicking up quite the fuss.” The aristocrat said crossly. Severus frowned. What on earth could Potter possibly be doing? He entered into his quarters to find Potter turning his head in his sleep, tears forming in between his lashes. He reached to shake him awake.

“No…”

Severus blinked in surprise and paused before reaching him, not having expected the teen to talk. He did not wake up. “Wake up, Potter.” He called shaking him softly. He should have given him a dreamless sleep potion.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

_Harry ran, he kept running and running. He couldn’t let him reach him._

_“Harry…” Came the whisper._

_“No! Leave me alone!” Harry yelled and stopped turning to stand his ground. He instantly regretted it. A blinding darkness enveloped him. It made it hard to breathe. He was drowning._

“Potter!” Harry gasped as he opened his eyes, his breathing out of control as he tried to remember where he was. His sore back and aching wrists served to remind him of the night before.

Filch was whipping him… and Snape stopped him. Snape brought him over to his rooms, practically dragging him since Harry’s legs had shaken so much. He tended to his wounds… yet again.

“Professor…” Harry mumbled starting to breathe more evenly. Snape’s frown was not the usual of annoyance. Not now that Harry could tell his expressions apart. It was concern. It made the unease melt into a warm feeling in his stomach that made even his sore back irrelevant. He groaned as he sat up, unable to lie back down.

“Was it the Dark Lord?” Snape asked. Harry shook his head.

“No… just a normal nightmare…” He said softly. “I’m so tired…”

“Can you get back to sleep?” Harry shook his head and the potions master sighed. “Are you hungry?” he asked. He could go for something sweet right now. Still, he didn’t want to demand anything from the man. He shrugged. “I’ll take that as a yes. You will have to learn to communicate a bit more effectively, Potter.” Harry watched him go off, complaining about his communication skills, all while he ordered something from the kitchens.

He tried to make sense of the man. He thought of all the times in the past when they both mutually despised each other. Had he forgiven him for that unfair treatment in the first few years? No. But he was no longer bitter about it. He’d learned over and over again that there were no perfect people in the world. No black and white. Everything was a murky grey. From the Malfoys to Dumbledore.

And although he still acknowledged the potions master’s flaws… he valued the other’s support much more than those bitter memories. “Thank you.”

Snape paused as he poured them the tea the house-elf had just brought. Harry realised that he had interrupted his rant. “So you have said.” He finished pouring the drinks.

Harry pondered for a second if the other found it hard to accept gratitude because he didn’t receive it often. That’s what Harry had done at first after all. Sometimes he still did it. “Seems like you’ve patched me up more times than Madam Pomfrey has had to in the last five years.” He said sitting up with a groan.

“Take it easy Potter…” Snape said.

“I’m fine…” He said softly. “What did you do to Filch?” He asked.

“I simply stunned him. He had no right taking out his messed up fantasy on you.”

“He wouldn’t be the first guy to do that…” Harry mumbled remembering the sickening memories that Filch had brought to his mind.

“Blast… my wording was inappropriate, Potter.”

Harry looked up and saw the man distractedly putting some sandwiches onto a plate. It seemed like he was avoiding looking up at him. “Doesn’t make it untrue…” He whispered. Suddenly he wanted to tell the other everything. He wanted the other to re-assure him. To tell him it wasn’t his fault. To tell him he was still normal. Instead, a far more pressing fear came out. “What’s Voldemort going to do to me if he finds out about that?” He whispered taking the cup of tea the other offered him.

“…Don’t worry about those things, Potter. Professor Dumbledore is doing everything he can to protect you and make sure the Dark Lord doesn’t get to you.” Snape said tense. He wondered if the other had considered that. Harry felt awkwardness settling in and decided to change the topic.

“Professor… what’s so appealing about the dark arts?” Snape looked up at him then, with well concealed alarm, but alarm none the less. “I’m curious.”

“Do not be curious about such things. The dark arts are addictive.” He warned him.

“I’ve heard that. But I was thinking… the dark lord knows so much about an entire branch of magic that I know close to nothing about. Maybe I should learn a bit a-”

“Are you out of your mind Potter?” Snape hissed.

“If I knew exactly what the dark arts are… maybe I would be more prepared to reject them when Voldemort tries to tempt me with them.”

“Stop saying his name!” Harry did not apologise and kept eye contact with him showing he was not going to back down from this.

“Am I that weak that I can’t even learn about them from you? How will I stand up to _him_ when he offers?” He asked. Snape stood and paced his rooms for a good minute, glancing at him every few steps, trying to settle an intense argument that was probably going on in his head.

“I will give you a general description of the nature of dark magic.” Snape finally said and sighed. He sat down in the single chair, turning it to face him more. Harry sipped his tea, unable to believe the other actually accepted.

“The dark arts have very many branches, they are… rustic, ancient. It is wild magic that can grant you anything. They can entice you and lure you in and never let go.” He said. “They’re used to hurt, manipulate and kill. As you can see from the three main illegal examples… but in between there are too many variations to be able to learn them all. So you start learning some things, and you get better quickly, more powerful. And you want more. You want to see how far you can go. However our bodies are not made to hold such… raw energy.” Snape explained. He was tense, and from the way he spoke Harry wondered if he too had been enticed once.

“If there’s so many variations… how can I stand a chance against someone who’s spent his whole life experimenting with dark magic?” He whispered.

“That is why there are many people investing their time and energy to ensure you stay safe.” He said simply.

“And yet I find myself in his clutches almost every year.” He chuckled and shrugged. “Except this year I feel like I’m just going to go crazy.”

“A lot of things have happened this year, mister Potter.”

The silence stretched slightly and Harry looked up again. “I’ve had dreams… I haven’t allowed them voluntarily… but I’ve had dreams… where I can see the meetings… sometimes I’m Nagini… sometimes I’m him.” Snape narrowed his eyes slightly at this.

“Does it feel like he’s aware of your connection?” He asked.

“I had a dream where he spoke to me. He said he understood me… that we could be on the same side.” He whispered looking at his hands. “Is he able to convince me? By manipulating me?” He asked.

“I think you are smart enough to understand the consequences of joining his side.”

“…You called me smart.” He chuckled.

“Well, do not get used to it, your potions work leaves much to be desired still.”

“Yes… I know sir.” He said and tried to stifle a yawn.

“I will get you a pain relieving potion so you can get back to sleep. Come morning your wounds will be healed.” He said.

“And then Umbridge will be furious that I got out of it easy…” he mumbled.

“Come morning, she will have many more things of higher importance to worry about.” Snape reassured him. Harry wondered what the other had done. But whatever it was, just like a few hours ago… he prayed the other wouldn’t get caught.


	38. The revolt

Harry groaned early in the morning as someone shook him by the shoulder gently. He groaned stretching under the quilt, the cold room making him want to stay under the warmth.

“Come now, Potter. You have to get ready for class.”

“Five more minutes dad.” Harry mumbled, as he often did when he had similar dreams. Wait a minute. Harry opened his eyes wide, suddenly much more alert. Horror filled his chest as he looked up at an equally horrified potions master. “Uh… sorry sir. I was half asleep.” He said.

“I have no doubt.” The potions master said slowly. Harry sat up. His face felt hot with embarrassment. “How is your back?” He asked.

Harry tried to forget about his embarrassing slip as he sat up straight and stretched, trying to test his back. “It’s ok. Healed.” He said.

“Alright, allow me to assess your back before you go off to Gryffindor tower.”

Harry turned his back to Snape, without thinking twice about it. As the adult cut the bandages off, he remembered that Filch had ruined his clothes. “Um…”

“Your wounds have closed up… you do have some light scars but they will fade in time with some salve.” Snape handed him a pot of salve for his back.

“Snape… Filch ruined my clothes.” Harry mumbled.

“Yes… I managed to mend them, however it is quite obvious.” He said handing him his shirt and robes. Harry received them and looked at them.

“You mended them?” He asked looking at the stitched up cut.

“Yes, well… magic, so it won’t last forever, I’m not experience in that kind of magic.” He said.

“Oh… this was my last robe.” Harry mumbled absentmindedly.

“Order some more.” Snape said.

“I don’t know how that works by owl.” He said shrugging as he put on the old shirt on.

“Do you know your measurements?” Snape asked.

“Yeah, why?” He hadn’t grown much even though he was better fed most days of the year now that he came to Hogwarts. But a lifetime of irregular meals made it hard to build up the appetite expected of someone his age. Hence, when several of his classmates hit their first growth spurt, Harry was left behind. Still, he’d been glad he hadn’t needed a new set of robes and kept last year’s ones.

“Write them down.”

Harry shifted uncomfortably. “I can get my own clothes.”

“And I can re-stock my own potions ingredients.”

Harry looked up surprised and glared at the ground in embarrassment. “I ruined something that wasn’t mine, so I replaced it.”

“I am not accepting a child’s money. Especially that much money. Now give me your measurements.” Harry fidgeted. Eventually he picked up the quill and scratched the measurements onto the parchment awkwardly. “Good, now shoo. Breakfast starts in fifteen minutes.” He told him.

Harry nodded. “Ok, bye.” He said and made it for the portrait. However the other stopped him and passed him the forgotten salve for his scars. “Thanks.”

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Ron was the first to see him coming in and nudged Hermione who looked up at him with alarm in her eyes. Harry motioned discretely for them to remain calm and don’t come to him. Especially with Umbridge smiling maliciously at him.

He sat down in front of them. “Are you alright, Harry?” Hermione whispered, leaning forward for him to hear. Harry didn’t look at the other members of the group and they didn’t look at him. He simply smiled faintly and nodded to Hermione.

“I’m alright… we can talk later.” He said.

“Mate... you didn’t come back last night…” Ron whispered in his direction.

“I said later Ron…” Harry said softly looking at his food choices and picked the simplest option. He didn’t want to waste perfectly good food when he was just going to push it around the plate.

When the Daily Prophet arrived he didn’t even bother to ask for one. He knew what it would say. It would be a proud proclamation of Umbridge as headmistress. Ron seemed keen to avoid the paper as much as him and passed his own copy to Hermione who eagerly opened it. He saw Filch arrive then and storm toward Umbridge. Harry felt his back sting just seeing him. He watched, ready to get up and get out before Umbridge heard that his punishment had been cut short.

However, Umbridge screeched and ignored the caretaker entirely as she held the newspaper.

“Students! You will all immediately stop reading the Prophet!” She exclaimed. At that Harry reached for a copy as did everyone else who didn’t have one.

‘Dolores Umbridge, Senior undersecretary, headmistress and sister to a squib.’

Huh… Is that so? Was it truly such an insulting secret for that woman? He felt bad for her brother, having to put up with that monster. But then it turned out that her mother had been a muggle.

The whispering spread like wildfire even after the headmistress summoned all the newspapers and lit them on fire. Harry glanced at Snape who seemed to be content in continuing his breakfast while the whispering and giggles spread.

“So she never spoke of her family again? That’s just cold.”

“We all knew she was heartless anyway.”

“Pretending to be a pureblood, that’s just pathetic.” The whispers kept coming and Harry couldn’t help it. He smirked. He watched in glee as Umbridge looked around the great hall in a panic.

“A clearly made up article like this will not be discussed further. Anyone discussing such nonsense will be instantly punished!” The toad screeched and everyone fell silent but still eyed her with even more dislike than before.

Serves her right for trying to use the Dursleys against him. Though it just made him realise how morally twisted the vile woman was to find the mere association with her family a humiliating experience. Maybe his aunt Petunia and Umbridge were already best friends through the mail. They certainly had a lot in common.

Though, why would the Daily Prophet turn on someone as powerful as Umbridge? Especially so soon after becoming Headmistress. There was no way this was what Snape had planned.

As a couple of students got up to start making their way to classes several couldn’t hold it and giggled. Whether it was because of Umbridge or another reason, he didn’t know, but in seconds, Umbridge’s amplified voice resounded in the great hall.

“Detention!”

It would be the first of many throughout the day. Harry managed to avoid the woman’s wrath for the time being.

“So Harry, what happened last night?” Hermione asked finally once they had some free time and could talk on one of the corridors surrounding the cloister. Their voices drowned out slightly by the heavy rain going on outside.

Harry had dreaded this conversation and tried to focus on what he was going to tell them while taking in the soothing scents of the wet earth and stone. He avoided looking at them.

“Umbridge approved whipping. At least in my case.” He said. Hermione gave a little gasp but he could see Ron stand up straighter, his face red with anger.

“Are you ok? Let me see your back Harry! Why didn’t you tell me earlier!” Hermione whispered and Harry had to strain to hear her over the rain.

“I’m fine… that’s where I was all night. In the hospital wing.” He lied. Both relaxed as they realised that he was not currently in any pain.

“Corporal punishment hasn’t been present in Hogwarts for about a hundred years… first the black quill and now… Harry… she’s torturing you.” Hermione whispered. “This isn’t… healthy for you.”

Harry gave a dry laugh that seemed to escape on its own. “Healthy? It’s not like I’m asking for it Hermione.”

Hermione glanced at Ron nervously and an unspoken conversation occurred between them because Ron took a deep breath as if preparing to say a set of difficult words.

“You have to lie, mate… the truth isn’t worth it.”

“Worth it? People need to know he’s out there!”

“If everyone is too stupid to believe you by this point that is their mistake!” Ron yelled at him. “Crucio isn’t the only form of torture that can drive wizards insane!”

“I’m not going to go insane!” Harry defended himself. How could they say that?

“We don’t want to lose you Harry!” Hermione chimed in, a desperation as strong as Ron’s present in her voice.

“You’re not going to lose me! What have you two been getting into your heads?” He asked. Hermione opened her mouth to reply but nothing came out and soon the two of them looked down.

After a few seconds of silence she tried again. “You’re just one person Harry. With the dreams you’ve had… and the year you’ve had since he came back…”

“What is it? What are you thinking?” Harry demanded.

“We don’t want you going to his side. We don’t want you to find his side appealing, or at the very least just as bad as here.” Ron said finally.

“…Are you two out of your minds?” Harry yelled. He took a deep breath as he felt the anger writhing at the back of his mind. Anger that wasn’t his.

“Harry…” Hermione tried reaching for him but Harry smacked her hand out of the way and she stepped back holding her hand back in shock. Ron now glared at him.

“I’m sorry! What the heck do you want me to do? Go back to the Dursleys?! They won’t take me longer than necessary.”

“That’s not what we mean, Harry.” Hermione said softly.

“Well then figure out what you mean! Because right now, the only alternative to Hogwarts _is_ Voldemort!” He couldn’t listen to them anymore.

He turned around and stormed away. Turning the corner he saw Malfoy sitting on one of the spiral stone steps, having eavesdropped on their conversation. Even though he’d been caught he didn’t bother looking surprised. He didn’t pretend he hadn’t been listening. The anger melted away as he remembered how much Malfoy had helped the others in the DA out.

Harry stopped his retreat and instead sat down beside him on the steps. He soon realised that the corridor had an echo when it rained and heard Hermione and Ron’s voices fairly clearly.

“Maybe we didn’t handle that properly.” Hermione said gently.

“He had no right to _hit_ you!”

“No. If only he could just go to Sirius. At least… it could be something to feel positive about.”

“Yeah, keeping him locked up in a _different_ house is going to be _great_ for Harry.”

“Ronald, I’m trying to think of how to get him out of here.”

“Harry’s right. He doesn’t have anywhere. With Dumbledore gone this is the safest place. No father figure or illusion of a family is going to change that.”

That hit Harry hard. This was the first time he heard a full conversation about him from his friends’ lips when he wasn’t around. His vision became blurry and he wiped the tears away in frustration. ‘Illusion of a family’

He knew the truth. He knew he didn’t have anyone. But when his friends noticed his desperate and pathetic need for someone it just made the blow that much harder. He felt a hand on his shoulder but didn’t turn to look at the blonde.

“Let’s go.” Harry stood and went with Draco. They didn’t say anything, but it was comfortable just walking in silence beside him. Soon they managed to find an empty classroom and just sat for a while. Loud thunder rumbled every now and again outside.

“Was he pleased?” Harry asked.

“Yes… he wants me to try and alienate you from Weasel and Granger.”

Harry chuckled. “You’re better than I thought.” Draco did smile, faintly amused but shook his head. “Thank you, for letting us know.” He said.

“It’s alright… sounds like you got everyone’s share of the punishment though.” Malfoy glanced at his back and Harry groaned.

“I’m fine… I’m healed.” He said gently.

“You’re not... _really_ thinking of joining him are you?”

Harry shook his head, somehow not getting angry when it was the slytherin asking such a question. “Of course not.”

“Good…” Both boys remained in silent companionship for the rest of the hour before making their way to dinner.

By then, he heard, almost half of Gryffindor and several other members of the other houses had gotten a detention, even from Slytherin. Harry didn’t quite understand how he managed to avoid a detention that day.

As the days passed the newspapers kept on coming and a subdued anger could be felt through most of the school population. The slandering articles on the newspaper continued as did her anger. She’d tried to ban them as she did the Quibbler. But the minister himself sent her a howler demanding she reinstate the newspaper as it had very relevant speeches made by him that should not go ignored by the wizards of tomorrow.

Her anger raged and her punishments spread. Students almost every morning were rubbing the back of their sore hands. The heads of house did not look happy at all.

Finally one afternoon, as they were all having their lunches a loud explosion was heard. Everyone looked up from what they were doing. Another explosion followed, louder and closer.

Harry glanced up at the teacher’s table, as did many others but the teachers seemed as confused as Umbridge. Another explosion.

The small woman huffed and got up, making her way to the great doors. Another explosion. She opened the door and colourful bursts of light exploded in her face making her screech as colourful and loud sets of fireworks quickly filled he great hall, the young and bright eyed first years cheering and everyone following their example. The entire student body got out of their chairs and chaos ensued.

Harry laughed as a set of crackers exploded in quick succession, chasing a screaming Umbridge. He looked at the teacher’s table where they all sat very calm, watching the show with badly hidden amusement. Except Snape. He was very good at hiding his amusement.

Soon Fred and George flew in cheering and laughing as they set of even more fireworks, throwing fliers around about their new store and releasing a bright orange dragon loose on Umbridge who was engulphed by the display.

As Fred and George flew away everyone cheered and formed a revolt, throwing things around, casting spells, taking out forbidden items like fanged Frisbees and throwing them up, ignoring Umbridge’s call for order.

Harry followed the entire student body to bid farewell to Fred and George and to carry on celebrating their chaos.

Suddenly, he stopped as the world distorted around him. He felt lightheaded and weak as he took a step back from the great doors. He faintly heard Umbridge coming over. He saw her about to strike him but horror filled her face as she stepped back away from him. Harry felt something wet trickling from his scar. He wiped it and saw red staining his hand.

“AAGHH!” A harsh jolting pain spread through his entire head and he dropped to his knees, screaming in pain.

_The dark room was no longer empty. Sirius sat bound in the centre._

“AHH! Stop it!” He screamed. If he could bash his head against the stone floor to stop the pain he would, but strong hands seemed to be trying to control him. He faintly caught a glimpse of McGonagall and Snape.

_“Crucio!” Voldemort called out. Sirius screamed in pain._

“No! Stop it!” He screamed again, the pain unending, the heartache real. Anguish coursed through his veins. He had him. He had Sirius. His blood mingled with tears as he was restrained by several teachers.

_The black door appeared, telling him where they were. An image of the book Hermione showed them flashed before his eyes. The hall of prophecies._

The pain slowly ebbed away, his strength left him and he lay recovering in someone’s arms. The scent of peppermint soothed him even before the first potion touched his lips. He managed to swallow the spicy potion and slowly he managed to open his eyes to see Snape with a look of utter desperation on his face.

It made him smile slightly to see how much the other cared. His eyes closed and he was instantly out.


	39. McGonagall's Doubts

Severus was content with observing the havoc. The teachers, prepared for the shenanigans of students, had set a small barrier around themselves and were gladly observing the small infuriating woman running away from the fireworks. He made note of diminishing the redhead twins’ detentions should they avoid getting expelled. 

He watched as Potter laughed with the rest of the children. Severus was glad that the insufferable Gryffindor still knew how to be a child when the situation allowed. When the students ran after the retreating twins he kept his eye on Potter. For some reason he stopped and stumbled back. 

Umbridge grabbed him. Raised her hand and looked about to struck him before anyone could do anything. McGonagall started to stand to come to his defence when suddenly the red-faced woman turned pale and stepped back.  
Potter seemed to wipe his face and he saw the blood stained palm before the boy dropped to his knees, crying in pain and cradling his head. 

Severus was on his feet and rushed to Potter’s side, following close behind McGonagall.

“Potter! Harry!” McGonagall cried out, trying to get the boy to let them see where the blood was coming from.

“No! Stop it!” The boy screamed.

“Potter!” Severus cried out, grabbing him and helping McGonagall so she could pull the boy’s hands away from his face. Suddenly the boy fell limp in his arms. Severus slipped an enervating potion from his robes, to try and give him the energy to recover from whatever attack the Dark Lord had sent his way. 

The boy blinked awake and McGonagall gave a sigh of relief. Severus looked at the bright green eyes that stared right back at him. He waited for him to respond. To do anything. Instead the brat gave him a brief smile and passed out. 

“Harry!” Granger called. It was the first time he noticed her there.

“Stay back miss Granger.” McGonagall told her. 

“Oh dear. Will this boy ever spend a moment without the need of recover?” Madam Pomfrey asked herself out loud. “Severus, I can take him now.” He didn’t register her words at first as he stared at the perfectly normal-looking scar that had been glowing a molten red and bleeding profusely a mere minute ago. McGonagall’s hand on his shoulder reminded him of his surroundings and he nodded to Pomfrey, who levitated the boy away. 

He turned to Umbridge who had become composed enough to pretend the school had not just succumbed to anarchy. 

“Headmistress. Is the minister not visiting today with the press to show your excellent management of the school?” Severus asked coldly. Her eyes widened and she immediately ran out to try to placate the entire school body. 

Severus turned to the youngest Weasley male and Granger, who looked unwilling to go any direction beside the hospital wing. McGonagall followed his line of vision and spoke. 

“Mister Weasley. Miss Granger. Should Madam Pomfrey allow it, you may go to mister Potter’s side.” Instantly the two were running in the direction of the hospital wing. 

“Perhaps I should go and assist Dolores.” One of the teachers said begrudgingly.

“Or at least pretend to.” Said another, going out to where the students had run off to. Soon everyone was gone except for him and McGonagall. She was eyeing him curiously. 

“Severus, I have noticed that mister Potter has spent and obscene amount of time in detention with you this year.” She said. 

“Have you really.” He said blandly and focused on finding the lid for his used up glass potion vial. 

“And I hear you’re also tutoring him in potions.” 

“Yes, well… The headmaster insisted when he questioned the grades I was giving mister Potter.” He spotted the small crystal top and picked it up, slipping it on and putting it in his pocket. He turned to leave but suddenly the woman was standing before him stopping his escape. 

“That boy has had a lot to deal with this year. If I hear that you have been pushing him even further you will be sorry.” 

“Is that so?” Where was she when the boy felt so isolated in the summer that he had to go to that muggle? Where was she when the boy was putting up with the agony of the black quill or getting sentenced to fifty lashes? Where was she when the boy’s grades were slipping? 

“I remember fairly well the nasty relationship between both James and you. Do not punish an innocent child for the sins of a dead man.” 

“Really Minerva, I see no reason why you’ve suddenly started questioning my motives. All I’ve done is give him an enervate potion.”

“That is the thing… I cannot comprehend the look you had just now.” And there it was. Severus schooled his expression. 

“Just what kind of relationship do you now have with Potter?”

Well… that was not what he expected. He couldn’t help the visceral reaction he had at the other’s insinuation. 

“Are you out of your mind?” He snapped. 

“I am just asking Severus!”

“Well, how dare you ask? I am utterly insulted! As if I could ever… the boy was bleeding from his scar! Forgive me if I care about anything the Dark Lord does!” He yelled and stormed away. He couldn’t even stand to look at her. He was mostly angry at himself. For losing his control and apparently displaying concern for the Gryffindor. But what the devil was that woman thinking of him to have something so vile cross through her mind. 

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry woke up. A dull and repetitive throbbing vibrating throughout his head. He remembered what happened. Sirius was being tortured by Voldemort. He felt like jumping out of the bed and flooing straight there but his body felt heavy and he barely managed to sit up. 

“Oh Harry!” Hermione cried out and hugged him tightly. He turned to his friends, the buzzing pain in his head diminishing.   
It was night time. Only the moon through the window and a dull oil lamp by his bedside table illuminated the hospital wing. 

“Hermione… Ron… He’s got Sirius.” 

Hermione pulled back and looked at him in shock. “H-harry are you sure?” She asked. 

“I’m sure! I saw it… he was torturing him Hermione! I have to go help him!” Harry insisted. 

“Mate, calm down! You can’t go like this!” Ron insisted. 

“I have to Ron! He’s the only family I have left!” Harry yelled, the word ‘family’ bitter to his lips as he recalled the redhead’s words. 

“Maybe we could check into Grimmauld place. Before we do anything rash.” Hermione reasoned. 

“Umbridge will never...” Harry began but Ron laughed without humour. 

“She’s as good as gone mate. The minister brought the press and everything, when they saw the mess the school was in, the minister told her to prepare to leave as soon as the next headmaster is selected.” Ron told him. 

So Umbridge was finally leaving. Yet he couldn’t celebrate it. “I need to get to Sirius now, Ron!” Harry said trying to get out of bed.   
“There you are… you vile, lying monster!” All three jumped as they turned to see Umbridge storming toward them. Ron and Hermione stepped in front of Harry but Draco came straight after Umbridge and pointed his wand at the two.

“Move to the side!” Draco yelled, his old nasty sneer on his face and the threat of punishment vivid in his expression. 

“You little bas-”

“Now Weasley!” Draco yelled and forced Ron and Hermione to step away from Umbridge’s path. 

“I hope your happy, Potter! Oh but I have not lost. No. You will tell me where Dumbledore’s secret weapon is. Once I show Cornelius he will know that I was telling the truth!” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She slapped him hard across the face and Harry raised his arms to defend himself. 

“Liar!” He tried to get out of the bed and away from her but she pointed her short wand at him making him stay where he was.

“You called for me headmistress?” Harry felt himself relax as he heard Snape’s voice. Umbridge smirked and put on a smug expression as she turned to the potions master. 

“Ah, yes. I will need a strong dose of veritaserum.” 

Snape glanced at her and then at Harry. The expression of complete and utter lack of interest made Harry’s faith in the man falter slightly and he had to look away. “I’m afraid that you’ve used up all my stocks during the last week of detentions. Certainly I could brew some more but it could take some time.” He said calmly.   
Her expression twisted into something nasty and she looked back at Harry. He tensed and glanced nervously between her and Snape. 

“That will be all professor Snape.” Umbridge said. Snape turned to leave and Harry panicked.

“H-he’s got Padfoot! He’s got Padfoot where it’s hidden!” Harry called out. Snape stopped and turned back, Umbridge looking from one to the other.

“Padfoot? What is it? What is he talking about?” Umbridge demanded looking from one to the other. 

“I have no idea.” And with that Snape was gone and Harry sighed relieved. Maybe Snape would be able to check on him. His train of thought was interrupted as Umbridge rose her wand once more. 

“Well then, I have no choice… if you won’t tell me where the secret weapon is, then I will have to use crucio until you do tell me.” Her wand trembled slightly as she said that. 

“You can’t! That’s illegal!” Hermione exclaimed struggling against Ron’s hold when the redhead stopped her from reaching Harry when Draco pointed his wand at her. 

“No one will know. Get ready mister Potter.” She said, the tremor of her wand stopped and Harry almost felt the static in the air as the woman opened her mouth to utter the spell.

“Stop! Mate just tell her!” Ron exclaimed. Harry gasped and turned to Ron who got Umbridge’s attention. “Well, if you won’t tell her… I will.” Ron said. Hermione looked at Ron confused. 

“Tell me what?” Umbridge said, impatience vibrating through every syllable she spoke.

“Where Dumbledore’s secret weapon is…” Ron said. What was Ron planning?

“Well… good. Someone is actually using their common sense for once. You will all show me.” She said and grabbed Harry roughly by the shoulder, pulling him up by his clothes. He pulled away from her hold, not wanting her to rip the robes that Snape had fixed for him. 

Soon Ron was leading them, through the forbidden forest while the back of Harry’s neck prickled just knowing that Umbridge and Malfoy both had their wands pointed at them.   
It took Harry a while to realise where they were going. When he realised he wished he had remained in blissful ignorance for a while longer. 

Growing up in a cupboard allowed a child to grow comfortable with spiders. But even Harry had ceased being comfortable when they grew larger than his thumb. The acromantula nest entrance was just ahead and Harry prayed to the stars that Ron knew what on earth he was doing.


	40. Spider Web

“Well? Where is it?” Umbridge demanded as Ron slowed down his approach.

“Ron…” Hermione acted disappointed and looked down shaking her head. “It’s straight ahead…”

“Show me to it, you three ahead of us.” Umbridge said making the trio share a glance before entering the acromantula territory. Something scurried past behind them and Harry saw Ron starting to tremble slightly. The sound of a taught string getting pulled echoed around them and Harry resisted the urge to look up.

What was Ron going to do about this? What was his plan? Ron glanced back nervously at Harry. That was when he realised. Ron hadn’t thought this far ahead. His heart truly skipped a beat.

“Expelliarmus!” Umbridge gave a dull squeak, cut out as she was blasted back onto a hard bark of tree. She passed out the minute she hit it. The thick layer of cobweb wrapped around the tree made her stay upright.

Harry turned surprised to see Malfoy putting his hand down. The blonde glared at him slightly. He scoffed, as if slightly insulted by Harry’s doubts on whose side he was. He shouldn’t flatter himself. Harry still had no idea what side Draco was on.

“Right… let’s get out of here before Aragog sends his devil spawn after us.” Ron said rushing to the exit.

“Wait Ron!” Hermione whispered. “We can’t leave her!”

“She’ll die if we leave her here.” Harry said. He looked at the pink woman in distaste for forcing him into a position where he now has to ensure her safety.

“Good riddance.” Both Draco and Ron replied at the same time. They looked at each other. Draco eyeing Ron icily and Ron glaring viciously at the blonde.

“We can’t…” Hermione mumbled. Draco rolled his eyes and took a step forward, pointing his wand at Umbridge.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked, hearing the nervousness in his own voice.

“You may be skilled in defence against the dark arts Potter, but I know a thing or two about wards.” With that Malfoy mumbled words under his breath making short hesitant movements with his wand.

“Did it work?” Hermione asked, her eyes focused on Draco’s wand movements. Ron grabbed a fairly large stone and threw it at the woman. It bounced back a metre before her and hit him on the shin.

Ron cursed and bounced back. “Looks like it.” He said with great disappointment.

It was all the evidence Harry needed. “I have to get to Sirius!” He turned and ran back from where they came.

“Harry wait!” Hermione called.

He didn’t stop. Not until he got to Umbridge’s fireplace, lungs on fire from the run. He tried to control his breath as he grabbed a handful of floo powder and tossed it into the fireplace. He called for 12 Grimmauld place and stuck his head in the fire.

“Sirius!” he called looking around the dark and empty living room. There was no sound. His heart raced wildly. His vision was real! Voldemort had him.

“Filthy blood traitor boy…” He heard the vile little voice of Kreacher coming from the darkness.

“Kreacher! Come here! Tell me where Sirius is! Is he in the house?” Harry demanded.

“Kreacher has no ties to you, Potter. Kreacher has only one true master he need be loyal to.”

“Kreacher! Tell me now if Sirius is here or not!” Finally he spotted Kreacher, lurking behind the couch, poking only his head out to him.

“Master has not been here all day.” He said gleefully. Harry pulled his head out of the fire and sat back, clutching his chest in desperation.

“Harry?”

“I’m going.” Harry stood up and grabbed a handful of floo powder. Draco’s pale hand gripped his wrist with a strength that surprised Harry.

“Wait Potter…”

“He’s right Harry… we need to think about this.” Hermione said.

“While Voldemort tortures my godfather to death or insanity?” Harry asked, eyes focused on the fireplace. “I’m going with or without you.”

“Fine… but I’m coming with you mate.”

“…I’m also going Harry.” Hermione said gently.

“I’ll come also Potter.” Draco said.

“There is no way we’re letting you come _Malfoy_!” Ron spat glaring at him. Harry couldn’t deal with this right now.

“He knows where we’re going anyway Ron. I’m not waiting another second.” Harry turned to look at Draco Malfoy, his expression not showing anything. Harry could not trust him. Not entirely at least. “Let’s go.”

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

“This is it.” Hermione said as they approached the large black door, the corridor empty of anyone else.

Harry nodded and took out his wand, the others following his example. He opened the door and the prophecies gave the endless rows of sky-high shelves an eerie pale blue glow.

Harry walked to the spot where he thought he’d seen Sirius in his vision but no one was here. Had Voldemort already killed him? Had he already disposed of him?

“There’s no one here…” Ron whispered.

“Well noted Weasley.” Draco replied and Harry turned to snap at them. That’s when he saw it. Glowing more than the others, pulsating, calling to him. He approached the shelf and his friends quieted down.

He reached for it. Could this be it? The prophecy that Voldemort wanted? What did it say? He picked it up, showing that he was indeed part of the prophecy. He faintly started hearing a hoarse and distant whisper but before his mind could focus on it several Deatheaters appeared from each corner of the room. Harry held the prophecy close and stepped back to his friends.

Lucius Malfoy stood proudly, wand drawn, standing with Bellatrix and a gruff man that stood tall and wide and intimidating, grinning maliciously at them.

“Well, well. What have we here.” The scruffy man said and chuckled maliciously as he sneered at Draco who took a step back but kept his wand drawn. “Family reunion, is it? Malfoy?” And he laughed deep in his throat, turning his steely blue eyes to Harry.

“Keep your _silence_ Greyback.” Lucius hissed and turned to Draco. He looked confused and  surprised. Harry wanted to roll his eyes. How dare the other be that good an actor? Well, then again, how likely was Lucius Malfoy to know that Harry knew the whole of Draco’s mission?

Bellatrix giggled. “My little nephew a traitor? The Dark Lord won’t be happy! Hahaha!” She giggled like a madwoman. Her acting was not as good, but had Harry not known about the mission, he would have passed off her comments as those of a deranged woman.

“Give me prophecy, Potter. And we will all part ways peacefully.” Lucius stretched his hand out to him and Harry glared raising his wand higher.

“Whatever is in this thing I won’t let you have it! You’ll have to do something else to get your head patted by your master, Malfoy.” Harry said.

Greyback growled at that. “Let me just kill him.”

“He belongs to the Dark Lord you mangy flee infested-”

“Enough!” Lucius yelled and pointed his wand at Harry. “Give me the prophecy Potter! Now!”

“Never! Experlliarmus!” Harry yelled, Lucius raised an instant shield and everyone released their spells. Draco grabbed his arm as their spells knocked the Deatheaters back and caused the shelves to crack and start toppling.

“Run!” Hermione yelled as they tried to make their way out, dodging spells and shooting some back as best they could.

“I’ve got you.” Harry heard Greyback’s bone chilling confident voice almost a breath away.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus clenched his jaw and resisted the urge to yell profanities and the flee-bitten dog as the other mocked him.

“Coming to check on me? You’re not worried about me, are you Snivellus?” Black had the nerve to say.

“Come now Sirius, it is good he’s putting Harry’s fears to rest.” Lupin said.

“Yes, Harry’s connection to Voldemort is nothing to overlook.” Dumbledore said. That mellowed down Black’s smirk to a humourless smile. Black turned up to glare at him, to which Severus made sure to return the look before doing the one thing that annoyed the dog more than anything. He relaxed his features as if uninterested and looked away, as if he were far superior to the ex-convict. He heard him growl in response. Before he could utter any insults Minerva barged in, soot from the old fireplace still latched onto her robes.

“Albus… Potter, Granger, Weasley and Draco Malfoy have all disappeared. They are no longer on school grounds.”

“What?!” Severus yelled, Black echoing the same question back at McGonagall.

“Do you have any idea where they are professor?” Lupin asked. Severus cursed. He knew where that stupid Gryffindor was.

“They’ve gone to the ministry.” Severus said. He went with Draco Malfoy as well! If that brat made it out of this one he… he didn’t know what he was going to do! But he had to get him back safe. That was all that mattered.

“We’re going too.” Albus said. Everyone rushed out to call the rest of the Order members and Severus turned to leave too, to make it there first. Albus stopped him. “No Severus.”

“Why not? For all he knows I could be there by your order!” Severus argued.

“I will personally go and ensure Harry’s safety. I need you to stay here.”

“Albus… I remember a very similar promise fourteen years ago.” Severus said. He couldn’t just stay here. Not this time.

“I know. You must trust me Severus. If he calls you, I want you to go to him immediately and report back.” He took a deep breath.

“Very well headmaster…” He whispered.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

“Mate!” Ron called out and reached back, grabbing onto Harry by the sleeve and throwing him forward just as Harry felt Greyback sweep his claws down, tearing his mended robe. Damnit. That made him mad. He managed to not stumble as they ran into a stone room, empty of all but a large stone arch that stood at its centre.

“You’re surrounded down Potty!” Bellatrix called. Draco shot a spell her way and she barely managed to dodge. She gasped loudly, her eyes widening with insanity and rage. She raised her wand to attack when several pops were heard all around and Harry saw the order members.

“Sirius!” Harry cried out, relief flowing through him.

Sirius smiled as the deatheaters were blasted back, heavily outnumbered. They seemed to turn to run. Draco ran after his father.

“Hey kiddo.” Sirius said reaching to ruffle his hair in a way that made Harry’s stomach sore. Just behind him Harry managed to see Bellatrix, sneaking out of the dark tunnel she’d hidden herself in.

“Sirius watch out!” Harry yelled and raised his wand. Suddenly Sirius shoved him to the side roughly.

“Avada Kedabra!”

Harry turned in time to see the green flash hit Sirius in the chest. He stumbled back into the stone arch.

“No… no! No Sirius!” Harry cried rushing to his feet and reaching for him. Sirius’ eyes met with Harry’s as they turned a pale ghostly grey like the rest of him and then he fell into the void, leaving nothing but emptiness and grief behind. “No! No! Sirius!” Harry screamed. Before he could reach into the voice Remus pulled him back, holding him back with all his strength.

“No Harry! You can’t! He’s gone…” Harry cried as he heard Lupin’s voice break. Amidst the grief a piercing and shrill laugh shook Harry to his core. He turned to see her. Bellatrix. She smirked and turned, running away. Harry let the anger consume him, he let Nagini’s darkness consume him as he shoved Lupin off and ran after her.

 


	41. Occlude

Draco ran after his father and grabbed onto his sleeve, stopping his retreat. Lucius stopped and looked behind Draco and around the dark corridor before looking down at his son with more pride than Draco ever remembered seeing.

“You’re doing so well Draco! The Dark Lord is going to be so pleased.” Lucius said, a firm hold on his shoulders that made Draco’s heart clench painfully. He couldn’t risk his father getting caught.

“Everything I do father, I do for you and mother… not for him.” He said and placed an amulet on his father’s hand. Lucius looked at the dragon pendant with curiosity. “I am sorry father.” And with a wave of his wand he activated the portkey. Lucius was gone with a pop but not before Draco saw the betrayed and shocked looked his father gave him.

He should be safe in the manor. Draco ignored the uncertainty brewing in his chest and turned to find Potter.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Bellatrix laughed as she ran toward the exit of the ministry, trying to flee. Harry blasted the fireplace she tried to go into and she screeched, getting thrown back to the middle of the room. She smirked at him maliciously.

“I killed Sirius, Sirius is dead, Potter’s all alone! Hahaha!” She mocked in a sing-song voice.

Harry screamed in rage and showed her the prophecy, which he slammed to the ground and broke into hundreds of pieces.

“No!” She cried out, looking at the broken prophecy in horror.

“You failed your master Bellatrix! What will you do now, huh? He’ll never hear it because of you!” He yelled relishing in the horror he saw in her face. Enjoying the tears that fell down the madwoman’s face.

“No! No master please. Forgive me master!” She cried.

“He can’t hear you Bellatrix! He’s a coward! That’s why he sent you! He’s not here!” Harry yelled.

“Now, now Harry.” Harry froze as he turned seeing Voldemort standing there, his scar blazing in pain. “There’s no need for such anger…” Voldemort said coming closer, Bellatrix’s pleas of forgiveness ignored by him.

“The prophecy is gone Voldemort…” Harry challenged as he stepped back.

“So it is…” Voldemort said, walking over the shard pieces without a care in the world. “I however, came for you…”

“Step away from him Tom.” Dumbledore said and Harry turned to see the wizard behind him. Voldemort sneered at Dumbledore who stepped in front of Harry, protecting him.

Voldemort raised his wand, blasting at Dumbledore who held his own up, a large shield protecting against the attack.

The air vibrated with power and Harry covered his ears at the ringing it gave him. Voldemort smirked as Dumbledore’s shield flickered. Dumbledore stood firmer and without lowering his shield, used it to blast Voldemort with his own curse.

Voldemort lowered his attack and the shield burst into sand that covered the floor. Harry lowered his hands as Voldemort disappeared. Everything was still and Harry looked up at Dumbledore.

Steps running toward them made Harry look up, seeing Hermione, Ron and even Draco arrive with the rest of the order.

Harry felt a breeze hit his face and he felt his throat close up. He grunted and felt all strength of his legs leave him as he dropped to the floor.

“Harry!” He heard one of his friends called. Was it Hermione?

“Harry…” Dumbledore called gently. Harry cried out twisting onto his back and felt Voldemort inside his mind. Harry turned to look up at the headmaster and the creature spoke through his lips.

“You’ve lost old man…” he felt himself smirking. Pain coursed through his head. “AHH!”

He saw flashes of his family, of his aunt and uncle. He had no control over what memories the other saw. He tried to fight, but the physical strain only caused him pain while Voldemort’s intrusion and control was purely mental.

_“You stupid little freak… I’ll show you…” Vernon hissed grabbing seven year old Harry by the hair and throwing him into the dark cupboard. Harry held back his whimper as he banged his arm but made no further complain, afraid of his uncle’s anger._

“Stop it!” What if he saw Snape? What if he managed to see how important Snape had become to him?

“Harry…” Dumbledore almost whispered and Harry turned to him in pain, feeling hot tears rolling down the side of his face. He already lost Sirius… he couldn’t let anything happen to Snape. “Harry… fight it…” he said gently.

“Professor… I can’t… he’ll find out… about _him_.” Harry gasped and fell back into the battle in his mind.

_“Who don’t you want me to find out about, Harry?” Voldemort whispered around him. Harry couldn’t let him see that person… he couldn’t! He couldn’t!_

_“No!”_

_“Show me this person…”_

_And Harry instantly knew what to do. He thought of the one person that would make his lie believable. He thought of mister Emwood to save Snape’s secret. And he bombarded Voldemort with every memory he had. He felt the sudden release of Voldemort’s hold, as if the Dark Lord himself had recoiled in disgust at Harry’s dirty secret._

_Harry took his opportunity and occluded. He thought of the flickering candle. It was easier than he remembered. He stared at it. He lost himself in that image. He leaned toward the flickering candle in his mind and blew on it, shrouding his consciousness in darkness. Everything became dark and everything became light, and his real secret remained untouched in his mind._

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry opened his eyes. He felt empty. He sat up and Dumbledore reached for him. Harry stared blankly at him before moving back.

Dumbledore’s attention was drawn away to the flashing cameras approaching with the prime minister at the head. Then his attention was turned to Voldemort who appeared by Bellatrix’s side.

“My god… he really is back.” Harry heard the minister speak. Harry’s eyes were focused on Voldemort.

“Come to me Harry.” Voldemort’s voice echoed around the room. Harry ran past Dumbledore who tried to grab onto his robes which shredded easily thanks to Greyback’s handy work, allowing him to get away.

“Harry! No!”

“Harry!” Members of the order called. Harry heard none of it and as Voldemort’s swirls of darkness started enveloping him and Bellatrix, Harry reached out and took Voldemort’s hand.

The Dark Lord pulled him into an embrace and the ministry sounds of the ministry vanished in what seemed like a swirl of the wind. The sound of tinkling plates and sounds of pouring tea replaced it. Harry stepped back to take his first proper look of Malfoy mannor.

Greyback was here, smacking a house-elf away that was trying to tend to a wound on his arm. Lucius Malfoy was here, seemingly having just finished speaking to his wife, who turned around, with a tense expression, eyes flickering between the sobbing Bellatrix and the boy-who-lived.

“Narcissa, if you would be so kind to escort Harry to a room of his own and have the house-elves tend to his needs. I think we all need to freshen up after the long night we’ve had.” He said, his voice echoing with pride of a job well done.

Everyone stood frozen for a minute or two before Narcissa stepped forward. “If you would come with me mister Potter.” She said.

“Not mister Potter. Just Harry for now.” Voldemort corrected.

“Yes my lord. Harry. If you will come with me…” Harry looked up at Voldemort.

“Go with Narcissa, Harry.” Harry looked back at the blonde woman and obeyed Voldemort’s command. His every step felt heavy. He had no control over his actions, and he didn’t care. Mrs. Malfoy took his arm and hooked it with hers as she led him away.


	42. To Spy

Severus stood up from where he sat in the kitchen and turned the door, watching the Order members walking in with dejected expressions. Granger walked in after Weasley, both radiating misery while Draco walked in pale as snow, being led by Dumbledore’s hand on his shoulder.

It dawned on him as everyone sat down that Potter was not about to walk in through the door. “Where the devil is Potter?” He demanded from Lupin, who was pathetically encouraged to sit by the metamorphmagus. “Where is Black? Lupin what happened?” Severus demanded.

No one answered at first and Severus felt an itch to hex them all where they sat. “Sirius is dead. Bellatrix used the killing curse… and he fell into the veil… right in front of Harry.” Lupin’s whisper was only audible because of the deafening silence in the room.

Severus clenched his fists. Just perfect. More grief thrust upon that child’s shoulders. The stupid dog couldn’t even keep himself alive for him could he? Useless, stupid Black! “Where is Potter? Is he with the headmaster?”

“No.” Granger replied.

“Harry ran after Bellatrix… when we caught up with them…” Weasley started.

“The Dark Lord possessed Potter… he must have done something because when he escaped he called for Potter… who just ran to him. Just like that.” Draco said.

Severus sat down slowly, his heart was already beating rapidly and his ears started ringing from just trying to stay calm. That stupid boy… he prayed to the fates to protect him. But he couldn’t just leave this to them.

Dumbledore walked in then and Severus stood up immediately. Where had the other been? Once more the headmaster failed in his promise to protect the only person Severus cared about. First Lily… and now that insufferable brat that he was currently panicking about.

“I have explained to the ministry that Voldemort had managed to possess Harry… there was nothing we could have done… Harry let himself be possessed.”

“What? How is that possible?” Everyone on the table asked while Severus never took his eyes off the headmaster, who was pointedly avoiding eye contact until then. He looked straight at him and said the words that utterly destroyed him.

“He did it to protect a person important to him.”

Harry had occluded. To stop the Dark Lord from seeing Severus helping him, comforting him, caring for him. What had he done? This was all his fault. He should have stayed far away from the start.

“As it stands, you Severus are the only link we have to Harry at this moment in time.” Dumbledore said.

“Great…” He heard the Weasley boy mutter sarcastically. He ignored it, it was a tense moment for all of them.

“If he didn’t tell me about this plan… He may not want me to know.” Severus admitted, clenching his fists. Normally he would have this conversation alone with the headmaster alone but at the moment he didn’t give a damn on the setting. He needed the boy back. He needed to know that he was safe.

“Bellatrix seemed rather surprised when he called for Harry, if this was a plan he had kept from everyone, it’s likely he’s ready to tell his followers about it now that he has succeeded.” Dumbledore said.

“Then Snape can bring him back right?” Weasley asked. The headmaster sighed and shook his head.

“It’s not so simple, Ron… Snape is still a spy…” Hermione mumbled. Severus clenched his jaw tightly.

“Headmaster… a word. Please.” Severus said, walking into the next room.

“Severus… I know what you’re going to say but there was nothing I could have done.” Yes. Because it was Severus’ fault. The brat let himself be controlled in order to protect Severus from getting found out.

“What do you want me to do headmaster? When he does call?” He asked.

“Don’t do anything rash. Analyse the situation and report to me… nothing more.”

“What if they’re hurting him?” Severus whispered clenching his hands into fists. The terror he felt when the Dark Lord targeted Lily returned ten-fold. He’d imagined how they would torture her before they killed her. Her quick death was the only comfort he had in those dark days after the Dark Lord’s demise.

“Then you occlude my boy.”

Severus met the old wizard’s saddened eyes and had to look away. He went straight to the fireplace and disappeared into it.

Once in his rooms he stood just outside the fireplace and stared at the quiet quarters. He sat down slowly and rolled up his sleeve, staring at the dark mark. No matter how much he stared at it, it wouldn’t call for him.

“Damn it!” He kicked the coffee table hard, sending its contents to the floor. He resisted the urge to take out the rest of his anger on the furniture. He took in a shaky breath as he remembered how he reprimanded Potter for the same offense.

Severus reached forward to pick up what had fallen off. It was a package. His throat tightened remembering what he had ordered. He opened it to see the uniforms he’d gotten the boy.

He’d allowed himself to get too close… and now Potter was in the demon’s den because of it. He sat back on the chair, the new uniforms haunting him as the hours passed. He never thought he would find himself eagerly waiting for the mark to burn.

His prayers were answered at three in the morning. The witching hour. He stood up straight and straightened his robes, going straight to Malfoy Manor.

When he arrived the same empty green eyes he never wanted to see greeted him.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry looked up at Snape’s arrival from where he sat on a shorter chair by Voldemort’s side. It ensured that different stations were not confused. He wore heavy and expensive robes as ordered by Voldemort.

“It seems everyone is here.” Voldemort said proudly. Harry looked away from Snape and turned to the Dark Lord as he stood up to lead them to the dining room. “Come Harry. _Come Nagini_.”

Harry and Nagini both walked and slithered respectively, side by side, behind him. “ _Yes master._ ” Both replied in parselmouth.

There was a pause from the death eaters and Harry stopped to look at them over his shoulder. “You too.” He said and turned to run ahead, to catch up with the large snake.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus felt a chill go up his spine when he heard the boy talking. So he wasn’t completely under an eternal sleep?

The deatheaters present started making their way to the dining room where Voldemort sat at the head of the table. He motioned for Harry to lower his head which the boy did. The Dark Lord whispered something in his ear and Potter nodded, remaining on his feet while everyone sat.

“My loyal followers. May I present to you Harry. I have taken him in.” He said. “He has accepted and joined my side after he realised that the muggle treatment he’s received is nothing but aberrant.” He said.

Severus looked at Harry who stared blankly ahead.

“Harry.”

“Yes master?” The boy responded, turning to look at the Dark Lord.

“You may retire for the night.”

Potter nodded slightly and turned to leave, Nagini watching him go before settling where she lay. Severus watched him go. No one spoke, no one knew what to say.

“My lord, what a victory, to have Harry Potter in your grasp.” Alecto Carrow was the first one to speak.

“Yes, it is quite a victory.” The Dark Lord said.

“What is your plan for him?” Augustus Rookwood asked. Severus remained quiet, allowing the deatheaters to do ask his questions for him.

“I have a very important plan for him… however, only a few of you will have the honour of knowing it. I have called you all to use your influences to ensure Harry is portrayed as a… victim, kidnapped and unwilling to come to my side.” He said.

“He came to you voluntarily?” Bellatrix asked.

“Either way he will never break free of the hold I have over him. However, if we make people believe their saviour is being held hostage it makes them… more trusting of the boy.”

Yes, that was clever. If his control over Harry was really as strong, he could end up sending him to do vile things without Harry being initially suspected.

“As such I want you all to use your influence to make it seem like he is an unwilling prisoner… it will make my plan all the more satisfying when it reaches completion.” He smirked. “Bellatrix, Severus, Lucius, Avery, Nott and Rowle. Stay behind. The rest of you are dismissed.”

Severus felt a weight leave his shoulders as he was chosen to remain.

“My Lord? Do we have the honour of knowing your plans for P-Harry?” Bellatrix said sighing softly as she spoke to him, completely devoted to him.

“Yes you do. I have chosen all of you to assist me in the training of Harry.”

“Training?” Lucius asked.

“Yes. I want him trained in the various specialties of dark arts that you each specialise in.”

Severus’ stomach twisted in revulsion. He was going to make Potter learn dark magic. What could he possibly do to stop the boy from falling into its addictive trap? Especially now that he seemed to have no notion of consequences. Maybe he won’t remember anything when he does snap out of it? Somehow Severus doubted the possibility.


	43. Guilt and Emptiness

Severus waited for Dumbledore’s response. The pots bubbling on the fire behind him was the only source of sound in the kitchen. Everything was quiet in the Black household. Not due to emptiness. Several of the members of the order were talking amongst themselves in the living room, while Severus reported the Dark Lord’s plans.

“Dark magic.” Dumbledore repeated. Severus stared at the parchment he had rolled up and handed it over. Albus unrolled it and looked at the crest of Slytherin with surprise.

“A potion from Salazar’s books.” He said softly, reading over the contents.

“He has ordered the other five to teach him the dark arts they each specialise in. I’ve been ordered to prepare this potion. Excessive amounts of it.” Severus said.

Albus looked up from the potion and just stared at the distance for a moment, as if searching his memories for any information on what the Dark Lord had planned.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what this potion could be used for.” The headmaster finally spoke.

“He copied it from an original book marked with Salazar’s crest. There was no title on the spine. But this amount of potion could be…” He didn’t want to say it.

“The large amount means he plans to use it in a ritual of some kind. Salazar’s experimental rituals are said to be many and poorly documented.” Dumbledore said. “What we can be sure of, is that he plans to either get Harry to perform it… or to be part of it.”

“Potter’s body cannot handle so much dark energy… he will be corrupted.” Severus insisted. “There needs to be a rescue attempt… he must be taken out of Malfoy manor.”

“The only one with access to the manor is you Severus, and we know too little yet to risk your position being compromised.”

“I am supposed to spy to ensure Potter’s wellbeing. He is in the Dark Lord’s hands at present… I have to do something.”

“Severus, I understand your point of view. However, you are thinking irrationally. Harry is under the Dark Lord’s control. You could try to rescue him, only to have the Dark Lord force him to kill you.”

Severus stood up, frustration coursing through his veins. “You want me to brew the potion.”

“For now. Let’s observe the level of control the Dark Lord has over Harry. If you can get your hands on Salazar’s book and find out what the ritual is for, then we can re-evaluate our actions.”

Severus gripped the nearest chair tightly and nodded. “Very well headmaster.” He said softly. Albus rolled up the parchment once more and handed it back to him.

 

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

“I will teach you how to perform many dark and powerful curses, Harry.” Bellatrix spoke, pacing around him, while Harry sat in the centre of the bare room, staring ahead. “I’m also very good at non-verbal magic, which will be a good trait to have. You wish to be trained to the Dark Lord’s satisfaction don’t you?” She asked coming to sit in front of him, looking at him with that deranged look characteristic of the woman. “Or do you miss your stupid godfather?” She whispered smirking maliciously. “Potty’s all alone now.” She cooed.

“His wish is for me to be trained.” He replied calmly. Her words did not wound him. And that infuriated her. She forced a smile and cupped his face in her hands, digging her nails against his skin.

“You may genuinely wish to be his favourite, but I’ll never allow it.” She hissed and let go. She dragged a whimpering house-elf out from the corner of the room and tossed it in front of him. “Start with Crucio. Take out your wand.”

Harry took out his wand, looking down at the whimpering house-elf.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Lucius was charged with teaching him all about poisons and the imperius curse in particular which the patriarch was skilled in. Avery and Nott taught him different forms of blood magic and Rowle’s lessons consisted in attack charms of the darkest and most explosive nature. He understood the rawness that Snape had mentioned once upon a time. Despite the constant feeling that he was walking on air, he could sense the strong remnant vibrations of the energy tingling under his skin.

He walked the halls of Malfoy manor without the need for a guard. Voldemort knew he would nor could escape. He opened one of the doors to reveal the potions lab he’d been looking for.

A cauldron similar in size to the one used when resurrecting the Dark Lord sat at the centre of the room, bubbling away to the faint orange flames beneath it. He closed the door behind him and went to sit in the corner of the room. Seconds later Snape walked in through the doors, holding a jar of powdered unicorn horn. Harry only recognised it because it was the same ingredient he had ruined and bought for the potions master. It took Snape a few seconds to notice Harry’s presence.

“Why are you here P-?” Snape glared at him. “ _Harry_?”

Harry stood and came over. His arms reached for the potions master and he held onto him with a courage he would not have had if his insecurities were not beyond his reach.

“I’m… still here.” He mumbled. The potions master did not react at first. “He only controls me… when he’s in the room.”

Slowly Snape’s arms came up to wrap around him. One hand cupped the back of Harry’s head as he was pulled tighter against the professor. He felt a twinge of emotion forming at the back of his throat and moved back, away from Snape’s embrace. Snape too let him go and wouldn’t look at Harry in the eye.

“I told you not to occlude.”

“I… had to protect my memories.” Harry managed to force out. He could feel the pressure increasing at the back of his mind, encouraging him to relax and let the emptiness take hold.

“You showed him your muggle family?” Snape said turning to use his wand to stir the potion with a large ladle.

“I showed him that muggle.” Harry said. The ladle suddenly stopped for a few seconds before it continued stirring.

“Then what memories were you protecting?” He hissed through a clenched jaw.

“…” Harry met Snape’s dark eyes calmly. “You’ll get angry.”

“I am furious.”

“Because you already know…”

“Why? Why you brat? Why would you throw yourself in this much danger to protect me?” Snape hissed, shaking him by the shoulders.

Before Harry could reply, the door opened and Nagini slithered inside followed by the Dark Lord. Snape had taken a couple of steps away from him and Harry felt his consciousness relax. He was still aware of what he was doing, but it was like he forgot all except his obedience to the Dark Lord.

“Ah, Severus, you’re with Harry are you?” Voldemort spoke and Nagini wrapped herself around Harry’s body, resting her head comfortably against his shoulder.

“Lucius explained the importance of potion making skills for poisons, master.” Harry replied.

“Excellent thinking, Harry. However, this potion is one you needn’t concern yourself with for a while.”

“Yes, master.”

“The potion is progressing well my lord.” Snape spoke. The ladle kept turning as he poured in a handful of the powder every three stirs until a little less than half remained in the jar.

“Excellent, Severus. Harry, come with me… Bellatrix tells me you cannot perform the unforgivables well.” Voldemort said, leading him toward the exit. “She says you’re not feeling them, you don’t wish to make them. I’ll remedy that. I will demonstrate as many times as necessary. I will make sure you _feel_ it.”

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

As the door closed Severus took a moment to collect his thoughts. ‘ _I will make you feel it_.’ He was going to torture him. He needed to find that book. Now. Damn the consequences. He was not letting Potter endure this… especially after knowing that he was still in there.


	44. Non-being

Through the pulled curtains the light of the moon made the traces of unicorn horn powder glimmer over the potion’s bubbling surface. Severus left it to brew and walked out of the potions lab. The corridor was silent and as he walked closer to the parlour he heard Bellatrix giggling. Through the open doors he could see the Dark Lord pointing his wand directly at Harry.

“Crucio!”

Severus clenched his hands into tight fists as the curse struck the boy. Despite the stoic expression, his lips parted slightly, letting out a small gasp and his knees gave under the pain that coursed through him.

“How interesting… Perhaps in your current state of mind it is harder for you to feel when casting or receiving the curse.” The Dark Lord said calmly.

There was nothing Severus could do. He could only hope that being in the Dark Lord’s presence meant Potter wasn’t conscious of what was happening to him.

He looked away and went to Lucius’ study. Surely the Dark Lord left the book within. He checked the door for any detection spells before allowing himself in. The book was indeed there. It was on Lucius Malfoy’s desk but the blonde was also there, reading his own book and absently passing through pages.

“I hear Potter is to be punished.” Lucius said after glancing up in his direction.

“He is. He cannot muster enough will to perform the unforgivables.” Severus said, coming over to his side.

“As if that puppet has any will left inside him.” Lucius said.

“How interesting Lucius, it almost sounds like you’re reproachful of the Dark Lord’s ways.” Severus said. Malfoy stared at the book but his eyes were unmoving.

“It’s unnerving… I’ve heard that Potter can break out of the imperius curse. This has to be something… something even more powerful.” He said softly.

Severus said nothing. He himself didn’t know what it was. Did it even have a name? When one party occludes so thickly that they become an empty vessel for possession. Has it even been thought of before? If it had it would have definitely been classed off as dark magic.

“It unsettles you too. I can imagine. Does it also please you? To see James Potter’s doppelgänger as the Dark Lord’s pet?”

No it did not. It made him sick to the core just thinking about it. Harry was not James. Harry was Lily’s son.

“It’s certainly amusing.” Severus replied. “Draco performed his mission remarkably well, too bad it was unnecessary in the end.”

“I wouldn’t say that. He provided the Dark Lord with valuable information about Potter’s home life.”

“Yes, I heard something about that.” He glanced at the Salazar Slytherin’s book as Lucius put down his own to stand and look out the window, his back to Severus. Severus didn’t hesitate and opened the book, flicking through the pages while Lucius remained oblivious to his actions.

“The world the Dark Lord has promised us. Is it still as appealing as it once was?” Lucius wondered out loud. Severus glanced for a moment at him. He found the potion. What ritual did it…?

“No…” Severus whispered.

“No?” Lucius turned. Severus was frozen, staring at the ritual stated under the potion. “What are you doing? That’s the Dark Lord’s book!” Lucius hissed coming over to take it from him. Severus reflexively shoved the hands away as he read the ritual over again.

“This… can’t be…” Severus whispered.

Lucius took out his wand and pointed it at him. “What is it Severus? Could it actually be true what Bellatrix says?” Lucius covered the writing on the book and pulled it closer to him. Severus calmly took out his own wand and pointed it back at the blonde.

“I don’t know what she says but unless you put that down the Dark Lord will hear all about how Draco got you out of the department of mysteries.” Lucius was shocked. Of course he was. No one but Draco should have known about that. But Severus was Draco’s godfather and the boy trusted him enough to tell him the truth after Potter had been taken.

Lucius put down his wand and looked down at the book himself. The image of a dementor moved slightly in a haunting fashion across the page. “What in Merlin’s name is this?” He whispered. “Dementors can’t be… made… can they?”

“It doesn’t call them a dementor, it calls them a Shade.” Severus said.

“How to make a mortal into a non-being nonetheless.” Lucius muttered passing the page. He chuckled but it was a laugh born from nervousness and fear. “He plans to make Potter amortal but controllable. Why?”

Severus couldn’t make sense of this. He had to tell Dumbledore immediately. “The potion will be ready in a day. The reason he wants Potter to learn the dark arts is to corrupt him enough for the darkness to consume him… and turn him into that.” He whispered.

Lucius closed the book and carefully put it back where it was originally. “He is learning well from me. He may not be able to perform a crucio but… everything else has been easy to teach him. He is quite powerful.” Lucius muttered. “That said, I don’t know how much he can be corrupted when he has no emotions.”

“Yes…” Yet he couldn’t forget the way the boy reached out to hold onto him. “I must check on the potion.”

“Hmm… I must write to my son.” Lucius said. Severus hoped that his belief was correct. That Lucius would not put his family in further jeopardy even to help the Dark Lord.

In the corridor everything was quiet. As he approached the parlour once more he could hear the scurrying of a house-elf in the shadows. The thick rug lining the centre of the corridor masked the sound of his steps as he checked on Potter. The Dark Lord had no intention of killing him. In fact the contrary. Nonetheless he tried to think of ways to intervene if the Dark Lord was still torturing him.

Instead the door opened to see a grinning Bellatrix, guiding the boy out. “Mmh. Snape, you take care of the darling prodigy.” She said and pushed the boy roughly forwards.

The boy almost toppled over but Severus grabbed hold of him to keep him standing. Holding him roughly by one arm he led him away, while Bellatrix went in the opposite direction. He took the boy to his room. Emotionless or not, his body was still suffering with the after effects of the crucio.

“Come on.” He said as he got him into the bed, taking out some potions from his robes. “Drink.” He said. The boy obeyed and soon his tense body began to relax. He waited a moment before looking away from the empty vial in his hands to the boy. Potter was staring at him. “How are you?”

“I… don’t feel much… I’m ok…” He mumbled. “Did you… give me a sleeping potion?” He mumbled. His eyelids were already struggling to stay open.

“Your body needs to recover.” He said and reached forward, taking his glasses and putting them on the side table. He had to let Dumbledore know just what horrors the Dark Lord had planned. Did that mean that all Dementors were Salazar’s failed experiments? It was too chilling to imagine.

He glanced at the boy whose eyes were closed and his breathing was relaxed and even. He reached forward and cupped the boy’s cheek. He’d still had a baby face and his height difference to other boys his age made sure that he remained looking even younger. He would soon be sixteen. Even so Severus couldn’t see the man he would become. To him Potter was still a child. A child in a terrible situation, with an even more deplorable past whom he needed to get to safety.

He pulled back from the boy and stood, going to the nearest fireplace and disappearing in a burst of green fire.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus could count in his hand the number of times he’d seen Albus Dumbledore genuinely shocked. So when he told him what he’d discovered, it still surprised him to see the headmaster react in such a way.

“What I don’t understand… why is he so keen on keeping Potter alive?” Severus said. Dumbledore sighed and shook his head sadly.

“I had no way of knowing for sure… I didn’t think he would realise it.” He said.

Severus looked up at the headmaster, the leader of the light side, the man that granted him the chance of a second life. “Realise what?” he asked.

“The night James and Lily were killed, Lily’s blood magic protected Harry from the killing curse.”

“You’ve mentioned that already.” Severus said. The headmaster gave a tired sigh.

“What Voldemort didn’t know was that when he was destroyed, a piece of him became part of the boy. A part that is one with him and that proudly shows itself on Harry’s forehead. As long as that piece resides in Harry, even if the Dark Lord were to be destroyed again, he would find a way back through him. A living, breathing Horcrux.”

“…That means that the Dark Lord cannot be defeated.” Severus said.

“He can… But for that Harry has to also fall.”

“…Was this your plan all along? For Harry to die at the opportune time?” He could feel rage bubbling inside him.

“The Dark Lord created several Horcruxes. Until they are destroyed he will not truly become mortal. He cannot be killed.”

“So Harry has to die last then. But die he must.” Severus hissed. “You’ve played me for a fool…”

“Severus, it may seem cold and calculated… I hadn’t wanted to believe it myself but…”

“I don’t want to hear anything else you have to say. I’m getting him out of there.” He stood but Dumbledore sat him down with a flick of his wand. Severus found himself firmly stuck on the chair despite the headmaster’s loss of control of the wand, which slipped from his fingers and toppled to the ground.

Dumbledore picked it up from the floor and smiled faintly at the wand before turning his attention back to Severus. “What cannot be allowed, for sure, is for Harry to be made into a non-being. It is a fate far worse than immortality and it would secure Lord Voldemort’s reign for ever.”

“So let me get him out! Potter is in there! He’s aware of what’s going on. As long as he’s away from his grasp he can return to his senses!” Severus insisted.

“Severus. Calm down. We _will_ get him out in the next twenty four hours. I’ll call the rest of the order. We will make a plan. We will be smart about this.”

“I don’t care anymore about your twisted wisdom. I’m getting him out now.”

“Then I cannot let you go.”

“Albus… for once think about the child and _not_ the greater good!”

“That is a selfish attitude to take.”

“I have always been selfish.” Severus said. His arm burned. “He’s calling me Albus.”

The headmaster sighed and let him go. “Please do not attempt anything by yourself.”

Severus didn’t reply and left 12 Grimmauld place.


	45. Dark Victory

The ancient grandfather clock ticked loudly within the corridor of Malfoy manor. The Dark Mark ached as he came closer to the Dark Lord. The closer he got the more he realised that the powerful wizard was in Potter’s room. His steps became faster.

He had to stop when he arrived. The Dark Lord’s wand was hovering over the boy, a dark mist surrounding him and getting absorbed into him. Whenever it did the boy groaned in his potion induced sleep.

“Ah, Severus… so good that you could make it. Close the door, we have much to discuss.” Severus mechanically did what he was told. Salazar’s book hovered opened at a page Severus hadn’t yet read.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry felt the waves of darkness filtering through his pores. Waves of warmth that felt sickening to the core. He opened his eyes, to see Voldemort’s wand filling him with darkness. Something inside him made him struggle, even with the Dark Lord still partly controlling him.

“That’s right Harry, wake up a little. Severus, tell me, the potion will be ready tomorrow?” The Dark Lord asked.

Harry grunted and tried to reach up to stop the wand’s effects. Voldemort placed his icy hand over his and pushed it back down.

“Yes my lord. It is absorbing the moon’s light as we speak.” Snape said. Harry turned to look at the potions master who looked at him with cold indifference.

“Good. The ritual space has been prepared. Tomorrow the five others shall read from Slytherin’s book and you will administer the potion.” Harry shuddered curling away from the swirling, toxic darkness he couldn’t get away from.

“Will the boy survive this current… teaching?” Snape’s voice was becoming an echo in his mind.

“Harry is not capable of mustering darkness inside him powerful enough to tap into the Dark Arts I wish for him to learn. As such, I found an alternative spell that will encourage the darkness everyone possesses. It will also help make tomorrow’s transition much easier.”

“Nnh! S-stop… it…” Harry managed to force out.

“Mmh? Not until the darkness settles inside you.” Voldemort said. The swirls settled into anger and hate and disgust and everything vile Harry ever remembered feeling.

“Stop it!” He yelled, sitting up. Accidental magic served to blast every small item in the room to pieces. The two wizards instinctively put up shields and Harry felt consciousness and independence return to his body.

“Very good… Harry.” Harry bolted from the bed and ran for the door. He could hear the wizards following behind him. Voldemort simply laughed and a spell shot past Harry, blasting the wall of the manor and knocking Harry onto his back. 

He didn’t even have his wand. How could he stand up to them? Bellatrix came out from the room with Narcissa and a twisted and powerful sense of hate coursed through Harry.

She killed Sirius… Sirius was dead because of her! He would kill her… with his own hands!

“My Lord!” Narcissa exclaimed.

Harry jumped on the crazed looking woman, grabbing onto her curly black hair. She screamed and they both toppled to the ground. Harry used his grip to smash her head hard against the carpeted ground. Her head still made satisfying thuds.

It took her a while to react, but once she did she was vicious, taking Harry’s attack as permission to do what she wished to him in return. They rolled on the ground, each kneeing, hitting, punching, scratching and doing as much physical damage as possible to each other.

“Sirius was worth fifty of you!” He screamed. She laughed through the cut lip and Harry felt a sharp sheet of metal slice through his skin. She laughed, giggling as she tossed him back and Harry looked down to see a knife protruding from under his ribs.

“Bellatrix… how dare you hurt my protégé?” Voldemort’s calm voice resonated in Harry’s mind.

He remembered his lessons on blood magic. He reached for the knife, wrapping his hand around it.

“Potter stop!” he heard Snape call out. Harry didn’t listen. He ripped out the knife with a loud grunt of pain, ignoring the quick flow of blood that followed.

He took advantage of Bellatrix’s frightened expression at Voldemort’s reprimanding words. He reached forward and brought the blood stained knife down on whatever part of Bellatrix he could reach. The blade dug into her thigh and she screamed, falling back in pain.

“Sentire dolorem, sentire dolorem, sentire dolorem.” He mumbled, repeating the one spell he remembered that didn’t need a wand. It was enough.

Bellatrix threw her head back and screamed, twisting and crying worse than any crucio Harry had ever seen. The darkness swirled inside and he laughed instead of cringe. Yet inside he still wanted to cringe.

“Severus, deal with Harry.” Voldemort finally said.

Rough hands grabbed Harry by the shoulders and pulled him harshly away from Bellatrix. The moment he was no longer touching the blade the woman’s screams cut off and she instantly passed out.

Harry struggled as he was dragged away. Voldemort watched Harry go and laughed, nodding with pride. Harry had done black magic with dark intent. He could still feel the energy under his skin. He could still feel the power.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus pushed Potter down onto the floor of his lab. “Stay still!” He ordered him. The boy’s eyes focused on him like those of a caged wild animal. He opened the boy’s robes and pulled the torn shirt open. Blood flowed from the cut under his ribs. Somehow she’d missed his heart or he’d be dead already.

Despite the animosity showing in the boy’s face, he stayed perfectly still and allowed him to work. The clean cut was easy to heal, though by the time he was done, one more scar remained on the boy’s body.

“Come on Potter…” He said forcing the boy to his feet. “I’m getting you out of here.”

Voldemort had won. He’d gotten the boy to use dark magic. He’d corrupted him in a way. The brat didn’t seem himself yet but it wouldn’t make a difference in a ritual like this. He dragged him to the nearest fireplace, not bothering to clean any of the blood. He would get somewhere where he could apparate and get him safely to Grimmauld place.

“Snape, stop… I can’t leave.” The boy mumbled, grabbing him by the arm and taking a step back before they reached the fireplace. “It’s sealed against me!” He insisted.

He turned to look at the boy. He was desperate. He grabbed him by the shoulders and tried to find the words he wanted to say. “I need to get you out of here…”

The boy nodded. “I know… but you can’t…” He whispered. The boy turned to the wall briefly and got tangled in Severus’ arms. “Let go of me! Let go!” he screamed, struggling against Severus’ non-existent hold on him.

Severus realised quickly what he was trying to do and played along. “Get back here!” Severus pulled the boy away from the fireplace as the door opened, revealing the Dark Lord walking in calmly. Avery, Nott and Lucius followed him, wands drawn, ready to attack.

“Now, now Harry. There’s no point trying to escape.” Voldemort said. “You’ve done well, allow yourself to be taught. You still feel it don’t you? The power under your fingers, the delight at Bellatrix’s pain?” Severus let go of the boy as he went still, and saw shame in his expression.

“I don’t want to be taught…” Harry whispered.

“Oh but you do.” He walked forward pulling the boy to the centre of the room so he could pace around him. “You have a day of independence left in you. You can either spend it learning, or you can take your pick on who you want to… treat you, the same way that muggle did.”

Severus felt sick to his stomach at Potter’s horrified expression. He felt sick as Voldemort included Severus among Harry’s ‘choices’. He felt sick at the boy’s humiliated expression as he looked down, jaw clenched and flinching away from Voldemort’s touch.

“I’ll learn…” Harry whispered.

“Good choice. I want you on your knees. Kneel before me.”

Potter slowly got down onto his knees and glared up at the Dark Lord when the man smirked.

“Extend your left arm.” Severus felt his chest beating painfully and even the other followers looked at each other, unable to believe that the Dark Lord wanted to brand Harry Potter with the Dark Mark.

It was easier for Severus to believe it. Harry only had a day left as himself according to the Dark Lord. He planned to make every remaining minute as humiliating for the boy as possible and all Severus could do was stand here. Like a useless waste of space, watching.

The Dark Lord held the boy’s wrist in what looked like a painful grip and placed the tip of his wand on Harry’s skin. The boy screamed in pain as the jet black mark became printed on his skin.

Severus did his best to occlude. Did his best to block out the emotion, the anguish at seeing the boy in this position. All to protect him. Severus didn’t deserve it. He was nothing. The moment the boy realised the truth about Severus he was going to wish him dead.

It was Severus who told the Dark Lord about the prophecy. It was Severus who practically pointed Lord Voldemort in the baby’s direction. And now it was Severus who had allowed the boy to get attached to him enough to throw himself into so much danger just to keep his work as a spy a secret.

There were no words to describe how despicable Severus Snape was. No one knew it better than he did. 


	46. Tick-Tock

When Voldemort’s wand was pulled back, and his grip released, Harry toppled to his side. He cradled his arm in an attempt to control his shaky hand. He clenched his jaw and tried to contain the whines of pain. He wasn’t about to give them the satisfaction of hearing him suffer.

“Now. It’s almost dawn, why don’t we all get ready for the start of the day and then you, Harry, can once more continue your education.” Voldemort said calmly.

Harry struggled to even muster the will to get up off the floor. He let go of his arm and pushed himself up, glaring up at the Dark Lord. “Yes.”

The back of Voldemort’s hand smacked him across the face. “Do not glare at me boy. And I rather enjoy you calling me master.”

Harry sneered in disgust. He couldn’t stop glaring so he just stared at the ground. “Yes, _master_.”

The four deatheaters, including Snape had already followed the Dark Lord’s order, leaving Harry alone.

“To think the great Harry Potter has fallen so low.”

Harry held the arm that bared the dark mark close to himself and kept his eyes fixed on the ground. Still, Voldemort clearly wanted his full attention so he grabbed him by the jaw, fingers digging in painfully as he was forced to look at the utter look of disgust the snake-like monster gave him.

“What would your parents say if they knew what you’ve become? Would they save you a second time? I doubt it. I will improve you, make you worthy. And not the disgusting little catamite you currently are.” Then the pale hand released him and walked out. Harry just stood there, watching him go.

He didn’t even understand what catamite meant. But being looked at with that raw revulsion by the darkest of all wizards made him feel… dirty.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus looked at the potion. Then at the instructions. Last step was to keep it out of the sun. He could tamper with it, leave the windows open… but he had no way of knowing what that would do to the boy.

It was over. He couldn’t get Potter out. He had to find out what Dumbledore had planned. If anything. One thing was for sure… the boy was now branded. As a Death Eater. He can deny it, everyone could stand by his side. But the doubt will always remain in the back of people’s minds.

“Lily… give me a sign… I beg you…” He whispered and closed the blinds to the window. He paused at what he saw. Just outside, he caught glimpse of a doe, grazing on the meadow. A small fawn ran up behind her, coming from the forest, staying close by her.

Severus shook his head. “Too subtle Lily, of course the Malfoys have deer on their backyard.” He mumbled to himself. He only then noticed the rays of sun. He hadn’t noticed the sun rising in the few minutes he took to watch. He glanced back at the potion. A few rays of sunshine were touching the cauldron but hadn’t yet reached the potion. With a flick of his wand the blinds closed and the light was cut out. The potion gave a faint, silvery glow to the room. He would trust Dumbledore. He had to. He had to see what he had planned.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Bellatrix limped her way to Snape’s lab. She’d seen him floo away. She was no fool. She knew that rat was working for Dumbledore. But such accusations were overlooked by anyone else. Still… he would make Snape pay and he would make Potter suffer.

She looked at the instructions discarded by Snape in his hurry. She smirked and pointed her wand at the blinds, opening them wide, the sun light piercing the glittering potion, changing it from silver to a rose gold. She leaned against the cane she was using, as her wound was taking time to heal.

“Let’s see what happens when a potions master destroys a potion by Salazar Slytherin himself.” She turned away from the lab with a satisfied feeling in her chest. She hoped whatever the damage, it serves to make Potter feel pain.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Dumbledore had gathered the Order. When Severus entered, the yelling, questions and demands were all he could hear.

“How’s Harry?”

“What’s happening?”

“What’s this about a ritual?”

“Snape! Why haven’t you done anything?”

“Be quiet.” Snape said through a clenched jaw.

“What has happened Severus?” Dumbledore asked. Severus heard the faint ring of worry at the base of the headmaster’s tone of voice.

“Potter seems to have come to his senses. The Dark Lord has now given Potter the Dark Mark after threatening him.” He said slowly. “He seems fully intent on performing the ritual tonight. The mark is either a way to humiliate Potter or to better control him once the ritual is complete.”

“What kind of ritual is it?” Tonks asked and Severus looked at Dumbledore, leaving him the choice of answering that question.

“What’s important… is rescuing Harry today. Before the moon rises on the horizon.” That was all that the headmaster revealed.

“Is he doing it in Malfoy Manor?” Molly Weasley asked.

“I’m not sure… The way he spoke about it, about preparing the location, could mean he planned to do it somewhere specific.” Severus said.

“Albus… if it truly is a ritual invented by Salazar Slytherin, it’s likely to be something related to the moon. All I ever read about Slytherin was that they tended to be connected strongly to nature and moon phases.” Lupin said. Tonks perked up as if she could see where he was going with this.

“So it can’t be in the actual manor, it must be outside, in nature.” Lupin simply nodded.

“Five Death Eaters will assist in the ritual… I am to use the potion and the Dark Lord will be present. He may keep Death Eaters to guard certain points in the surrounding area. Or may just place a barrier around the ritual grounds.” Severus said, trying to list possibilities.

“You will have to send us a signal when you reach the place.” Dumbledore looked at him. Already all the difficulties flashed in his mind.

“He will anticipate someone sending out a signal.” He said.

“We’ll figure out the best way… so that at least the signal gets out.”

Even if Severus is discovered. It was left unsaid. Severus had a surprising difficulty accepting that decision. It wasn’t that he was disloyal to saving the boy. It wasn’t that. But…

What nerve did he, Severus Snape, have to worry about leaving Potter alone? He obviously wasn’t alone. Though the boy clearly counted on him for things he didn’t trust anyone else with.

Nonetheless… he swore to protect him. If it cost him his life… so be it.

He gave Dumbledore a simple nod. The topic quickly moved onto what would be done once the ritual site was reached.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry felt strange throughout the day. His scar ached more than usual. The more dark magic he was made to perform, the stranger he felt. At times he felt small and cold and heard voices in the distance.

_“Wear me… I will bring back your parents… I will bring back your godfather, I will bring back the lost and forgotten… wear me… come find me”_

Then still cold and small he heard Umbridge’s voice in the distance. She was explaining in outrage what had happened to her. A rattling resembling a trapped insect echoed in his head.

_“That’s right… hate them all, they all think you’re stupid… they want to take your place Dolores. It must have been Dumbledore’s plan, Potter wanted you dead. Make him pay, tell them all, tell them how horrible they all are. Hate them!”_

Harry hated that one. It made him want to pierce his own ears in the hope of never hearing it again, even if it wasn’t talking directly at him.

The next two were calmer. The first was faint and only ever so often did he hear the tumbling of coins, the trickling of water. He could feel the humidity in the air and once or twice heard a dragon roar in the distance.

The second was quiet, with fluttering sounds going back and forth, the odd grumbling of a house elf and slightly calmer words. Even so, the female voice he heard was laced with a dark malice that felt very much like the darkness inside him.

_“Wear me, I will help you. I will make you wiser. Come find me, I’ll give you a clue, a simple clue, you know where I am, you’ve been here before.”_

The final one was one he knew well. Nagini. He felt her hissing at the back of his mind.

_“Good that you’re obedient, master is happy. It’s good to please master. Master feeds us well, master lets us kill. Keep doing well for master and I won’t eat you.”_

Though whenever he looked at Nagini if he heard her voice, she was quiet. Then again, often she was staring at him, as if considering eating him or not.

Harry didn’t understand. He didn’t want to hear those voices. He didn’t want to learn dark magic. He didn’t want the sun to set.

He was scared. He could feel the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end, like they often did every year, when he felt death’s icy grip on his shoulder. The worst part was… he had barely seen Snape… he wanted to see him. He felt safer when he was around. Then again, maybe he didn’t want to see Harry performing dark magic. Harry had seen himself in a mirror. It wasn’t a pretty picture. He looked tired, with bags under his eyes, the power from the dark magic sometimes gave him shakes that would take a minute or two to stop.

He hated it. He just wanted to close his eyes and sleep for days, until his body stopped feeling tired.

“Tick-tock, the sun is setting.” Bellatrix said in a sing song way at the back of the room. Harry glared at the only one in front of him, Lucius Malfoy, before poisoning the caged Cornish pixie with the poison dart Malfoy was teaching him to make. The pixie hissed and screeched and melted from the inside out. Harry stared at it. He felt queasy.

“Well done, Harry.” Lucius said covering the cage and taking it away.

His scar burned a little and he could feel Voldemort approaching before the door even opened. He felt the slithering of Nagini beside him, he sensed them like they were part of him.

The two indeed walked in, followed by Narcissa Malfoy, who held white robes, and Snape who had a coil of thick golden rope.

“Now, Harry. Let’s get you ready.” Harry stared at them and Bellatrix giggled where she stood, barely able to contain her excitement. Everyone else was sombre and quiet. Harry stared at the book held under Voldemort’s arm and stood slowly.

He didn’t know how to feel. He’d partly thought he would be saved… but even with Snape standing right there, Harry was still in Voldemort’s grasp. ‘To be changed’ into something worthy. That’s what he had said. Harry felt himself run on auto-pilot as he let Narcissa take him to the next room. His mind was blank, and it wasn’t because of occlusion.

Was… Severus truly not able to save him?


	47. Under the Moon

The robes felt heavy on his shoulders, and the rope that bound his wrists together chaffed his skin slightly. He didn’t look at Snape as the man bound his wrists. He knew the spy role meant he would only see animosity in his eyes.

“He’s ready my lord.” Snape said, pulling him out. Harry stepped out. Voldemort had given his deatheaters scrolls.

“The important part…” Voldemort finished. “No matter what happens, do not stop or interrupt the ritual until it is done. Disappointing me would not be recommended.”

Voldemort turned to Harry and gave him a long thin candle, turned off. “Light it.”

Harry didn’t know about candle magic… what did this all play in this ritual the other was instructing the others about. The five deatheaters looked at him. Bellatrix, as always, was smirking. Avery, Nott and Rowle showed no emotion as they watched Harry walk to the candle in the centre of the room. Lucius Malfoy didn’t even look at him.

They surrounded him and locked arms. Harry looked around confused. The moment he lit the small candle everything faded around them and they reappeared in a clearing of flat land as far as the eye could see.

Right… now he remembered. This was how wizards used to travel before apparition was perfected. Hermione mentioned it once upon a time to him. She had been particular excited to read about it.

Hermione… Ron… was he ever going to see them again?

The deatheaters unlocked arms and he could now see beyond them. An arrangement of polished marble started glowing faintly as the moon climbed higher on the horizon.

“This will be the last thing you’ll remember of this world, you’re welcome Harry.” Voldemort smirked and walked ahead. Bellatrix grabbed him by the back of the neck and led him forward.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus stayed behind and took out a small golden blade. He glanced at the deatheaters. No one was looking at him. He got on one knee and dug the golden blade into the ground. It was small enough that the grass covered the hilt.

He activated it with a tap of his wand. The signals would be sent through the earth. Slightly less untraceable. He stood and walked ahead. Was no one going to notice? It seemed the Dark Lord was too distracted with getting Potter onto the ritual site to notice the potion master’s stop.

The Marble floor formed an empty pool at the centre of the stone circle.

He counted down the seconds in his mind when the Order would arrive.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry held the candle tightly once Bellatrix let him go. He stood on the edge of the small empty pool… or tomb, with the size it had it could be either one. He looked back at the deatheaters.

He could try and run, but really, what good would that do. He would be caught in seconds and probably tortured until he complied.

He looked at Voldemort who stood beyond the circle of five deatheaters. Snape stood beside him, Nagini at his feet.

“Step into the pool, Harry.” Voldemort said calmly. Harry glared at him as he got inside. He shuddered as he started hearing the voices a lot clearer. As if the marble were amplifying them in his mind.

 _“Find me… have me… wear me…”_ They hissed in his head. Harry wished his hands were free so he could cover his ears.

The moon reached its position, the site glowed brighter. Everything turned into white noise in Harry’s mind as he looked up at the full moon. The silver moon held his attention captive. Harry felt his strength leave though he remained upright, as if the very moon light was holding him up.

The deatheaters unrolled their scrolls and read out from Salazar’s text their voices merged into one, making Harry’s head spin.

“Ut devoret te tenebras, ut motus relinquam vos, submit numquid ad dominum tuum.” It repeated itself again and again.

Harry groaned as he felt his eyelids become heavy.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus tensed as he watched Potter’s eyes begin to close. It was his turn. He hovered the large cauldron closer. This was it. The moment he dropped the potion it was over. Blast his cover to hell! He was going to die anyway.

He reached in and grabbed the boy by his robes, pulling him out of the pool. The cauldron dropped, spilling the potion, which made its own way into the pool.

“No!” Bellatrix cried out in outrage. Severus held the boy close as he put up shields against the blasting spells that came his way from the deatheaters. He slowly made his way back, defending against any attack.

Pops appeared all round the area as the Order members arrived and chaos ensued. Voldemort hissed at him and placed his wand over his own dark mark. Severus felt his own begin to burn and he cried out, dropping to his knees in pain. Bellatrix saw her opening.

“Crucio!” She called. The pain seared through his entire body, making him release hold of Potter who only then snapped out of whatever trance he’d been in.

“Harry!” The turned to look behind him. It was Molly Weasley that had called out to him.

“Run… Potter.” Severus managed to say. Tonks ran past them and shot a spell over their heads. It must have struck Bellatrix because the crucio cut off allowing him to catch his breath.

The boy tugged at Severus’ robes trying to get him to go with him but Severus was still recovering from the unforgivable.

In the blink of an eye Nagini shot out from between the chaos and wrapped herself around the boy, knocking Potter closer to the centre once more and out of Severus hands. “Potter!” He called.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry cried out as he and Nagini rolled on the ground. He felt her hot, poisonous breath against his neck as she hissed for him to keep still.

“ _Not him Nagini! Get the traitor!_ ” Harry’s heart went cold as Nagini turned back to Snape who was trying to make his way to them. Nagini released Harry’s body.

Harry reacted quickly. Bellatrix was only now starting to recover. He reached for her wand and pointed it at the snake.

“ _Avada kedavra!_ ” Harry didn’t notice himself cry out in parseltongue but the curse flew out all the same, sharper and quicker than he ever remembered the killing curse being. It crackled as it hit the snake which dropped to the ground.

Harry cried out and dropped the wand as he held his forehead in pain, feeling as if he himself had been torn to shreds. Voldemort’s cry mirrored Harry’s own although the dark wizard’s cry was laced with rage. Nagini’s voice died in Harry’s head.

Harry felt relief now that the vile creature was no longer out to get Snape. He took a step toward the Order members. He didn’t get very close. Bellatrix grabbed him by his shoulder and shoved him back toward the centre. Harry felt the edge dip into the pool and fell into the rose coloured potion.

“Harry!” He heard several people cry out before the potion he fell into drowned everything out.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus saw those green eyes focus on him before Bellatrix shocked them both. He felt a hole opening in his chest as he saw the boy fall back into the potion. He ran to him. He had to get him out of there. Before he even got close everyone was blasted back by an unseen force. The epicentre was Potter. The air vibrated with raw energy all around.

The only one laughing was the Dark Lord. He was the first to stand up to gaze upon his creation.


	48. Icarus

Severus stood, staring between the glowing monument and the Dark Lord. Waves of warmth reverberated through the earth and reached up to his knees. It didn’t get colder, as a dementor’s surroundings would. It got warmer and warmer. The Dark Lord’s amusement and confidence seem to disappear from his features.

Severus tried to get closer, tried to get to Harry, but his feet refused to move, his body refused to move. It seemed that it was the same for those that stood. Although they tried to get closer at one point their bodies just remained rooted in place.

It got warmer. If it kept going like this they would soon start burning.

His heart raced and echoed loudly against his ears. He didn’t know what he was hoping for but somehow he found his voice.

“Harry!”

The rippling heat stopped and everything turned very still.

The earth then shook and the marble temple started cracking. The pool seemed to explode with power and a blinding light came from it. The deep growl and hiss similar to that of a dementor rang in the clearing.

The light seemed to dim down into the robes like that of a dementor, but of golden light. The clearing around them looked like it did in the daytime. The moon above and indigo sky where the only indication that time had not moved that fast.

This thing seemed the size of a large dementor, and hovered at the centre of the destroyed temple. There was nothing of Harry left in it. The boy… was just not there.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry felt warm. It was so comfortable. So soothing. He felt like he was lying down and at the same time he felt like he was on air. He could see the temple. It was destroyed. Everything looked so bright. And then he heard them. The voices. He could feel them, their shape, their vessels. He knew what they were. He sensed the Horcruxes as if he were one with them.

He called for them. One by one they appeared before him. A ring. A locket. A diamem. A cup.

_“We must unite, united we’re stronger. Eat us, you’re hungry… feed from us…”_

Yes. He was hungry… he reached a long bony hand of light toward them. Only the pieces would fill his hunger. Only the pieces will suffice… only the soul will suffice. Eat… eat it…

The moment his hand even got closer, the four floating items caught fire, like a sun reaching to anything in its surroundings. Pain coursed through him and he heard the scream of the voices. But the flames, turned blue, surpassing the heat of even a fiendfyre. The pieces disintegrated into nothing. His hunger was unquenched.

Pieces were not a full soul. They faded faster than he could consume them. He turned to the small lives he sensed and moved toward them.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

The moment the random pieces caught flame the Dark Lord cried in rage and began to move. Severus tried to reach for his wand but he was still frozen.

The thing then turned toward them. It was hard to look at it straight with how bright it was. Out of his periphery he could see Albus raising his wand with relative ease.

“Expecto Patronum.” A phoenix of light flew at the dementor of light and managed to knock it back. A hiss was heard from it. Severus felt his body become less tied down and managed to reach for his own wand.

“Expecto Patronum.” A silvery doe shot forward. More and more of the order members sent their patronus charms forward, surrounding the creature.

“No! You will follow my command!” The Dark Lord was heard saying. He glanced at Voldemort. He seemed to try and activate Potter’s dark mark. Couldn’t he tell? This thing wasn’t Potter. It couldn’t be.

The beast screeched, but not in pain, it was enraged.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Why was he being shoved around? He didn’t understand it. Every time he tried to get to his food he was knocked back into the stone. He didn’t like this. He was getting angry.

Then he felt a burning in his arm and a piercing shrill left him, echoing all around. He turned to its source. The other piece… the final piece.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

The creature, roared and flew toward the Dark Lord. Its hands outstretched. As he got closer it got hotter and Severus had trouble breathing even though the Dark Lord was far away from him.

There was no escape. The Dark Lord caught on fire before the creature even touched him. When it did, the most powerful Dark Wizard of the time turned to ashes in the dementor’s hands.

The dementor screeched and Albus once more led the attack of Patronus charms. The phoenix, brightest of all, managed to swoop around it, giant wings expanding and wrapping around the dementor like a cage. It squeezed and squeezed until the creature became light and then nothing.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Everything turned dark. He was once more lying down. It was getting colder. Where was he? Oh… right… he had fallen into the potion.

He took in a breath, and his lungs filled with the potion. He panicked and moved his arms and legs wildly. His hands were still tied. He took another breath. He was drowning. Every time his foot met the bottom it slipped. 

_“Save me… Snape…”_

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

It took several seconds for the light to fade entirely, and then it took a while for their eyes to adjust.

It took him a while to notice the approaching Bellatrix. When he noticed her, her wand was already raised.

“Avada Ke-”

“Stupify!” Bellatrix froze and dropped to the ground, revealing Lucius Malfoy as the spellcaster. Severus gave a sigh of relief and nodded to Lucius who dropped his wand and raised his hands when Tonks came toward him. The other three were quickly overpowered and arrested.

Severus turned to the temple going slowly toward it. Albus followed close behind him. Suddenly he did feel cold. He did feel empty. He did feel like he would never again feel happiness. He hadn’t even noticed he’d started feeling happy again.

“The boy… is gone?” Severus asked softly as he stepped onto the cracked marble.

“I don’t know Severus. I don’t know the end result of such a ritual.” Albus said. Severus looked around for a trace, any trace at all of the boy.

Nothing but a ruin of the lunar temple remained. He looked into the pool. The edges of the potion had climbed up the wall, bubbles marred the now still, glittering surface and his heart almost stopped for what seemed like the tenth time that night.

He jumped inside. The pool was only filled up to his knees but it was enough to drown in. He felt something on the side of his leg and he reached in. With a strength he didn’t know he had he pulled the boy out and threw him over the side.

He came to the side and felt the strength leave him once more. Potter lay still, the glittering potion dripping from his lips.

 _“Save him… Sev…”_ He wasn’t sure if he hallucinated that. But his body seemed to take over. He placed his hands on the boy’s chest and started giving him rapid and steady compressions. The boy’s skin glittered in the moonlight. Severus’ vision started to become blurry.

No. Not again. Lily… please don’t take him. Please don’t take him.

“Don’t take him… please… please…” He whispered and gave the boy two breaths before continuing the compressions.

 

“Severus…” Albus spoke, a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t make me lose count! Twenty nine, thirty.” He gave the boy another two breaths. His arms burned as he kept going.

“Severus… Severus he’s gone… it’s been too long.” Albus whispered

“No… no… he’s not…” Severus couldn’t remember the last time he heard his voice crack like this.

“Severus… it’s been almost an hour… he’s not coming back…” Albus said gently, trying to pull him away from the boy.

His hands did stop moving but they stayed where they were. The boy’s chest had been getting colder. He hadn’t noticed when his skin had cooled down. One shaky hand turned to the boy’s gentle face. His lips were tinted blue and his pale skin radiated no warmth at all.

“No… No… Albus… do something. I’ll do anything.” He whispered.

“I’m sorry Severus… that is beyond even my capabilities.”

Severus felt like the whole world had crashed around him. Potter had not been the only one to get attached. He dropped his head gently onto the boy’s chest. His body quaked with grief and only then did he realised he was crying.

No… please… take me instead… take me… bring him back Lily. Please bring him back.”

His hands held fist full of the boy’s robes as if gripping harder would stop his soul from leaving. But his soul had already left. He was lifeless.

The sky became lighter without him noticing. The people grieving behind him went unnoticed. Their looks of confusion and, to be honest, offense at the hateful Snape’s grief went unnoticed.

The sun rising slowly on the horizon went unnoticed. The boy’s hand reaching to hold his own went unnoticed. And then Snape shot up, looking at the boy’s pale hand holding his own.

“Potter! Harry! You’re alive… you…” The boy’s eyes fluttered opened and the same green eyes that he remembered stared back at him.

The boy coughed and Severus instantly turned him onto his side, patting his back firmly, encouraging the remaining potion to come out.

“Oh Harry!”

“But how?”

“Thank Merlin.”

“Thank goodness…” The Order members cried out.

Severus thanked whatever was out there a million times. The boy coughed out potion desperately for a couple of seconds, griping onto Severus’ arm the whole time. He passed out, but at least his chest was now rising and falling as it should. Warmth returned to his body. The stupid boy had been dead and somehow came back from it.

It was as Albus took him away and the Order members dispersed, some with the deatheaters, some with Albus, that it dawned on Severus just how much the boy had crawled into his heart. As he held onto his lifeless body Severus’ own life no longer seemed worth living.

He stood and wiped his face, it still felt humid. He turned to walk away from the ruin and apparated to St. Mungo’s Hospital. He went inside to find Albus and the boy.

 


	49. St. Mungo's

St. Mungos was quiet at this time of the day. The large ticking clock built into the wall of the reception marked ten past six in the morning. The receptionist waved her wand and a green orb of light directed Severus to the room where the boy had been taken.

On the ground floor, the orb led him to a private room. He saw Molly Weasley with her husband and Remus, who looked paler than usual after a full moon. No doubt not being able to attend the ritual to try and save Harry was plaguing his conscience. McGonagall was there. He couldn’t remember seeing her in the battle but he hadn’t exactly been focused on the Order members at the time.

“How is he?” Severus asked. She turned her full attention to him. It made him recall the last conversation they’d had about Potter.

“He is recovering. The potion he inhaled seems to have been nullified of any magical properties at dawn. Still, he needs to stay a couple of days until his lungs recover.” She said.

“Is Albus with him?”

“Yes.” Severus reached for the door. “Oh, Severus, wait.” She stopped him and he really did not want to hear what she had to say. “I… we have questions.” She said.

“I have nothing to answer for.” He said calmly.

“I don’t understand at what time you grew to care so much for him Severus. I just… you have to understand how surprising it looks.” She said.

“He was Lily’s son. I don’t see why I wouldn’t grieve her son’s loss should it ever happen.” He discretely knocked on the wooden wall carving that framed the wall to banish any bad luck gathered by just saying that out loud. Ironically it was the only thing his father taught him to ease him at times of misspeaking.

“You were never close to Harry Potter, in fact, your animosity toward each other is well known.” She said.

“Things have changed, professor.” He said softly.

Before either of them could continue, Albus came out. “Ah, Severus my boy. Harry has just gone to sleep. He’s had a long number of days.” Albus said. He seemed very content.

“He’s alright?” Molly Weasley asked.

“They want to keep him for observation to ensure the ritual didn’t have any lasting effects. Any idea why it didn’t work as expected Severus?” Albus asked.

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the others briefly. They were all looking at him.

“It could be anything. The Dark Lord said it was important not to stop until it was over but I interrupted the ritual. Or… the potion may have been tampered with. It was supposed to stay out of the sun. When I arrived to the lab the curtains were wide opened. I was never intending on letting Potter come into contact with it anyway so I didn’t concern myself too much with it.” He said.

Albus’s features filled with concentration. “Yes… the sun would explain the heat, the fire.” Albus said softly.

“But they don’t know the side-effects it will have.” Tonks said.

“The healers will keep an eye on him. I suggest we all go and follow Harry’s example. We all need a good night’s rest.” Albus said gently.

“May I see him?” Lupin asked. “I just need to see him, make sure he’s ok…”

“Of course Remus, go right ahead.” Albus said.

“Headmaster may I speak to you?” Severus asked. Albus nodded and walked further down the corridor with him while the others checked on Potter.

“Who’s staying with him?” He asked.

“Well… I was going to stay. However the minister is insistent that I answer some questions. Professor McGonagall is required at the school in my stead after madam Umbridge’s suspension. Remus needs rest after the full moon last night. Molly Weasley is the ideal option.” He said.

“…I’ll switch with her in the afternoon.” He volunteered.

“Oh that will be alright Severus. After everyone is well rested there will be more than enough people to guard Harry.”

Severus felt a smile coming in an attempt to avoid getting angry at the headmaster. “I swore to protect him. There are still deatheaters out there that will very much want him dead.” He said.

“I will have aurors and Order members looking after him. Including you Severus. I’m not pushing you away from him. But… you too need rest.”

Severus nodded slowly. He was about to agree. He was about to turn around and walk away. But he didn’t. He looked down thinking of the words over his head. Thinking of how to say them appropriately.

“Albus… I want… would like… to care for him on a more permanent terms. Considering that his godfather is gone.” He spoke, looking up at his mentor, the man who gave him a second chance at living.

Albus seemed to take a moment to register his words. “Severus… Harry is still at risk. Now from disorganised fanatics. He is safer under the protections of the blood wards.”

Severus stared at him. “Have you contacted Petunia?” He asked coldly.

“…No.”

“Why not? She’s his legal guardian. She is allowed to come and see him.”

“Petunia Dursley… expressed clearly that she does not wish any information on the boy during term time.”

“And that exactly is what you’re sending Potter back to? Let’s not forget who else lives on that same god _forsaken_ road. Someone we cannot have arrested because there is no evidence except for Potter’s memories of what that man is capable of.” Severus said.

“It will be safer for him there.” Dumbledore repeated.

“Albus. I want to take the boy in. I want him by my side where I can make _sure_ that he is safe!”

“You have absolutely no claim over him.”

“I’m not-” He paused to rearrange his thoughts. “I want to be given the chance to offer Potter an alternative.”

Albus finally sighed. “Very well… but only on the condition that you are truly honest with him.”

Severus frowned. “What do you mean?” Dumbledore gave him that look that seemed to point out that what he was saying was obvious. “You want me to tell him about the prophecy.”

“I want the boy to make a conscientious decision.”

“…I understand.”

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

By the time Harry opened his eyes, the clock on the wall marked three and the painful tightness of his stomach known as hunger kept him from going back to sleep, even though he wanted to. The hospital blankets were scratchy too. He didn’t like that.

It hurt a little to breathe but not too badly. His chest felt slightly irritated with every breath. He looked at his left forearm. The dark mark was gone, but a nasty scar strongly resembling it remained.

“Don’t worry mate, no one can tell.” Harry turned to the side where he first noticed Ron. “Hermione’s just gone to get something to eat.” The redhead said, standing by the side of the bed. “How’re you feeling?” He asked.

“Like I can breathe fire.” Harry tried joking, but his voice came out a little hoarse. Ron chuckled none the less and offered him a glass of water which he welcomed gladly.

“…Mate… I can’t imagine what happened to you there.” He said gently. Harry looked up to see the concern and guilt in his eyes.

“It’s over… the first days were not too bad.” He said gently. “Because I was under his control.” He looked into the cup of water. “After that… it was only a day or two to bear with.” He said softly.

“Did he really teach you dark magic?” Ron asked gently.

Harry nodded. “Yeah… but it’s disgusting. I’m not doing any of that again.” Ron seemed relieved at that. “Also, how’s Draco?” Ron looked a bit surprised by the question. “I mean… his dad got arrested… and he did help me a couple of times.”

“He’s alright. I don’t know the details, but it seems that Lucius Malfoy defected. So he may get off this lightly.”

Harry nodded. “And you two?” He asked gently. Ron looked down briefly.

“…I thought you were going to die.” He looked back up. “I was really scared mate…”

“…I’m fine Ron… it’s over. He’s gone… for good this time.” Harry said. Ron nodded and gave Harry’s arm a firm squeeze.

The door opened and Hermione came in with Molly Weasley. The moment she saw him awake she nearly dropped what she was holding and rushed over to hug him tightly.

“Harry! Thank goodness. I’m so happy you’re safe.” She said gently. Harry chuckled, one arm around her gently.

“I’m safe now Mione. I’m ok.” Harry said gently.

“Come now you two. Remember he’s still recovering.” Mrs. Weasley said. However, the moment Hermione let go of him the mother of seven had him in her tight embrace.

“Oh darling. We were all so worried about you.” She said gently and instantly emptied out what she had in her bags. “Come now, eat something first.” She insisted.

A sandwich later Harry was feeling more awake and good enough to go home, but the healers explained why he needed to stay a little longer.

Harry also knew that he was still in shock. He was aware that he hadn’t quite found himself emotionally. His mind didn’t seem to register Sirius’ death just yet and he felt strangely… empty at the moment. He was hoping that when it did hit him, it wouldn’t be as horrible as the suspense was making it out to be.

The moment the clock struck five it was time for Molly to go. “Someone is coming soon to replace me.” She told him.

“I really don’t need a babysitter Mrs. Weasley.” Harry chuckled gently.

It was Snape who came in briefly after through the doors. Ron and Hermione frowned, giving Harry a look of worry. But Harry couldn’t help it. He felt happy that the potions master had come. He had been briefly worried that now that Voldemort was dead the other would wash his hands off him.

“Good luck mate.” Ron mumbled. Hermione gave Harry a peck on the cheek and left with Mrs. Weasley.

Harry relaxed back into his pillows. “Hey…” Harry mumbled.

“Eloquent as ever.” Snape said softly. Harry chuckled and smiled.

“How long are you staying?” Harry asked.

“I will be keeping watch over you the entire night mister Potter.” He said calmly.

“I really don’t need a babysitter.” He insisted.

“You are a minor. Staying in hospital. A pare-adult.” He paused. “An _adult_ should stay with you for good part of your stay. Specially you, since deatheaters may try something in desperation.”

“Hmm… Last night was a blur. I remember drowning… and feeling very cold… and then I was in a warm bright white place. I saw my mom there.” Harry said remembering. She had given him a choice.

“Your mother?” Snape said softly.

“Yeah… she let me come back.” He said softly. He looked up to see Snape looking down at the ground. “Snape?” He asked.

“Focus on recovering Potter… we can talk about all these things when you go back to school.”

Harry groaned. “I missed most of my O.W.L. exams.” He said.

“I think they may grant you a different opportunity to take them mister Potter.”

“Mister Potter sounds odd by now… why not call me Harry?” Harry asked. “I heard you calling out to me with it anyway.”

It was the one voice that made him turn around and walk away from his mother in that white limbo.

“…No. Your first name will be reserved for special occasions.” He said simply.

Harry chuckled and nodded.


	50. Return

The boy was more tired than he thought. Half an hour after his arrival the boy dozed off. The sun set with no changes to him which made relief course through Severus’ body. It seemed like Potter was likely to have no side-effects.

He put down his book as he looked at the boy’s chest rise and fall. He found himself doing it every so often. As if he needed to ensure the boy was still breathing. He sighed as he thought of telling him the truth. How would he frame it? How would he explain? And would Potter even want to come with him? The Weasleys would. But if he knew Potter well from this year, the other would not want to impose on the family of redheads. But did that mean he would accept Severus’ proposal?

Severus tried not to think ahead. He tried not to think of the boy’s disappointment if he came to Spiner’s end. He himself hated that house. Would the boy hate it too?

He shook his head. He shouldn’t even be thinking about this. One hurdle at a time, the first, telling the boy the truth.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry jumped a little, feeling like he was falling. When he opened his eyes he was back in the hospital room. Moody was standing in the corner, arms crossed over his chest while two healers ran diagnostics over Harry.

“Ah, good morning mister Potter. Just regular check-ups. Nothing to worry about. We’re almost finished.” One of the medi-wizards said.

Harry turned to Moody. “Where’s professor Snape?” He asked.

“Severus Snape has been called in for questioning, simply procedure, Albus Dumbledore has highlighted how he was a spy the whole time.” Moody said in his gruff voice.

“Can I go soon? I feel fine.” Harry said.

“We’re trying to make sure that there are no side-effects to your ordeal mister Potter, please try to relax.”

“Please, I want to go back to Hogwarts. There’s only a week left, I want to be able to see my friends before I go… before the holidays.” He said. The healers looked at each other.

“Very well mister Potter. We’ll talk to Professor Dumbedore about the details.” Harry nodded and sighed. He cursed at how tired he was last night. He had wanted to stay awake longer but his body simply refused to comply. He hoped the other wasn’t in too much trouble. He couldn’t be, no more than Harry was that’s for sure. Harry performed a whole pile of dark spells, not to mention several unforgivables.

There was a knock on the door before it opened.

“Professor McGonagall.” Harry sat up. “Healers say I can go back to Hogwarts soon.”

“That is good Harry...” She gave Moody a look and the auror nodded, walking out of the room, closing the door behind him.

“Something wrong?” Harry asked.

“Harry… I want to talk to you about your relationship with professor Snape.”

Harry felt his heart give a little jump in his chest. It surprised him for some reason. Was it the tone of voice she used?

“Ok… what do you want to know professor?” Harry asked slowly. How much was he supposed to say? Snape clearly wanted their exchanges secret… right? It felt wrong to have to feel ashamed about the help the man had provided him throughout the year. A help that kept him standing throughout the terrible year when all he wanted to do was fall completely apart.

“Harry… you and professor Snape have not seen eye to eye in the last five years.” She said gently.

“I know… but he’s helped me a lot this year. And don’t get me wrong professor… we still really, really don’t like each other.”

“Harry… when you were pulled out of the potion… Severus spent an hour trying to re-animate you. He cried when he finally had to stop.”

Harry stared at her. “Really? He was crying?” He mumbled. She nodded.

“Harry… is there any reason why you have grown closer to professor Snape?” She asked gently. “Can you tell me about it?”

Harry clocked onto the tone of voice. He understood what the other was asking him and felt sick.

“Dumbledore had him teach me Occlumency. I’ve learned to respect him, that’s all.” He said. She frowned, looking at him, as if seeing any evidence of a lie in his eyes.

“Harry… I want you to know that you can come to me about anything. I am your head of house.” She said.

“I know that professor. But there’s nothing I need help with.”

“…I just want to make sure that professor Snape has not been using your father as a tool to manipulate you.”

Harry frowned in confusion. What did that even mean? “How could my father be a tool for Snape to manipulate me with?” He asked. She sighed.

“Your father and Severus did not see eye to eye… in fact they were quite vile to each other.” Harry looked down. That didn’t surprise him. But it was hard to imagine James Potter in that light. Harry had built a perfect image of him with the few pieces of information Sirius, Remus, and other people that knew James, had told him. “He’s not using that to make you-”

“Professor McGonagall. Please stop it.” Harry said sternly, keeping eye contact with her. “Professor Snape saved my life. He listened when I needed to talk. He cared for wounds I needed healed. He taught me things that kept me alive and relatively safe in Voldemort’s hands.” The woman flinched still at the mention of the name. “Professor Snape is a hero. He’s my… he’s a hero…”

“Of course Harry. I apologise.” She said gently.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry sighed with relief the moment he stepped out onto Hogwarts grounds. He felt… free. Finally Voldemort was dead! Gone! He wanted to laugh, cry, and shout out to the Scottish countryside. Instead he reminded himself of Sirius. It wasn’t right to feel happy when Sirius was gone.

Sirius had been his chance to get out of Privet Drive for good. Instead, he would have to go back there. He was sure of it. But it wasn’t just that. He didn’t want to say it but… Sirius… Sirius was like a father to him. With actual legal papers that tied him to Harry. He looked at Harry with pride. He was happy whenever Harry walked into the room. That was not something Harry was used to.

Now… he would never see him again.

Harry sat on a nearby boulder, taking a few deep breaths. He didn’t know how long he was sitting there for. Out of the corner of his eye he saw someone in Slytherin uniform sitting down beside him.

“Hey, Malfoy.” Harry mumbled.

“Hey.”

“How’s your dad?” He asked.

“Professor Snape has spoken in his defence… also about my mission. The aurors were impressed. They want to talk to you. To confirm we actually were in a truce.” He said.

“Don’t worry, I have your back.” Harry said.

“Why? Why do you have my back? I didn’t do you any favours.” Draco said looking up at him.

“No… you were protecting your father. But, for some reason, I want to help you. So we can just leave it at that.” Harry said.

“…Thanks Potter. And I’m sorry, about Black. He was your godfather.”

Harry looked down and nodded. “Yeah… thanks.”

“I heard your exams got moved up a month. I could give you the questions if you want.”

Harry smirked. “I’m not a cheater like you.”

“It’s not cheating, after the year you’ve had, why not a little heads up on the exam?” He said casually.

“I’m good, thanks…” What the hell did his O.W.L.s matter? No one cared whether he got good grades or not, and what was the point?

“Suit yourself. Come on, it’s going to be dinner time soon.” He said getting back up. Harry stood and followed him. “Oh, just… word of advice… some students may be a bit jittery around you.” Draco warned him. Harry nodded.

“Wouldn’t be the first year that happens.” He said.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Dinner wasn’t too bad. People quieted down when he entered but he made his way so fast to Ron and Hermione that everyone quickly returned to what they were doing. Harry was sure people would ask him questions. After all, the stories published in the Daily Prophet were so outrageous that they were hard to believe. But thankfully people seemed fairly put out by him having been touched by Voldemort. He couldn’t believe the bloody reporters had arrived just in time to capture him running into Voldemort’s arms. He shuddered in disgust.

“You ok mate?” Ron asked, patting his back.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Harry smiled. He forgot how comforting Hogwarts dinners were.

“Hey Harry, pass us the pumpkin juice.” Dean called over. Harry grabbed the jug and reached over, his sleeve slid down to his elbow, in pale white the scar of the remaining dark mark showed. Lavender Brown was sitting beside Dean. She shrieked moving back. Harry dropped the pumpkin juice jug in shock.

“The dark mark! The dark mark! He has it!” She shrieked bursting into tears from where she was sitting on the floor. Harry pulled his sleeve down.

“Lavender, calm down!” Hermione said.

Harry sighed. He heard the entire hall become quiet. He looked up to see the distrusting faces of his classmates, year mates, house mates. Of course this would happen. Even though the dark mark was barely identifiable, you can know it was there just by looking at the scar. At the end of the day Harry Potter was worth nothing more than the scars he carried.

He chuckled. He laughed softly. It sounded louder than it was now that everyone was quiet.

“Calm down Lavender. Voldemort is dead.” He told her as he got up and grabbed his book bag.

“Harry…” Ron said reaching for him.

“Thanks Ron, but I’m not exactly hungry anymore.” He said and turned to walk out of the hall. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him. The silence was deafening. He paused before he walked out and glanced back at the teacher’s table.

The teachers were looking at each other, unsure how to handle the situation. Snape was looking straight at him and motioned with his head before leaving through the teacher’s door. He took that to mean that the other wanted to see him. The moment he was out of the great hall he ran in the direction of the other’s rooms.

 


	51. Honesty

Salazar Slytherin was sitting petting his snake when Harry arrived to his portrait. He glared at it.

“Now why would you give me such a look young wizard?” Salazar asked.

“I nearly got turned into a dementor because of your _insightful_ ritual.” Harry said to it. Salazar looked surprised.

“I’m impressed you’re looking so well.”

“Why thank you.” He replied.

“Now why must you be sarcastic to Slytherin’s portrait?” Harry turned to see Snape standing there.

“Hey, I beat you.”

“Yes, well. It wasn’t a race Potter.” He said. The portrait opened at the mention of the password. Harry followed him into the rooms. Severus lit the fireplace and a golden glow illuminated the room.

“I should have you know that professor McGonagall will be having a stern conversation with Miss Brown about over dramatization.” He said sitting across from him on the one seater. Harry sat and noticed the pile of uniforms on the coffee table. “Those are yours.”

“You really did order them.” Harry said, reaching to take them. Even with only a week left of school, he could hardly re-use the same uniform every day until Friday. He’d had enough of that throughout primary school. “How much were they?”

“Do not worry yourself about money. They are yours, that’s the end of it.” Snape said.

Harry couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something told him that the potions master was nervous. He kept shifting on the chair and avoiding eye contact. It couldn’t be because of the uniforms.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked.

“There’s something I would like to talk to you about. But first, I would like to tell you something about me that you need to know before anything else.”

Harry sat up a bit more seriously. He rested his hands on the uniform sets on his lap. “Ok…”

“Harry,” This was bad if the other was on a first name basis with him and Harry wasn’t even dying. “Before you were born, a prophecy was made. Someone overheard that prophecy being made and went to the Dark Lord to tell him about it.”

“But… why would he need to steal it if he already knew what it said? I mean… was it all a ruse just to lure me out?”

“No, I believe the Dark Lord genuinely wanted the Prophecy at the beginning. You see, he only heard the first half of it. The person that overheard the prophecy, only overheard the first half.” He said.

Harry looked down, nodding as he made sense of the other’s words.

“The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches… born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies… and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have the power the Dark Lord knows not…” Snape continued. “That was the half that the Dark Lord heard.”

Harry looked at him, his throat feeling dry. “And I’m the one the prophecy meant?”

“There was another he could have chosen, Longbottom. In the end, however, he marked you as his equal. So it could only have been you.” He said.

Something didn’t make sense. “If… if the Dark Lord knew that… why would he tell you about it? He didn’t seem the kind to brag about his weaknesses.” Harry said. Snape had the tips of his fingers together. He stared at them and then looked up at him.

“It was me that told him about the prophecy.”

Harry couldn’t control it when his mouth fell open. “What? You? _What?!_ ”

“I was young, I was stupid.” Snape tried explaining but Harry could barely stand listening to him.

“Voldemort came after my parents because of you!” Harry yelled. “McGonagall was right about you and my dad wasn’t she?!”

“Potter, no. Calm down, let me explain.”

“Explain what?! My parents are dead because of you!”

“I didn’t know it was going to be you! I never would have told him if I had known he was coming after you!”

“So you wanted Neville dead then! What is wrong with you?”

“Hey! I have lived every day since that night with the weight of my mistake. But I would be lying if I said that I would not have traded your life for Longbottom’s!”

“Why?! You hated my father!” He yelled.

“Yes! I _loathed_ your father!” Snape yelled back.

Harry became quiet. “But my mother… is a different story.”

Snape hissed as he stood and turned his back to him. “I returned to Dumbledore, told him what I did. I begged him to hide Lily and her family. I agreed to spy for Dumbledore.” He said with an icy tone of voice. Harry gripped the uniforms tight. “When Halloween arrived I heard the Dark Lord had gone for your family. I went but I was too late. Dumbledore asked me to keep protecting you. He explained that the Dark Lord could still return. I agreed.”

“Really? Where were you when I was seven?” Harry hissed, anger boiling in his chest and this time it was all his own.

“Don’t! I had no way of knowing what was happening! And you know that! With that muggle _or_ your mother’s family.”

“Would you have come back for me?” Harry challenged. Snape paused.

“I would have pushed until Dumbledore got you out of there. Potter… Harry… I told you this because I-”

“Save it Snape… I don’t want to hear it.” Harry said standing and heading for the door.

“Potter, would you just lis-”

“I don’t want to hear to anything you have to say! My parents were murdered because of _you_! I grew up in that hellhole because of _you_! Do me the same favour again and leave me alone!” Harry yelled and kicked the door open. He felt comforted at the grunt that came from Salazar after hitting the wall.

Harry didn’t look back and stormed away. He didn’t stop until he was back in his room.

“New uniforms now Harry?” Neville asked. Harry looked down at the new uniforms Snape had ordered for him and held them tight against him. He had a knot at the back of his throat, like he wanted to cry. But the reason wasn’t clear for him. Did he want to cry for the parents he never knew? Or for the… mentor… he just lost? “Harry?” Neville asked worried.

Harry looked up and nodded. “Yeah… I ran out… ruined them all. I ordered these before I was taken though.” He mumbled, taking them to his trunk and placing them inside.

He fell asleep holding the duvet close against him. Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be Snape? Life definitely couldn’t give him a single blessed break.

Thankfully Friday arrived quickly. He wasn’t exactly happy to go back to the Dursleys but anything was better than having to use so much energy to avoid Snape. It seemed that he won avoidance game this time though, because Snape did not seek him out. He didn’t push for another conversation.

It left him feeling lonely. And curious. He wanted to know what the other had wanted to say to him. But he would have to put up with not knowing. After two months he was sure Snape would forget all about him and be relieved that he had shaken Harry off.

Harry nodded to himself. After stuffing his duvet messily into his trunk, he made his way with Ron and Hermione to the station. Once in the compartment they found, he watched the teachers ensuring that everyone was on the train. He didn’t see Snape. Oh, wait. There he was, hovering a trunk and owl into the luggage compartment while a nervous first year muttered apologies behind him.

Harry felt the knot at the back of his throat tightening once more and looked away. Dumbledore was there too, what a surprise. And he was staring right at him. Harry gave a small wave and looked down.

The train soon departed and it was easier to forget about the knot that made it hard to swallow.

“Oh Harry… what are you going to do? Are the Dursleys even going to let you study for your O.W.L.s?” Hermione asked then.

“Who cares what I get. What does it matter?” Harry mumbled. Hermione frowned and was going to argue but Ron must have made a face to leave him alone because one glance at the redhead to Harry’s right made her sigh and quiet down, focusing on a small book she chose to take out from her pocket.

 


	52. Home Sweet Home

The sky was grey and the window was peppered with raindrops by the time the train started to slow down, having arrived at King’s Cross.

“Here we are…” Hermione said softly. Harry looked at them.

“Guys… I’m sorry, ok? I just… I don’t mean to be such miserable company all the time.” Harry said.

“Mate… you’ve been through a lot… it’s ok.” Ron said gently.

“Ron’s right, Harry.”

“Either way… I’m sorry. I’m going to miss you this summer.” He really would. He doubted that the Dursleys would allow him to write to his friends. They never had before.

“I’m going to miss you too, Harry.” Hermione said and came to hug him tightly. Harry felt a familiar awkwardness and was slow to react, hugging her back. Ron joined into the hug too and the train gave a little jolt as it stopped. They had arrived.

They left the train last. Ron and Hermione promised to write to him. Harry did not promise that he would write back. He would not promise something he may not be able to keep.

“Have a good summer.” Harry told them and grabbed his trunk, walking away from his friends and towards the already irate looking Vernon Dursley waiting at the end of platform ten.

“About bloody time. Stinkin’ freaks, the lot of them.” Vernon Dursley muttered under his breath for only Harry to hear. It was easy for him to ignore the man since he was just focused on getting the heavy trunk across the station at the same pace as Vernon was walking. He didn’t want to show that it was tricky to do so without magic, considering that it would bring his darling uncle nothing but joy.

He managed to more or less drown out the other’s voice all the way back. The man was rambling on about how things would be different this year and how he would be having no nonsense any more.

“Sirius was it?” Harry flinched hearing Sirius’ name coming from Vernon’s lips. “That stinking godfather you had? That crazy freak, Dumbledore, told us all about how he’s died. Don’t be expecting any sympathy this year. Not after the stunt you pulled last summer! No more. You’ll be earning your keep from here on out.”

Harry clenched his jaw and said nothing. He wished the Dursleys good luck getting him to lift a finger for them again. He was not doing a blasted thing for them no matter how much they kicked and screamed.

Dudley was gone. Apparently he was spending the July with his aunt Marge. Probably an attempt to protect that grease ball’s _precious_ life from the cruel and vicious freak known as Harry Potter.

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“And I’ll tell you one more thing! No moping in your room. You work or you don’t eat.” Vernon said, turning his head each side as Harry placed the dishes before his aunt and uncle.

“You never feed me anyway.” Harry said dropping the plates slightly and walking to the door.

“Hey! Be more careful. You ungrateful-”

“I have nothing to be grateful _for_!” Harry yelled. Both Vernon and Petunia paused eating and turned up to him, briefly shocked and then furious.

“Excuse me?” Petunia hissed.

“Nothing to be grateful for?! You’re lucky we let you come back! I’m sure your pathetic lot have orphanages! Maybe you should get sent to one and leave us alone!” Vernon yelled.

“If I never see either one of you again it would be too soon! I hate you both! You ruined my life! Believe me that I’m not here by choice!” Harry yelled. He felt his heart racing, adrenaline making him keep going, keep telling what he truly felt.

Vernon slammed his hand on the table making everything on it jump slightly and make a clatter. “You ruined _our_ family! _Our_ home! Maybe you should have just died along with your freakish parents!”

That stung. It was one thing to know you’re not wanted. It was another thing for a fifteen year old to have it thrown at him when he had nothing else to turn to.

“If I had died Voldemort would have enslaved all of you muggles and you would be cleaning the house of wizards right this moment.” Harry said, glaring at Vernon who just seemed to get more irate.

“Get to your room you waste of space!” Because to Vernon Dursley it did not matter what the facts were. It didn’t matter what the truth was. All that mattered was that Harry was different and as such he was a nasty stain on the family tree.

“I haven’t eaten. Again.” Harry pointed out.

“Get out!” Petunia snapped. Harry turned and slammed the door shut, leaving them to the meal he had cooked. He went to his room and shut the door. He snuck out a piece of raw meat he’d stuffed into his pocket and offered it to Hedwig who was nipping at the cage in frustration.

“It’s ok girl, here. I snuck you something.” He said gently. Hedwig seemed satisfied with the food and ate it whole. Harry wiped his hand on his trousers and went to sit by the window. His stomach twisted unpleasantly and he tried to ignore it.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus was currently preparing some ingredients to bottle up for the next year. He liked to get it out of the way so he could go on holiday in peace. He didn’t pause when Dumbledore came down to visit.

“To what do I owe the honour professor Dumbledore?” He asked.

“It has been a week, Severus. I know you’re disappointed.”

“Why would I be disappointed? It was obvious he was going to loathe me the moment he knew the truth.” He said slipping the sliced flobberworms into the respective glass bottles.

“I know you wanted to offer Harry a home. A place where he would be wanted. It must be disappointing that he chose going back to the Dursleys over what you were offering.” The headmaster was trying to cheer him up. It wasn’t working.

“I didn’t get to ask him. I didn’t want him to feel forced to accept my proposal. Still… you could have found him someplace else.” Severus said.

“We already discussed this extensively.”

“Yes, yes. Three hours I believe we argued.” Severus had gone to the headmaster, asking for an alternative but at the end of the day, the blood wards theory won out.

Severus paused what he was doing. What was it about the boy? Was it that his miserable family reminded Severus of his own? Was he trying to make up for what he missed by helping Potter out? It had to be something more. Something he didn’t want to admit because he had no right to admit it. He wanted to think of the boy as his own son. And he had no right to do so.

“You should tell him how you feel Severus.” Dumbledore said. The words surprised him but when he looked up the headmaster was gone.

He wondered how the boy was faring. Were they feeding him? Were they locking him up in his room again? Was he studying for his O.W.L.s? Were they pushing Potter to do something stupid?

Even with the Dark Lord gone the worry consumed him. Would he ever be at peace when it came to the boy?

He needed to see him again, make sure he was faring well. But first he had to ask someone, whom he thought he’d never ask for advice, a question.

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Harry swapped the heavy bags from hand to hand, the plastic digging into his hands as he helped Mrs. Smith carry her shopping home. Two houses down from the Dursleys was where Mrs. Smith lived. Recently widowed she’d asked him to help her with her shopping.

“Just leave it on the counter dear.” Harry dropped the bags carefully on the lady’s counter. The woman gave him a five pound note as a thank you.

“Thank you.” Harry said, pocketing the money.

“You take care dear. Such a fine man you’re becoming, do reconsider your path in life over the summer alright?” She said kindly.

“Yes, Mrs. Smith. Thank you.” Apparently, the ruffian nephew that goes to St. Brutu’s was being given a certain number of hours to help out in the community. As such, Harry was now doing chores for the neighbours that were curious enough to ask Harry for help. Some were at least nice enough to give him cash so Harry wasn’t complaining too much.

Before returning home he went to the fish and chip shop and bought himself some chips. He added salt and vinegar and enjoyed the warmth that the hot starchy meal filled his stomach with.

He waited around for a bit before finally making his way back to the house. Vernon wasn’t around yet. He was still at work. His aunt Petunia was talking to a man at the door. Harry felt his hands close into fists as he saw who it was.

Mr. Emwood was there, seemingly having a pleasant conversation with his aunt. Harry’s feet felt like lead as he came closer, trying to act natural.

“About time you got home. Mr. Emwood, forgive my troublesome nephew. I’m so glad you wish to help with his reform program.” Harry said nothing and kept his eyes on the ground. Help? What kind of help exactly?

“Ah, Harry. Nice to finally meet you. I heard you were helping out this summer. My livingroom needs another coat of paint if you’re up for it.”

No! No he wasn’t!

“Of course he is. He’ll be there first thing tomorrow.” Petunia said. Harry wanted to argue. He wanted to shout out that there was no way he was going. But he was frozen. The words seemed so laced with the truth that he was scared of the way the Dursleys would treat him if they figured out what Harry was hiding.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Harry.” The man patted him on the shoulder and Harry resisted the urge to cringe.

“Yeah…” Harry tried to say but he couldn’t hear it, his voice got caught in his throat and all that came out was a hiss of air.

 


	53. Two Evils

Arthur Weasley seemed fairly surprised when he opened the door to find the potions master at his door.

“I was wondering if I could have a word. It seems that you are the only person I know at present who can help me answer something.” Severus said. The redhead motion for him to come on in.

As he stepped into the house he could hear the racket from the Weasley children coming from upstairs. Only one of the twins was at present on the ground floor and the moment he saw him he apparated away.

“We can talk better in the kitchen.” Arthur recommended. Molly Weasley was there, hovering freshly dried dishes up into their respective places on the cupboard.

“Oh, Severus, what a surprise.” She said. “Would you like some tea?” She offered.

“Actually… I just have some questions that need answering. Of the people I know, you are the best suited to answer these questions.”

“Alright, what do you want to know?” Arthur asked.

Severus hesitated. Asking for help was beyond what he was accustomed to. However, he had to prove to Potter that he was serious. That he wanted to take care of him and that he wasn’t ashamed of who knew about it.

“I want to know… to be sure of what is required when someone becomes a father. What is expected of a good parent?” He needed to know if he could actually offer Potter what he needed.

The Weasleys stared at him for a couple of seconds before finding their voices once more.

“Severus… are you going to be a father?” Arthur asked in surprise. Severus said nothing. He wouldn’t say it like that… he wouldn’t be so bold as to say that he was going to be one. But he wanted to give Potter everything a parent would have given him.

Molly Weasley spoke next. “Severus, you would be surprised how many people think they’re inadequate to be parents. There are a lot of criticisms out there. A lot of judgement on what makes a good parent or not. Personally, the one thing I think makes a great parent would be when all you do is to make them happy.” She said.

“When they’re running a fever and no potion is bringing it down, even when you feel helpless, unable to take away their suffering, you just want to be by their side, let them know you’ll always be there for them.” Arthur continued, smiling gently at distant memories.

Severus remembered when Potter fell under the Devil’s Torture in Black’s home. He remembered the rage that coursed through him when Potter kept getting wound after wound for him to patch up. He remembered the helplessness of not being able to get him out of Malfoy manor in time. Or the helplessness at not having been able to address Harry’s past properly, in a supportive manner.

“What if you make a mistake?” He heard himself ask.

“Oh you will.” Molly said.

“You will definitely make mistake after mistake.” Arthur said.

“But that’s how your kids help you grow. And as long as you do your best to try and do what’s best for them… there is no real mistake that can be made.” Molly said.

“What if they don’t want to listen to you? Or they want to break off from you?” Potter seemed very determined to never speak to him again.

“Children may say that. When they go off to do something you consider stupid it’s sometimes your duty to let them hate you. Let them kick and scream and let them say they don’t love you as much as they want. But as the responsible adult it’s your duty to pull them away from situations they may deem fine, when really, they can be quite dangerous.” Arthur said.

“Don’t get me started on the stress Ron put us through, every year getting into so much trouble. We understand his loyalty to help his friends, but as his parents we simply couldn’t let it pass.” Molly continued.

The two obviously spoke from their own experiences, yet Severus couldn’t help but think of the similarities with his and Potter’s situation.

“Above all… let them know you will never give up on them and that you’ll always be waiting for them with open arms.” Arthur said gently glancing at a family picture on the wall.

Severus saw him admiring his whole brood. Though his last line was probably directed at Percy, whom he’d heard had cut himself off from his parents a while back. It wasn’t the same with Potter but he still appreciated the similar theme in both cases.

“…You want to take Harry in.” Molly said. It surprised him that the mother said it. Mr. Weasley also seemed rather shocked as he looked between his wife and the potions master.

“There are things the boy may never forgive me for… but I don’t think he should stay where he is.”

“I know what you mean. There’s something very off about his family. It’s never been healthy for the boy.” She said softly.

“I don’t claim to be capable of even remotely replacing Potter’s parents but… I want to give him what I can.” To try and give Harry what his actions took away.

“If I had not seen you in that temple I would have had many more questions than I have now.” Molly said.

“But it was enough to tell.” Arthur said.

“Tell?”

“That you really care.” Molly said simply. Severus felt uncomfortable knowing that the two now knew so much about him. What if Potter refused again? He would have to live with the failure, knowing more people knew he failed. But his pride was not the issue. He better learn to swallow more of his pride from now on.

“Thank you…”

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Harry woke up an hour ago, but he couldn’t find the will power to get out of bed. How could he possibly get up knowing that he had to go to Emwood’s house? Nausea lingered as he failed to push back memories. He needed to get out of here. He had to run away. He had to… But where would he go? There were still deatheaters out there and he never again wanted to see a single dark wizard again.

What could he do? After all he went through… he didn’t want to throw himself in the path of vengeful deatheaters. He had to go for the lesser of two evils. Speaking of evils. He spotted Duddley’s old dictionary poking out from under the bed. He remembered that word that Voldemort called him. What was the other trying to say to him? It sounded vile but he wanted to know. He reached for the dictionary and found the C

“…catamite...” When he found the word and read its meaning he felt a strangled scream of rage escape from his throat with the effort it took to throw the book across the room. How dare he call him that?! How dare he?!

“What’s all that noise you rotten boy? Come out now!” His aunt demanded, knocking loudly on the door.

“Just don’t think about it… don’t think about it…” Harry whispered as he stood up and got dressed. He prepared himself a sandwich with tea, while his aunt gushed into the phone at her precious baby boy. He ate quickly, not taking time to savour the food. Even if Petunia hadn’t done it since he was ten it was still a force of habit to eat as quickly as possible in case his aunt decided he’d had enough and snatched his food away. Only when he was done did he take his time with the tea, relaxing since his aunt seemed like she was going to remain on the phone for a while.

She noticed him once he put the mug into the sink and her smile turned into a sneer. “You’re still here? Why not put yourself to good use and go help that neighbour?” She snapped.

Harry looked at her and felt his heart begin to race as he opened his lips. “I don’t… want to go.” He said.

She glared at him even more intensely. “I’ll call you later Dudders.” She said and hanged up the phone.

“You think after how rude you’ve been I’m going to let you off just like that?” She hissed. How was it possible that so much hate festered inside the woman against him?

“Not this man! I refuse to go!” Harry yelled.

“You don’t even know Mr. Emwood. He’s a very respectable man and you will not embarrass us by breaking your word.”

“He’s not respectable at all! He-!” The words caught in his throat. He couldn’t say it. They would never let him forget it. They would insult and push him until their words destroyed him. “Nevermind!” he yelled and stormed out of the house, slamming the door shut and making his way to the house. He saw Mrs. Figg peeking through the window.

She would probably tell Dumbledore. So what? Dumbledore would pretend he didn’t hear anything just like the headmaster did with everything that the Dursleys did to him.

The road wasn’t long enough and no matter how slow he tried to walk the door was soon before him. He knocked on the door. He could already feel his breakfast threatening to come back up.

The door opened and he saw Mr. Emwood’s familiar friendly smile. “Harry, come in.” Harry moved sluggishly inside, his skin crawled the deeper he walked into the house. Just as he had expected, the livingroom remained the same. The shelves had not been emptied to allow shifting them away from the walls he was supposed to paint. The pictures hanging on the wall were still there and there was no sign of painting equipment anywhere.

He felt Emwood’s hands grip onto his shoulders firmly. “Come upstairs with me.” Harry never replied but the other easily moved him. He felt like a weightless doll and his body moved where the man led him.

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Severus walked up to number 4 Privet Drive with more confidence than he truly felt. The fat oaf’s car was not in the drive which saved him the trouble of having to argue with two people to get to Potter.

He knocked loudly on the door and smirked as he heard the hurried clicking of heels come toward the door.

Petunia opened the door and looked at him in alarm before settling into anger. “You! How _dare_ you show up you-!”

“Where’s the boy _Tunni_?” He asked. She looked even more irate if it were possible.

“He’s not here! Why would you care about him now? You haven’t shown up even though Lily died- hey! Where do you think you’re going?” Severus walked round her and went up the stairs.

“Some guardian you are. Couldn’t even read the list of teachers he’s had? First jealous of your sister and now of her son. You always were _pathetic_ Petunia.” He spat and blasted every lock on the boy’s door before opening it. He couldn’t help but notice the cat flap and the state of the boy’s miserable room. The only thing bright and colourful about the boy’s dismal room was the bright red duvet and the snowy white owl chirping in the cage, desperately nipping at the bars, frustrated at the small enclosure she had.

“You listen here you freak! You will get out of my house this instant!” She shrieked. Severus ignored her and went to open the cage of the bird, opening the window for it. Even though it was daytime the frustrated bird shot out, to allow the wind to catch her wings.

“Where is the boy Petunia?” He asked turning around, shoving past her and going down to check the garden.

“We’ve put him to good use! We’re not allowing him anymore freedom to do what he pleases!”

“Have you even allowed him to study for his exams?” He yelled at her. Freedoms? This woman wants to talk about allowing Potter freedoms?

“You’re not his father! You’re nothing to that freakish boy! Why should I tell you anything when Lily herself made it clear that she didn’t want anything more to do with you?”

“I don’t give a damn what Lily said!” He snapped. “That was then and this is now and I am taking him from your abysmal care this very _instant_!” Potter was not in the garden either. “Where is he?!”

“He’s doing chores! We’re having him help the neighbours. He’s painting some walls today.” She said calmly. Something cold settled in the pit of his stomach.

“Which house?” She looked at him like he was crazy for asking.

“I’m not telling you so you can go and make a scene in front of our respected neigh- what are you doing?!” Severus grabbed her by the shoulders and, woman or not, he slammed her against the wall by his grip on her shirt.

“What house? You despicable monster!” He hissed. That seemed enough to jolt her back to the reality of who had more power here.

“End of the road… Mr. Emwood lives there but don’t you dare make a- Snape!” She tried calling him back but he stormed out of there and rushed to that house. The route of which he so clearly remembered from Potter’s occlumency sessions.

 


	54. Rage

Harry sat cornered in the bathroom, knees drawn close against his chest as he tried to ignore the loud banging on the door and the ache to the side of his face.

He’d panicked. He chose to turn and run but Emwood always walked behind him and the only place to run was into the toilet.

“Don’t get cocky boy! Open this door!” The kind old man was gone for now, banging loudly onto the door. Each blow caused the door crackle. Even though Harry knew that the door wouldn’t break under a mere couple of kicks, it still made him flinch harshly every time the crackle was the loudest.

He needed to get out of here… he couldn’t stand being here anymore.

The banging stopped.

He felt himself become tense, every muscle on his body felt tight as if he was ready to bolt. His heart raced because he knew he had nowhere to run. A wizard was easy to fight against. Magic was his weapon. Against a muggle… he could get in more trouble for defending himself. The cat would be out of the bag in the tribunal and last year was proof that he could not use magic to protect himself.

“Harry… why are you so worried? You came. You could have not come. But you did. You missed me too didn’t you?” The man stated, his voice back to a normal tone of voice. He spoke with conviction, with so much confidence that Harry doubted himself.

He definitely did _not_ miss him. What was the man saying?

“Harry, open the door. Come on, are you hungry? We could have breakfast together first if you’d like.”

Harry held himself tighter, rage, self-loathing and disgust swirling in his stomach. The more the other talked the more Harry realised how utterly _pathetic_ he’d been in the past years.

“I’m not hungry.” Harry said. It was the first thing he managed to say since he locked himself in the toilet.

“We can have lunch together later then. Come open the door.”

Harry sluggishly got up and walked to the door, shaky hand reaching for the lock on the door. He turned it. Before he could regret it, the door opened and there was nothing guarding him against the muggle. Emwood looked at him with that kind expression that just made Harry want to punch him. He reached out and touched Harry’s face where it ached.

“See what you made me do? Are you going to be a good boy?” Harry didn’t answer. His eyes were locked onto the third button of the other’s shirt. His normally defiant nature was out of the window and his eyes felt too heavy to look up beyond that third button down. He leaned in, Harry tensed but a painful grip to his arm stopped him from moving away. Harry closed his eyes tight and felt the other’s hot breath against his lips.

“AGH!” Emwood toppled back harshly and Harry saw that it was Snape who had pulled the man away from him. Harry remained frozen. Was he hallucinating? Was he blocking out what was really happening? There was no way Snape could be here. It was too good to be true.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus stormed into the locked bedroom with a non-verbal alohamora. His stomach twisted seeing the man in question, the sick muggle he’d seen in Potter’s memories. And now he had his hands on the boy, his face an inch away from him.

Rage coursed through him. Before he knew it he was across the room and pulled the muggle back harshly.

“What the-?” Severus cut off the man’s question and swung his fist with as much force as he could muster against Emwood’s face.

“How dare you lay your hands on him you disgusting-” Severus couldn’t even finish his own sentence because he had an urge to punch him again that he did not hold back. This time he broke the monster’s nose which made Emwood cry out and cradle his face.

“-arry! Call the police!” Emwood said.

“Don’t talk to him! Don’t _ever_ talk to him again!” Another satisfying punch. His knuckles ached but it just fuelled him on. Could he kill the man on fist blows alone? He certainly hoped so.

Potter didn’t move from where he was and Severus did look up to check on him. Potter’s face was blank as he stared at him. Severus saw the bruise forming on the side of Harry’s face from what seemed like a previous punch from a heavy-handed person.

“Get out of my house!” Emwood yelled, managing to land a blow that threw Severus back. So that was where Potter got the bruise from. The muggle tried to take advantage of the brief seconds of disorientation but Severus was faster and he dodged the incoming punch which threw the bleeding man off balance. It served to enrage the muggle even more and he said something he definitely shouldn’t have. “He wanted it! He’s sixteen you know! That’s perfectly legal!”

Severus felt blinded by rage. Severus punched the man viciously again and again, ignoring the man’s flailing.

“Stop! Stop! You’re going to kill him… please!” He didn’t even notice when Potter started speaking to him, but he did notice the teen’s arms that wrapped around him from behind.

His blood stained fist stopped before he could hit the man again. He was still alive but now a whimpering, bleeding mess on the floor.

“Don’t ever try to come near the boy again. Or I won’t hesitate to kill you.” He hissed at him and got up, turning around to face the boy. Potter looked panicked, eyes wide though gleaming with unshed tears. “Let’s get out of here.” He said and placed an arm around the boy’s shoulders, pulling him along. Before leaving the house he washed his hands on the kitchen sink before leaving the house with him.

“Snape… why…?” Potter managed to force out halfway to the Dursley home. He turned to him and placed his hands on the boy’s shoulders, looking him in the eye to make sure the other got the full meaning of his words.

“Did you really think, knowing what I did, that I would just abandon you here?” He asked. “You may hate me as much as I hate the fool I was all those years back but that will never be a reason for me to just let anything happen to you.”

Potter looked down, as if unable or unwilling to process or accept those words. To accept that he truly cared.

“They’ll blame me… I was supposed to paint the-”

“I won’t let anyone blame you for anything. Now. Let’s get your things.” He said.

“What? Why?”

“…You’re staying with me. You can kick a fuss all you want but I need you where I can make sure you’re being taken care of.”

“You… want to take me in?” Harry mumbled. “D-Dumbledore wouldn’t allow it I… the blood wards…”

“Yes... well, I already spoke to the headmaster before we had our last argument. He said, when I insisted, that I could take you in, so long as you accepted the full truth of how I came to be a spy.” He said. “Things have changed and I’m taking you whether you-”

Potter cut him off and just hugged him tightly for a few seconds before pulling away, face red and looking away. “Ok. Let’s get my things.” He mumbled and walked on ahead. Severus pushed the awkwardness back and nodded.

“Yes… let’s.”


	55. Spinner's End

Arriving at Spinner’s End, Harry stared at the row of dingy buildings. The streets were quite bare and narrow as were the houses. As they went up the steps to the front door of Snape’s house, Harry didn’t complain. In fact he was very glad to be away from Privet Drive.

“Now, it’s not much but at least you have a room to yourself.” Snape opened the door. A narrow corridor led to two open doors. A small kitchen sat to the inside of the first door. It served as a dining room too.

The room at the end of the corridor was a livingroom. Shelves of books and odd potion ingredients covered every wall and a small sitting area with a round coffee table sat at the centre of the room.

“This way Potter.” Harry turned, noticing the stairs. Snape went up first, carrying his trunk. Harry followed. Three doors were on this floor. One was a cramped bathroom and the other was a nice room, roughly the same size as Harry’s previous one.

“I know it’s not as big as Hogwarts… I’ve been planning on selling but-”

“Snape… It’s great.” He said. Did Snape feel self-conscious? Sure it was tiny but… Harry liked it. Because he was welcome in it.

“Get settled, my room is next to yours. You’re not allowed in. I’ll be downstairs preparing lunch.”

Harry nodded and went into the room. A tiny window looked into the unimpressive street. He could see a patch of green off in the distance through the narrow space between two of the houses. A rare sight as every other house was back to back against each other. He loved it though. He was away from Privet Drive and he was with Snape. They still hadn’t talked about what the other told him. He was still angry but… he wanted to forgive him.

Harry opened his trunk and took out his duvet. The bed had been freshly made, he could tell from how fresh the sheets felt. It made Harry’s heart feel warm. He heard a tapping on his window and turned to see Hedwig there. The window was only just big enough to allow Hedwig to comfortably perch on the window sill without crouching.

“Hedwig!” He smiled and came to open the window. It was a bit of a struggle as it seemed like it hadn’t been opened in years. When the door finally opened, his bird cooed softly and he petted her soft white feathers. “Here you can go and stretch your wings all you like.” He said gently. Hedwig hooted in agreement and went to perch on the top of the wardrobe and settled for a nap. Harry put his things on the table and sighed remembering that he had to re-take his O.W.L.s in three weeks. He was probably going to get a worse grade than if they had just let him take them back with everyone else.

He organised his things and found the mirror that Sirius gave him. His heart clenched painfully as he looked at it. Sirius had said that if he ever needed him he just needed to look into the mirror, call his name, and he would appear. But he knew it couldn’t be. Not anymore. Sirius was dead. Still, he had hope. All that had happened in his life had never been able to destroy his hope entirely.

“Sirius?” He asked softly. The mirror remained showing only Harry’s reflection. He sighed softly and held the mirror close to his chest. “I’m sorry…” he mumbled.

“Potter, lunch, come to eat.” Harry turned as Snape called him from the bottom of the stairs. He put the mirror in the one drawer the old rickety desk had and went downstairs.

Lunch consisted of a bowl of tomato soup and a main dish of mashed potatoes, sausages and a simple salad. It made Harry’s stomach rumble loudly. Snape glanced at him as he heard it and Harry felt his face heat up.

“Don’t just stand there if you’re hungry. Come on.” Harry came and sat on the chair, while Snape poured them out two glasses of mango juice. It wasn’t pumpkin juice but it was pretty good, sweet, and filling.

He waited for Snape to take the first bite before he felt comfortable starting. “Mmh… it’s really good Snape.” He said gently.

“It’s simple enough to make.” Snape shrugged.

“I can cook dinner if you want.” Harry said. He felt uncomfortable with the other doing everything for him.

“If you want to take on some chores you’ll have to wait until after you take your O.W.L.s.” He said. “Have you been studying?” He asked.

Harry sighed. “How could I?”

“Hmm… well I’ll help you. You need to get good grades.”

Harry didn’t understand why he needed to. No one else ever cared about his grades, why should he be the one to care now?

“Potter… did you hear me?”

“Yes… I’m not deaf.”

“Alright, alright. Spear me the attitude.” Snape didn’t sound angry but he did sound exasperated.

“Lunch is really good… thank you.” Harry said, trying to appease him.

Snape nodded. “You’re welcome.” Harry watched as the other continued his meal and noticed the bruises on the man’s knuckles from where he’d beaten Emwood to a pulp.

“Thanks for getting there in time.” He mumbled.

“I should have come for you sooner… in fact, I never should have let you go back there.” Snape said.

“Just… thanks…”

“…Did he do anything to you? Do you want to talk about it?” He asked softly. Harry saw how the other avoided looking at him, finding it awkward to hold eye contact. It made Harry squirm.

“No… he just punched me… I’m fine.” He said poking at his mash with the fork.

“I’ll give you something for the bruise later.”

Harry nodded.

“Did your owl made it ok?”

Harry gladly took the opportunity to change the subject. “Yeah, she’s much happier after flying for a bit. She’s sleeping right now.”

“Good, you can send letters to your friends if you want. Just for now, it’s better to pretend that you’re still in Privet drive. Only until I find a house easier to ward.”

“Aren’t houses expensive?” Harry asked.

“I have savings.”

“But…”

“Don’t worry about money, Potter. Besides, I’ve always hated this house. A change will be most welcome.”  

Harry relaxed at that. “Ok then. Where were you thinking?”

“Scotland is quite nice. We’ll go together if I hear of any good ones.” Now that did sound like fun. Going house hunting. It would give him the chance to see different places.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” He said.

“But first, study schedule.” He said handing him the timetable on parchment paper. Harry groaned seeing every morning and afternoon booked with study hours.

“Great…” he mumbled.

“It’s only until your O.W.L.s. After that you can relax.”

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus never hated Spinner’s End more until today. If he thought it was cramped before, with Potter, it seemed ten times worse. It was embarrassing that this was all he had to offer the boy. He had rarely spent any of his earnings in the last decade so he might as well buy a house. Somewhere with enough space to fly a broom. Even if he didn’t like flying he knew Potter’s particular fascination with being several feet in the air.

It was the least he could do.

At least the boy did fall into the study schedule with relative ease. He did remember a lot from this year though he needed to consolidate a bit more depth on the subjects. Surprisingly potions was one of the subjects the other didn’t have too much to work on.

He made sure the boy had a break from studying after tea time though most of the time the boy simply picked a couch and napped on it. Sometimes he read a book and sometimes he played chess with Severus though the boy lost interest after Severus kept winning.

Snape looked into the living room, watching Harry play a game of solitaire. Maybe he should give the boy a day off and visit the Weasleys.

“Po-Harry.” The boy looked up a little surprised at the call of his first name. Severus needed to get used to it. “Would you like to go visit the Weasleys one of these days?” He asked.

The worry and confusion in the boy’s eyes faded into excitement. “Yes! When? Tomorrow? When can we go? Did you already ask?” Clearly Severus’ assumption that the boy was bored was well founded.

“I haven’t asked yet, you can go ahead and do so. I’m sure there won’t be a problem.”

“Ok!” Potter ran past him and up the stairs like a bat out of hell yet he couldn’t help but find it amusing and endearing. There was a loud thud. “Ow!”

Potter seemed to have slipped on the last step up. “Be careful!” Severus snapped.

“I’m fine!” More running. Severus sighed and shook his head. How could he blame the boy. He himself was bored stiff every time he had to come back here. The surrounding area was nothing worth exploring and there were the wrong sorts of muggles living in this dingy neighbourhood so even if Potter wanted to Severus would never allow him to go out by himself.

Yes, a visit to the Weasleys would do him good.


	56. Weasleys

The Weasley household was buzzing with activity. Severus watched, annoyed, as that energy fizzled into nothing the moment the youngest male Weasley opened the door and everyone noticed Severus standing slightly behind Harry. Ron Weasley stared at the potions master with terror and a rather pale complexion.

 

"It is disrespectful to gawk and stare Mr. Weasley." Severus replied with as much disdain as he felt for the annoying redhead whom alongside Potter, had ensured him no peace of mind since their enrolment. Potter, however, he could forgive.

 

"Uh..."

 

"I see where you've learnt your extensive vocabulary Potter." Harry only smiled nervously up at him. “Off you go then... I'll come for you in the evening." He turned without looking at the boy.

 

"Nonsense Severus!" Severus cringed. He should have left faster. Molly Weasley came forward and shoved her son to the side to get to Harry. "Oh! There he is!" She cooed as she held Potter in a fierce hug against her chest.

 

"Mfl tho hm ynn." She pulled back and tried to brush his unruly hair with her fingers. "Nice to see you Mrs. Weasley." Harry seemed to repeat.

 

"Oh my dear, come in. Severus feeding you well? Of course he is look at how rosy you look!” She said pressing his cheeks. He would be amused if she didn’t look at him as well. “You come in too Severus Snape!" She urged them inside.

 

Severus could leave. He certainly wanted to. But it wasn’t about just him anymore. Potter was friends with Weasley, for whatever unfortunate arrangement of fate. As such Severus had to suck it up. He also didn’t want the boy to start disliking him again for being rude to the mother of his friend.

 

Well… he supposed of all the things he’d done for Potter this was the least of it. He had no choice but to follow Molly Weasley into the house of silent and confused teens.

 

Ronald Weasley remained frozen by the door with probably too many questions to process. He left Potter with the teens and simply followed Molly Weasley, preferring to hide in the kitchen. This was a battle he was willing to throw Potter into with no remorse.

 

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

 

Harry tried smiling though he was sure it looked as forced as it felt.

 

“So… everyone.” He looked at where Snape had disappeared to with Mrs. Weasley and suddenly wished he was safely in the kitchen as well. Still, Snape now gave him permission to say as much as he wanted to.

 

“Mate… what the hell is Snape doing here?” Ron asked softly pulling him to the centre of the room where the twins and Ginny also gathered around him, trying to hear.

 

“Well…” Harry said and sat down, to which everyone copied him too. “I live with him now.” He mumbled. He wished he could say it with pride. He _was_ proud it was just… that Ron had no idea of how much Snape had helped him this year. Snape had kept him sane and had cared for and about him. Harry was attached and now he was scared of what arguments he would have to use to defend him. Ron did not disappoint.

 

“That’s some nasty luck mate. Why doesn’t Dumbledore just let you stay here?” Ron said.

 

“You can share Ron’s room Harry.” George said patting him on the shoulder.

 

“What’s Snape’s house like?” Fred asked.

 

Harry squirmed. He loved being in Spinner’s End. It was small and old and creaky but it was a home he was welcome to. A home he was welcome to call his own with a parent figure he could also call his own.

 

“It’s small.” He said. “But I like it.”

 

“No need to hide it. How horrible is Snape? Is he worse than the Dursl-?”

 

“No! He _isn’t_!” Harry thought he would have better control than that but he couldn’t help it. The words made a bolt of anger course through him and the angry words just came out. It shocked Ron into silence for a few seconds.

 

“You’re not actually… liking living with Snape are you?” He asked.

 

“So what if I am? He’s a million times better than the Dursleys. He’s even helping me study for the O.W.L.s!” Harry said.

 

“You said you don’t even care what you get!” Ron exclaimed. Harry remembered when he said that on the way home from Hogwarts.

 

“But… it’s different now.” It was getting really awkward, really quickly. “Eh… lets change the subject. What have you guys been up to?” He asked, looking away from Ron’s defiant expression.

 

Fred and George talked excited about the joke shop they were going to open in a couple of weeks. It sounded fun though Harry didn’t understand their insistence to give him whatever he wanted for free. All he did was give them some money.

 

Ginny showed him the squashes she was growing with a magic tip from Neville. It was fascinating seeing how big they were and how proud Ginny was with them, though when she started going into detail about the theory behind vegetable growing with magic he started to get bored.

 

Ron followed but didn’t talk. As if he was waiting for the right moment to spring up the topic again. It was annoying. He’d been a little bored at Snape’s house and finally he had a day off and here was Ron being a git.

 

Dinner was awkward though the twins and Mrs. Weasley helped keep it as light as possible but Harry felt Ron’s silence and he knew Snape wasn’t comfortable here. He started feeling a little nauseous wondering what Ron could be thinking about saying. He really didn’t want a scene to happen in front of the Weasleys when Ron’s parents had been there for him several times.

 

Surprisingly enough though, Ron contained himself. Harry thought he would get to go home in relative peace with him but Ron surprised him with a sudden spike of cunning. Or maybe it was his strategy prone mind trying to keep the topic alive. The moment it was time for them to leave, Ron perked up and turned to his parents.

 

“Mom, can Harry stay the night?” He asked his parents straight away and Harry blinked surprised at him, looking up at Severus for permission. He wanted to spend more time with his friend. Maybe the redhead would drop the topic once Snape was gone.

 

“You have lessons at ten.” Snape said with a slight frown. Harry sighed remembering that he had Charms first thing in the morning.

 

“Oh it’ll only be one night Severus. We’ll have him ready to go home by nine thirty.” Mrs. Weasley said. Severus looked from her to him and Harry perked up once more.

 

Severus eventually rolled his eyes. “Very well then. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at nine thirty.” He said.

 

“Ok!” He said a little more excited than he intended.

 

“Thanks!” Ron said and tried pulling him away. Harry tried to wave a goodbye to Severus.

 

“Ah… I’ll see you tomorrow.” He _would_ come back for him tomorrow right? He wasn’t angry because Harry decided not to refuse the invitation was he?

 

“Behave yourself.” Snape said softly and Harry nodded, his worries at ease. Snape would come back for him. He was sure of it.

 

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

 

Severus sighed. He had to get used to saying no to that kicked puppy look at some point. Last thing he wanted as a spoilt Potter on his hands.

 

“He’ll be fine.” Arthur Weasley said and gave him a pat on the shoulder. “You’re doing fine.” Severus simply fixed his robes getting ready to leave.

 

“Call me if you… need anything.” Severus said, looking at where Potter had been dragged off to. Strange. Surely he couldn’t miss the brat already. No that was ridiculous.

 


	57. Best Friends

Harry thanked Mrs. Weasley as she handed him a spare set of pyjamas from her older children.

“Thanks Mrs. Weasley.”

“Don’t mention it darling. Have a good night you two.” She said happily. She left them alone and Harry turned to Ron who was sitting on one end of the bed, taking out a new magic card game the twins were bringing out when the shop opened.

“You’re going to have to run me by the rules again.” Harry said sitting on the other end of the bed, crossing his legs like the redhead.

“Yeah…” Ron mumbled and Harry sighed.

“Why did you ask for me to stay over? Do you not want me here?” he asked softly.

“…Look… I have no way of ever knowing what you went through with you-know-who but… to be happy about being with Snape?” He asked softly.

“…Ron… this goes way back from when I was taken.” Harry said looking down.

“So why don’t you tell me? We’re friends aren’t we?”

“…It’s a long story. He’s just… been there for me. A lot. Throughout the year.”

“Last I recall you were the one pushing everyone away.” Ron said with a glare.

“Yes… I was but… Ron… I…” He looked down. Ron handed him his seven cards and Harry was losing the desire he had to play the game in the first place. “He was teaching me occlumency. He found out about the Dursleys and supported me.”

“We all know about the Dursleys. Doesn’t explain why you want him to be… your _dad_. Is it because Sirius is gone? It doesn’t mean you have to go for the first guy that offers to help. Did you forget the past five years? Harry… he _hates_ us. He hates _you_.” Ron said. It was obvious that he wouldn’t understand.

“He healed what Umbridge did to me… he made sure you found the poultice recipe. He protected me from Malfoy and his goons in Christmas and made sure Umbridge wouldn’t take away the presents I bought for you guys. He… he’s been there for me Ron. And I love Sirius but Sirius is dead. He’s gone and he’s never coming back.” Ron became blurry through the tears Harry was trying to hold back.

“Harry I-”

“And it’s my fault. And I didn’t want Voldemort to hurt the last… paternal figure I had so I let him possess me.”

Ron’s eyes widened. “You… _let_ him? For Snape? Are you insane?”

“No Ron. I’m not.”

“He’s not your parent! He’s just taking you in. Dumbledore probably forced him!”

“Even if Snape doesn’t see himself like my parent, I do! He’s been more of a father to me than anyone!”

“ _What_? What would your own father say? Snape seems to despise your dad!”

“My own dad is _dead_ too. I respect him but he’s never been there! No one has ever been there the way Snape has!”

“…You do realise how crazy you sound right?” Ron said. Harry felt a humourless laugh leave his lips.

“What would you know? Do you know how crazy you sound to me when you sneer at your mother’s hand-made gifts? She probably spent hours doing that Christmas vest for you. Hours! And you have the nerve to be embarrassed?!” Harry yelled at him.

“What? Did you see how ugly that thing was?”

“It doesn’t matter! Your mother made it so you wear it with pride! Instead of criticising it to the one friend you have who wishes he had a family like you do!” He yelled. He wiped away his angry tears, glaring at him.

“Harry… I’m sorry… I’m just worried about you.”

“I knew you would be! I knew how sudden it would be to you and I was stupid to think you wouldn’t freak out but this… whatever it is that I have now… it makes me happy.”

Ron seemed to be struggling with his own share of humid emotion. He wiped his glistening eyes and put the cards away. “I’m tired. Let’s go to sleep.”

They lay back to back, in the darkened room.

After moments of silence Ron spoke up. “It just… feels like you’re always hiding something. You do that so often it becomes… nerve-wracking after a while.” Ron said softly.

“Maybe there are things you wouldn’t understand…”

“I want to help you, you know? I may be an insensitive idiot when it comes to you and family but… I do want to help you. You’re my best friend.”

Harry let the minutes pass. His heart raced. Maybe he should tell Ron and see what kind of friend he truly was.

“It’s pretty heavy… you won’t want to be my friend afterwards. You’ll treat me differently.” Harry mumbled.

“Try me.” Ron was turning around. Harry could feel the bed shifting as he moved.

“No, don’t … I won’t be able to tell you if I’m looking at you.” Harry whispered. Ron stopped and seemed to consider his words for a moment before lying back down.

After a while Ron’s voice pierced the silence. “Mate? Are you still awake?”

“…I’m awake…” Harry mumbled. “During occlumency lessons, when Snape was teaching me to block my mind against Voldemort’s attacks, he saw something… memories I hoped no one would ever see.” Harry said softly.

“…the way the Dursleys were treating you?”

“Partly… but something worse.” Harry said softly and in the dark of the night, the silence of the house, the warmth of Ron’s back against his own, he was able to slowly relate what happened to him. “Snape didn’t mock me… he didn’t blame me he… helped me get past it… as much as possible. He was there when I thought I was losing my mind.” Harry whispered finally.

Ron had been very still for the telling of the story and Harry faintly wondered if he’d gone to sleep.

“I swear to god if you’re asleep I’m never talking to you again.” He whispered.

Ron chuckled softly but cut it off immediately. “Sorry. No. I’m awake.” He said gently. “I just… don’t know what to say.”

“Yeah…” Harry mumbled.

“You…” Ron paused and the silence became deafening. “You were so little.” He finally whispered.

“…I know…” Harry whispered, trying to push back the knot that he felt forming at the back of his neck.

“Is that why… you didn’t go out with Cho again?” Ron asked softly.

“Not… necessarily I just… didn’t feel anything with Cho… it felt awkward and uncomfortable.” Harry mumbled. “I think something inside me is broken when it comes to things like that.” He said softly.

“Well… you haven’t really had time to think about things like that.” Ron said softly. “Snape really knows all of that?”

“Yeah.” Harry played with a loose thread from the stitching of the rough pillow. “He cares Ron…”

“...Well, you obviously know him better than me.” He said gently. “I’m sorry Harry.”

“About what?”

“Well… for being _me_.” Ron said. Harry smiled softly.

“You’re not too bad.”

“You really are…”

Harry waited for him to continue but nothing came. He turned around and Ron did so too.

“What?”

“You are the strongest person I know. Really. Anyone else would have turned dark by now.” Harry could only see the other’s outline through the faint moon rays that filtered through the cracks of the small house.

“I won’t.” Harry said softly.

“I know. I wish I could tell you something to make things even but I have nothing that could compare to that.” Ron said and Harry chuckled, sleep nipping at his eyes.

“It’s ok… I’m glad you have nothing like that to tell me.” He mumbled.

“Still friends?”

“Always.”

It was the last thing he remembered saying before he fell asleep.

Next time he blinked the room was lit with the first rays of the morning. The chill of the night still clung to the room but Harry had no problem getting up.

Ron snored softly still, never a morning person. Harry was the opposite now. Snape had gotten him used to getting up early. He made his way down the steps quietly.

Ginny was also up, holding a watering can, looking like she was making her way outside. “Morning Harry… you’re up early.” She said.

Harry nodded. “Yeah… Snape got me used to it.” He chuckled.

“Yes he seems the strict type.” She laughed softly.

“Ginny did you- oh! Good morning Harry. Come on down sweetheart. It’s almost time for breakfast. Arthur’s been making waffles all morning with that muggle contraption you got for him. He finally learned how to use it.”

“Oh I see.” Harry chuckled going with her. Ginny went her way to the garden and Harry admired the stacks after stacks of waffles that Mr. Weasley had done. “Looks great Mr. Weasley.” He said.

“This is the most fascinating item Harry. Look at that Molly! I made another one. Harry, have a seat, help me to find the best tasting one.”

Harry eyed the ingredients the other was using first. Thankfully he had the classic eggs, flour, milk and sugar on the counter with no signs of anything abnormal.

He took one and dug in at the other’s insistence. Both parents sat in front of him and he realised it had been a trap.

“Harry… we heard you arguing with Ronald last night.”

Harry felt his face heat up.

“I-I’m sorry. We’re ok now. We talked things through afterward. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He said. The adults blinked in surprise and then sighed with relief.

“Oh, good. I’m so glad.” Mr. Weasley said.

“Severus really does want what’s best for you. It was not Ron’s place to put any hint of doubt in your mind.” Mrs. Weasley said. Harry wondered how the Weasleys were so sure of it. Well, then again, they had been at the ritual from what he heard.

“We’re really happy for you Harry. We’re rooting for the two of you.” Mr. Weasley said, patting him on the shoulder. Harry felt his heart swell and nodded.

“Thank you.” He mumbled. Thankfully the arrival of the rest of the Weasley brood saved him. He was embarrassed knowing that the others probably also heard the argument but Ron sat beside him and the two distracted each other from remembering that nasty argument.

Ron was a bit awkward with him though. But it was nothing Harry couldn’t knock him out of. Things were good.


	58. Defenses

It was quarter to ten… Snape wasn’t back yet. Harry was starting to get fidgety. It wasn’t that he was eager to start studying… but it wasn’t like Snape to be late. Had something happened to him? Snape had mentioned that the few Deatheaters out there might come after them.

“Mate… can you stop bouncing your knee?” Ron said in frustration. “You’re like a five year old.” Ron grumbled, putting a card on the pile of exploding snap the redhead children were playing together. Harry decided to stay out of the game since he had expected Snape over any second now.

“Like you? When you were taken to the sisters for your blessings and cried like a baby when mom and dad turned up ten minutes late to pick you up?” Fred teased. Both Harry and Ron’s cheeks brightened

“I-I was six! Harry’s turning sixteen this month!” Ron defended himself.

Harry was taken back slightly. He’d forgotten that his birthday was soon. Would… Snape celebrate it with him? The thought that he would finally have a parent preparing and celebrating his birthday with him made him feel warm. But his upbringing made him feel unworthy. Unworthy of celebrating his birth. Unworthy of celebrating any shred of his accomplishments. It was presumptuous of him.

Why should his birthday be celebrated anyway? He wasn’t anything special. He didn’t need a party, or cake, or a congratulations from anyone. It always made him uncomfortable when he _had_ been given things. The first Christmas he celebrated on his first year at Hogwarts didn’t count since he’d been in a daze from his change of life.

Maybe he should tell Snape ahead of time that he didn’t need a birthday party. But first Snape had to come and pick him up.

“I’m just worried… Snape is never late.” Harry said and looked back out the window, his knee bobbing up and down impatiently.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus sighed as he looked over the things he had to revise with Potter. There was a limited number of days for his O.W.L.s… he couldn’t help the little streak of competitiveness that coursed through him. He wanted the boy to prove he could be better than the other snot-nosed miscreants that shared the year with him.

He looked at the clock on the wall and got an odd feeling at the pit of his stomach. The clock had stopped ticking. He looked around at the other muggle appliances in the house. They’d all seemed frozen, as if an unseen wave was freezing them in time.

He felt the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end. He reached for his wand.

A deafening explosion burst through the entire house. He was thrown hard in a direction. He couldn’t pinpoint where he’d ended up. He simply felt his body hit everything it came across with a blinding force. One was a blow to the head. The raging destruction vanished from his consciousness. Everything became deadly quiet.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

“You don’t think a Deatheater got to him do you?” Ron often spoke without thinking. This time was no exception. His friend looked up confused at the silence that followed his words and flinched looking around confused and a little frightened as everyone was glaring at him and had stopped their game. “What?”

Harry looked at him in shock, mouth open, unable to formulate a response to the other’s thoughtlessness. He looked at the watch again. It was ten.

“I’m going to borrow your Charms book.” Harry mumbled and went to Ron’s room to get it. He heard the sound of a smack and Ron’s exclamation of pain and the argument that followed.

What could be taking Snape so long?

He caught the glimpse of approaching figures moving through the tall grass on the surrounding field. His breath caught a little in his throat. He dropped the book and ran back downstairs. He was sure he flew down a couple.

“Deatheaters!” Harry called. Molly and Arthur glanced at each other for the briefest of seconds before standing with their wands drawn. The Weasley children stood too, all taking out their wands.

“Everyone, stay away from the doors and windows!” Mr. Weasley called out.

Harry’s heart beat hard in his chest as he looked at the friends he was endangering by being here. “M-mrs. Weasley. What kind of wards does the burrow have?” Harry asked.

“They’re basic at beast.” George answered. “They won’t resist for long.”

“Or to a strong enough spell.” Fred finished.

Harry moved back slightly, hitting the central column of the house that stretched to the very roof. He looked at it and his brain began ticking. The house shook a little as a loud boom hit the side of the house. Dust trickled down over their heads.

What could he do? There was something… blood magic. Dark magic. He looked to the kitchen. He didn’t think twice about it. He ran to it.

“Harry!” Ginny cried out.

“Harry stay in the centre!” Mrs. Weasley cried out. Harry reached for the nearest knife he found and ran back to the central column.

“Sorry about this Mrs. Weasley.” Harry said and carved runes quickly onto the pole.

“What are you doing Harry? Runes are useless.” Ginny exclaimed.

“Where did you even learn runes?” Ron asked.

Runes were useless in battle. They were a tool of divination… on their own that is. He brought the knife to the palm of his hand and made a quick cut.

“Harry don’t!” Mr. Weasley cried out.

BOOM! The house shook again. Harry brought his palm over the freshly carved runes. The wood took his blood like a sponge takes up water. The column began to glow a bright golden colour. A dome of light showered the surrounding of the home like the shielding embrace of an old willow tree. The attacks sent toward the barrier fizzled into nothingness before even reaching it, the same way that light vanishes shadow the moment they come into contact with each other.

“Harry! Stop!”

Harry wished he could. He couldn’t let go of the wood and it was still taking his blood. What did the deathears say? Dark magic tries to scare you… if you let the fear consume you, so too will the spell. Harry closed his eyes and took deep breaths. He ignored the tingling of his head as he started feeling lightheaded. He took slow breaths.

“Release…” He whispered. His hand was freed from the column and a thunderous ripple of light spread from the centre of the home outward. Nothing seemed to happen within the home. Outside the screeches and howls of pain echoed far and wide.

Everyone looked at each other and at Harry in shock and confusion. They looked from the window. The barrier remained thick around the house. Beyond its warm embrace the Deatheaters that had attacked were lying unconscious or, more likely, dead around the burrow. The tall grass had all been pulled out from the root. A perfect circle of nothingness extended several metres with the burrow as its epicentre.

“They look like werewolves.” Mrs. Weasley whispered.

“…I… was just trying to keep everyone safe.” Harry mumbled, feeling shaky. Mrs. Weasley turned to him and Harry was sure she was going to smack him.

“Of all the… irresponsible…” Was all she managed to get out, having to take a seat to calm down.

“Harry… do you know what you’ve done?” Mr. Weasley asked, sitting Harry down for which Harry was grateful.

“…Blood magic...”

“ _Druid_ blood magic. Dark magic.” He said. “You could have died.”

“I… needed… barrier… couldn’t think… I…” Harry held his head. It felt like he had a hive of bees in his head and it was hard to talk.

“Ron! Get some mint.” Someone exclaimed. It could have been either parent. He wasn’t sure. Before he knew it, a mouthful of mint leaves were eased into his mouth and he was encouraged to chew. The taste made it easier to breathe and he became a little more alert.

“Harry.” Harry opened his eyes to see professor Dumbledore before him. He blinked a couple of times before looking out the window. The sun was already beginning to set.

“Professor…” The fuzziness in his head had vanished and he managed to sit up. He felt as if he’d taken a very long nap.

“That was a very dangerous thing you did my boy… but it did save all of you. Your instincts proved correct. This time.” He said sitting down beside him. Harry looked around and saw the Weasleys sitting nearby, looking relieved that he was awake.

“I feel fine now.” Harry said gently. “I was just trying to create a ward quickly enough…”

“Yes. An art used by nomad druids a millennia ago when trees provided an efficient coverage for a spacious protected space. Voldemort had you learn it?”

“Yes… amongst other things.” Harry said softly. “But I only learned the theory…” He said and looked around once more. He felt like he was forgetting something. He looked down at the bandaged cut on his hand.

“They were members of Fenrir Greyback’s pack.” Dumbledore explained. Harry looked away from the bandage.

“…Where’s Snape, professor?” Harry was almost afraid to ask.

“Harry look at me. You must first promise me that you will never use dark magic again.” Dumbledore told him firmly.

“I was just trying to…”

“I know Harry but these spells are dangerous. Barely studied and potentially deadly.” Harry looked out the window. “Harry look at me. They could consume you… even if you go into them with the best intentions.”

“Where’s Severus? Why isn’t he here?” Harry asked, starting to think a little more clearly.

Dumbledore glanced at the Weasleys who glanced back at Dumbledore and then at him. Harry felt his heart begin to race again.


	59. Grounded

Harry sat staring blankly out the arched window of St. Mungo’s Hospital. The window showed a vision of a mountain range with white peaks, with a bright green meadow of flowers right outside. The image was fake as the hospital was in the middle of London.

A hand covered his own and gave it a firm squeeze. “Come on mate… snap out of it. You’re scaring me.” Ron said softly. Harry looked at him and took a deep breath and nodded.

“Y-yeah…” Tears formed. “Ron. What if he…?”

“Don’t think about that. Come on, there comes the mediwizard.” Harry stood up at that as a middle aged wizard approached with a serious look in his face. Dumbledore came from where he had been talking with the Weasleys. Dumbledore pulled Harry along with a firm arm around the shoulders.

“Oh… Professor Dumbledore… it would be improper to explain this to a non-member of Professor Snape’s family. You are an exception of course but…”

Harry felt his chest clench painfully. He wanted to say that he _was_ family. But of course, in paper… he was currently just a freeloader.

Dumbledore gave his shoulder a squeeze. “I can assure you, that Severus is family to Harry in all that matters.”

The mediwizard seemed uncertain for a bit but finally relented.

“Professor Snape is steady. He suffered minor splinching along his shoulder and neck from what seems like an unconscious, last minute attempt at apparition. It will leave a scar. The major damage has been caused by the force of the explosion, several shattered bones that needed mending. One needs to be completely re-grown. He suffered some internal bleeding which has been mended. He will be in considerable pain until the bones are regrown, but you are welcome to come and see him.” He glanced at Harry as if he wanted to object to him in particular but Harry simply glared at him and Dumbledore pulled him along.

“Good, we’ll go see him straight away.”

Harry rushed out of Dumbledore’s hold when he saw Severus’ name on the door and went inside. Severus lay with his eyes closed but he was not asleep. A nasty twisting scar remained against his neck and left shoulder.

Harry walked slowly to the side of the bed. “Sever-us…” He cleared his throat as his voice cracked a little.

Severus opened his eyes slightly. “Harry. You’re safe.” He mumbled and gave a sigh of relief, as if not knowing that Harry was safe had been the only thing paining him.

Harry sobbed, a wave of emotion overwhelming him. He had been so scared. So scared of losing him. He reached over to hug him, though it was awkward since Harry had to twist a little. Harry wanted to squeeze him hard and never let go, but he couldn’t. It would probably hurt Snape so instead he shook and gripped hard onto his dark hospital robes.

“I should have been with you… I should have…”

“Shh… do you know… how much I thank the fates that you _weren’t_ there?” Severus mumbled and weakly placed a hand to the back of Harry’s head.

Harry sobbed harder. Deep, audible sobs accompanied with tears. “I thought you were going to leave me too.” He whimpered. He hated being so weak to the man he so longed to show his strength to, but he couldn’t help it. He had to cry. He had to let out these emotions that he was used to bottling up.

“You didn’t leave _me_ … naturally I couldn’t leave you.” He stayed there, head against the Severus’ chest, just taking in the comforting feeling of having the other pet his hair. An action so small and gentle that he hadn’t known how much he’d yearned for it until he had it.

It was only after a while that Dumbledore made his presence known and Harry, a little calmer, moved back, his neck aching from the position he’d been in.

Severus turned from him to Dumbledore. “I don’t know who it was. I sensed them too late.”

“We believe it was Greyback and his pack. Several werewolves tried to attack the burrow also.”

Snape turned to look at him, examining up and down as if trying to find any evidence of harm on him. Harry tucked his bandaged hand out of sight.

“We’re fine… no one was hurt.” Harry said. He glanced at Dumbledore nervously, wondering if he was going to tell on him. However, Dumbledore gave him a look that seemed to say ‘either you tell him or I will’. “I-I… used druid blood magic to create a shield around the burrow.” He mumbled, looking down, unable to meet the Snape’s eyes.

“You _what_?! NNh!” Snape had tried to sit up and regretted the attempt, groaning in pain and cradling his ribs.

“I was just-!”

“Do _not_ give me a _single_ excuse! You are in _so_ much trouble Potter! The moment I am out of here you will be so _grounded_ that no broom will be able to lift you so much as an _inch_!”

Harry flinched and felt his face heat up as people gathered by the door, seeing him getting told off.

“ _So_ irresponsible! As if the theory you were taught was enough for you to even _attempt_ such a thing! Nnh…” It looked like it was hard to even tell him off. But even when Dumbledore tried to get him to relax and rest Severus refused. “Do _not_ tell me to calm down Albus! What do you have to say for yourself Potter?!”

“I-!” But Severus couldn’t hold himself back long enough to hear the explanation and jumped right in.

“You _promised_ me you wouldn’t try that kind of magic again.” He said a little softer. “I guess I can’t trust you.” The mediwizard finally came in and ushered them all out for distressing the patient.

That last words cut Harry deeper than he had expected. He never wanted to disappoint Severus. In fact… he was the one person he was desperate to make proud.

“But…”

“Out!” The mediwizard said strictly. Harry looked back at Severus who was currently shaking his head and mumbling under his breath. Harry looked away and left the room.

Ron was grinning widely when Harry made his way out.

He frowned. “What are you so happy about?” Harry mumbled sitting down beside him.

“Oh… Nothing.” Ron said casually.

“…You’re glad I got told off?”

“Yes and yes. It’s refreshing to have you red-faced when you truly mess up.” Ron said. “You know what? I’m liking this whole Snape-dad thing a whole lot more now.” He said with glee.

Harry rolled his eyes at him. “You’re an ass.” He said.

Dumbledore came up to them. “Mr. Weasley, if I may have a word with Harry?” Ron nodded and got up, going to his family, letting Dumbledore take a seat beside him.

“I didn’t know how many they were… I just thought a barrier would be faster and safer.” Harry said.

“It was faster. It was not safer for you.”

Harry sighed leaning back against the wall. “Did I break the law?” Harry mumbled.

“No, actually. The Dark Arts are not illegal. The unforgivable are. There’s just a negative stigma around those who use it.” Dumbledore explained.

“Oh well, that’s nothing different to the last five years of my life.” Harry shrugged.

“More importantly Harry. Severus’ home has been destroyed.”

Harry winced knowing that it was mostly his fault. Even if Snape had said he didn’t like it, he could have sold it and gotten some money out of it. Harry sighed. His duvet was probably ruined too.

“Does that mean… you won’t let me stay with him anymore?” Harry asked.

“Your exams are coming up soon and he still needs a little time to recover. Currently the burrow is the best place for you but I promise that after that you may go live wherever Severus decides to move into. I will personally ensure that the appropriate wards are placed on the new home.” He said.

Harry thought about it. That _did_ make sense. He was sure that Severus would want him to study in the last remaining days before the O.W.L.s.

“Ok… thank you professor.” He said.

Dumbledore nodded and patted his shoulder before going to talk to the Weasleys. Harry sighed. He wished he could just stay with Snape.

“Come on Harry dear. We can come visit tomorrow.” Mrs. Weasley said.

Harry stood, feeling heavy and looking back at the room. The mediwizard narrowed his eyes at him and Harry glared back. Stupid medics and their strict rules.

Anyway, he would work hard on his studies. Maybe if he got really good grades Snape’s anger for him using the dark arts will diminish. Hopefully Snape wasn’t too angry to take him house-hunting with him when he got better. He had been looking forward to doing that with him.


	60. O.W.L.s

Harry stared at his breakfast, trying to push back the queasy sensation flowing through him at the loud Weasley table.

Mrs. Weasley placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him that apologetic and kind motherly smile.

“I suppose bacon and eggs is a bit heavy for you today. Try some porridge, you need the energy for the exams.” Harry absently nodded and she switched the plates over, giving him a bowlful of porridge and some maple syrup should he want it.

At first he thought he wouldn’t be able to handle the syrup but his stomach rumbled loudly at the scent of the hot oats. He poured a little bit of syrup on the top and started eating.

“Don’t worry Harry.”

“You’ll do great.”

“There’s no question-”

“-you’ll leave unanswered.” The twins said going back and forth between each other.

“Hopefully you get easier questions than we had.” Ron grumbled.

“Hermione said it _was_ easy. _You_ just left your studying till the last days.” Ginny challenged. Bickering ensued which Harry blocked out as he ate the porridge. His fingers itched to reach for the flashcards Mrs. Weasley had helped him make. Unfortunately the matriarch had also forbidden studying at the table after the first night when Harry forgot to eat at all.

There was a sudden hush and Harry looked up from the bowl. On the doorway Arthur Weasley led Snape inside.

“Have a seat Severus.” The red head said.

Harry stared at Snape, who still moved slowly from, what Harry could simply guess was, soreness.

“No, that’s alright Weasley. I did not mean to interrupt your breakfa- _sit_ down and finish Potter.”

Harry flinched, feeling an achy feeling in his chest. He hadn’t expected the other to be out today. He had started to stand to come greet him but it seemed the other was still angry with him. He looked back down at his bowl of porridge and ate a little slower.

“I will wait in your livingroom.” He informed the household and walked out.

“Have some coffee Severus!” Mrs. Weasley called, sending freshly brewed coffee hovering out the door.

Knowing that their hated potions teacher was just a room away the table mellowed down a little and breakfast was finished fairly quickly after that.

Harry went nervously to the livingroom, while all Weasleys seemed suddenly content with helping to wash the dishes.

Snape was standing in front of the centre pole, staring at the golden runes that still glowed faintly, showing that it was still doing its duties and guarding the household.

Harry opened his mouth, trying to break the silence, but Snape beat him to it.

“Come here, Potter.” Harry kept his eyes glued to the ground as he stood beside him. He felt goosebumps run up his arms and through his body. He shuddered at the static from the centre of the home. “Ah, so you feel it too.”

“Is that… me?” Harry asked softly.

“Yes. You can feel how powerful you are. Today’s exams will be a breeze for you, I know it.” Harry looked up at him and Severus pulled him away from the static. “You are powerful, yes. But don’t ever, _ever_ try to do magic you don’t understand the effects of.”

Harry nodded. He nodded because he understood the stupidity of his actions, even if they turned out ok. “Yes sir. I’m sorry, ok?” He mumbled.

“I am… simply glad that you are alright Harry…” Harry felt his chest tighten and ignored the fear that he would be pushed away as he stepped closer to Snape and hugged him. Harry felt the other’s arms embrace him, offering him that comfort he’d wanted so much when he was small. Well if he could get it now he was not going to sneer at it.

There was a hint of awkwardness as they pulled away from each other, each avoiding the other’s eyes. But Harry didn’t regret it. The hug left him feeling warm.

“Alright, let’s go. I have your exam details here.” Snape said taking out an envelope. “We’ll meet with the headmaster there.” He said leading him along toward the fireplace.

“Why meet with the headmaster?” Harry asked. It wasn’t like the headmaster was a requirement to take an exam.

“…Paperwork.” The pause told Harry more than any other explanation.

Snape was nothing legally binding to Harry. Probably Harry needed a parent present to sign some forms. With his aunt and uncle likely to never come to his aid, it only left the headmaster to sign paperwork in his name.

“Let’s floo there together.” Snape said, grabbing a handful of floo powder. The Weasleys popped in then, in time to see them squeeze into the cramped fireplace.

“Good luck Harry!”

Snape let go of the powder and the Ministry of Magic appeared before them. Snape kept his arm around Harry’s shoulder, pulling him along. It would be easy for Harry to get lost if he got separated from Snape right now, the square was packed with people bustling back and forth, even more than when he was here last year.

The exam floor was a bit barer, with one ministry official talking to the Headmaster while getting him to sign some paperwork.

“Ah, Mr. Potter. Welcome. Just in time. Do you have your paperwork?” Snape handed in the envelope. The examiner took out a form that Harry saw was filled with the potion master’s writing. “Alright… You’ve already done history of magic, divination and care of magical creatures. That means today you will be doing charms, herbology, then you will have a break for lunch. Then potions, transfiguration, a three hour break followed by defense against the dark arts and astronomy. Is that alright?” She said and handed Harry the schedule of exams.

“That’s fine.” Snape answered for him. Harry was grateful. He had no idea if it was alright or not. It sounded like a lot. He started feeling queasy.

“Alright, come in when you’re ready.” She walked ahead into the room. It looked like a small enough office with one desk at the centre.

Harry looked up at Snape who turned his attention to him. “You have worked hard for this Potter. Just calm yourself. You can do this. I shall be waiting for you when you come out.” He said.

Harry nodded and looked at the headmaster who smiled. “Good luck, Harry.” He said. Harry took a deep breath and stepped away from Severus’ side to walk into the examination room.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus sat outside the examination room four hours later. The instructions paper for the parents lay in tiny pieces on the floor as he had started seeing how many times he could cut it in half before he couldn’t do it anymore.

With nothing to distract his hands, his knee took over, bouncing up and down. He recalled how irritating he found it when Potter would do it.

“My dear boy he will be fine.” Severus looked up as Albus returned. “Harry should be finishing his transfiguration exam soon. You’re hopeful about his potions exam?”

Severus gave a simple nod, staring at the door. “He knows it. As long as he doesn’t get nervous he will remember.” He said. His knee kept going as if he didn’t have control over it. “Did you get them?” He asked looking up at the headmaster.

Albus had moved to the side and was pouring them some tea from a tray Severus hadn’t even noticed before.

“Indeed. Everything has been sorted.”

Severus accepted the cup of tea and finished it in four large gulps.

“Severus.” Severus looked up at the headmaster, his knee stopped at the seriousness in his eyes. “I want you to know that I am grateful that you could be there for Harry when I couldn’t. I’m glad that you did not let old resentments cloud your judgement this year and I am proud that the two of you have grown to care for each other the way you have.”

Severus allowed the silence to stretch out for a bit before replying. “That’s it? No ‘but’ or ‘however’?”

“Absolutely not.”

A small bell rang by the door of the examination room and Severus stood, turning as the door opened a few seconds later. He caught a glimpse of three examiners still making notes as Potter came out.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry sighed as he walked out, the scratchings of the examiners still ringing in his ears, as if he were trying to decipher what they were writing about his practical.

Snape and the headmaster were both there. Had they both been waiting for him? The headmaster passed a large envelope to Severus which he accepted and put away into his robes.

“Ah, Harry. How did it go?” Albus asked.

“Ok… I’m not sure about a couple of questions… and I think I got the timing wrong in potions…” he said not looking up at Severus. Potions had been the one he wanted to be the best at… to make Severus proud of him. To show that he was worth caring for.

“Do not concern yourself with what was. The exams are out of the way and you can now forget about them. Only defense against the dark arts and astronomy left for now.” Snape said giving his shoulder a firm squeeze. Harry nodded though it still bothered him.

“I’ll leave you two alone then, I have a lot of things to prepare for the new school year. Take care Harry. Take care Severus.”

“Thankyou professor.” Harry said, watching the headmaster go.

“You must be tired. I believe we both might be in need of coffee.” Snape said. Harry was glad to hear that. Never a fan of the drink unless he felt noticeably tired.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

With his belly filled with warm food, Harry recalled the envelope the headmaster had given Severus. “What was that thing that professor Dumbledore gave you?”

Snape looked up briefly as he stirred his own second cup of coffee to dissolve the spoonful of sugar he used on it.

“Well… do you remember when you were in the hospital? I couldn’t stay with you unless I was supposed to be guarding you?”

Harry nodded. He recalled the feeling of loneliness having not seen the other upon waking up.

“And you recall how you were almost not allowed to come to my side when I myself was seriously injured?”

Harry looked at his treacle tart. How could he forget? He nodded. “Because we’re not really anything to each other. I’m practically just a freeloader in your house…” Harry mumbled, looking around, uncomfortable at being in a public place while talking about this. He felt as if people could see the stain on him that was left behind by that muggle. The stain left by the Dursleys. The stains left by the dark magic he’d performed.

“That is not the perception I have of you.” Harry looked up as Snape used that voice. He wouldn’t say it was soft… but it was quiet, deep and calm. Something that meant so much more to Harry. Snape was not avoiding eye contact with him anymore. “The family registry is still open. If you wish, we can go and I… I can _adopt_ you.”

Harry felt himself go numb. The word ‘adopt’ itself sounded strained coming from Snape and the moment the potion master had managed to force it out he had ceased eye contact. It couldn’t be because he was feeling forced. After all… no one was asking him to do this… he knew Dumbledore would have rather Harry stay with the Dursleys. This was all Snape. Snape wanted to take him in. He wanted to give him the concrete, legal proof Harry so very much longed for.

“You… want to adopt me?” Harry mumbled, the voice barely above a whisper.

“…I do. This has been a long year. Very long. More so for you than for me.” Snape began. “I’ve gotten to know you better. I’ve done all I can to keep you safe and in one piece not simply because I… owed Lily that much. Not only that. But… because the very thought… This is not easy for me to say out loud Potter…” Snape said and looked away, taking a few moments to think over his words.

Harry kept his eyes locked on him, never blinking, not wanting to miss a single word, a single expression. His heart raced wildly making it hard to hear already and he didn’t want to miss a thing. Snape finally took a deep breath and turned to look at him.

“I don’t do this because of duty… but because I genuinely wish for your safety… and for your contentment. So… the choice is yours.”

Harry only looked away once he felt his eyes filling with tears. He nodded vigorously. “Yes…” He said. “Yes…” His voice cracked a little then but he didn’t care. “Let’s go.”

Harry felt in a daze as they re-entered the ministry of magic. As they made it to the family registry. As Snape handed in the paperwork Dumbledore had handed over just about an hour and a half ago. The Dursleys had apparently signed where they were supposed to and Harry for once felt eternally grateful for their utter disinterest in him. He would have thought that it would hurt to be cast away so easily, but instead he was overjoyed.

Snape signed and then Harry signed where he was supposed to. The witch handling the paperwork checked the authenticity of the paperwork and tossed it to the side, magic carrying it to a large golden stamp that went up and down, as other forms passed under it.

With a loud thump Harry watched the forms get stamped and return.

“Alright, that is it, all sorted. We will send you copies of the certificates as soon as they’re ready.” It all fell on deaf ears. All that Harry knew was that it had gone through.

With all the difficulties in his life he had expect it to be harder, to have been met with more opposition. Instead he was now adopted. He now had a father. A real father. Not just a picture or a valiant story. Snape had been there before those papers had been stamped but he had never been able to push back the fear that he could easily be returned to the Dursleys, or that he could easily be taken away from Snape’s side and neither one of them would be able to stop it.

Not any more.

“Harry… lets go.” Harry nodded, going with him. He was a little numb, but he knew it wasn’t due to something bad. It was something very good and even if he remained in shock a little longer he didn’t have to worry about it for now.


	61. Meadow Cottage

Harry opened his eyes. Ron was still snoring beside him. Harry couldn’t help the jittery feeling in his stomach. Even though he felt exhausted from the exams the day before, he felt excited and couldn’t wait for Snape to come back for him. Snape said they were going to look at houses today.

The adoption still didn’t feel quite real. Maybe it was because he still couldn’t live with the potions master just yet. But he knew that there was a document somewhere saying that Severus Snape was legally his family. As soon as he got the certificate the first thing he was going to do was frame it.

Suddenly he felt flustered. God that would be embarrassing. Would Severus think he was being too emotional for wanting to do that? Oh but he really wanted to. He wanted to be able to look up and always see the proof if he ever started to forget.

“Mmnh… seriously… you need better sleep patterns.” Ron mumbled beside him. Harry turned to look at him but Ron had already gone back to sleep.

Harry sighed and got out of bed as quietly as possible and made his way downstairs. Mrs. Weasley was already setting up the table and Mr. Weasley seemed to have just finished his, and looked dressed and ready for work.

“Morning.” Harry said.

“Good morning Harry. Come have a seat dear. You must be excited about today.” Mrs. Weasley said. Harry nodded.

“Severus mentions he’s been looking around Scotland. Lovely greenery up there. Lovely winters as well. No muggles to bother you.” Mr. Weasley said. “Just like Hogwarts.”

“Yeah… that would be nice.” Harry said thanking Mrs. Weasley as she poured him some tea.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Severus sighed as he stretched his sore arm and grumbled about bloody werewolves. There was a knock on his door. He was back in Hogwarts temporarily.

“Severus my boy. Are you going to pick up Harry now?” Dumbledore asked.

“Yes headmaster. I did promise him we would go together.”

“Ah, a very good start. A father that keeps his promises.” He said brightly.

Severus paused and ignored the uncomfortable sensation that settled in his chest. It was a mixture of embarrassment and pride.

“Yes well… I already broke one promise and I will not be late again.”

“Oh I shall not keep you long then. I shall give you this to give to Harry when you see fit. Seeing as you are legally his father now.”

Severus looked at the letter and saw the seal from the Malfoys. “I see… I assume it must mean their trial is coming up?”

“Indeed… and if Harry truly wishes to speak for them, then we best prepare him. The ministers, including Umbridge, who is allowed to work on trials despite suspended on other things, will be there. Those opposed to the Malfoys will try to rile Harry up and show him in a negative light.”

“I understand headmaster. I will give it to him… at the opportune time.” He said.

“Of course Severus, it is your decision now.” Dumbledore said and turned to leave. Severus looked at the letter and put it away, making his way to the fireplace.

The Weasley home was quiet. It was quite early. He hoped Potter had not reverted to this pattern of waking up late. Oh well. Maybe the brat deserved a couple of lie ins.

“Have a bit more, Harry dear. You’ll need your energy today.” That was Molly Weasley’s voice. Severus peeked into the room to see the matriarch pushing an egg and some sausages onto Harry’s plate.

For once Severus saw Harry’s hungry and eager expression and felt an unmeasurable amount of relief. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw anything but nausea in the boy’s face whenever he looked at food. Sure he wasn’t as excited as the youngest Weasley boy would have been, and instead took his time with the food, but it was a huge improvement.

“Good morning Severus. Would you like to join us?” Arthur asked. Severus shook his head.

“No thank you.”

“Some tea then?” Mrs. Weasley said. She was already pouring the cup and Potter was looking at him with a flicker of nervousness. He didn’t really want tea.

“Yes. Thank you.” He said and sat on the stool against the wall waiting for Potter to finish.

oOoOoOo oOoOoOo oOoOoOo

Harry walked ahead, climbing the slope after the potions master trying not to sound out of breath. Just where was this house?

“Are we there yet?” Harry called.

“Potter. For the fifth time. We will get there when we get there.” Snape said.

Harry huffed and kept pushing his aching legs to keep going. He hated this house already. Ok, that wasn’t fair. It was just that for now Snape was unable to apparate, by order of the mediwizard. So, they’d had to floo to the inn in the wizard town nearby. They could have gotten a wizard’s cab but there weren’t any when they got there.

Harry had been the one to suggest walking. It was a sunny day and they could see the surroundings. Snape was still wearing black, his signature colour, and Harry knew that he was likely to be boiling.

“Finally.” Snape muttered and Harry groaned standing up straight as the hill evened out to a large colourful meadow.

Right in the middle there was a cottage, something that seemed to come out straight of a fairy book Harry had once found amongst the stacks of broken toys in Duddley’s second bedroom when the Dursleys gave it to him.

“Hmm… looks decent enough.” Snape mumbled, looking through a small diary he’d brought with him.

Something moved from the corner of Harry’s eyes and he turned to see something small run off through the flowers. He wondered if the place had garden gnomes like the Weasley house had.

“Come on then Potter. I believe that’s the owner.” Harry turned his attention back to Snape and followed him closely.

The inside turned out to be quite spacious. Despite its appearance from the outside, it had rather high ceiling which made it quite comforting to be in. It looked rather empty since it wasn’t furnished but Harry liked it.

It was all on one floor as well, except for a large cellar that Harry could already imagine Snape brewing in.  It was actually rather big for just the two of them. Harry started worrying about the cost of this place. Houses are supposed to be expensive aren’t they? The Dursleys always talked about their mortgage like it was something they were still paying.

“What do you think Potter? This is the last house on the list.” Snape said, coming over to his side.

Harry looked up at him and then at the warm orange light filtering through the window. “It’s much better than the others.”

They both found a fault with everyone they’d been to before. One had too narrow corridors that reminded them too much of Spinner’s end. Snape almost instantly took them out of there. Another was great, until they found the enchanted woodlice infestation in the attic.

Harry shuddered. One of those things was almost as big as his fist and they tended to fly.

“Snape… aren’t houses expensive I mean… can’t we just move to 12 Grimmauld place?” Harry asked. Snape took a deep breath and Harry knew he was considering how to reply without insulting his limited intellect.

“I will not live anywhere near the house of Black. Not to mention that distasteful house-elf resides there…”

Harry clenched his hands into fists. If Kreacher hadn’t lied to him maybe Sirius would still be here.

“Besides, I would rather you live somewhere without ancient and cursed artefacts. 12 Grimmauld Place, I’m sure would be a splendid home, but to restore it and dispose or cleanse all those cursed artefacts will take a lot of time.” And money. But Snape never seemed to use the word money with him if he could help it. “We need something a bit more… now.”

“Yeah but… this looks really expensive.”

“Do not worry yourself about finances Potter. We are fine.”

“ _I’m_ fine. _I_ can pay for this. It’s the least I can do I mean you… you…” Severus placed his hands on Harry’s shoulders and Harry looked down.

“Listen to me. You do not owe me anything. _Anything_. Do you understand?”

“But…”

“No buts. Do you like this house?” Harry hesitated before nodding. “Then it’s settled.” Harry looked up at Snape, who was back to looking around. A look of suspicion filled his eyes for a moment. “On second thought… best check around for any pests.” He said.

Harry tried to cover the smile that formed, knowing that the vendor could pop back in any minute now.

There weren’t any pests. But Snape sent him out when it came to the business side of things. Harry wanted to complain but he actually did want to take a look around before they left.

He walked round the house, detailing it from the outside. The sun was starting to set so he wouldn’t have much time to explore. There was a second exit round the back that led from the kitchen. He could see Severus inside discussing things back and forth with the owner of the house.

A hoot drew Harry’s attention and he looked up to see a small owlery sitting on the roof. Two owls looked at him curiously with a concentrated expression, following his every movement. It unnerved Harry a little.

He decided to follow a stone covered path through the wild flowers that eventually became bare earth. He followed it to the entrance of a forest that seemed to follow the rest of land’s shape, undulating like a wave of green as far as Harry could see. It smelled nice. The breeze carried the smell of wet earth and herbs that probably hid beyond Harry’s eyesight.

It was quiet as well, the odd tweet of a few birds echoed here or there. Harry didn’t go in very far. He knew it was unwise to wander into a forest you didn’t know when the sun was setting. Well, he’d always known that but he’d done it anyway. This time he actually worried of the retaliation Snape might send his way if he didn’t listen to his common sense instead of his inquisitive mind.

He stood there considering his options a little bit too long. The sun set fast and it became dark pretty quickly. He turned to make his way back. As he entered back into the meadow, small lights flickered into existence around him and he had to stop.

At first he thought they were fireflies, but they remained constant without flickering once they had appeared and were a mix of light blues and purples. Harry looked up and saw how they matched the skies. Stars littered the sky which looked clearer than Harry had ever seen it. Even in the astronomy tower. He didn’t know if it was an illusion or what it was, but it was… beautiful.

Surely this was probably added to the price too… something Harry didn’t want to think about. He was feeling guilty enough as it is.

One of the lights hovered past slowly and Harry could see its pixy-like form, though they were much smaller than the Cornish pixies Lockhart had set loose on them in second year. Thankfully, they didn’t seem nearly as testy as them either.

“Potter…” Snape came closer and paused, looking at him up and down. Harry looked at himself and noticed more pixies hovering around him or resting on his clothes like fallen snowflakes.

“What do I do?” Harry asked, looking up at Snape a little alarmed. God he prayed to god they weren’t as testy as Cornish pixies. Strangely enough they staged far away from Snape. Snape came closer and flicked them off as if they were specks of dust. There were tiny squeaks coming from them as they flew back. “Hey! There’s no need to hurt them.”

“I’m not hurting them Potter just shaking them off. Come inside.” Snape said placing his hand around his shoulder and leading him back to the cottage.

“If you weren’t hurting them why were they crying out?”

“I was unaware of the fairies producing any sounds Potter.” Snape said calmly, going into the house by the kitchen entrance.

“Fairies?”

“Indeed… I believe they might be drawn to you due to your bout of druid magic.” He said lighting an oil lamp.

“…oh. Is that a bad thing?”

“Only if you are out at night and want to remain inconspicuous.” Snape said and looked around. “Right… home sweet home Potter.” He said. Harry looked around. The house looked a little creepy during the night. But nothing compared to Hogwarts.

“Are we staying here tonight?” Harry asked.

“No, there’s too much to sort out, furniture, fireplace, protection spells and wards. We’ll come back tomorrow and sort that out.” Snape was casting small spells on every beam, window and doors.

Harry followed him closely. “What are you doing?”

“Casting some minor protection wards.” He said.

“Want me to do another druid barrier?”

“Absolutely not.” He said firmly, though he was too concentrated on the spells he was casting to direct his utter disagreement in his direction. “There are more controlled ways of erecting a barrier. I will show you tomorrow.”

Harry had a feeling that this meant the other was going to give him something to read overnight. Still, the thought of spending more time with him did give him a warm feeling in his chest.

Snape moved to another window across the room and Harry ran after him, to stay near him. Snape paused looking at him curiously.

“Are you… afraid of the dark Potter?”

“Wha-?” Of course he wasn’t. How many times had he not wondered the halls of Hogwarts at night? But then again… the halls of Hogwarts had portraits. And ghosts that he knew. Plus the marauders’ map always told him where people were. But no there was no way.

“Very well then.” Snape said, continuing on his way to the window. Harry tried to stay put but he felt an uneasy sensation crawl up his chest and he rushed after him, staying near him.

“There’s… no ghosts here is there?” Harry mumbled.

“I doubt it.”

“That’s not a no…”

Snape stopped what he was doing and turned to him. He could tell Snape was trying to figure out where this strange new anxiety was coming from. He placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze.

“Maybe it is due to the new environment… or maybe the magic surrounding these lands is unsettling you a little. It’s… nature magic, something you recently tapped into so you may be sensing new energies you weren’t conscious of before.”

Harry nodded. “Ok.”

“Hmm… we’ll see if it gets better in the following days. If not we can get you a talisman to ward off the sensation until you get used to it.”

“Will I have to have that forever?” Harry asked, grimacing at his own strangeness. Snape had bought this amazing house and now here Harry was, saying he didn’t like it.

“No, they’re normally given to magical children when they become hypersensitive. It happens sometimes, perfectly normal.” Snape said turning back to the task at hand.

Harry remained by his side and only relaxed a little when they left the home, but only because the fairies seemed far less ominous than the unknown shadows of the house.

“Don’t worry yourself Potter, maybe it’s in your blood. Your mother tapped into nature magic when she was quite young herself.”

Harry looked up at that, shocked. “My mother did dark magic?”

“No. Nature magic. Making flowers grow, making it rain sometimes. It’s the first forms of magic most children learn to do actually.”

“…Will you tell me more about her someday?” Harry asked.

“Hmm… I don’t see why not.”

That was another thing Harry had to look forward to. He hoped his sense of ‘too good to be true’ had no real connection to reality.


	62. First Night

Harry hummed as he opened another box labelled ‘Books’. Of course they weren’t his. His books barely covered one small bookshelf in his new room, but last thing he wanted was to clutter his pristine room with the old leathery bindings Snape seemed to adore. No. These belonged to the potions master and were all about potions. He took the box over to the other stack of boxes and clapped the dust off his hands.

“Finally.” He sighed. Snape appeared then, the final box in his hands. He looked at Harry with a faint look of alarm and Harry froze and looked down at himself. Fireplace ash covered his robes from head to toe.

“How on earth do you always find a way to blunder through the floo network enough to render yourself a soot sprite?” Snape asked in exasperation. Harry felt his cheeks becoming a little warm.

“I don’t know. Never really worked for me properly.” Harry shrugged. Severus levitated the boxes to be with the rest and nodded as he counted them.

“Well, you might as well clean up while I prepare dinner. How is the charm working?” He asked. Harry looked at the ugly wooden carving hanging from his neck from a leather strap. It looked like a scary crying figurine that freaked him out more than the house did. But, he didn’t feel uneasy and there wasn’t as much noise in the house as he remembered there being.

“I think it’s working. Is it ok to wet it?” He asked.

“You better not, you can take it off while you bathe, its effect will linger long enough.” Snape said calmly, waving his wand to have the books fly neatly into the wooden bookshelves now lining the walls on either side of the fireplace.

Harry left him to finish and went to prepare the bathtub. He’d never had an actual bath before. The Dursleys barely let him use the shower let alone the bath and the school only had showers for non-prefects. Fourth year didn’t really count since he’d been on edge about getting caught in the prefect baths.

So now that he had free reign he filled the tub with water as hot as he could stand it and soaked in the bubbly water for a good hour and a half.

He focused on the sounds of the house. The wind echoed softly somewhere through the roof and every now and then he heard Snape moving things around. The sun was almost hidden over the horizon making it light enough to see yet dark enough for the crickets to begin their song.

He heard Hedwig hoot somewhere in the built in owlery. She’d probably just woken up to go hunt for mice.

It was… wonderful. Everything was perfect. He got dressed for bed and brushed his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror for a few seconds.

Something clicked inside and he remembered. Sirius’ mirror. Sirius had given it to him to talk to him. Anytime, anyplace. Since his godfather had fallen into the veil, the mirror hadn’t worked. But the hope still burned deep inside him. Even so, it didn’t matter anymore. He’d thrown it into a drawer in Spinner’s End and now it was probably nothing more than one more piece in the rubble of Snape’s old home.

oOoOoOo

Severus sighed as he finished sorting some of the boxes. The smell of the stew he was making filtered from the kitchen. He stopped the sorting. “That is sufficient for today.”

He looked up as Harry left the bathroom and headed for his room. “Dinner is almost ready. Are you hungry?” He asked but the silence stretched as Potter did not answer. The boy simply kept going. Severus frowned. Something was wrong. He reached for the boy. “Potter, are you hun-” The boy snatched his arm back without looking at him.

“Don’t touch me.” The boy said in a small voice that broke in the middle. Severus was shocked at the sudden and harsh response from the boy.

“Do _not_ speak to me like that. If something’s bothering you, say so.” He snapped.

“Sorry…” The teen mumbled and hurried to his room. He closed the door behind him without giving Severus any further explanation.

Severus felt nothing but confusion. What had he done this time to upset the boy? He quietly stood close to the door. Everything was quiet until he heard the sob. His ears sharpened and he could hear the muffled whimpers and cries.

He had no way of knowing just what to do. Just what part of the boy’s past had finally overwhelmed him? He sighed and returned to the kitchen to finish the food and cast a spell to keep it warm. He waited as he rested his hands on the counter.

What should he do? What did the boy want? Would he lash out if Severus asked him to talk about it? What would the potions master have wanted as a teen? He didn’t know. So he just went with his instincts. He walked back to the room and knocked.

There was no reply but the sobs and whimpers suddenly froze. “Harry, I’m coming in.” Once more there was no reply. When he opened the door, the teen was tense, his body perfectly still with his face mostly hidden by the pillow. His back was facing the door.

“…Why are you crying?” He asked. He pulled the chair from the corner closer so he could sit by the bed.

“I’m not crying, sorry about before.” His voice was perfectly even, he didn’t sound upset at all and Severus could practically feel the emotional block the boy had slipped into place the moment he sensed someone witnessing his moment of weakness.

Severus didn’t know what to do, should he leave the boy alone? This was so frustrating. Why couldn’t the brat just tell him what he was thinking? He moved from the chair to the edge of the bed and gently turned him around. The boy’s eyes were red and his emotional block cracked as he turned away again, fully burying his face into the pillow, sobbing once more.

Severus frowned. “What bothers you? Is the amulet not working?” He asked. The boy was so tense from forcing his cries to be as silent as possible.

“S-sirius…” Was all the boy could manage without crying.

Black. It seemed a lifetime away that the fight in the ministry had happened. Lupin had said that Black had been struck with the killing curse and fallen back into the veil at arm’s length from Potter.

“It was not your fault. Black knew the risk.” Severus said.

“I went trying to save him… instead… I got him killed. Just like I get everyone killed.” He’d never heard Harry’s voice sound so small, even all the other times the teen had cried before him.

“The Dark Lord is the one to blame for making you think Black was a prisoner. Bellatrix is to blame for Black’s death.”

“It was because of me!” Potter yelled into the pillow and his cries became louder. His grief resonating in every sob, every cry that tore from his lips. Severus reached for him again but he knew that in this state, the other would never listen to him. The boy needed to grieve. What did his mother use to do when he was upset? It had been so long since he had been upset in front of her. It was before he even met Lily. He reached for the boy’s head at pet it softly.

“A lot of things have happened to you. You have every right to grieve. You should not feel the need to hide your cries from me.” He said gently, mimicking the tone his mother would have used, though it felt a little alien coming from him.

He was no saint. Had things been different, he knew the dark side of him would have been glad that Black had died. But seeing Harry in this state, looking so broken and distraught, he would have moved earth and sea so things would have turned out differently.

His words seemed to work at least, since the boy relaxed and cried freely. Soon enough the crying quieted down until finally the boy was all cried out and he sat, reaching for Severus and hugging him. Severus only paused for a couple of seconds before he hugged the boy back. It seemed that it was becoming easier to hug the other and comfort him.

“I’m hungry…” The boy finally said.

“I will serve dinner. Come along.” He said and both released each other from the hug.

“Sorry…” The boy said in embarrassment.

“Your brash reply was expected considering the circumstances. It can happen when you do not allow yourself to grieve properly.” He said. The boy looked at him briefly and Severus recognised the question. That perhaps Snape too, once upon a time, didn’t allow himself to mourn for someone.

“Men shouldn’t cry though… and I’m almost sixteen.” He mumbled.

“The notion that men should not cry is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard anyone say. It is a muggle saying and one that they can keep.” He said digging into the stew he had made. He was pleased to see the boy eat, though he took his time.

The boy looked down, seeming to assimilate his words.

“When was the last time you cried?” The boy asked. Severus wondered whether someone had told him already. But he answered the question calmly.

“When I thought you had died.” The boy looked at him with those bright green eyes of his and Severus sighed as the fondness for the boy simply grew.

The quiet dinner ended and Potter returned to his room, falling asleep with the aid of the dreamless sleep potion. When Severus checked on him he saw the boy’s features relaxed, as his mind erased all of his worries for the night.

Day one and he felt so exhausted. He used a few set of spells to have the dishes cleaned and smothered the fire before going to bed. All the while he thought of the boy and how he would have to help him deal in the future. Deal with the dark magic he tapped into, deal with his imprisonment, his grief and his fears.

He did not feel qualified at all to help… but he trusted no one else to care for the boy as he felt he could. Still, there wasn’t anything wrong in asking for advice.


	63. Peace

Harry groaned as a beam of sunlight reached his eyes, stirring him from sleep. Turning his back to the light served no purpose as his senses awakened. His window was open and the fresh smell of wet herbs filtered in a refreshing summer breeze. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, taking a few moments to register if he’d left the window open. No, he hadn’t. Still… it made for a lovely wakeup call. Birds were singing in the distance and he stretched, getting out and walking in his pjamas to the kitchen. Snape looked up at him and nodded.

“Morning Severus.” He said. He ignored the memories from last night that wanted to embarrass him so early in the morning.

“Good morning... come, you can help me out.” He said. Harry happily rushed to his side, eager to do what he could. While the other fried a hearty breakfast that Harry was not used to, Harry kept an eye on the toaster, turning the bread when needed and proceeding to cover the slices in butter. The kettle made a high pitch wail indicating that it was ready to make tea.

Harry reached for the kettle but Snape beat him to it, grabbing a cloth to hold the metal handle. “I’ll set the table.” Harry said. He still wasn’t sure where Snape was going to organise everything but for now he managed to find the utensils after opening the second drawer.

It was so different… so different to the Dursleys. He smiled. Well, he would have to get used to it at some point. “So what’s the plan today?” Harry asked as he dug into his breakfast. Severus seemed to think about this.

“I will sort out the remainder of my books. Perhaps you would like to unpack too and make a list of anything you may need to buy.” Severus said.

“Hmm… sounds good.” Harry said as he thought if he needed anything. He didn’t think so. He looked outside, the small dining table right next to a window that overlooked the meadow. “It’s really peaceful here isn’t it.” He mumbled. He heard Snape chuckle and turned to look at the vaguely amused potions master.

“I take it peace is not something you are well acquainted with?”

Harry felt a laugh bubble up and escape his lips. “Peace? What’s that?” Harry noticed the corner of Snape’s lips tilt slightly upward as he turned to the view outside too.

“Well… whatever it is, I hope we both get well acquainted with it soon, Harry.” The man patted his hand and continued with his breakfast. Harry could feel the warmth of the touch linger a little longer though and it warmed him inside. He’d called him Harry… and there was nothing wrong happening around them. He tried to ignore the childish desire to hug the man that was now his father by law and finished his breakfast.

Unpacking for him went fairly quickly, even though he couldn’t use magic. Or couldn’t he? You weren’t allowed to cast magic spells but wandless magic was not classified as casting spells.

Harry felt a devilish giddiness and curiosity ignite within him and he sat by the edge of his bed, looking at the box full of school books that he’d left amongst the last things to unpack. He reached out his hand, like he’d seen long ago in those cartoons and fantasy movies that Dudley liked to watch. He tried to will the books to come out. But nothing happened. He felt a little foolish after a while but Snape didn’t sound like he was finished just yet so no one could really see him make a fool of himself.

“Come on… there must have been a time wizards didn’t use wands…” Harry whispered to himself. He stood up and reached both his hands out. He tried to feel something… anything. And then he felt something, his fingers began to tingle with energy, as they did when he used dark magic, but there was nothing negative about this energy. He grasped onto that feeling and brought his hands up high. There was no force holding his hands down but he did feel the power release all around him. Suddenly everything grew darker but the books didn’t move. He looked at the windows and horrified saw that the grass had grown so high that it had obscured the light and it had even grown inward into his room through his opened window.

“ _Potter_!” Snape snapped from one of the other rooms. Harry cringed, knowing that he was in trouble.

“I-I’m here…” he mumbled going slowly to find Snape. Every window was exactly the same. Snape had opened the door and stared at the fully blocked door.

“Explain yourself.” He calmly stated.

“Uh… it wasn’t me?” Harry asked. Snape turned to him, his cold expression looking into Harry’s eyes and he slowly crossed his arms over his chest. “Ok, ok! I guess it was me… I was… trying to do wandless magic.” Harry shrugged.

“With what book?”

“Uh… without one?”

“Hmm… Need I remind you how dangerous and volatile wandless magic can be?” Snape asked.

“Well… I didn’t think it would be that bad.” Harry admitted, looking anywhere but at Severus. He didn’t like to be seen as stupid by Severus.

“I believe a punishment is in order, to try and ensure that the severity of your misconception is well absorbed.” Severus said and waved his wand. Gardening shears were summoned and placed in Harry’s hands. They were heavy. “Clean up your mess. Do not try to get imaginative with magic once more.” He warned him and walked off annoyed to finish sorting through the boxes faster.

Harry groaned and made his way to the door, starting to chop a way out of the house. He went straight first, hoping that the overgrowth had only happened within a small radius of the house but it didn’t seem that way. He looked back. “Severus! If this is magic shouldn’t it just go away after a while?” He called into the house. There was no response and Harry sighed, going back to the edge of the house, starting to snip an area around it. He must have been there for a good couple of hours and as he chopped at the grass he felt more and more frustrated with himself for ruining the meadow.

“Here.” Harry turned to Severus’ voice, who handed him a cold lemonade from the kitchen window. Harry felt his frustration and annoyance with the punishment vanish and smiled coming over to accept the drink. It was good, sour and sweet in a perfect mix. Unlike Petunia’s lemonade which tended to be way too sour. “What were you trying to do?” Severus asked looking at the badly chopped garden.

“I… was trying to levitate my books from the box.” He said.

“Hmm…” Severus raised his wand and pointed it at the grass, muttering a spell Harry didn’t really remember learning. As the potions master swept his wand across the field, the grass was all trimmed at a perfect height though he left the flowers in their overgrown state. “This is a fairy field so it would be unwise to trim their flowers all in one sweep.” Snape said and Harry was just relieved that he didn’t have to keep chopping the long grass down.

“I guess… I figured… there must have been a time when wizards didn’t use wands, it couldn’t possibly have been hard to do wandless magic.” Harry said.

“That is true, although there are no texts that go so far back, perhaps lost in the middle ages, it still remains a fact that it must have been dangerous. Wands regulate our power into a controlled spell. Even professor Dumbledore barely uses wandless magic to do regular things.” He said.

Harry sipped his drink, thinking about that. “I have so many questions… about all magic…” Harry admitted.

“I have noticed. And I suppose… rather than have you delving in dangerous addictive magic, let me know if you want to try something and I will guide you on whether it is possible or not. It is supposed to be the purpose of Hogwarts but I see that your curiosity has gone into broader regions as your power has grown.” He suggested.

Harry took in the words as a nice cool breeze passed by now that the grass was gone. “I’m ok for now.” Harry said. Severus nodded.

“Good, then come and freshen up so we can get started on lunch.” He said and retreated back into the kitchen. Harry finished his drink and left it by the window sill.

Lunch was delicious, and Harry was rather surprised that Severus was so good at cooking. He guessed that made sense since potions were so much like cooking. Then again that’s what Harry thought at the start of first year and he’d been terrible at potions for the longest of time. Surprisingly Severus had also made lemon jelly which he was enjoying while Severus was a little quieter than usual.

“Harry. I received this letter. It is from the Malfoys.” Severus said. Harry sat up straighter. Of course. While he was enjoying his holidays, Draco was probably not so relaxed, wondering what would become of his family. He reached for the letter but Severus held it out of his reach.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just want to ensure that you know, you do not owe them anything Potter.” Harry looked at the sealed letter and thought about it.

“I know… but… I don’t know… I’ve kinda grown to not dislike the blonde prat. As much.” He added. Severus sighed and handed him the letter.

Harry opened it. However, it wasn’t the prat who had written to him. No doubt the idiot’s pride would have been brutally wounded if he had to ask Harry for anything. No, this was written by Narcissa. Very politely, just as he remembered her being. It was written in pretty calligraphy. She wished him well, hoped he was recovering and then went on to summarize why her husband and son were part of the chain in his eventual rescue.

“She’s very… eloquent? Is that the word?” Harry asked.

“That is probably correct.” Severus said. “Do you agree to help them?”

“Of course I do…” He said softly. “Uh… will you help me write… a polite reply?” He asked. “I feel like just putting a ‘sure no problem’ would be rather dry.”

“Any particular reason why you should be worried with impressing madam Malfoy?” Severus asked.

“Pff. I don’t know.” He shrugged.

“Hmm… so eloquent. I will help you after we wash the dishes.”

Harry nodded and put the letter down, savouring the cold dessert.


	64. Wizengamot

Harry felt a headache coming on. He was sitting at the centre of the couch, Mr. Weasley, professor Dumbledore and Snape saying things back and forth to him.

“They will ask you about your captivity, just ignore these questions Harry.” Mr. Weasley said.

“But don’t be rude or show anger.” Dumbledore said.

“Forget that Potter, just ignore them and walk past.” Snape said.

“The reporters will be persistent, but keep your calm.” Dumbledore said.

“And don’t take anything they say to heart.” Mr. Weasley said.

“Once you get past those vultures you will have to deal with the Wizengamot ministers. Including Umbridge.” Snape said.

“It would be better if you avoid looking at her my boy.” Dumbledore said.

“But do not look down, or they may call you untrustworthy.” Snape argued.

“Keep looking at the Minister, but don’t maintain eye contact all the time. Look at some of the other officials.” Mr. Weasley said.

Harry was very lost and was starting to get very anxious. Mrs. Weasley came over and pulled him away from the three men. “Don’t listen to them Harry, you just relax and tell the truth.” Mrs. Weasley said as she patted his shoulders and straightened his robes. “My so handsome.” She smiled and Harry managed a faint smile before they were interrupted again.

“But not all the truth my boy.” Dumbledore said.

“Don’t mention that you were in the Dark Lord’s mind.” Snape said.

“And don’t mention that you knew of young Malfoy’s mission from a dream.” Mr. Weasley said.

“And avoid falling into any trap Umbridge might spring on you.” Severus said.

Dumbledore nodded and turned to Harry. “Also,”

“Ok! Just stop it!” Harry yelled quieting them all as he ran out of the house, leaning against the wall, taking deep breaths as he tried to even his breathing.

Oh god this was so serious… if he messed up he could actually ruin Malfoy’s life. Lucius Malfoy was not someone he was going to miss if anything happened to him but the son and mother, it was weird. Maybe it was just because he appreciated the way the other seemed to change. It may have been fake out of his desperation but there was no way of Harry knowing for sure.

He took off the little amulet around his neck and sighed, the nature magic soothing him now that the sun was out. Snape came out and patted his shoulder.

“Just know… you do not have to do this.” He said.

“I know… but still… I want to help.” Harry said looking up at him. Snape still looked annoyed at his insistence to help the Malfoys but didn’t try to change his mind.

“Very well. Let us go.” He said, guiding Harry back inside.

oOoOoOo

Harry shifted uncomfortable as he entered the hall once more, all the judges looking down at him. He glanced at the blondes. Narcissa Malfoy holding her head up and nodding as he entered. Lucius Malfoy not looking at him, also keeping his head high. Draco Malfoy saw him walk in and narrowed his eyes at him.

Well, that was unexpected.

The blonde looked away, taking his father’s stance of not looking at Harry. Harry felt irritation boiling inside him but pushed it back. He felt more comfortable than the last time he was here. Sure, this time it wasn’t him being judged but that wasn’t why.

Severus had gotten him some formal robes that fit nicely and to be honest, Harry managed to take a chance to admire his reflection this morning, feeling handsome for the briefest of moments before he had to block out the words drilled into him as a child by his aunt and uncle exclaiming the contrary. Still, he felt much more comfortable than he did when he wore borrowed clothes last time.

Speaking of his guardian… no, speaking of his father, he looked up, seeing the Slytherin head sitting beside Draco. Dumbledore choosing to sit across the room beside Mr. Weasley.

“Let us call this meeting to order. For the case of the Malfoy family. Harry James Potter comes to speak for the Malfoys. Is that right mister Potter?” Fudge, still as the chief Wizard in the Wizengamot, spoke, his tone politically friendly which Harry saw great contrast in compared to the tone the Minister used for him all the times his office called Harry an attention seeking liar.

His hand twitched as he looked at Umbridge who still had that self-satisfied grin mingled with sweetness.

“Yes Minister.” Harry said softly.

“Now, as you know, this case is a tad more serious than the last time you were here, would you agree to taking a dose of veritaserum?” Fudge asked. Harry hesitated, no one had mentioned veritaserum before. He looked up at Severus who had a glare filled with suspicion directed at the Minister.

“If you are to speak for someone in this trial, mister Potter, perhaps you ought to make this decision for yourself?” Umbridge spoke drawing Harry’s attention back to the rest of the Wizengamot. The austere expressions from most of them made his throat feel dry.

“It is not mister Potter on trial Cornelius, there is no need for-” Dumbledore began.

“Oh, but, forgive me to interrupt Headmaster, but there _is_ a need. Can mister Potter really be trusted after all?” Umbridge spoke. Harry tensed as he looked up at the dreaded woman, rage starting to bubble inside him. “We all saw mister Potter run into he-who-must-not-be-named’s arms, one of his classmates was mentioned to be quite distressed after seeing the scar left by the dark mark in Harry Potter’s very arm and there are even rumours of him using dark magic. Can such a wizard be trusted?” She argued. Whispers erupted in the hall.

“Dark magic?”

“The boy?”

“Truly?” Members of the Wizengamot and spectators looked at him concerned and Harry took a deep breath to try and calm his racing heart.

“I’m here to speak for the Malfoy family, I will take the Veritaserum.” Harry said, unable to believe the injustice that this beast of a woman had still been left with so much power after what she’d done to him this year.

“I will not allow it.” He heard Snape say.

“And who are you to-”

“Veritaserum cannot be given to minors without parental consent. And I refuse.” Snape said.

“I’m aware of your recent adoption of mister Potter, professor Snape. However, we do need to take a statement through Veritaserum only.” Amelia Bones said and Harry sighed, he squirmed uncomfortable and looked up at Snape, nodding. Severus looked indecisive but decided to respect Harry’s decision and finally nodded.

The potion was sharp going down and the effect was instant. Harry tensed knowing that he would not be able to lie at all. The questioning officially begun.

“Now, what is your name?”

“Harry James Potter.”

“And how old are you?”

“Fifteen years… eleven months and three weeks old.” He said.

“Now then, describe your relationship with Draco Malfoy at this moment in time.” Fudge asked, seemingly reading from a list of questions he had before him.

“I don’t understand it myself.” Harry said honestly.

“Are you friends?” Fudge asked.

“…I don’t know.”

“How can you _not_ know?” Fudge asked, a short laugh making Harry nervous.

“We were not friends up until the early months of this year.” Harry mumbled.

“I have here a report from your teachers that you in fact engaged in a physical fist confrontation with the young mister Malfoy in the busy corridors of Hogwarts just prior to the Christmas holidays. Is this correct?”

Harry squirmed inside but tried not to show it. “Yes. It’s true.”

“Why did you engage in such a primal and uncivilised display of anger?”

“…He pointed out that it was because of me that my parents were killed.” Harry said. Whispers erupted around and Harry bit his bottom lip. This wasn’t helping Malfoy at all. “But this was before he changed.” Harry insisted.

“You mean, before he was ordered to befriend you? By the Dark Lord himself?” Fudge asked.

“Yes. Voldemort lived in his home, with his parents, he did what I would have done. He did what he could to keep his family safe.” Harry admitted. “The ministry did not believe that he was back, who could they have gone to for help?” He asked coldly, keeping eye contact with Fudge, holding his head high as best he could while being at a lower level than the entire Wizengamot.

Fudge and several of the ministry members shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

“But back then you thought of him as changing, as a friend.”

“…” Harry could feel the truth bubbling in his throat but he didn’t want to say it, tensing up.

“There’s no use fighting it mister Potter, say the truth.” Umbridge spoke and Harry curled his left hand into a fist.

“I did not think of him as changing… nor as a friend… but… I liked hanging out with him when he wasn’t being his usual prat of a self.” Harry said.

“And why was that?” Amelia Bones asked.

“…I… admired his strength… to be willing to change from one day to the other, suddenly, knowing I wouldn’t believe it but trying all the same for the sake of his family.”

“Did you know back then that he was following the Dark Lord’s orders?” Fudge asked.

“…Yes.” Harry said softly.

“How did you know this?”

“…” He looked up at Severus who gave the minimal shake of the head, noticed only by him but Harry couldn’t help it, the words were already coming out. “I saw the Dark Lord give the orders…” Harry said.

There was an uproar, wizards asking each other questions, pushing the Minister to say ask something else.

“How is it possible that you saw the Dark Lord give the orders?”

“...I… had a connection to him… when I dreamed… I sometimes saw the world… through his eyes.” He whispered. Damnit! He couldn’t fight the potion. “I chose to befriend Draco Malfoy despite knowing this because to me he was doing it for the right reasons.” He argued, trying to redirect the conversation back to the Malfoys.

It seemed that Fudge was in too much shock to ask more questions so Amelia Bones once more took over.

“Was Draco Malfoy loyal to the Dark Lord?” She asked.

“I don’t think so. Draco Malfoy seemed just focused on helping his family.” He said.

“Was Lucius Malfoy loyal to the Dark Lord?” She asked. Harry didn’t know but truthfully…

“I don’t think so. In the Department of Mysteries he didn’t attack anyone, he was just following orders.” Harry said. “…When I was in the mansion he followed orders but no more than that.”

“What orders did Lucius Malfoy have while you were in Malfoy manor at the mercy of the Dark Lord?”

Harry looked down at the complex star symbol engraved in gold on the hearing room’s floor. “To teach me all about potions and… to perform the imperius curse.”

“Did you perform the unforgivables?” Umbridge hissed.

“No. I didn’t have enough will power to cast them properly.” Harry mumbled.

“What else were you taught there?” Umbridge rushed to ask before Amelia Bones could ask another question.

“…Blood magic… attack spells, curses, knife and candle magic…” He mumbled.

“Dark magic then.” Umbridge stated and since it was not a question, Harry didn’t answer.

“More to the matter at hand Dolores.” Fudge said and looked down at Harry. Harry knew why Umbridge asked. She was trying to put doubts in people’s heads about him. Again. “When and why did you take on the dark mark mister Potter?”

“…When I broke out of a mental control Voldemort there was an escape attempt. I got caught. As punishment he gave me the Dark Mark.” Harry said simply.

“Why did he-who-must-not-be-named ask Draco Malfoy to befriend you?” Fudge continued.

“To try and lure me to his side.”

“Did Draco Malfoy succeed?”

“No.”

“Did you enjoy being taught dark magic?”

“No.”

“Have you performed dark magic since?”

“…Yes.” And since he knew he would be asked he sighed and just explained. “While staying with the Weasleys the burrow was going to be attacked by werewolves… I used druid blood magic to create a shield around the home.” He said. He tensed as he heard the murmuring and whispering begin once more.

“A bit… archaic is it not? Why not set up a shield? What made you want to use such ancient magic?” Amelia Bones. Harry fidgeted.

“It was the only way I knew to make a big enough shield… I wanted to protect those around me.” He shrugged.

“And did you…” Umbridge began but finally he heard Severus speak up once more.

“Are there any more questions regarding the Malfoy family? If not I will exercise my right as Harry Potter’s father to end this interrogation this instant.” He stated.

The Wizengamot looked at each other, Umbridge itching to ask more questions, but clearly none that related to the Malfoys so she stayed quiet.

“There are no further questions. In the case of the Malfoy family, we dismiss any charges on Draco Malfoy and declare that his actions were merely a young man’s attempt to keep his family safe. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, for their cooperation in chasing down violent deatheaters and for having defected are released with no charges. This session is over.” Fudge declared bringing down the gavel and ending the trial. Harry gasped softly and looked up at the Malfoys. Narcissa looked quite pleased with Harry and nodded at him, Draco was still in shock and Lucius Malfoy seemed to release a deep breath and merely gave Harry a nod before standing and leading his family out of there.

Harry rushed away from the centre of the room and returned to Severus’ side, smiling apologetically. In the end he couldn’t follow any of the advice they had given him this morning. Severus gave his shoulder a squeeze and nodded.

“It is done, don’t think about it.” He said and Harry relaxed ever so slightly. Still. He would write to that prat tonight. He left without even saying thank you. Umbridge passed by then and gave a nasty smirk much like Vernon used to give him before and after he would torment him.

“Well done mister Potter. I’m sure your parents, who thrice defied the dark arts, would be so proud.” She said.

Severus stepped in front of him glaring down at the woman. “Do not speak to him Umbridge… or it will be me testifying in _your_ hearing about every wound I healed on this boy inflicted by you.” He hissed at her.

“How… _dare_ you threaten me? To protect that boy? I can see it now… the next dark lord.” She hissed. Harry flinched and she smirked walking away, being the last juror to leave. Severus was shaking with clenched fists.

“…It’s ok Snape… I’m sure she’s not the only one thinking that.” Harry mumbled. Snape reached round to hug him tight.

“Everyone who does is a deluded maniac.” More than what she said it just frustrated him that Umbridge could still hold so much power even after what she’d done to him. Still, he liked the feeling of being hugged and simply held Severus tightly, secretly smiling as the other tried to comfort him.

He heard Professor Dumbledore clear his throat and Harry hoped Severus would ignore it but in the end the potions master released him and Harry sighed softly, turning to look at Mr. Weasley and the headmaster.

“Should we head back? Molly did say she would make some treacle tart for you Harry.” Mr. Weasley said and Harry smiled and nodded.


	65. Stars

_“I can see it now… the next dark lord.”_

Harry jumped awake, his heart racing wildly. Where was he? Everything was dark, and he was half asleep.

 _“You’re a good boy…”_ It was Emwood’s voice. Harry felt hands on him and panic raced through his body.

oOoOoOo

Harry’s screams jolted Severus awake. He grabbed his wand and rushed to Potter’s room. The boy was tangled in his sheets, fighting off an invisible attacker.

“No! No! Let go of me! Stop!” Harry shrieked and Severus rushed to shake him awake.

“Harry! Harry! Wake up! You are safe!” Severus said as the boy slowly stopped his struggles and looked up at Snape with tear filled eyes.

“S-snape…” he mumbled. He looked around and covered his face. “I-I… I feel sick…” He whimpered.

“Alright… sit up… I’ll get you a potion…” He said helping the boy up. “You’re shaking…” He said softly as he went to grab the lilac potion. The boy grabbed it and chugged it down. He wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Harry… what happened?” He asked.

Harry shook his head looking away. “N-nothing…” He whispered.

“Here… have some water.” He said gently. The boy took it gladly and gulped it down. Severus frowned looking at him, trying to discern any answers from his behaviour. He was tense, his free hand clenched tight onto his pyjama trousers.

“Severus… sorry for waking you…” He mumbled.

“Don’t be… tell me what happened.” He encouraged him.

“…It’s just… I don’t know… I… something woke me up but… but I suddenly just… I thought I was…” The boy was rambling, finding this very hard. The worst part was that Severus could not guess what was wrong with him, after all that he had gone through. But he waited patiently. “I felt… like… I was with Emwood…” He whispered. “I was… there…” He said through a clenched jaw, shaking again, hands clenched into fists.

“You are safe now, Harry. Look at me.” The boy hesitated and looked up at him. “I’m here for you.” He said.

The boy looked down still tense as a rock and Severus patted his head.

oOoOoOo

Harry closed his eyes trying to resist the urge to burst into tears and trying to find comfort from the other’s presence. He felt Severus start to pull him up and he looked up as the other led him out of his room and into the kitchen.

“Sit… I’ll make us something warm to drink.” He said. Harry watched him, trying to get that feeling out of his mind. He lay his head on his hands, shaking as he still remembered the feeling, the disgust, the weight, the hands and he wanted to kick something. He wanted to scream. Before he exploded Severus was back and he looked up, seeing a cup of hot chocolate. He seemed to have a cup of his own. “Come on, let’s go out.” He said.

“But… It’s two in the morning.” He mumbled grabbing the hot chocolate and going after him.

“I am aware, but it does not look like you are quite ready for sleep.” He said walking out into the garden, transfiguring a couple of stones into garden chairs. Harry came to sit beside him, looking up at the stars. The sky was completely clear.

“Is it clear because of a spell?” He asked.

“Yes, quite simple due to the height of the terrain, making a clear sky is easier that way.” Snape said. Harry sipped his hot chocolate as he looked up, trying to relax. The chocolate did help and he sighed softly.

“I’m sorry…” Harry whispered.

“Your apology is unnecessary.” Severus said looking above. “You have been through a lot.” He said and turned to look at him. “Would you like me to have you see a mind healer, Harry?”

Harry cringed at that. “I’m not crazy.” He said defensively, glaring at Snape.

“That is not what I said… a mind healer can help you more than I could… they would listen to you and make a plan with you on how to move on from everything that happened.”

“But… only crazy people see mind healers… I… people will… will know I’m messed up.” Harry said. He couldn’t see a mind healer. It would just be proof that he was broken. That he needed fixing.

“I will make sure they are sworn to secrecy before the two of us.” He said. “But I’ll leave the decision to you Harry.”

Harry looked away from him, sipping his hot chocolate. “No… I don’t want it.” He said without having to think about it. He didn’t need some medic dissecting his memories and making him talk about what happened.

“…Then do you want to talk to me?” Harry hesitated as he looked up at Snape.

“Maybe… but not now…” he mumbled. Snape nodded and ruffled his hair, turning to look up at the stars. Harry glanced at him but sipped his hot chocolate. “I… wouldn’t even know where to start.” He said softly.

“Wherever you like. When you decide you want to talk, whether it is to me or a mind healer… it will be all about you, so you can decide where to start, where to end, how much you say and how much you decide to discuss later on.” He said. “I won’t judge you.”

Harry felt his heart clench painfully. What did he do to deserve this? He refused to cry again but it was difficult. He looked up and saw a light streak across the sky.

“…A shooting star.” Harry mumbled.

“Hmm… yes, they are quite the common occurrence at this time of year.” Snape said and Harry kept his eyes focused up at the sky, seeing another one a minute later. Sleep eventually began nipping at his eyes and Harry yawned as he finished the chocolate. “Ready to go back inside?” Harry nodded and stood with the potions master, following him back inside and making his way back into his room. He got into bed and sighed as he lay back down. “Call me if you need anything.” Severus said and Harry nodded.

“Good night…” Dad. He wanted to say. But it didn’t feel right in his mouth just yet. So he simply turned onto his side and closed his eyes to sleep.

oOoOoOo

Severus watched over the boy for a few minutes. Sleep came quickly to him though he did not seem to be able to relax even in his sleep. He made sure his sheets were not tangled over him and sighed as he left the boy to sleep.

He would keep an eye on him… if he kept getting flashbacks like these, a mind healer may not be an option for the boy to refuse. He should have known the struggles would not end so easily with the death of the Dark Lord.

He went to the kitchen to have the cups cleaned when he saw the date on the calendar. July 30th. Tomorrow would be Harry’s birthday. He’d been discussing with the Weasleys about doing something for the boy. Of course it was an area entirely out of his expertise. He could barely remember what a birthday party was supposed to be like from when Lily invited him to hers but that was when they were children.

All he remembered about his own birthdays was that his mother would make him something special for breakfast if his father hadn’t taken their money to spend it on alcohol.

Thankfully the Weasleys were there to help him out. He hoped the boy would appreciate it. He deserved to have a day of celebration just for him.


	66. Sunrise

Draco Malfoy pointed his wand around the darkened room, the lumos illuminating the glittering artefacts, the cobwebs and the skittering pests hidden in-between the many family heirlooms tucked away in this side of Malfoy manor.

“Where is it?” He mumbled as he looked around. He remembered seeing it here when he was younger.

He dug around in the corner, finding what he was looking for. He cast a simple spell to clean the dust off it and knew he had to get the house elves to polish the gold on the artefact.

“Did you find it?” Draco turned to see his father standing there.

“…Yes father.” Lucius nodded and left him alone, allowing Draco to take out the prized artefact from its hiding place.

oOoOoOo

Harry groaned as he awoke on the 31st, the smell of pancakes strangely lingering in the air. He opened his eyes, his stomach grumbling loudly. His heart skipped as he looked at the enchanted calendar on the wall marking this as the final day of July. He heard giggling behind him and turned onto his back, shocked to see Hermione and Ginny shushing each other, while the Weasley twins set up some kind of prank to wake him up.

“What are you guys doing here?” He asked laughing as the twins set off the prank on themselves, causing a mild explosion that turned them red and green.

The girls laughed at the twins. “Happy Birthday Harry!” They cheered.

Mrs. Weasley came in then looking cross. “You children! I told you not to wake him up!” She said crossly making them run out. She smiled at Harry. “Good morning dear, happy birthday.” She said hugging him tight.

“Th-thank you Mrs. Weasley… where’s Severus?” He asked.

“Oh he’s in the kitchen darling. Now, you take your time to wake up while I tell those troublemakers off for waking you up.” She said and left him alone in his room. Harry felt his cheeks heat up knowing they were all here for his birthday. When did Severus invite them? He sat on the edge of the bed. For a second he felt excitement at the idea of celebrating his birthday. Then an overwhelming sense of being unworthy filled his chest.

He felt his heart racing and held his knees hard. He shook his head. No. Those thoughts didn’t make sense. He had to stop thinking this way. His friends were all here and Snape had prepared this special gathering for him. It made him embarrassed but it made him feel warm inside. Focusing on that feeling alone, he stood up to get ready to meet everyone.

Once dressed he went out and chuckled nervously as he saw how the Weasley children were decorating the living area under strict supervision of Mrs. Weasley. Fred and George, of course, did so magically while the rest of them did it the old fashion way. It looked so lively already.

“You guys… you didn’t have to do all this decorating and stuff.” Harry said.

“Nonsense, Harry dear. It’s your birthday and it deserves to be grand.” The matriarch said and Harry smiled as Hermione and Ron came over to greet him as they pulled him outside.

“Wow Harry! Your new home is amazing.” Hermione said looking around at the brilliance of it all.

“I know. It’s a bit big but… it’s great.” He smiled and Ron chuckled.

“Who knew Snape had this much stash hidden around, eh?” The redhead said and Harry felt uncomfortable again looking at the house, wondering how much the other spent on it.

“…He’s an amazing person…” Harry said softly, falling silent, turning to find his friends staring at him. He squirmed a little before allowing himself to smile.

“Did you get my letter about the adoption, Hermione?” Harry asked and the brunette smiled brightly, nodding her head eagerly.

“I’ve read up all about magical adoptions. It’s quite fascinating. All your documents get changed automatically so that everywhere it’s official. Harry… I’m so happy for you.” She said hugging him tightly. Harry hugged her back, feeling his heart soar as he allowed himself to also rejoice.

Harry noticed Hermione’s eyes go down to his amulet and instinctively went to cover it. “It’s just…”

“It’s a hypersensitivity amulet. They’re super creepy. I was so glad when I turned seven and mom said I didn’t have to wear it anymore.” Ron said shuddering at the crying figurine. Hermione’s eyes brightened with curiosity as she looked at Harry once more with imploring eyes.

Harry smiled and took it off, offering it to her.

“They are quite sombre for children to carry.” She said turning it around.

“It needs to be hand-carved by one of your parents and taken to the three sisters for blessings.” Ron said. “But… they’re not really used by wizards our age.”

“Severus said it might be… due to the druid magic I used.” Harry said looking at the figurine a bit more. “Who are the three sisters?” He asked.

Hermione perked up at that. “They’re sisters from the coven of Driarwood. It’s the really old system of education that existed prior to Hogwards. They’re currently the only coven that remains, but they’re quite strong.” Hermione said.

“And they… perform blessings?” Harry asked looking at Ron.

“Witches and Wizards can only join the coven after they’re twenty-five nowadays. Before you had to be born into them. They’re respected but…”

“But it’s a much different life they live than most people are used to.” Hermione said. “They’re like priests, Harry. They perform wizard versions of christenings and ritual blessings of protection for children who have volatile and nature-sensitive energies.” She explained.

Harry looked at the pendant again and felt a chill go up his spine as a breeze came from the forest and he put it on again. “Severus said I won’t need it forever.” Harry said and Ron chuckled.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing you call Snape by his first name.” He chuckled.

“Yes, it’s quite jarring after the past five years.” Hermione laughed softly and Harry joined in.

“Well, it did take me a while to get used to…” He said looking back at the house. “‘Dad’ just feels…” Harry wanted to say that it was awkward but as he said it then it made his heart skip a beat and he looked at his friends embarrassed.

“Well… he _is_ your dad now, so whenever you feel comfortable, mate.” Ron was the one to say it and Hermione looked at Ron a little surprised but smiled and nodded.

“Exactly what Ron said, Harry. Oh! I’m so happy for you.” She repeated and hugged him tight again. Harry laughed hugging her back, glancing amused at Ron, only to pause at the icy look that Ron seemed to send them just then.

“A-anyway. I haven’t even seen Snape this morning, so I think I’ll go look for him.” Harry said, very confused at Ron’s expression. The cold expression seemed to go away as Hermione let go of him.

“Sure, Harry. Let’s go.” She said hooking her arm with his. “Let’s all go.” She said. Harry smiled warmly at his friend as they walked but Ron seemed to once more tense up and follow them quietly. Harry shook his head. He was probably just imagining things.


	67. Candles and Friends

Harry smiled as tinsel poppers activated each time he walked into a room, complement of the twins and he arrived to the kitchen covered in tinsel.

“Good morning!” Harry said, Severus looking at him with the mildest hint of amusement.

“Good morning, happy birthday.” The potions master said, Ron and Hermione scrambling to the next room. Snape placed his hand on his shoulder and gave it a faint squeeze.

“Thanks Severus… but you didn’t have to do this.” He said smiling but embarrassed. “I know you’re not the kind of person to make a party in your home.” He said scratching the back of his neck.

“Perhaps… but this is not my home. It is our home. And it is your birthday.” He said. “Sixteen.” He chuckled.

“Probably not much to you, but I feel fairly grown up.” Harry chuckled. Snape gave the shortest of laughs.

“Hardly. You are a child to me.” He said, placing his hand briefly on his hair and Harry picked up on the mildest of caress that lasted less than half a second. An overwhelming need to hug him filled him. Mrs. Weasley walked in calling them all to breakfast before he could.

After filling up with pancakes, the adults cleaned up and Harry was dragged off by the teens to try out the new toys and trinkets that the twins were planning to introduce to their shop. Harry loved every bit of it. Ron himself seemed to recover from whatever chilly mood struck him and joined in as normal.

For the most part, Snape stayed to the side-lines, chatting ever so briefly to Mr. Weasley, but he would nod Harry’s way if Harry showed him how one of the products worked.

“I hope he’s not cataloguing all our products in preparation for the start of term.” Fred half-joked and Harry laughed at their nervous glances at the potions master.

“He probably is.”

“Here’s the cake!” Mrs. Weasley proudly declared as she brought over a pretty home-made cake with golden frosting and ‘Happy Birthday Harry’ written in red with a sugar lion pacing around the sixteen candles surrounding the lettering.

Everyone praised the cake, except for Harry. Harry just stared at the second birthday cake he’d ever received. This one would probably be the first he would ever get to taste. He stared at the glittering candles which began to blur. He took a deep breath and ignored his emotions before they made him burst into tears.

“Make a wish, Harry.” Hermione encouraged him. Harry felt his face heat up and strangely enough, Ron looked like he was glaring at him again.

“Right.” Harry said and looked at the cake.

Despite doing his best to think of his wish, his mind went back to Malfoy Manor. He remembered the candle he lit that took him and the death-eaters to that moon temple. He remembered the candle image that he used to shut down his consciousness and allow Voldemort to control him. He didn’t feel comfortable blowing out the stupid candles. And everyone was waiting on him to do so.

“Harry?” Hermione’s hand over his snapped him out of it.

“Sorry… don’t really feel like asking for anything.” Harry said. Ron suddenly stood up, shoving his chair back.

“Yeah, ‘cos you just have bloody everything, don’t you?” And he stormed out.

“Where the heck did that come from?” Ginny snapped after Ron but he’d already gone. Harry was shocked and frowned, going after Ron.

“Harry he’s just being a prat, leave him to his-” But Harry didn’t listen as he followed Ron round the house and down the hill, away from the forest.

“Ron! Wait!” Harry called out and the redhead stopped. “What’s wrong with you all of a sudden?”

“Just shut up! It’s nothing!” He snapped.

“Ron, seriously… the hell’s wrong with you?” Harry got angry when the other didn’t stop and reached to grab and turn him around. Ron smacked his arm away as he turned.

“You’re the one something’s wrong with! Since when do you like Hermione? Aren’t friends supposed to tell each other these things?”

“What? Are you crazy? Hermione’s my friend!” Harry yelled at him.

“Not from the way you’re turning red and touching her! Suddenly you’re ready to try again after screwing up with Chang?!” Harry couldn’t take the broiling rage that coursed through him and he punched the other, hitting his arm and suddenly they were both yelling and fighting on the meadow. They rolled and Harry felt his glasses slip as they tugged, punched, kicked. They ruined enough flowers for Harry to hear the angry screeching of the fairies.

“Who’s the bad friend? Bringing Cho up when you _know_ my _secret_!” He yelled at him, suddenly Ron froze as he looked at him shocked, as if for a second he had forgotten. Of course he had.

“...”

“Why the hell are you so angry about Hermione anyway? You’re not her mother.” He growled shoving the redhead away from him and Ron did not respond.

“I… maybe I like her.” He said. Harry clenched his jaw. He was angry. Oh, he was furious.

“ _Aren’t friends supposed to tell each other these things_? Are you serious?” He hissed as he threw the words back at the other. “You got angry at me over _nothing_ because you like Hermione? You know what? I’m glad she’s so smart since she probably has enough sense to reject you.”

“What? What’s wrong with me, huh? I’m not the one with _secrets_!” He hissed.

“That! Precisely that! You glare at me and pick a fight with me in my _first_ birthday party for a stupid reason! Friends don’t do that to friends!” He yelled.

“What would you know?!” Ron yelled. Harry knew at this stage he didn’t mean it. He was just saying things for the sake of hurting him but Harry was blinded by anger and didn’t do the mature thing which was to shut up and walk away.

“Friends don’t use each other’s secrets against them.” Harry added.

“I’m not the bad guy here!” Harry felt his anger dissipate slowly, feeling only tired.

“…We’re supposed to be best friends… what does even that mean to you?” Harry asked softly.

“We _are_ friends… I’m sorry.” He looked away. Harry didn’t really want to forgive him just yet but his anger was lessening. He held his own arm, squeezing it tightly. He never should have trusted Ron with his secret. The other was too much of a prat when he was angry. He simply turned around and went back to the house, forcing a smile.

“Guess he needs more time to cool off.” He just said. He appreciated that they stayed out of it. “Let’s eat cake.” He said and the redheaded teens agreed, continuing with the merriment. Hermione frowned at Harry who simply shook his head at her to not ask him questions. Ron did come back eventually but stayed by his parents’ sides, staying quiet.

When it came time for Harry to open his presents, they gave them one by one until Snape brought another over. “This one arrived in the post this morning.” He told him.

Harry looked at the intricate bow and wrapping and looked at the fancy card. It was from Draco. “Huh...” He opened to read it.

‘ _Thank you._ ’ That was it. He shrugged and went to open it. Hermione leaned in, as curious as the others. He saw from the corner of his eye as Ron also inched a little closer to see.

“It’s a…” Ginny whispered and Harry took out the carefully packaged gift. It was a small, but heavy, merry-go-round made out of porcelain and gold. A golden key accompanied it.

“Oh, it’s so beautiful.” Hermione admired.

“The Malfoys do have a lot of dark objects though.” Ginny looked at the gift with distrust. Harry didn’t feel the sticky, heavy, tingling sensation that went up his fingers whenever dark magic was close but he still looked over to Snape.

“I have checked _all_ presents for any curses and hexes.” He told him.

Harry nodded and turned back to look to the present, finding where to put the key and turning it. A clicking sound was heard and as he let go the music box in the mechanism began playing. Ginny, Hermione and Mrs. Weasley all sighed and smiled. Harry looked at it curiously. It was pretty as it turned and the tune was nice but it was a strange present.

“It’s charmed Harry.” Hermione told him. “To keep nightmares away.”

“Huh… cool!” Harry added. Malfoy had given him something to keep nightmares away. Probably something that you only give to children too but he didn’t care. He had nightmares to keep at bay and was actually quite excited to try it out. It looked ancient, hand-crafted and expensive though, so he would have to write Malfoy a long letter thanking him. He mostly wanted to give it back but he knew that would just insult the prat and his holier-than-thou family.

“I should probably put it away, looks kinda fragile.” Harry said, leaving it in the corner of his night table and fixing it with a spell. “Well… I guess that means you’re not _that_ ungrateful.” He mumbled to the present and shrugged as he returned to the party.

Ron was talking to Hermione who seemed to be telling him off and he approached nudging the redhead who smiled faintly and nodded to him. Harry nodded back. He’d forgive him for now.


	68. Sunset

Harry hummed to himself as he swept the tinsel with the broom, the open windows allowing a refreshing breeze to sweep into the warm room with the sound of crickets and frogs echoing in the valley. Severus was cleaning the kitchen while Harry started in the living room, not wanting to leave it all to him.

He glanced over at the present he got from Snape, feeling a strange Hermione-like thrill as he looked at the three books he got. One teaching nature magic, one wandless magic and one on history of magic. Ron nearly fainted as he saw the last one. But it wasn’t anything like the boring old battles that Professor Binns always rambled on and on… and on about. This one focused solely on the different kinds of energies that wizards have used and tapped into as far back as has been recorded. Harry had a feeling that he would eventually get bored of it, probably, but for now, the excitement of understanding the energy that he felt buzzing under his skin from time to time made him actually look forward to opening the books in his spare moments.

“I have cleared the kitchen, I will finish here, you may put away the rest of your presents if you so wish.” Severus said and Harry shook his head.

“No, it’s alright, I’ll help here.” He said, continuing to sweep. Severus didn’t move for a few seconds and Harry wondered if the other would just send him away. Instead, the potions master started pointing his wand around the room, starting to clean and dust the area. Harry noticed a particular similarity between Snape and Petunia Dursley. That their house should remain immaculate at all times. Harry felt an odd ache in his back, remembering the hours he spent cleaning that house as a child.

“…Harry?” Harry looked up to see that Snape was looking at him with mild concern.

“I’m fine… just remembering something.” Harry hurried to say.

“Do you wish to discuss it?” He asked. Harry sighed softly, shaking his head.

“No, I’m fine. It’s over.” Harry looked back down at the pile of dust and tinsel he’d collected with his broom. Severus came cover and got rid of it with a wave of his wand and sitting down on the couch.

“I do want to discuss your redheaded friend.” Snape said. Harry looked up at him and sat down slowly, oddly nervous.

“It’s ok, we made up.” Harry rushed to say.

“…That may be. I know he was your first ever friend Harry,”

“He was.” Harry nodded, feeling warm remembering that.

“…but that does not mean that you should forgive him everything. Today was all about you… and for some reason he made that little spectacle and rushed off.”

“We talked it out… I’m not a kid that needs his d-parent to defend him.” Harry said looking down.

“You have not had friends before Potter, and conversations like these have never been had with you. I am not trying to treat you like an infant. I just merely want that conversation to take place late, rather than never.” Harry thought about those words and looked down.

“…Ron thought I fancied Hermione. He got jealous because he likes her. He said I screwed up with Cho… and since I’m the one with “ _secrets_ ”, as he put it, there must be something wrong with me…” Harry didn’t realise at what moment he tensed up and gripped the fabric of his knees so hard that his white hands were shaking.

“You told mister Weasley?” Severus asked and Harry couldn’t look at him, not while his eyes were stinging like this.

“He knew I was hiding something… and _friends don’t do that_. I felt relieved when I told him… and he didn’t treat me that differently… but at the back of his mind he must have always thought I was fucked up.”

“Language, _Potter!_ ” Snape said. Harry looked up at him but his vision just got more blurry and he focused on the floor again.

“I’ll never be normal… I’ll never find someone to be with… as soon as they know the bad things I did they’ll think I’m disgusting.” Harry couldn’t stay there anymore and stormed off to his room, getting into bed and burying his face into his pillow, trying not to cry. Pressure built up in his chest and his throat ached as he tried not to tear up, but it hurt so much that he allowed himself to cry.

The door opened slowly and he heard Snape’s steps getting closer. For once, he couldn’t stop crying and buried his face tighter into the pillow. The other’s hand gently passed by his hair and Harry pretended he was five years old again, getting that comfort he always dreamed of back then.

“Harry, look at me.” But Harry couldn’t, all he could do was turn his head to the side, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at him as he sobbed just like he did all those years ago as a child, when he still hadn’t learnt that staying quiet would earn him less yelling and insults. “Harry, you are not a bad person. You are so much from the light that even the Dark Lord himself could not keep control of you if he so much as stepped out of the same room.” Harry felt his chest tighten again.

“He called me a catamite.”

“Son of a-” He heard Snape hiss.

“I even disgusted the darkest wizard of all time!” Harry exclaimed, finally looking up at Snape who was staring at a wall, looking furious. Fierce brown eyes met green and Harry had to look away, feeling shame crawling in every fibre of his being.

“Harry. _You_ are _not_ disgusting, or evil, or any of those things. You are just a boy, Harry, and the Dark Lord’s words are worth _nothing_! Do you hear me?” Snape said. “Look at me.” Harry did so, this time managing to hold his gaze. “You are… my son. Believe me when I say that you…” It sounded like the words got caught in the potions master’s throat for a second. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Harry sobbed. “You’re just saying that.”

“Do I seem like the kind of person to ‘just say’ things?” Severus asked with his serious, no-nonsense tone of voice and Harry found himself smiling through the tears and shook his head. “Come here.” Harry didn’t need to be told twice as the other reached for him and hugged him tightly.

“You’re the best thing that happened to me too… dad…” Harry whispered and felt the hug tighten further.

“Take your time to forgive Weasley… as a Slytherin I would have been inclined to never speak to him again.” Harry nodded. He _was_ still angry at him. He just hadn’t wanted a repeat of fourth year, where he was all by himself.

“I’ll take my time…” He finally said.

oOoOoOo

Harry woke up oddly refreshed the next morning. The tinkling of the music box slowed down now that he’d awoken and came to a stop. He definitely had to send the blonde prat a thank you note.

He stretched and yawned, getting out of bed to find that Snape had just finished making breakfast. He didn’t have time to feel embarrassed or ashamed about the night before, because there on the table sat a small scroll with the ministry’s crest on the wax seal.

Harry’s heart raced wildly. “Are those my O.W.L.’s results?” Harry asked.

“Indeed they are.” Severus replied as he put down the jug of what smelled to be hot chocolate.

“…did I do badly?” Harry asked as he approached, almost afraid.

“I do not know. It is addressed to you.” Severus said calmly as he read the Daily Prophet which had an image of a black quill next to a moving picture of Umbridge getting dragged off in handcuffs from the ministry.

Harry sat down, eyeing the scroll for a long time before gathering up the Gryffindor courage in him and picking it up, opening it. He let out a breath he was holding, staring at his results.

“I… got Outstanding in potions.” Harry said, looking up at Snape who smirked and nodded, looking at him with pride. Of course he knew, the teachers always got results for their subject a day before. He looked back at the paper. “Defence, Outstanding; Care of Magical Creatures, E; Astronomy, O; Charms, O; Divination... Dreadful…” He grimaced looking up at Snape.

“Good for you.” He said, sneering at the subject. Harry smiled and continued.

“Herbology, E; History of Magic, A; Transfiguration, O.” He never would have believed he would have ever gotten five Outstandings in his O.W.L.s on his own. “Thank you, Severus.” Harry said softly.

“You put in the hard work, Harry. Now you can relax and enjoy the rest of your holidays.”

“But… Greyback is still free, isn’t he? What if…?”

“The Aurors will take care of that, Harry. For now, just enjoy your breakfast.”

Harry paused but didn’t argue. Instead he looked at the food and started eating, gazing out the window from time to time. This was his life now. He had a father that cared for him, a home he was welcome in and food. It was amazing how many people take that last one for granted when they’ve always had it.

Although he knew there would be bumps in the road, at least he would have Severus there to help him up if he were to trip. That was more than enough for him.

 

 


End file.
